Raph had almost made it to the dojo door with the others when Splinter uttered the dreaded words:
"Raphael, a moment?"
Cringing, Raph turned around. "Hai, Sensei?"
Splinter stood there, a pillar of intimidation, anger smoldering behind his eyes. "I am curious as to why you did not allow you enemy to die swiftly, and instead chose to let him suffer."
"Sensei, even Leo wasn't sure what to do."
"And believe me, I will be having a lengthy discussion with him later. But you chose to set out without him; therefore the responsibility of this falls on your shoulders."
"It was just a Kraang!"
"I see." Splinter ran his hand down the length of his beard. "'Just' a Kraang. Had it been a man, would you have acted in the same way?"
"Well, no. I would have gotten help for him. Look, I tried to get help for the stupid Kraang…I figured Donnie would be able to do something."
"Did you make any attempt to render aid yourself?"
Raph threw his hands up in the air. "What was I supposed to do?"
"What did you do?"
"I – I talked with Casey while we waited for the others."
"So, you stood idly by while another being suffered?"
"How the heck am I supposed to know anything about Kraang field medicine? How the heck am I supposed to know what's – the right thing to do – in that situation? I'm a fighter."
"Raphael, you need to become comfortable with things outside of your natural element. You can never be a truly skilled fighter until you understand the full weight of your choices."
Raph hung his head. "Hai, Sensei."
"I want you to engage in something that pushes you beyond your comfort zone every day. You say you are not a specialist on ethics. Work to become one. You may not be able to study Kraang field medicine, but study regular field medicine. Ask your brothers; they will be happy to help you."
Asking his brothers for help. This would be about as much fun as being forced to watch a Space Heroes marathon with Leo. Nevertheless, Raph nodded. He would go find something to beat up as soon as they were done. The last thing he needed was to blow up and then have Splinter be even angrier with him.
As soon as Splinter dismissed him, Raph hurried for the exit. However, when he reached the door, a question occurred to him. He turned around. "What would you have done?"
Splinter stroked his beard thoughtfully. "I want you to think about that, my son. Let me know when you think that you have discovered the answer."
Raph balled up his fists. Why did Splinter have to make everything so complicated? "Hai, Sensei."
"Oh, and Raphael?"
"Hai, Sensei?"
"Send Leonardo in, please."
"Hai, Sensei."
Raph stalked out of the dojo and down the stairs into the den. "Your turn to get chewed out, Leo."
Leo gave Raph a sympathetic expression as they passed each other – Raph repaid it with a scowl and stormed to his room. He slammed the door shut and sat against it.
Why can't it ever be simple? Raph thought. Tell me what to punch and I'll punch it. Tell me what the right thing to do is, and I'll do it. He pounded his fists on the floor.
Something out of his comfort zone, indeed. Try to do that every day? Get involved in things that don't have one right or wrong answer? Splinter wanted him to be some kind of warrior-philosopher, and that just wasn't going to happen. Raph knew he wasn't cut out for that kind of decision making – he'd learned the hard way back when they fought Snakeweed, and Mikey had been seriously injured.
He looked at the clock. It was only a little past 9, and he seriously needed to burn off some steam. He had to get out before he went absolutely loopy.
He opened the door and walked as fast as he could toward the turnstiles. Mikey was the only one in the living room; presumably, Donnie was in his lab and Leo was in the dojo having a "lengthy conversation" with Splinter. It was some small vindication that at least Leo was in trouble, too.
"Where ya goin', Raph?" Mikey asked.
"Out."
"Okay. Got your t-phone?"
"What are you, my babysitter?"
"Chill, bro. Just trying to have your back. You know how Sensei is about us going out without our phones."
"Whatever." Raph jumped over the turnstiles.
Mikey's voice drifted after him. "Hey, can you bring back some pizza?"
Holding back a snarl, Raph broke into a run.
Running, like fighting, was his salve. The thrill of exertion, his pulse thudding in his ears, and the beads of sweat that rolled down his face were like a massive eraser on the chalkboard of his consciousness. All of the things that were complicated, or infuriating, or stressful, were all wiped away. Some of the time, when he'd cooled down, he would find that he'd solved the problem.
Tonight, running just wasn't enough. He practiced katas as he moved his way through the sewers, doing elaborate flips and strikes – anything to elevate his heart rate. But the sewers didn't offer enough of a workout for him – no matter how hard pushed himself, he still couldn't shake the day's events from his mind.
The rooftops. Surely that would work. The massive leaps would require concentration as well as exertion – just another way he could make his mind as blank as possible. He jumped onto the closest access ladder and climbed up into the city. Keeping to the shadows, he leapt onto a nearby fire escape and started working his way up to the rooftop. Now was the time to be silent; ensuring that his footsteps were soft on the roof took up half his focus, timing the jumps the other half.
Finally, blissful calm washed over him. He was lost in a beautiful world where wind whipped across his face and he was in total control. Every motion, perfected. Every heartbeat, as sure and strong as he was. Every muscle, contracting and relaxing in perfect rhythm.
His heart was the loudest thing. His feet were feather-light on the rooftops.
He was silent. He was powerful.
He was ninja.
Eventually, his lungs started burning from the effort. He chose a somewhat secluded rooftop and paused in the shadow of a smokestack.
Now, he allowed his mind to come back. No longer trying to be silent, he breathed heavily and then groaned as he stretched his legs. He must have pulled a hamstring without noticing it, the sheer adrenaline preventing it from reaching his conscious mind. He would have to take it easy on the way home – after a workout that intense, his body would hate him the next day if he didn't cool down properly. After he had stretched sufficiently, he plopped down onto his back and stared up at the stars.
As always, the stars in New York were barely visible because of light pollution, but one particularly beautiful star winked through the thin, wispy clouds that floated overhead.
You know what, Raph thought, I can move out of my comfort zone. It's not like once I leave it, I can't go back. As long as I have this – I can probably handle anything.
Of course, whether he'd feel that way when he got home again was a different story. He pulled out his t-phone to check the time and cursed. Recently, Master Splinter had set their curfew – team missions and patrols excepted, of course – a full hour back. Raph had been thinking that he needed to be back by 11:30, not 10:30. It was 9:55 now, and even if he pushed himself he wouldn't be able to make it in a half hour.
He weighed his options: show up late and have Splinter read him the riot act again, or call, explain his predicament, then show up late and have a slightly smaller riot act read to him.
Or, he could ask Leo to come pick him up in either the patrol buggy or Shellraiser. With a resigned sigh, he decided to call Leo and admit that he needed help.
There, Raph thought. I'm doing something out of my comfort zone. Are you happy, Splinter?
He tapped Leo's speed dial and waited while the line rang. Raph worried that it was going to go to voicemail until Leo finally picked up.
"Hey, Raph. Where are you? Mikey said you went out for pizza an hour ago."
"I didn't go out for pizza, I went out for a run. He asked me to get pizza."
"Did you?"
"No! Listen, I need you to come get me."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah…I forgot about the curfew change, and I pulled something in my leg. I don't think I can make it back in time on foot."
"Wow. That's pretty big of you to admit that. You must really not want Splinter to yell at you again."
"Are you going to pick me up or not, Leo?"
"Calm down, I'm coming. Where are you?"
Limping slightly, Raph went over to the edge of the roof and looked at the street signs below. "117th and Oak. You'll pass April's on the way here."
"Okay. I'll be there in a few."
Raph put his phone back on his belt and returned to stretching his sore leg. Even if he didn't have to walk home, he still had to climb down the fire escape. It hadn't even been five minutes when he felt his phone vibrating. He pulled it out and saw that Leo was calling him. He tapped the screen to accept the call. "What, Leo?"
"This is not Leonardo."
Raph repressed the urge to lodge one of his sai in the smokestack next to him. He drew a deep breath, trying to force himself to be calm. "Sorry, Sensei. I thought Leo was calling."
"Of course you did. This is his phone."
"So…um…what are you calling about?"
"Leonardo will not be coming to pick you up."
"Okay…so who is?"
"Nobody. You were not mindful of your situation, and you chose to swim out further than you could swim back. Therefore, you will deal with the consequences of your choices. Remember, every minute past curfew is an hour of television privileges revoked."
"Sensei, you're being totally unfair! I'm doing what I can to get home before curfew!"
"You should have planned ahead, then."
"I forgot that you switched the time!"
"In combat, 'forgetting' is not an excuse. You cannot 'forget' about your opponent."
"But I would be home on time if you'll just let Leo come pick me up!"
"Did it ever occur to you that this is not about the time you are home? It is about responsibility, Raphael. I will see you when you get here." With that, the connection went dead.
Raph shouted. He had just enough presence of mind not to spike his phone onto the rooftop – instead, he punched the smokestack so hard that the metal dented. "Freakin' – Sensei – unfair – oh, I'm gonna pound Leo – stupid curfew – gaah!"
The sound of an access door opening snapped Raph back into a ninja mindset.
An extremely angry, fuming, seething, livid ninja, but a ninja nevertheless.
He sank deeper into the shadows and silently moved away from the smokestack. If someone had come up here in response to his noise, that was probably where they would look first. Once he was near the edge of the building, he gathered his strength for a leap and jumped onto the next rooftop. His hamstring screamed in protest at the motion, and when he had melted into the shadows again, he mouthed every swear word – English and Japanese – in his vocabulary.
Oh, getting home like this was going to be as fun as all get out. Why had Leo told Splinter anyway? Hadn't he told him that Raph had injured himself?
But Raph could just imagine calling back and having that conversation with Splinter. Are you unable to walk? Splinter would probably say. If Raph lied and said no, his brothers would make fun of him for the next week. If he told the truth and said yes, then Splinter would probably tell him to suck it up – in not so many words.
As Raph walked across the building to the other side, limping slightly, he tried to come up with some other options – he could call Casey, but Casey still had a learner's permit. He wouldn't be able to drive alone, and if Raph remembered correctly, Casey had lost driving privileges anyway. Despite April's tutelage, Casey simply hadn't gotten his grades up to where his parents would let him drive again.
April. That was a solution Raph hadn't considered. She couldn't drive, but Kirby could – and he would probably be more than happy to do so. Raph thought April had mentioned something about Kirby owning a car. Rather than calling, he figured he'd just travel the rest of the way there, since their apartment was just ten or so buildings over.
After those ten jumps, Raph wished he had called instead. His hamstring was throbbing so badly that climbing down the fire escape to April's window would be a feat.
Maybe I should walk the rest of the way home, Raph thought. I'd be really sore. That would show Sensei. He'd feel really bad about it, and realize what a stupid dictator he is.
Even as he started down the fire escape, Raph knew that a non-critical injury would garner absolutely no sympathy from Splinter – he'd probably launch into some stupid lecture about fighting one's way through injuries. Raph would probably still have to do training tomorrow anyway.
This is not my day.
Author's Note: So, I have to admit that this really is my first attempt at writing something resembling a comedy. It's more of a dark, angsty comedy than it is a lighthearted one. I'm not sure how funny it actually is, though. I know that I was laughing when I wrote Raph's exchanges with Leo and Splinter. I do have some truly comical things coming up, so I hope that if you're here for the humor, you'll stick around. I would appreciate some constructive criticism. Thanks for reading, and I hope you're enjoying!