I purposefully stay in bed longer than usual. I don't want to speak with Fitz, I don't want to see Fitz. As much as I know it's going to hurt me to walk away I know I have to. We can't go on like this. It would be best for our children if we weren't together because together all we do is hurt each other. Finally I roll out of bed and decide to start my day. I am hoping that he has already gone to the West Wing.
I look in on Teddy before heading to the dining room to have a late breakfast. I stop short when I see Fitz sitting at the table. I momentarily think about leaving the room, but I decide not to be childish. I walk in and take a seat across from him. He doesn't look up from whatever he's reading. My food is brought to me and I begin to eat trying to forget that he's even here. I find myself becoming engrossed in the newspaper sitting on the table.
"You need to withdraw that petition for divorce before the press gets wind of it." I look at him confused.
"Why?" He takes a deep breath before continuing.
"I just explained that to you. Before the press gets wind of it." He states slowly like I am an idiot.
"I understand that Fitz, but since we are getting a divorce withdrawing will just make the process slower." He takes a deep breath and just stares at me.
"We aren't getting a divorce. Especially now that you are pregnant with my child again."
"Fitz this just isn't working. And we will only harm this child and Teddy like we did Karen and Gerry if we stay married." He slams his fist down on the table and I jump startled by his sudden outburst.
"We aren't getting a divorce and that's final!" Fitz stands abruptly from the table causing the chair he was sitting in to fall over. He walks out of the room without another word to me. I sit stunned by what has just happened.
Mellie exasperates me. I can't believe she is still with this whole divorce thing. It's not going to happen not now not ever. I thought we were making progress, but I see that we've back slid. I know that it doesn't help that I keep having these angry outbursts, but I am so frustrated with her. I walk to the Oval, my mood not improving. I want Mellie to understand that I've changed that I'm ready to start working on our marriage, but she keeps being obstinate with this obsession to get a divorce. I don't think for one second that she actually wants to divorce me. I know that she is trying to get back at me. Once I reach my office I decide to make a phone call. This is the only way that we will survive.
4 Days Later
"Fitz I don't have time for this. I have china patterns to pick out." I am not entirely enthusiastic about picking out china patterns, but it's my duty and I take it serious.
"This is more important." Fitz ushers me towards the residence private drawing room. I stop in the doorway confused by a middle aged woman sitting waiting on us.
"What's this Fitz?"
"Mellie this is Dr. Mackenzie. She's a marriage counselor." I look at him like he has four heads.
"Fitz…"
"Honey we need to talk to someone and Dr. Mackenzie comes highly recommended." I know that he won't relent so I decide to just go along with this. We sit across from the doctor on the sofa. I try to put some distance between us in case he says something stupid that causes me to want to do bodily harm to him.
"Why did you call me Fitzgerald?" I take a deep breath and glance at Mellie, who is looking anywhere, but at me.
"Mellie wants a divorce and I don't want a divorce. I don't think our marriage is over. We still love each other." I see her shaking her head out the corner of my eye. The doctor cuts her gaze at Mellie.
"Mellie you will get your turn. Why does she want a divorce?" Mellie turns and look at me.
"I have been unfaithful. I haven't treated her like she deserved to be treated."
"Why do you think she should stay with you Fitzgerald, after all that you have done to her?" I stare at him intently. I am interested to see what he says.
"We love each other."
"What if love isn't enough?" I like this doctor. Fitz is silent for a moment. He seems taken off guard by her question.
"Isn't love always enough?"
"You tell me." He squirms in his seat and I can tell this is not going how he thought it was going to go. He thought that he was going to get to call the shots and have the doctor make me stay.
"It is for us. We've been together for a long time and been through so much together and we are still here. I know we can overcome this stumble in our marriage." I scoff I can't help it. The doctor cuts her eyes at me and I raise my hands in apology.
"Mellie since you seem to have a lot on your mind care to tell me why you have decided to divorce Fitzgerald." I take a deep breath and suddenly feel emotional. I swallow down the emotions.
"I'm tired of being humiliated and thrown away." He looks at me surprised by my words.
"Please elaborate Mellie. What has he done to humiliate you and make you feel thrown away?"
"For starters paraded his mistress around. Constantly telling me that he doesn't love me and is in love with another woman. I have never felt so torn down in my life. You have no idea what that feels like when your husband looks you in the face and tells you that this is him being in love with another woman. And in front of that woman." My voice breaks and I look away trying to compose myself.
"Fitzgerald did you have any idea how much you have hurt your wife?"
"Yes" His answer shocks me and I can tell the doctor as well. I look at him stunned. "I wanted her to hurt for hurting me. For turning me away." I can't believe I just admitted that, but I know if I am to save my marriage I have to be totally honest and lay everything bare.
"How did she turn you away?"
"She shut me out emotionally. I thought she never loved me. I know I was wrong now, but the damage was already done."
"Mellie why did you shut him out emotionally?" Mellie sits wide eyed I know she doesn't want to get into this. I take her hand.
"You don't have to." She looks at me unshed tears glistening in her eyes. The doctor looks between us confused.
"I'd rather not get into that. Fitz knows the reasons." She nods but I know that she is skeptical.
"I understand that you are not ready to go into whatever it is today, but at some point I think it would be helpful to talk about it." I nod knowing she is right. Fitz glances at his watch.
"I have a meeting I have to get to." All three of us stand.
"I would like to continue this three times a week." He nods.
"Yes my secretary will coordinate our schedules and get back to you." She shakes our hands and one of the Secret Service escorts her out. Fitz looks at me sheepishly.
"You should have told me you were bringing in a shrink." I'm not angry just exasperated.
"I knew you wouldn't talk to her if I did. Mels do you really feel thrown away?"
"Let's not ok?"
"Sure." I glance his way one more time before walking out of the room.