A/N This chapter just poured out of me. I like when that happens hopefully you all like the results.

Two Days Later

"Mellie why aren't you in your office?" I walk into the Residence living room after looking for her in her office.

"It's not like I had anything to do." Mellie never took her eyes off the tv. I sit next to her on the sofa. I notice that she is starting to show. Her face is more rounded and she has a slight bump. I want to touch her stomach, but I know she won't like that.

"Dr. Mackenzie will be here soon." She sighs.

"I don't want to do this today Fitz or any other day." She still does not look at me.

"Why?" She takes a deep breath and looks at me.

"Are you kidding me? What is the point of all this Fitz? We are not going to save this marriage why dredge up all this hurtful stuff just to get a divorce anyway." I can tell that he's disappointed by what I've just said, but I don't care. I'm tired of caring about him and his feelings when he doesn't care about mine.

"Mels you told me you would try."

"I also told you I was half out the door. You can't expect me to be happy about this."

"We have children we need to try for them."

"Fitz sometimes the best thing is to let go."

"Please keep trying." I turn away from him to look back at the tv. I know that I'll go to this therapy session just to get him off my back, but I am no way thinking that Fitz and I will stay married.

The time arrives for Fitz and I to have another pointless therapy session. If he had decided to do this before I tried to leave I may feel a bit more amiable towards the idea, if he had decided to do this a year ago I know I'd be more inclined, but at this point it's just a game and a power play he's trying to make. I take my time arriving to the drawing room. Fitz and the doctor are already there.

"Nice to see you Mellie." The doctor greets me and I greet her back before sitting on the couch next to Fitz. "Mellie the last session we got into how Fitz's cheating has affected you. I want to expand upon that more today." Mellie rolls her eyes and I feel her tense. "Did you immediately confront your husband when you found out about his affair?"

"No." She simply states.

"Why not?"

"I thought it was just a fling and I convinced myself I could handle it."

"Convinced yourself?"

She sighs before continuing. "In my head for a time I convinced myself that he was having an affair because I was allowing him to have an affair. Not because it was something that was completely out of my control. That was the only way I could keep myself from falling apart." I am shocked by what she has just said.

"What did you do that made you feel you were in control of your husband's affair?"

"Asked his mistress to come back and work for us because he needed her. It was the most humiliating thing I've ever done but I made myself believe that I was sanctioning the affair and he was only doing it because I was allowing it. I knew in the back of my mind he'd do it anyway and I just needed to have the control if I could."

"Fitz did you know that your wife was feeling this way?"

"No I thought she just didn't care and she was pushing me off on another woman because she didn't want to be with me."

"If Mellie didn't want you why is she still here?"

"I thought it was for the power and prestige of being first lady." Mellie scoffs and shakes her head.

"Mellie do you have something to say?"

"I hate being first lady. It is the most mind numbingly boring thing I've ever done in my life. I have stayed because I love my husband and I felt we could get over this hurdle and resume our lives. I'd much rather be a partner at a law firm than first lady."

"Then why did you push me to be governor?"

I look at Fitz surprised by his clouded view of the past. "I didn't push you to be governor. You father decided and if you recall I was ready to just forget all about it until you said you would make a good governor and I knew that you did want it." I look at her shocked. I do recall that night. Suddenly I have an epiphany.

"Mellie did you keep your rape a secret so that I would run for governor?" It's not an accusation. I see her jaw clinch and she looks away from me. I know that I am correct.

"Mellie is what Fitz saying true?" She closes her eyes and I know she's fighting her emotions.

"The night I was raped I went back to our room. I wanted to take a shower, but Fitz wanted me to…..to get in bed with him and I did. He told me he wanted his father to just lay off him and apologize and he thought he would make a good governor. That's when I knew I had to make that happen and I used my rape as leverage. I'd already lost my self respect and dignity why not get something out of it that would make my husband happy." I'm stunned into silence after that revelation. I can't stop looking at her. Suddenly I feel awful for how I have treated her, how I've disregarded her.

"Fitz you look completely taken aback."

"I am." I say softly. "I thought…..I don't know, I was wrong about my wife."

"If you had known this would you have cheated on your wife?"

"No she knows that I wouldn't have cheated if she hadn't turned me away."

"That's not what I asked? If you wife had told you she was rape, but was still unable to emotionally connect with you. Would you have cheated?"

"No I would not have cheated on Mellie." I look Dr. Mackenize in her eyes and I am being completely truthful.

"Mellie do you believe Fitz?"

"Should I?"

"That's not for me to decide."

"Our current state, no I don't believe him. I feel like I'm being manipulated. He wants me to stay for some reason that I haven't been able to figure out."

"So you don't believe him when he says that he loves you?"

"No I don't believe him. He was so quick to walk away from me. I wonder if he ever loved me. If he ever cared about me. The minute things got rough he just packed up and left me high and dry."

"Mellie I didn't know."

"You knew something was wrong and all you did was yell at me and complain about how I wouldn't have sex with you. I was dying inside Fitz. I tried to kill myself." I cover my mouth knowing that I've said too much.

"Mellie…" I refuse to look at him.

"Mellie we need to talk about this." I shake my head no. I can't believe I just let that slip.

"What's the point? He wouldn't have cared if I died he doesn't care now." I'm not being dramatic, I am speaking from my heart. "He doesn't love me. He's never loved me. He doesn't care about me or my feelings. This therapy is just for show."

"For show? What do you mean by that?" I take a deep breath sick of her asking me what I mean by this and that. I mean what I said.

"He knows we are over he doesn't care that we're over he's been wanting this for years now. He asked me for a divorce when I was nine months pregnant with his son. He has already said he was planning to leave me. He doesn't want me!"

"That's not true Mellie. I want you, I love you."

"Fitz you just hate that I filed for divorce. That I had the balls to do what you never had the balls to do. You want to be in control, you're trying to lure me back in so you can lay the hammer down on me, but I won't be fooled." I can't believe what I've done to her. She doesn't trust me. There was a time when she trusted me with her life, but I pissed that all away.

"Mellie I still want to get back to your suicide attempt."

"Of course you do."

"Explain to me what you were going through when you made that decision."

Mellie looks down and I know she's trying to compose herself. I am fighting to keep my emotions at bay.

"After my father-in-law violated me I didn't want to live. I didn't know if my son was my husband's or his father's and I didn't think I could tell Fitz. Fitz was so angry with me because I changed and I couldn't be a proper mother to my son so I just decided the world would be a better place without me in it."

"Why didn't you think you could tell Fitz?"

"He couldn't take it. He would have done something irrational like kill his father. I took the burden upon myself like I always did. I was his wife and it was my responsibility to hold him up to bare the cross."

"I never asked you to do that Mellie."

"You didn't have to Fitz. Everything in your demeanor screamed I need to be taken care of because I'm so wounded. I'm not blaming you it was my decision." I suddenly feel less than a man. My wife didn't trust that I was strong enough that she could come to me with such a terrible incident. I know that I have to do some deep soul searching and reexamine myself and my life.

"What happened that your suicide attempt failed?"

"I took an overdose of pills and Andrew found me." Fitz scoffs at the mention of Andrew.

"The Vice President?"

"Yes the one she had an affair with." He suddenly blurts out.

"Mellie you have also cheated?"

"I had a fling that he sent his mistress to break up. It wasn't till well after he'd been carrying on with Olivia."

"Tell me about Andrew."

"He found me, he stuck his fingers down my throat and he stayed with me to make sure I was ok. He wanted to be with me then, but I had some ridiculous loyalty to my husband. Hindsight is twenty twenty." I feel him staring at me and I know that he's taken aback.

"How did you end up having an affair with him?"

"He made me feel beautiful and like a woman. He made me feel appreciated and smart, functional not ornamental." I say the last part looking right at Fitz.

"Your husband doesn't do all those things?"

"He acts like I'm the scourge of the earth. He tells me I'm a monster. He called me a cry baby when I grieved for our son a second too long, I'm ornamental not functional."

"Fitz is that how you really feel?"

"Absolutely not. She's pregnant apparently I don't find her to be the scourge of the earth. She's beautiful, the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on. And I regret calling her all those things. They were not based in any fact, but anger out of what I perceived about her."

"And that was?"

"That she didn't love me. I have loved this woman so deeply. I never thought I'd have anyone in my life like her. Never thought I'd have a family and I had it and then it was gone. I was furious with her because she took it away from me. She gave me false hope that we would have a good life and then she just snatched it away. I've been angry at her for so long I didn't know how to be anything else."

"But you are ready to move forward and leave the anger behind?"

"I am ready. I know what it's like to not have her and I can't live like that." He states the last part looking right in my eyes. I'm astounded by his words and despite myself I believe him. I'm not ready to jump back in head first, but I am willing to listen to and take into account what he has to say.

"Today we made a lot of headway. There is a lot of hurt, anger and misunderstandings that have changed the trajectory of both your lives and your relationship. I am hopeful that we will be able to get things back on track and to give you two the tools that you'll need to stay on track should any stumbling blocks occur."

Our session with Dr. Mackenzie ends and she leaves us alone. We are still sitting on the sofa not talking or moving. I stand and Fitz stand's with me. I go to leave, but he grabs my arm and pulls me to him. He wraps his arms around me tightly and kisses the top of my head.

"I'm so sorry for everything." I nod against his chest. He releases me and looks me in the eyes one more time before walking out of the room.