"Percy, your hands are shaking."

"No, they're not," Percy said, even as he involuntarily dropped the cuff links he had been holding. "Okay, yes they are."

Someone forced him into a chair and pushed a bottle of water into his hands. "Breathe," said Frank's voice from very far away.

"Is he going to faint?" Grover asked nervously.

Percy wanted to say No, G-man, I'm fine, but he couldn't get the words out no matter how hard he tried. They were a lie anyway. Because he was getting married in approximately two hours, and he was exactly the opposite of fine.

"Perce, I have to put your cape on now. Don't freak out."

Oh. Right.

Because he'd been a praetor - even if it had only been for two days - Percy had something called proconsular status. As far as he could tell, this meant he had to walk around at his wedding while wearing a bright-ass purple cape over his tuxedo and trying to look dignified.

Jason laid the cloak over his shoulders and fastened it at the front. It was probably clashing magnificently with his bright blue tie, but Percy couldn't have cared less if he tried.

"Come on, Perce, aren't you excited? Remember who you're marrying? Annabeth Chase, about yay tall" - Grover held up a hand to indicate - "blonde, insanely pretty? You've been in love with her practically since we were twelve? She can probably beat you in a fight blindfolded and with her hands tied behind her back?"

"Grover, somehow I don't think you're helping." Jason tightened the knot on his tie and leaned across the coffee table. "It's just Annabeth, man. She loves you. And she's going to look so beautiful that you'll probably cry and say something embarrassingly cheesy, but we'll make sure nobody laughs at you because that's what we're here for."

Percy wanted to protest that no, she's never just Annabeth but at that moment was (quite rudely) interrupted by -

"SINGING IN THE SHOWER! DANCING IN THE MIRROR! LA DA DEE LA DA DAA LA DA DAAAAA!"

"I'm going to stab him," said Frank without preamble. "I am actually going to freaking stab him and there's nothing you can do to stop me."

"The sad thing is, I don't think anyone would stop you," Percy said with a weak grin.

The door opened and Piper peeked in, her hair and makeup already done. "Everything okay in here, guys? Anything been set on fire yet? Anyone naked?"

"I'M BRINGING BOOTY BaaaAACK! GO AHEAD AND TELL THEM SKINNY BITCHES THaaaAAAT!"

"Yes, kind of, and Leo," said Frank, ignoring the singing completely, "is obviously in the shower. And I hope you brought food because I'm slowly dying over here."

Piper rolled her eyes, but she was grinning as she ruffled Frank's hair on her way to plant a kiss on Jason's cheek. "Like I would trust you guys with food anywhere around those tuxes." She frowned for a second. "And how do you kind of set something on fire?"

"Leo," said Jason, as if it explained everything.

"OH HOT DAMMMN! THIS IS MY JAAAAAAM! KEEP IT PARTYIN' TILL THE AY-MMM!"

Deftly avoiding the piles of dirty clothes and empty pizza boxes that were the only reminders of the previous night's bachelor throwdown, Piper bent over to pick up the cuff links that Percy had dropped earlier. She sat down in front of him and started fixing his cuffs for him, pausing only to give his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Your fiancee looks beautiful," she told him in a confidential tone. "Tell her that, because it took us a grand total of forty-seven hours to convince her to do her hair this way. I think she's still doubting us a little."

'I'll make sure to tell her," Percy said.

"Y'ALL DON'T UNDERSTAAAAND! MAKE ME THROW MY HANDS IN THE AYER! AY-AYER, AYER, AY-AYE -"

It was at this point that the door opened again and in came Reyna. She probably looked beautiful, too, but Percy didn't notice because he was too scared of the positively murderous expression on her face.

"We can hear him - " she motioned in Leo's general direction - "two floors down and through a lot of very thick drywall." And then, without warning, she drew her dagger and stomped into the bathroom.

"MY ANACONDA DON'T! MY ANACONDA DON'T! MY ANACONDA DON'T WANT NONE UNLESS YOU GOT BUNS - AAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

A/N: *casually ignores Blood of Olympus ending*

(Yes, I have read it! No, I won't be spoiling it here. I outlined this chapter before the book came out and I don't want to spoil anyone who may not have read it yet. If y'all want to talk BoO with me, feel free to message me because if I start talking about it here I will DIE OF FEELS.)

Sorry for disappearing off the ding dang planet, guys. Sophomore year is kicking my podex and it's not a fun experience. I edited this in between working on eight thousand things that are due tomorrow, so sorry if it's a little short! I'm working on a longish Annabeth-centric three-shot, the first chapter of which will be posted sometime around the end of November, maybe Thanksgiving week if I have the time. So be patient. Better things are coming.

Tell me about your lives, friends. I missed you :P Review review review and I'll hopefully post something else soon!

EPC :)