A Surprise
Three
"My mom had me at eighteen and everything turned out… fine, I guess." Ruki muses, eyes still fixed on her computer screen. She's pretending to be focused on work while she casually debates the merits of having a child, but Renamon knows she stopped paying attention to her computer ten minutes ago and there's nothing casual about the way she keeps trying to talk herself into, and then out of, making a decision. "I'm six years older than she was; I should be able to handle this. Right?" She turns to her Digimon; it's the first time she's acknowledged her presence since Renamon entered her office seventeen minutes ago and found her talking to herself.
"You know what I think about this, Ruki." The fox says patiently. She knows a decision like this cannot be rushed, but it seems to her like Ruki has made her mind up and now she's just trying to talk herself out of it because she's scared.
Ruki sighs. "Yes, but tell me anyway. Maybe hearing it from you will help."
Renamon takes a seat opposite her Tamer; they're separated only by a desk. "I think you can do this and you know you can, but you're too afraid to admit that this is something you want, because more and more your life has strayed from the path you thought it was set upon and a child with Jen would take you upon a road there is no coming back from."
There is a long moment of silence, broken by an annoyed huff. "I hate it when you're right." Ruki scowls, earning herself a chuckle from her partner.
"You only hate it when I make you face things you would rather avoid." Renamon corrects with a knowing smile.
"I guess," Ruki says and leaves it at that. She stares blankly at her own hands.
"I do want this." She finally admits. "And it's terrifying, because I never thought this was even an option for me. But everyone thinks I won't mess this up, and I know Jen will be there even if I do, and we'll have you and Terriermon, though I think having Terriermon around a kid won't be much help," Ruki babbles until the fox reaches out and places a hand on top of hers; a rare gesture. "And I just really, really want this." She finishes weakly, in a hoarse whisper.
"Then it is yours for the taking." Her partner says simply.
Ruki shakes her head. "It can't be that simple. What if I do mess up? Twenty-four is still pretty young to have a child, and we both work full-time jobs… and what if things don't actually work out with Jen? We've been acting as though this relationship will last forever but isn't that stupid? It's exactly the kind of stupid thing normal people in normal relationships think."
"I didn't realize you were carrying around this concern." Renamon admits; she'd been under the impression that Ruki was only hesitating because the idea of raising a child is daunting. It makes more sense now, the way her Tamer has been agonizing over this decision. Ruki isn't one to rush headfirst into things, but she usually makes her decisions as soon as she's able to assess a situation and take in enough information. But with Jen involved, and the fear that this might drive them apart…
She remembers the day she'd caught Ruki and Jen kissing for the first time. They'd quickly jumped apart, the boy embarrassed and so nervous he could do nothing but sputter Renamon's name. But Ruki had calmly greeted her, said goodbye to Jen and walked home. Nothing was said of what Renamon had just witnessed, and though from then on Ruki made no effort to hide their relationship from her partner, she made it clear on multiple occasions that this was no typical schoolgirl romance that would make her soft or change her, and nothing would come of it in the end. It was simply a convenient, temporary arrangement. But years passed and still they were together, even while all around them their friends built new relationships and gave up on them just as quickly.
When the time for college came, they told everyone they just happened to have chosen the same school. Once, they had a huge falling-out, and Renamon had been around to see the way Ruki had moped about even as she resolutely pretended nothing was wrong, the way she would only sleep on one side of the bed even when there was no one there to share it with her, the way she would always order too much when she called for take-out. The day before Jen had shown up and begged Ruki to give them another try, she'd found her Tamer standing in front of two unopened containers of food. They were the dishes Jen would order from the restaurant around the corner, and Ruki had naturally included them in her own order because she always ordered for him. She'd remained there for nearly five minutes, with Renamon standing next to her while they stared at those two containers, and finally Ruki had turned to her partner and whispered, I can't remember how to be without him.
The look on her face now reminds Renamon of the expression she'd worn that day in the kitchen, staring blankly at take-out food. The fox considers her next words carefully.
"You have been acting that way for a reason."
"What?" Ruki asks, turning confused eyes upon her partner.
"You said that you have been acting as though your relationship with Jenrya will last forever, and I believe it is because you have no reason not to act that way."
"Renamon," Ruki sighs. "I wish it could be that simple, but sometimes…"
"If something is meant to end," Renamon interrupts her, something she's never done before. "It will end no matter what. All you can do is appreciate it while it lasts, and make the most of it."
"But if I go through with this, it'll hurt so much more when it ends." Ruki whispers, as if she can't bring herself to say those words any louder.
Renamon looks her in the eye. "At this point," She says, referring to Ruki's earlier confession of wanting this child. "Will it not hurt more if you don't go through with it?"
The redhead buries her face in her hands and exhales heavily.
"I am so screwed." Ruki mumbles before she lifts her head and drops her hands. "I'm screwed, and I'm terrified and nervous and crazy for even saying this but… I'm doing this. I'm actually doing this."
Renamon smiles. "I'm not the one you need to tell."
Her Tamer jerks at the reminder. She looks lost for a moment, but then snaps back into focus and starts stacking up papers and shutting down her computer.
"Lunch." Ruki decides. "Lunch first, and then I'll tell Jen we're officially enslaving ourselves to a tiny human being for the next eighteen years."
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"Jen," Terriermon sing-songs, appearing from around the corner where he'd been hidden away in his Tamer's workspace. "Your phone is ringing."
"Oh," Jen says, automatically reaching for his phone in his pocket. It takes him two seconds to realize he'd left it on his desk when the intern had called him over to ask for help, and that's probably why Terriermon came looking for him.
"Excuse me, please." He says to Kent, leaving the boy to his own devices.
"Who is it?" He asks Terriermon when they're out of hearing range.
"It's Ruki." His partner smirks, watching the way Jen speeds up at the name. He rushes to his desk and slides into his chair just as he accepts the call. Terriermon wanders off; it's no fun listening in on their conversations.
"Hey." Jen smiles. Although she hadn't reacted that badly to his call yesterday, he'd deliberately kept himself from checking on Ruki today, in fear that she would finally snap and call him out on his unnecessary worrying. As such, he hasn't heard from her since this morning, when he stepped off the lift and left her to ride two more floors up to her own office.
"I want to keep it."
"What?" He blurts, momentarily confused by her abrupt announcement and taken aback by the possibility of…
"The baby." Ruki says, confirming his suspicions. "I want to keep the baby, Jen. So let's have a kid."
Jen's already smiling so wide his face hurts. "I wish you would stop telling me these things over the phone." He sighs.
"Why?" She asks after a nervous pause.
He finally lets out the excited laugh that's been bubbling in his chest since she'd said the baby. "Because I'm so happy right now, I could kiss you!"
Ruki exhales in relief and issues him a dare. "I'm only two floors up. What's stopping you?"
"You won't even let me hold your hand in public." Jen reminds her, though he's already heading for the lift.
"As if that's ever stopped you." She teases.
Jen pushes the button and waits. "And you said you don't ever want anyone in the office to know we're together."
"They'll find out soon enough." Ruki mutters. And then, in that same resigned tone, she asks, "You're already on your way up, aren't you?" There's a teasing note in her voice, a quiet fondness.
"The lift just got here," He confirms with a smile. "So I'm going to hang up before the call drops."
"See you soon, I guess." She says before ending the call.
He realizes, belatedly, that he's forgotten to tell Terriermon where he's going. It'll just be a while, though, and his partner is smart enough to piece things together. He knows Ruki called, so he'll probably figure out that Jen is upstairs.
The door slides open and he steps onto the seventh floor and heads straight for Ruki's office, which is all the way across the room. A few pairs of curious eyes follow him for a while but no one stops him or greets him, so he keeps going until he reaches the closed door. His fingers curl around the doorknob and twist, allowing him entry into Ruki's personal space.
She stands up and greets him with a small, nervous smile as he closes the door. "Hi."
"Hi." Jen echoes with a bright grin, reaching out with both hands to draw her closer. Ruki lets out a small oh of surprise when he kisses her as soon as he's close enough, but she responds enthusiastically and wraps her arms around his neck as his hands settle on either side of her waist.
"You're happy, then?" She asks when he finally pulls away, her shaky voice betraying her uncertainty.
"Biggest understatement of the year," Jen murmurs into her hair, hands tightening around her frame until he's holding her as close to him as humanly possible. She feels her lips curve into a smile as she rests her head on his shoulder, turning so that her face is hidden against his neck. Warm, unexpected tears spring to her eyes and it's only then that she realizes how nervous she'd been about his reaction.
"I love you so much right now," Jen sighs, pulling away so that he can look her in the eye, "that it feels impossible."
She smiles and uses the hands still wrapped around his neck to draw his lips closer to her own. In the very last moment before she kisses him, when they're so close it feels like they're the only two people in the world, she whispers I love you back to him.
.
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That evening, she gets out of the shower to find him already in bed, eyes focused on the TV.
"Is that the DVD Juri had me pass to you?" Ruki asks as she towel-dries her hair while padding across the room to get a change of clothes.
"Yeah, it's the new show Takato's been working on. I haven't been able to meet him lately so he must've asked Juri to pass it along." He pauses, turning to her with a curious look. "Are they dating again?"
"Hell if I know," She shrugs, pulling on a tank top. "Those two are hopeless."
Jen laughs. "Tell me about it. I always thought they'd get their act together and just stay all happily coupled up for the rest of their lives."
"None of us could have seen this whole 'on/off, I love you, I hate you' thing coming, trust me." Ruki rolls her eyes and combs her fingers through her hair, shaking out the last few drops of water.
"Exactly." Jen says, looking troubled. He leans against the headboard and stretches his legs out. "It seems so unlike them."
Ruki walks up to the bed but instead of getting in on her side, she stops by Jen's side and taps a finger on his thigh. He shifts slightly so that she can get in and sit between his legs, her back pressed against his front. "Look at us," She says, trying to comfort him about their friends' problematic relationship. "No one would believe we're like this in private. Maybe all of us just treat relationships the exact opposite way people expect us to."
He sighs but drops the subject.
"So," Jen smiles, wrapping his arms around her middle. "Are we really doing this?"
"What, having a baby?" Ruki asks, arranging his hands so that both palms are pressed against her stomach. He presses a kiss to her shoulder at the significant gesture on her part. "Yeah," She sighs, leaning further into him. "I guess we are."
"And this is what you want?" She almost starts crying again when he asks that but once a day is enough for her. She's just overwhelmed by how ready he was to miss out on this if she chose a different path and how, even now, he needs to know she's happy with this.
Ruki squirms in his arms, craning her neck just enough so that she can reach his lips. She kisses him chastely before settling back against his chest. "This is exactly what I want." She assures him.
"We'll be happy, Ruki." He whispers against her neck. "I promise I'll do everything to make sure we work this out, even though I don't know the first thing about caring for a baby."
She laughs because it's better than crying and damn it, why is he being so sweet today?
"I'm only six weeks along, so I think we'll have enough time to learn a few things before the baby is born."
"It's the third of March today." Jen muses. "So the baby is due… in November?"
"Yes," Ruki confirms, lacing their fingers together so that her hands rest above his. It's the first time she's thought of it since her doctor gave her that date and suddenly, everything feels so much more… real. This is a thing that is happening. She's keeping the baby, and they're going to have a child in a few short months. "We're going to be parents." She murmurs, more to herself than to Jen.
He catches it anyway and drops a kiss on the crown of her head. "I can't believe this is happening… but I can't imagine things any other way now." He confides.
Ruki thinks of the day she found out, when she'd gone to her doctor's office because of what she'd thought was a stomach bug. She'd been throwing up for days and had finally let Jen guilt her into getting herself checked out. When the doctor sat her down and hesitantly asked if there was any possibility of her conceiving a child, her first thought had been how am I going to deal with this? It had all seemed so impossible, not so much conceiving a child but having a child, and bringing one into their lives, and raising a kid with their unorthodox relationship.
Up until yesterday, she had been completely unable to picture a baby in their lives no matter how hard she tried. And then this morning, the exact opposite had been impossible. Sometime between yesterday evening and this morning, a switch had been flipped within her, and she knows exactly when. It was when she curled into Jen and let him hold her, and wished that they could both acknowledge the baby the way they're doing right now, his hands still framing her stomach.
In that one moment she'd finally admitted to herself that she wants this baby as much as Jen, wants to have this baby with him and be happy about it and just sit around and let him hold her this way as if it's the most natural thing in the world. And it is, or at least that's how it feels to her now.
The baby isn't even here yet and already Ruki can't fathom the idea of not having this child.
"Me neither." She says.
Okay, first of all – I'm one of those people who use the words lift and elevator interchangeably because I grew up around people who use both. I tend to go with elevator because that's what people around me mostly use, but I realized I used lift in the last two chapters so I'm just sticking with that for the sake of consistency.
And ta-da, Ruki made her big decision! … Come on, we all knew this was coming. Or not. Were you seriously blindsided by this? Let me know! Gods above, the review-begging is just humiliating now.
Brace yourselves for fluffy, fluffy babyfic!
E Salvatore,
November 2014.