a/n: OKAY HELLO HOW ARE WE TODAY? good? good. Sorry guys, I have had so much motherfucking shit goin' on in my life right now so yeah, sorry.
So much shit is happening in this chapter so just bare (bear? idk) with me okie dokie? a little bit of RedBeauty and WEED. Fun.
Also to clear up some AIR! I AM AUSTRALIAN SO MY SPELLING IS BRITISH AND THIS STORY IS SET IN MAINE, AMERICA NOT AUSTRALIA. I have tried to Americanize it to the best of my ability but hey ho.
Anyway, this chapter is kinda dedicated to my homie gal, Tanya, who suggested this chapter AND the next one.
Um, if you have any questions or would like to rant or fangirl or like, whatever, totally hit me up at ant1ers. tumblr. com (the L is a 1 fyi) I'm pretty nice, I guess idk.
ANYWAY ENJOY MY DUMPLINGS.
Emma xox

SQSQSQ

I wouldn't be surprised if we were visited by Noah and his goddamn Arc by the amount of rain that was pounding against the roofs of Story Brooke College. And if anyone knew anything about schools, rain meant hell. Literally, did children not know what a fucking umbrella was? Or you know, using the covered walk ways from class to class? Too many times have I been graced with sopping wet students who claimed it was 'an accident' while wiping off hair that's been pasted to their pimply foreheads.

I walked beside Regina as we trudged our way through the grounds to the library; Regina did her usual thing of waving her wrist at students like she had a wand, telling them off. I held her mega huge arse umbrella in one hand and my pile of marking to my chest with the other. Regina's lanyard bounced on her chest as she ascended the three steps to the library; we kicked aside soaking wet pairs of black school shoes in the process.

"Morning Regina, Morning Swan," Belle waved at us as Regina primped her hair and I shook the umbrella free from droplets, "Can't wait for the rain to stop so the kids can bugger off,"

Regina gave the Australian a forced smile and sauntered her way into the back area.

"What's up with Mills?" Belle grabbed my wrist delicately, "aye Swan,"

"Ugh, you know, that time of the year when she's got to sort out returning staff for next year and shit, just crappy Principal stuff, you know?"

Belle nodded, "yeah, true, I understand. Well I've already emailed her back my contract for next year so hopefully I'll be sweet,"

"Don't worry Belle, I'll make sure you keep your job; perks of dating the Principal," I winked at her as she furrowed her eyebrows. I followed her glare and noticed that Regina had shooed a small bunch of boys from a pair of plush couches and dusted off the worn leather with her dainty hand.

"Probably just sassed the fuck out of those boys," I giggled as Belle rolled her eyes,

"Right-oh, go please your little girlfriend Swan, and make sure at least a decent amount of staff keep their jobs," I gave the librarian a thumbs up and sauntered over to where I presumed Regina was dabbing the leather with a sanitized wipe.

SQSQSQ

"Next up, Lucas, Ruby," Regina sighed as she rubbed her temples. I looked up from my game of Angry Birds and popped a bubble with my pink gum,

"Definite yes,"

"You two are best friends, of course you are going to say yes,"

"Well, yeah, duh,"

"I think I remember her talking about transferring schools or something…" Regina jotted something down on Ruby's contract as my eyes widened,

"No! She can't do that!" I clicked pause on my game and switched to Messages.

'Ruby I know you have spares, get your fine ass down to the library,'

Regina glared at me as my phone pinged,

'We have a library?'

'Oh my actual God Ruby; it's the whole first floor of the History block. Just go there,'

"What are you smiling at?"

"Ruby," I muttered as I pocketed the phone into my jeans, "doesn't know where the library is..."

"I'm not surprised at that,"

There was a loud bang from just outside the library and both Regina and I rolled our eyes because we both knew it was Ruby.

"Ow fuck, what is this place?"

Yep, that was definitely Ruby. I got up and ambled over to the entrance as Ruby peeled off her red raincoat and shook it,

"Morning little red riding hood," I motioned to the raincoat in her arms and Ruby poked her tongue out at me.

"What the fuck is this place Swan?"

"It's called a library and it holds books,"

"Yes thank you Sargent Sarcasm," Ruby flattened loose strands of hair as she climbed the steps. I pulled her inside to the heavily air-conned building and herded her towards Regina,

"Whoa, hold up," I glanced over to Ruby who had her eyes trained at the librarian's desk, "who the hell is that fine piece of ass?"

As if Belle had been summoned, she glanced up at Ruby's crude comment. I think Ruby had gone limp at my side.

"Oh shit, check her eyes out, oh my god, what the hell…and her hair, wow," I practically dragged Ruby away as Belle blushed.

"You probably don't want to hear her speak then,"
"What why? Oh my god, please tell me she has an accent…"

"Yeah,"

Ruby made the same noise I supposed a dog would make in mating season; a low grunt.

"If you two are done ogling at Ms French, I'd like to gain your attention to some paperwork," Regina cleared her throat.

"Oh right, hey Regina," Ruby scratched the bridge of her nose and plopped down in front of the Principal.

"Good morning Ms Lucas," Regina leaned over and flicked through the files as Ruby stole glances at Belle. Damn my girlfriend had an awesome rack. "Emma would you like to explain to Ruby what I had just shared with you?"

Ruby looked at me suspiciously as I turned to her, "um yeah, what the fuck, are you transferring schools?"

Regina hung her head momentarily at my wording as Ruby's eyes bulged out her head,

"What? No? Who told you that? I mean, if you aren't going to keep me for next year then sure, I'll leave but no, I'm not leaving intentionally,"

"Awesome,"

"Can I ask though, who told you I was moving," Ruby cocked her head slightly as Regina squished her stamp into a red ink pad and slammed it hard onto Ruby's contract; it said 'approved'.

"No, no matter; just stupid of me to even listen to the foolish woman anyway,"

"Blue," Ruby and I whispered at the same time. Regina nodded her head solemnly as she flicked to the next profile,

"Next up, Mumford, Jordan…"

Ruby sighed and stood up; tucking her red singlet into her black jeans, "See you 'round Mills,"

I watched Ruby strut up to the desk and start a conversation with Belle.

"Can we like hire teachers who are not hot? Or like gay?"

I watched Regina watch Ruby and Belle, and her frown darkened, "Ms Swan…"

I turned my attention to the two love birds over at the desk and I caught a glimpse of Ruby scribbling something done and Belle looking like a human version of a tomato.

"What the…"

Ruby giggled, waved at the librarian and waltzed on out while Belle looked like she was about to combust and explode into a puddle of lovesick goo.

"Oh no," Regina sighed and shook her head as Belle bit her lip,

"Did Ruby do what I think she did?"

"Give our lovely librarian her mobile phone number? Yes, yes she did dear,"

"Fucking hell Ruby…"

SQSQSQ

If this morning's fiasco with Ruby and Belle wasn't interesting enough, Regina sent me a text mid lunch break but sadly said lunch break was actually a detention for my shitty History class. No matter how many times I yelled or threatened with detentions, these little motherfuckers didn't seem to get the picture.

'Come to my office, I have a surprise'.

I rolled my eyes and briefly imagined Regina dressed in only a garter and my mouth watered.

'If it's anything other than you stark naked, I won't be coming' I replied. I giggled at my slight sexual innuendo and dropped the phone onto my lap as the class did a massive collective sigh.

"Come on Miss, let us go,"
"Do you guys ever learn? This is an open minded school yet you lot still make fun of Regina and I,"

"It's funny,"

"Oh so a dozen detentions is fun for you?"

"No,"

"Then I suggest you lot shut your traps and learn,"

My phone buzzed again.

'Trust me dear, this is so much more wonderful than me naked'

What the hell could be more fabulous that Regina naked? Wait, was that other hot Sports teacher Ms Aurora Sleep naked there too? Oh boy, this could be interesting.

'Okay, give me five; I have a detention to deal with right now,'

I locked the phone, crossed my arms and death started the children for the next five minutes until I could leave this god forsaken classroom and return into the pounding rain.

SQSQSQ

I made it to Regina's office in record time, and by record time I mean run through the flooded grounds, push Granny out the way, which ended in her slapping me upside the head with her compact umbrella, and into Regina's very stylish office.

"Sit," Regina motioned to the chair in front of her desk. I sat, leaving small puddles by my conversed feet. In front of Regina was a thick red leather bound book that had a slight bulge in the middle. What the fuck was going on? Why was she ordering me around? Hell we lived together.

"So I ran into our little friend Blue this afternoon…" She had the same smirk on her face like she does just before she 'tops' me in sex.

"Oh, and?" She pushed the book closer to me with the tip of her Biro. She slotted the pen where the pages lifted,

"She caught someone doing something very stupid…" Regina sighed, clearly adding dramatics to the whole situation, "and her being the wonderful teacher that she is, reported it to me immediately,"

"I have no idea where this is going babe, so like, um yeah…"

But obviously she wasn't listening as she lifted the heavy pages and the book fell open. My mouth went dry at the sight.

"How…?"

"Just because this is one of the finest schools in the state of Maine, that doesn't mean we are safe from this kind of behaviour,"

The bulge was something I hadn't seen in a while; marijuana, and an absolute fuck tonne of it, in a plastic zip-lock bag.

"Holy shit," I picked up the weed and put my nose to it. The smell was magnificent.

"Holy shit indeed, dear,"

"Why are you telling me this?" I gave the stuff one last whiff and handed back to Regina who popped it on top of the book. Why the fuck it was in the book in the first place was beyond me, but hey, Regina does what Regina does.

"What would say if this was to not be officially reported and say, I don't know accidentally slipped into my purse?"

"I would say you are the coolest fucking Principal I have ever worked for…and dated,"

Regina nodded her head in acknowledgement and held the offending packet in between her delicate fingers. She pulled her handbag out of the drawer beside her, clicked it open,

"Whoops," it fell with a loud thump into her bag, "oh dear, how clumsy of me,"

"Jesus Christ Regina…" I groaned as she zipped her bag back up and dumped it on the desk beside her. There was a sudden knock on the door,

"Come in Henry,"

Wait, what? Why was Henry here?

"Uh hey Ms Mills," my son scratched at his soaking wet hair and closed the door behind him, "oh hey Ma,"

"Hey kid," I was so confused, "why are you here?"

"Well, um, I tried texting you and you didn't reply so I texted Regina and she said you were with her so yeah, here I am,"

I glanced at my phone; two unread messages from Henry. "Oh, sorry,"

"Anyway, um, now that you're both here, is it cool if I go to Claudia's tonight for dinner? I mean, her dad will drop me home and stuff,"

Regina smiled sweetly at me and nudged her handbag with her elbow. Ah, the weed.

"Yeah sure, cool; we can pick you up, you know? We both have cars,"

"Yeah but you're both teachers and that's weird, I mean, Mum you teach Claudia in Sport…"

"Oh…right I forgot," I scrunched up my nose in distaste as Regina smirked, "it's not cool to have a Mum who's a teacher,"

"Uh, yeah…anyway, can I go?" His eyes darted between Regina and I,

"Yeah sure, just text the address and what time you're home,"

"Wow, really? Cool! Thanks Mum!" Henry wrapped his wet arms around my shoulders and then gave Regina a quick hug. Regina stiffened slightly at the cold contact but softened when he planted a smooch on her temple.

"Okay, see you later on tonight,"

"Okay, bye!" Regina waved him off and he disappeared out the door and back into the school yard.

"So Ms Swan…" Regina focused her attention back onto me while trying to air out the parts of her dress where Henry had hugged her.

"Yes, Ms Mills?" I put on a proper fancy accent just to fuck her over. She glared at me,

"How'd you like to get baked with me this evening?"

I took her hand and kissed the back of it, "I'd be honoured,"

SQSQSQ

a/n: this chapter was also mildly inspired by those Drunk!Regina comics on tumblr by a girl who i THINK is called lastthing-ido ... don't quote me on that. anyway, y'all know what's ah-happenin' next chapter ahaha.
weeeee