Rose's Point of View
That son of a bitch.
Okay, so I hadn't exactly planned on slapping Dimitri. In truth I was actually kind of happy to see him. Then he had to go and open his stupid beautiful mouth and call me Roza, and all logic and reason flew right out the window. With one word, he brought me back in time, back to the days when I lived to hear him call me that name; the days when we'd sneak away to the old guardian cabin on the outskirts of campus and steal a moment together. The days when he swore that he loved me and nothing would ever tear us apart. Yeah, those were the days, that is until I woke up for practice one spring morning and found that stupid Dear John letter explaining that he was gone.
Without so much as a goodbye, he just vanished, leaving behind a gaping hole in my heart that never truly healed. I spent months trying to get over him, trying to convince myself it was a silly school girl crush and nothing more. But there was no denying the truth about Dimitri; I couldn't lie about it, even to myself. Being with Dimitri was the only time in my life where I ever felt complete. He knew me, the real me, and he somehow managed to love me anyway. He didn't look at me and see a royal Moroi, or Abe Mazurs daughter. He saw a fighter, and a lover and a fiercely loyal friend. He saw the passion I had for life and protecting the ones I loved, and instead of encouraging me to cower behind a guardian he trained me, and taught me to fend for myself.
When he left me I was shattered, and hearing him call me Roza just now reminded me of that.
I didn't bother to try and mask my fury as I slammed the door to my dorm room shut. Lissa and Christian who were busy making out on her bed quickly jumped apart and stared at me startled by the sudden intrusion.
"Geez Rose, knock much." Christian complained, rolling his eyes at my interruption.
"Nope." I replied plopping down on my bed, and shucking my backpack against the wall with a little too much force. It seemed Lissa had finally caught onto my foul mood and untangled herself from Christian's arms to sit next to me on my bed.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she probed gently, trying to gage just how angry I really was. Messing with Rose Mazur when she was angry was as foolish as trying to pry a steak away from a tiger.
"What's there to talk about Liss? I spent the entire day being gawked at by a bunch of hyenas that look at me like I'm some sort of circus freak, and to top it all off, I ran into Dimitri today."
"What?" Her and Christian both shouted in unison. They'd both had the misfortune of suffering through the breakup right along with me.
"Yup. It seems that God doesn't think I've suffered enough for one lifetime because Dimitri's new charge goes to school here at Lehigh and happens to be in my intro to Russian class." I knew I was being a little theatrical but right now I didn't really care. I had run into the former love of my life on a random Monday in August, I was entitled to be a little dramatic.
"Wow" Lissa mused, trying to wrap her head around the news. Christian just sat there with a murderous look on his face.
"Did that prick say anything to you?" He demanded to know. Despite our constant bickering, Christian and I really did care about one another and I knew he was still pissed about the way Dimitri had treated me.
"He said…Hello Roza." I mocked in my best Russian accent. I knew it wasn't very good because Christian and Lissa both smirked before returning to their previous states of shock.
"That's it?" Lissa shrieked? Suddenly I felt maybe my slap wasn't so unjustified after all…
Later that night I was still trying to forget about Dimitri when I heard a subtle knock on the door. Lissa was out having dinner with Christian and we hadn't been here long enough to be expecting any visitors. I had a sinking suspicion about who it might be, and when I pulled the door open a moment later it was confirmed.
He was standing there in all his godly glory. Towering over me at 6'7, his large and muscly frame was stood awkwardly in the door way. His shoulder length brown hair was tied back at the nape of his neck and I fought back the urge to rip the hair from its holder and run my fingers through it. I knew from experience those locks were softer than the finest silk and it had been far too long since I'd touched them. He had yet to say anything and I knew he was struggling to find the right words.
"What are you doing here Dimitri?" I asked after I grew tired of waiting. It really had been a long day and I wasn't sure I had the emotional energy necessary to deal with him right now. As if somehow reading my mind, his expression turned apologetic.
"I'm sorry; I shouldn't have come here so late. You're probably exhausted." The look on his face was so utterly defeated that my mouth started speaking before my mind had a chance to protest.
"Would you like to come in?" I asked, and his eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. God, why did he have to be so damn beautiful? Once we were inside the room he took a seat awkwardly on my bed and motioned for me to join him.
"No thanks, I'll stand."
"Roza, I'm so sorry." He started, but at hearing the affectionate nickname I held my hand up to stop him.
"Dimitri, please don't. I know why you did what you did, and I'm not angry anymore. But that doesn't mean I can forgive you either. You swore to love me, and then walked away like it was nothing. I understand why you left, but how you left, well it's unforgivable." That defeated look reappeared and for half a second I wanted to take back my words and comfort him. It had always broken my heart to see Dimitri this way, even if right now he deserved it.
"You're right Roza, I was a coward for leaving and I've regretted it ever since. You can't know how many times I wanted to call you, to show back up at the academy and beg you to forgive me. But it wouldn't have been fair to you, not after the way I left. I wanted you to have a chance to move on and be happy. I wanted you to have a chance at a normal life, not one where you had to constantly hide your feelings from the people you loved and face social ostracism. I wanted more for you, more than I could ever give you."
It broke my heart to hear the words out loud. I wasn't a fool; I knew these were all the reasons why he really left. Never once did I doubt his love for me, or that his intentions had been good. It was part of the reason it hurt so much. Dimitri loved me more than his own happiness and he gave it up so I'd have a better life. The problem was that he had it all wrong. I was never better off without him in my life, and I probably never would be.
"Dimitri, I thought you knew me better than that. Do you honestly think I care about being accepted by the Moroi society? Did you think the people I love wouldn't accept you knowing how happy you made me? I didn't need any of that other crap, all I needed was you!" I tried to keep in the traitorous tears that had built up behind my eyes but as my emotion overcame me they all started spilling out.
"Roza, oh Roza I'm so sorry." Dimitri murmured as he wrapped his arms around my in a loving embrace. "Please Milaya, don't cry." It felt so good to be back in his arms, inhaling the intoxicating scent of his aftershave and familiar smell. Being in his arms was like coming home, except he wasn't my home anymore and he hadn't been for a long time. It took all the strength I could muster to pull myself out of his arms and take a much needed step back.
"I think you should go." I whispered, looking down at the floor. I didn't trust myself to look into those warm brown eyes; if I did I'd be lost. I didn't have to look at him to be able to sense his indecision. He'd always hated to see my cry and it fought against his better judgment not to wrap me in his arms and try to make it better. But something in my expression must have encouraged him, because after taking a step forward and kissing my forehead, he quietly left the room.