Cooper had held Charlotte until she didn't have any more tears. The couple had migrated then to the bathroom so Charlotte could finally take the shower she had come upstairs for. A shower had turned into a long soak in the tub, and now they're sitting in the large, white, clawfoot bathtub. Charlotte is leaning back against Cooper's chest, her eyes closed, wet hair sticking to her neck and back. Cooper has his arms wrapped around Charlotte's waist, and Charlotte has placed her arms on top of his. Her fingers move gently back and forth over the skin of his arm. Cooper watches Charlotte; she looks relaxed for the first time since Landry had called. Had that really only been a day and a half ago?
"We should get out of the tub," Charlotte says, eyes still closed. Her inflection makes Cooper pretty sure that she neither wants to nor has any real intention of moving just yet.
Cooper presses his lips just above Charlotte's ear and whispers, "Just stay here with me a little longer."
"Mmm" is Charlotte's only answer, but she stays put.
When Cooper and Charlotte had first decided to give a relationship a try, Cooper had felt like the second Charlotte revealed something to him that made her feel vulnerable or exposed, something that made Cooper feel closer to her, she would pull even further away than before. It had been years of steps forward and back and of Cooper feeling like truly knowing Charlotte King might just have been impossible.
Cooper hates to acknowledge that something good could come out of something so horrible, but things had changed for them after Charlotte was raped. In the beginning it had been awful; Cooper had felt more distant from Charlotte than ever before. They both had realized then how much of their connection had come from sex. Cooper had sometimes thought that Charlotte wasn't someone who needed much intimacy, but then he had watched her fight like hell to get back to a place where she could feel close to Cooper. And for the first time that closeness had taken the form of sharing their feelings and of just holding each other.
Charlotte had told Cooper, when he had convinced her to go to couple's therapy, that her attempts to push him away had stemmed from her fear that he would leave her. Cooper had really thought then about how terrifying it must have been for Charlotte to let him see her so vulnerable, all the while wondering if he would still be there the next day. Cooper had appreciated for the first time how much courage it must have taken for Charlotte to finally let herself be fully open with him.
Somewhere along the line in that ordeal, Cooper knows, he had convinced Charlotte that he wasn't going anywhere. By the time they had said their vows, Cooper knew Charlotte trusted that they were both in this forever. And once she finally felt safe with him, it was like the real Charlotte had come out. She was just as strong as ever, as quick-witted, funny, and ambitious. But she was also loving, warm, and nurturing. She was a woman who would do anything for the people she loved.
Charlotte had been his rock this past year. She had put aside her own fears and taken care of Cooper, Mason, and Erica. Even before Charlotte had started to think of herself as Mason's mother, when she still seemed to have herself convinced that she could never love a child, she had taken care of Mason, because he was Cooper's son, and she would do anything for her husband.
Cooper can't imagine raising Mason without Charlotte. She'd been there to help him be strong for Mason, and she'd been able to reach Mason when Cooper couldn't. Cooper knows that Mason would never be doing as well as he is if it wasn't for Charlotte.
"I love you," Cooper tells Charlotte, his mouth brushing against her skin as he speaks. Charlotte always seems to be the one telling Cooper just how grateful she is for him. Cooper hopes that his wife doesn't still feel like she doesn't deserve him, like she's the lucky one in the relationship. Because he knows that certainly isn't true.
Charlotte opens her eyes and turns in Cooper's arms so that she's facing him. She puts a hand on Cooper's cheek and runs her fingers over the stubble that he still hasn't gotten around to shaving. Charlotte smiles softly at Cooper and tells him, "I love you, Coop." Her eyes are wet as she leans in to kiss Cooper, and when she pulls back she looks at him with such love that Cooper thinks he should spend more time being thankful for what he has.
"I really need to get out of the bath," Charlotte tells Cooper again. She has a day full of things to do: meeting with a lawyer about her mother's estate, meeting with her family's pastor about the funeral, starting to dig through some of the old things in this house. And she wants to go check on Mason. Maybe she's being overprotective right now, but she's worried about her son. He'd had a rough night, and she's seen him go from just fine, to upset and silent, or scared and clingy, at the drop of a hat too many times to be comfortable being away from him for very long. Charlotte sighs resolutely and stands up.
"I think you and Mason should go do something fun today," she tells Cooper, wrapping a robe around herself.
"I can come with you to meet with the pastor and lawyer," Cooper offers.
"It's fine. Duke and Landry will be there. Besides, I'd rather you be with Mason."
"Do you really think he'll let you out of his sight?"
Charlotte shrugs; she's honestly not sure. "Maybe we can get him to go out with you while I meet with Pastor Timothy and the lawyer, and then if Mason wants to hang out here while my brothers and I go though things at the house, he can."
Charlotte's plan works for all of a half hour. She convinces Mason to go swimming with Cooper. The day is sweltering, and they might as well enjoy the refreshing water. But before too long Charlotte is getting texts from Mason asking her if she's ok. It's sweet, and she's sure part of it is her son wondering how she's doing, but Charlotte knows that mostly, Mason is anxious and upset and wants to be close to her. Charlotte answers seven texts in the span of ten minutes while she's trying to decide on what hymns will be sung at the funeral, and she knows that Mason is a mess. She's debating excusing herself from the conversation and calling her son, when her phone rings.
Charlotte walks out of the room and picks up. It's Cooper. "I tried Char," he tells her.
"Mason wants to come back?" she asks.
"He's having a bit of a meltdown now," Cooper says in a hushed voice. Cooper had suggested to Mason that they go for ice cream, and Mason had replied that his mom would never have allowed him to have ice cream in the morning. Things had gone downhill from there, and Mason had been crying before long.
Cooper is pulling the rental car into the driveway ten minutes later. He feels like a failure. His son is in the backseat, staring out the window, not speaking. Cooper battles his frustration. He's tired of not being able to reach Mason, of not knowing what to do for him.
When Cooper spots Charlotte sitting on the front porch waiting for them, he's both relieved and more frustrated. He's really tired of Charlotte being the better parent. Cooper loves that Charlotte and Mason have such a good relationship, but Cooper had honestly though that he would be the one showing Charlotte how to parent, that she would be the one struggling. When it became clear that wasn't the case, it had been hard for Cooper to adjust.
Cooper kills the engine and gets out of the car. It isn't until he's closed the door that he realizes that Mason hasn't budged. Cooper opens the back door and tells his son, "Mason we're here."
"I can see that," Mason says before turning away again.
Cooper grits his teeth, feeling at the end of his rope. "Are you getting out?" When Mason doesn't answer, Cooper shuts the door. Cooper feels increasingly close to yelling, and he needs to walk away before that happens.
Charlotte meets him halfway down the driveway. "What happened?"
Cooper shrugs, annoyed. "He won't get out of the car."
Charlotte can tell that Cooper is upset, but she is so not in the mood to deal with her husband behaving like a child right now. "Did something happen?" Charlotte asks, wanting to be prepared for how to deal with Mason.
"Nothing his Momma can't fix," Cooper mumbles. The last time this jealousy had come up – when Cooper told Charlotte that she wasn't really Mason's mother – Charlotte had let Cooper apologize and move on. She probably should have been more concerned that the apology came only after Mason was back to being affectionate with Cooper, but Charlotte was too busy being thankful that Mason was doing a little better and that she was on speaking terms with her husband again.
Charlotte and Cooper need to have a real talk about this, because Charlotte will not apologize for her son needing her, will not apologize for being a good mother. "He needs both of his parents," Charlotte tells him pointedly. They had started working on adoption paperwork last month. Initially, she and Cooper had talked about it so that they could make sure that Mason stayed with Charlotte if anything happened to Cooper. But when Charlotte and Cooper had talked to Mason about adoption, he had been thrilled.
Charlotte wants to have a longer conversation than she and Cooper have time for at the moment. Right now she needs to check on Mason. Charlotte walks to the car, leaving Cooper in the driveway scowling. She opens the back door of the car. "Hi, sweetie." Mason looks up then back down at his lap. "Can I sit with you?" Charlotte gets a small nod from Mason in response. Charlotte sits down and Mason just stays where he is, barely acknowledging her presence. His face is red and tear streaked. "Are you missing your mom?" Charlotte asks Mason.
"Yeah," Mason croaks through tears. Charlotte puts her hand on her son's back, rubbing it gently. And then it seems like Mason remembers why they're here sitting in a rental car in Alabama. "Are you?"
"Yeah. I am," Charlotte tells Mason. That seems to make Mason feel a little less alone in his grief. He leans against Charlotte's side, and she slides her arm around Mason. Charlotte waits for Mason to cuddle in closer – confirming for her that he wants to be held – before wrapping her other arm around him as well. There's nothing to say that can ease Mason's pain. There are some days that Charlotte knows Mason is hurting so much that he doesn't know what to do with himself. It's days like this that make Charlotte ache with the knowledge that she can't kiss her son's pain away. Charlotte presses her lips to Mason's hair anyway.
They stay together for a long time, just sitting in the back of the car. By now, it's hot as hell, but Charlotte doesn't dare disturb Mason. She's not sure if she's really doing anything to comfort him, but he's clinging to her hard, and if this helps Mason at all, she isn't going to move.
Charlotte waits another ten minutes, sweat gathering on her forehead, before Mason asks if they can go inside to the air condition. He immediately starts up the stairs when they enter the house. Charlotte calls after Mason, "Can I come sit with you?" Charlotte is willing to give Mason space if he needs it, but more and more, she finds it difficult to leave her hurting child alone. Still she would never push him if he wanted space.
"Yeah," Mason tells her.
"I'm just going to talk to Uncle Duke and Uncle Landry for a minute and then I'll be right up."
"Ok," Mason says, before starting back up the stairs.
Charlotte's brothers are seeing their pastor out the door as she walks towards them. "I'm sorry Pastor Timothy," she tells the older man. "My son is having a rough time right now."
"Yes, I heard that you had taken in a little boy." Charlotte frowns a bit; he makes it sound like she had adopted a stray puppy. "Sometimes the greatest gifts are the ones we never expect." Charlotte smiles and nods, because she thinks that just sums up her relationships with her son and husband perfectly. "Your brothers and I finished discussing the program, but if there is anything you want to add, you can give me a call anytime."
Charlotte thanks the pastor again and shuts the door behind him. She turns to her brothers and asks, "Can you take care of the lawyer? I'm just going to be upstairs with Mason." She feels guilty for letting too much fall on Landry again, and so she adds, "I'm sorry. I need to take care of Mase."
Landry is a father himself; he understands. "Of course, Charlie. You give that kid of yours an extra hug from his Uncle Landry. Tell him he can come look through old photo albums with us after we're done with the lawyer."
"You wouldn't dare!" Charlotte knows her brothers have more than enough old photos to embarrass her. Their momma had kept albums of everything from first steps to prom dates. Last time Charlotte had been home, Landry had claimed the albums had been misplaced, but now she realizes that her brothers had hidden away this prime blackmail material.
"Oh come on," Duke chimes in, slurring his words just a little bit. Is he really still drunk from this morning? Charlotte wonders. "It'll give the poor kid a laugh, cheer him up."
Charlotte just shakes her head at her brothers and turns to climb the stairs. She realizes that she has no idea where Cooper is. She hates this feeling of having too many people to take care of; she doesn't want to have to prioritize who needs her most. But Mason is a grieving child, and he needs to come first. Landry understands that, and Charlotte hopes that her husband understands too.
Charlotte finds Mason in her old bedroom, and she knocks on the open door. Mason turns from where he's standing next to the bookshelf and smiles at his momma. Charlotte takes that as permission to enter the room. She sits down on the desk chair next to the bookcase. "Are all these books yours?" Mason asks incredulously, and Charlotte nods. The tall bookshelf is full, mostly with classics. The books are alphabetized, except for a section that Charlotte had reserved for her favorites. Those books –which include Jane Eyre, A Tale of Two Cities, Frankenstein, Wuthering Heights, and To Kill a Mockingbird – appear extra worn. Charlotte must have read them dozens of times each. Charlotte stands again to pick up her old copy of To Kill a Mockingbird. She thumbs through the book; it's pages are lovingly worn.
"You really liked reading, huh?" Mason asks. She did. She still does. Charlotte loves getting lost in another world, loves the sound of beautifully written prose.
"Yep," Charlotte confirms.
"Well, I guess you didn't have computers or wii when you were growing up; you needed something for entertainment."
"Pick one out, smarty pants. I'll read you a chapter," Charlotte tells her son. Mason might tease her, but he actually likes reading too. They had started reading classics for bedtime stories, and Mason has been getting really into it. There were even nights when he would choose to listen to his momma read an extra chapter of a book rather than watch TV.
"Which one is your favorite?" Mason asks.
Charlotte holds up the book in her hand. "Want me to read you a little of this one, see if you like it?"
"Sure," Mason tells her. Charlotte kicks off her shoes and sits down on the bed against the pillows. Mason climbs up next to Charlotte, and she wraps one arm around him so that Mason's head is leaning against her shoulder. It's not bedtime, but this is the most comforting and soothing thing she can think of to do for Mason.
"When he was nearly thirteen," Charlotte begins, "my brother Jem got his arm badly broken at the elbow." She doesn't even need to look at the page; she's read the opening lines of this book enough to have it memorized.
Charlotte finishes the first chapter and asks Masons, "What did you think?"
"It's good. Can you read the next chapter to me before bed tonight?"
"Of course," she tells him.
"Did your momma read to you when you were little?" Mason asks. Charlotte shakes her head. "Did your dad?"
"No," Charlotte tells him, "I read to myself." Mason frowns at that, and Charlotte kisses his head.
Charlotte had never been good with sleeping. The nannies had always complained that she was a colicky baby. When she had gotten older, Charlotte still had trouble falling asleep. Her parents hadn't cared much what time she fell asleep, as long as she was in her room by her bedtime. So she'd spent countless hours sitting on this very bed reading.
Mason's been curious about Charlotte's family and childhood since he met her brothers, and being here has piqued his interest further. "What did your momma do when you couldn't sleep?"
Charlotte can't remember a single time that her mother had acknowledged Charlotte waking in the middle of the night. "That's what all the books were for," Charlotte tells Mason. "Lots of late night reading."
"No one stayed up with you?" Mason asks sadly. He's always had parents who held him and read to him when he couldn't sleep, and he can't really imagine a parent not doing that. For all Mason has been through, he still retains the innocent belief that all mothers love and take care of their children. Charlotte is grateful that she has at least been able to give Mason the confidence that he will always have a mother to take care of him, even if the mother who raised him is gone.
"Scout and Jem always would," Charlotte jokes lightly.
"I'm sorry Momma," Mason tells her.
"It's ok, Mase. It was a long time ago," Charlotte tells her son. She rubs mindless patterns on his back. "I love you honey," Charlotte breathes, needing him to know.
"I know," Mason tells her, as if sensing Charlotte's desperate need for her son to know she loves him. He sounds completely confident in Charlotte's love, for which she is extremely grateful. "I love you too."
"Is there something you want to do today? We can do anything you want. You just need to tell me what will make you feel better," Charlotte tells him.
"I just want to stay with you," Mason replies, a little whiny.
"Ok honey. Do you want to hang out up here or should we go downstairs?"
"It doesn't matter. If you have things to do, that's ok. I just want to stay with you," he insists again.
Mason's need to repeat his request makes Charlotte a little worried. "You know I'm never going anywhere, right Mason? I'm your momma forever."
"I know that," Mason tells Charlotte. "It's just…"
"What honey?"
"I'm really sad today, and being with you makes me feel better."
Charlotte's eyes tear up. Damn, this kid is good at making her cry. "I'm glad Mase. Anything that helps you, I'll do it, ok?"
"I know Momma," Mason tells Charlotte again. Mason has never doubted that Charlotte loves him. It had only taken a couple months for him to want to call her Momma, and he never questioned whether she would want that. He knew that Charlotte already thought of him as her son.
"Do you want to go downstairs and look through some old photo albums with your uncles and me?" Charlotte cannot believe that she's suggesting this, but she has to admit, Duke was probably right: old photos will give Mason a good laugh. Mason's face lights up and he hops off the bed; he absolutely wants to see pictures of his momma as a kid.
Duke and Landry had been just as excited as Mason about the photo viewing session. The four of them had sat down on the couch, and Duke had proceeded to narrate one of the world's most embarrassing tours through a photo album that Charlotte could ever imagine. Duke and Mason are laughing at a picture of Charlotte at six dressed up like an angel for a nativity play, when Charlotte spots Cooper hanging out at the back of the room listening. "Mase?" Charlotte asks, "Will you be ok here for a minute if I go talk to your daddy?"
"Mmhmm," Mason says barely looking up from the photos.
Mason seems too engrossed in the pictures to really care about Charlotte's temporary absence, but she adds, "We'll be right outside if you need us, ok?"
Mason agrees, and Charlotte walks over to Cooper. "Can we talk?" she asks quietly. Cooper still has a frown on his face, and as much as Charlotte adores her husband, his petulant child look is in no way endearing.
They sit down outside on the back porch. It's quiet and serene here, and Charlotte had spent many summer afternoons sitting on this porch reading a book. It's good that Charlotte chooses one of her favorite spots for this conversation, because she's working really hard to be empathic to her husband, and not let her frustration at him get the better of her. "What's going on Coop?" she asks.
"Nothing. Mason's happy now. He's with you."
"Coop, he loves both of us."
"He likes you more," Cooper says, fully aware that he sounds like a child.
"He has different relationships with each of us," Charlotte tells her husband. "It's good for Mason to have two parents that he can relate to in different ways."
"But you're better at getting through to him. When he's upset, he always wants you," Cooper says. And Charlotte would be annoyed if Cooper hadn't started tearing up half way through his last sentence.
"You are a great father Cooper. Mason knows that you love him, and that is the most important thing for him," Charlotte reaches over and puts her hand on Cooper's forearm. "When Mason's hurting, I think we need to just do whatever we can to comfort him. We need to put our pride aside and do whatever he needs."
"But he always needs you," Cooper whines.
"He grew up with just Erica," Charlotte says with a shrug. "Maybe Mason is more comfortable with a woman. Doesn't mean he loves you any less."
"It's not that you're a woman," Cooper sighs. "You always know what to do for him," he tells Charlotte dejectedly.
"Think you could try saying that like it isn't the worst thing in the world?" Charlotte says, an edge of annoyance creeping into her voice. "The fact that there are times when I can help our grieving son is not something that you should be upset about."
"I just thought I'd be a better father," Cooper tells Charlotte, looking down at the ground. He feels silly saying these things.
"Like I said, you are a great father. But you cannot keep this up. Sooner or later, Mason is going to catch on to you being jealous, and that is not going to go well for any of us. You and I need to be on the same page about raising Mason. I can't have you stalking off and pouting if I'm the one comforting our son." Charlotte is talking with such authority, like she's the expert on parenting Mason. It grates on Cooper when she does that, because damn it, he is the one who is supposed to be the expert on children. "You listen to me Cooper. You need to find a way to put this jealousy aside, because I am not going to stop being there for Mason just so that you can feel better about yourself as a parent."
When she puts it like that, Cooper feels even more like an idiot. "I don't want you to Charlotte. I'm glad Mason has you. I really am," he tells his wife sincerely. "I'm just jealous."
"I can tell. But the thing is you need to figure out how to deal with that. You and I can talk about it, but you can't take it out on Mason. You can't punish him for needing me."
"You're right," Cooper concedes. This conversation is making him feel all kinds of awful.
Charlotte weaves their fingers together. "We're in this together," she reminds her husband, who nods at her. The issue isn't resolved, not by a long shot. But feelings like this take time to work through, and Charlotte's sure she will have to have this conversation again and again with Cooper. But for now this feels like a good start; she's opened the door to talk about it at least. "Do you want to come look at embarrassing photos of me?" Charlotte asks. Is she really volunteering to let another person see these pictures? But Cooper seems just as happy at the prospect as Mason was, and Charlotte figures she can sacrifice a bit of her pride if it'll make her boys happy.