A/N Not a very long update, but an update and I feel like a needed transition so I can start wrapping this one up.
"Mellie we need to talk." I walk outside to the Truman balcony and sit down.
"Don't we do enough of that in therapy?" Mellie says to me taking a sip of whatever she's drinking.
"Yes and I think it's working, but I think we need to talk outside of therapy. Dr. Mackenzie isn't always going to be with us."
"What do you want to talk about?"
"How you're feeling about everything, the therapy, our marriage?" I sit practically holding my breath.
"I feel the same as I've been feeling. It's all for naught." My spirits crash and burn.
"You don't think it's helping at all?"
"I think it's helping us to try to be civil towards one another for the sake of our children, but I don't think the marriage is repairable."
"It's never going to be repairable if you aren't even trying."
"I'm not trying?" I start to get upset with him. "I've been trying for the past six years and just because you have decided to take your head out of your ass now everyone else needs to fall in line!." He hold his hands up.
"I don't want you to get upset."
"Same old Fitz you don't like any confrontation."
"It's not that, getting upset just isn't worth it we won't accomplish anything if we are yelling."
"The only thing you want to accomplish is for me to acquiesce to you once again and I'm just not there anymore." I sigh realizing that this is not going well.
"Mel please I'm trying."
"I have things I need to do Fitz." Mellie stands up and walks back inside leaving me alone with my hurt feelings and thoughts.
"Dr. Mackenzie nice to see you again." Our session begins and I am nervous about what type of mood Mellie is going to be in.
"Nice to see both of you again. I want to start by exploring how Mellie's infidelity affected you Fitz."
"I was crushed. I thought that she wasn't a sexual person anymore and to find out she was having an affair made me feel like less than a man."
"What led you to believe she wasn't a sexual person?"
"That's what she told me. After our son was born Mellie no longer wanted me to touch her. And she said that having a baby changed her and she no longer was a sexual person."
"Because of her sexual assault?"
"Yes, but I didn't know that and I didn't know it when the affair was revealed. I thought it was that she didn't want me. I took it personal and I was both upset and hurt."
"Even though you'd been having an affair of your own?" Mellie was silently happy that the doctor was asking him the tough questions.
"Yes and I know that is hypocritical, but I never told her I didn't want her she turned me away which is why I cheated. I would have never cheated had she never turned me away."
"But now that you know she was assaulted."
"I understand why she turned me away and I want to make our relationship better."
"Please Fitz, don't sit here and lie." I look at Mellie.
"What are you talking about I'm being honest."
"You found out I had been raped and then our son died and you still shacked up with your mistress the moment she came back in town. How is that you would have never cheated if you'd known yet when you knew you still cheated?"
"Mellie is this why you aren't willing to see that Fitz is remorseful for his affair and wants the marriage to work?"
"Partly, he only wanted to be with me when I left. It just seems like a game he wants me when he can't have me, but the minute I come back he'll leave me again. Maybe not physically but emotionally." I realize how much I have absolutely hurt her.
"Mels I am so sorry. I cannot express how truly sorry I am." I turn from her and look at the doctor. "I took a magnificent creature and destroyed her. Took away her confidence. I see that now. One of the most attractive things about Mellie was her confidence and when that was gone I didn't find her as attractive because of it. Olivia came into my life and she was confident and I had been missing that in my wife. Mellie was no longer sure of herself and I craved that type of woman in my life. I' m not the most confident person and I came to lean on Mellie and then Olivia, I'm not proud of that, and I want to try to work on that flaw." I can tell she wasn't prepared for me to be honest.
"Fitz you didn't destroy me. Your father did. He took away.." My emotions get the best of me. I clear my throat. "Big Gerry ripped away my very sense of being. He took away my feelings of self worth. I didn't handle it correctly. I should have told you." I'm not angry in this moment just honest. Fitz reaches over and takes my hand before leaning over and kissing my forehead.
"So sorry baby." He rubs my back with his free hand. I'm trying to not cry, but I just can't keep this in anymore. One tear falls from my eyes and before I know it the tears are streaming down my face. He pulls me to him and holds me tight. "Let it out. You don't have to always be strong. I can be strong for the both of us. Just let it out baby." He says softly to me and I do. I let over fifteen years worth of hurt, pain and anguish out and I don't feel embarrassed or weak. I feel human.