A/N: Hello my beautiful, beautiful readers! I love you all for all your reviews and stuff! They really make me smile!
I'm glad y'all liked the last chap, even if it was sad. Well, I promised a happier chap... That's half right. The first couple of pages are pretty sad, but we'll see. Just Chad being an idiot, which is always fun :P
k.98'PeaceOutSuckas - Honestly, honey, you're just lovely. Locve ya and all your crazy review attempts!
This chap is dedicated to my lovely FF sisters k.98'PeaceOutSuckas, TheSarahStar and BeingHannah923, for their birthdays were ever so recent! I was gonna write a one-shot for you guys, but gah! I have no time... *facepalm*. So you can have this chap as your late presents!
WARNING: Chad being an idiot :P
Chapter 57 - Rebecca's First Birthday (Part 1)
Sonny's POV
That night is… hard. I won't lie. It's hard. After sleeping all afternoon, I find it difficult to doze off again. I spend most of it tossing and turning, which gives me time to let my mind wander. I watch Chad for a little, laughing quietly as he mumbles incomprehensible things in his sleep. He's so funny, in his sleep. I wonder what he's dreaming about…
"No… The baby can't be gone…" He murmurs, and my heart sinks. Well, that answers that. And then, my mind wanders down less pleasant avenues… the topic of the loss of our child.
I just can't believe that this had to happen… I mean, I know things have to happen for a reason, but what exactly was the reason for taking away a little baby's life before it had even had the chance to live it? How can that exactly be justified? Maybe it just wasn't ready? Or maybe it was a warning to Chad and I that we weren't ready? That we're not supposed to have a second child… or, not now, anyway. Whatever the reason, it still can't be fully forgivable at the cost of a child's life.
It makes me feel like… like crap. It makes me feel almost like my body has murdered this baby. It makes me feel like I've failed – I couldn't deliver a second child to my family. To my husband. That's the biggest disappointment of them all.
It's Chad I feel the worse for, not myself. Chad was so, so ready for that second child, I know he was. And I know he's trying to be brave for me, but I can tell that he's hurting too. The look in his eye earlier, while he stroke my head and tried to smile, gave that away.
I don't blame him.
This is our child who has gone. Not anyone else's.
Ours.
If it was another couple who had lost their unborn son or daughter, I'd fuss and sigh and apologise for their loss. I'd write cards and come for a visit and hug the mother and speak to the father and try to help them get through it. Somehow problems are always so much harder to face when you're the one facing them.
The hours pass and I get weaker and weaker, but I'm still unable to sleep. Is that another thing I fail at? Sleeping? I know I'm being melodramatic, but I just feel like I'm failing at everything today…
I hope I don't make a mess of my daughter's birthday tomorrow too…
Chad is still sleeping, but it doesn't seem like a peaceful sleep. He's tossing and turning, mumbling things in his dreams. It's not pretty, like it was before. It's got worse. He keeps saying my name, which, although lovely, is also slightly worrying. He's not saying it because he's happy. My guess – he's having nightmares.
Hating to see him hurting, I take his hand in mine and stroke it soothingly, intertwining our fingers.
"Shh, Chad…" I whisper carefully, "Shh, it's okay, Chad… please stop…"
He doesn't stop though. He just continues moaning. It would be cute if it wasn't for the fact that this moaning is not the happy sort. I continue to massage his palm with my fingers, stroking them up and down. His tense hand loosens a little, and when I look up at his face I see his eyes are wide open.
"Chad?" I say.
He doesn't reply.
He gets out of bed, walking towards the opposite wall of where the bed is. I watch him with curiosity, leaning up slightly in bed.
"Chad?" I say again, "Honey?"
He still doesn't reply, so I just assume he's sleepwalking. Ugh… I don't know what to do when someone sleepwalks… I'm the one who does so usually, not him. Maybe the stress has got to him and made him do sleepwalk? That's usually why I sleepwalk… but still, what do I do?
I watch him curiously as he pauses at the wall, facing it, before he shakes his head slowly. He then rests his left palm against the wall, and balls his hand into a fist. It's only now when I realise his intention.
"Chad!" I whisper-yell, climbing out of bed and running towards him. But I'm not fast enough. He makes a loud grunting noise as his fist collides with the wall, making a crunching sound. The noise makes me feel sick.
"Chad, stop!" I yell as he continues to punch the wall, harder and harder each time. I grab his arm and pull him away from the wall. I grab his two hands into mine, forcing him to face me. The look on his face is furious.
"Chad, honey, you're sleepwalking." I say carefully, as to not shock him out of his sleep, "Wake up, wake up…"
He pushes me off, facing the wall again and giving it one more whack. It takes everything I have not to yell at him.
"I'm not sleepwalking." He says in a low grumble. It sends a chilling shiver down the back of my spine. He punches the wall again, this time moaning in pain. He grits his teeth and forces his eyes closed, resting his forehead against the wall.
"Chad!" I scream. I take his right hand and examine the back of it. A large, purple bruise has formed on his knuckles, and I sigh in relief that there's no blood.
I take his hands tightly and force him to look at me. He closes his eyes, refusing to make contact. I squeeze his hands, and he winces in pain, so I loosen my grip a little.
"Chad, listen to me, just for a second." I say, my voice quivering, "I'm gonna go get the first aid kit, stay here, and don't hurt yourself again. Please."
He seems to break at that last word. His hands fall to his sides, and he stares down at the floor, disgraced with himself. I almost feel bad for him, if it wasn't for the fact that I'm also terrified that he's about to do something very, very stupid.
Chad being Chad, he doesn't disappoint.
He turns back to face the wall, rests both of his palms against it, and tilts his head back.
Oh no… he wouldn't.
Apparently he would.
He sends his head flying forward with a great force towards the wall, and I gasp and gag as I watch thick, red blood trickle down out of his nose.
I run out of the room, down the stairs and into the kitchen, where the first aid kit is sat in the cabinet. I know it's probably not the best idea to leave Chad alone when he's purposely harming himself, but I can't just watch helplessly as he beats himself into unconsciousness. I run back into the room, silently praying we haven't woken Rebecca up as I pass her room.
The sight of Chad breaks my heart.
He has abandoned his standing position, to my relief, and is sat with his head resting against the wall; his legs sprawled out in front of him. He looks up at me with pleading eyes, and I gulp. I sit next to him, handing him a tissue and telling him to pinch his nose with it. He does so while I bandage his bruised fist. We sit in silence, for the most part, before he pulls the tissue away from his nose and closes his eyes, bowing his head shamefully.
"How are you feeling?" I say. My voice is soft, hoarse. I sound so scared, and regret it. I really hope Chad doesn't notice that he's frightened me. That'll just make everything worse. He doesn't say anything though, so I take his un-bandaged hand in mine and stroke it soothingly. He takes a deep breath, before weakly turning to face me. The blood stain that has dried around his mouth and on his cheek, the bandage masking the bruise on his hand, the small cut on his lip from where he bit it… he looks like a character from a horror movie. I wince.
"I'm an idiot." He gasps. His words are barely a whisper. I squeeze his hand.
"You're not an idiot." I say. He growls.
"Sonny, look at me." His voice cracks, "I'm a pathetic man that's falling apart. I feel like I've failed you…"
"If this is about the baby…" I interrupt carefully. I don't want him to break down, "…you have to listen to me, losing that baby was not your fault."
"I'm such a mess…" He whispers, raking a hand through his blonde hair, which, due to the nightmare he was suffering through, has been messed up completely. "I'm a horrible husband, a horrible dad…"
"You're neither of those things." I say, more forcefully this time. He smiles sadly.
"Then why…" His smile falls and his voice cracks again, "Why did our child get taken from us?"
I swallow hard as the first tear shows up in his crystal blue eyes and trickles down his cheek. "I've been asking myself that question since it happened…" I tell him honestly.
He shakes his head, muttering quietly to himself, "I'm so weak… thinking about myself when really you're the one suffering in this situation! Instead I have the nerve to just…" He trails off into silence, bashing the back of his head against the wall one last time, before he sighs resentfully and squeezes my hand which is currently holding his. He traces the lines on the palm of my hand, concentrating solely on my eyes. He looks a little better now – a smile has pretty much returned to his face, and he looks less pale, less angry. His smile is only small and tired, but it's still a smile, and that's good enough for me. I'll take whatever I can get.
"We'll get through this." He reassures me, but really I think he's trying to reassure himself, "Like I said earlier…"
"We'll try again." I continue as he trails off, "Everything will be fine."
He smiles, this time a real smile, a full smile. "We'll get through it." He repeats.
I smile a he plants his lips on my forehead, and nestle my head into his chest. He puts his arm around me and I close my eyes, falling into sleep.
"We always do." I tell him as we both fade slowly into a deep slumber…
Chad's POV
I am woken on the morning of Rebecca's birthday by the birthday girl herself. Oh, joy. I rub my eyes, trying to adjust myself to the daylight, and when my vision is finally clear I see that I'm still on the floor, in the same position as I was last night, with a sleeping, snoring Sonny in my arms. I chuckle, reaching for a pillow off the edge of our bed (Sonny likes putting random pillows there. Like, um, every wife I know) and placing it under her head in place of my chest. I leave her alone to go see to Rebecca.
I broke down last night. Big time.
I was being stupid, I know. But my mind was messing with me again, giving me nightmares about how we'd lost a child. I know, I know… loads of people go through this kind of thing. My Mom went through it 3 times – once before she had me, and twice after Josh, before Abby.
I just hope this is the last time for me and Sonny. We just love each other too much, and it feels like we've failed. I mean, sure, we're both okay now, I think, after last night. But the hurt is still there, maybe even only a little.
Oh well. Sonny and I are still strong. Maybe this will even make us stronger… who knows?
I make my way into Rebecca's room, picking her up. She's grown so much in that one year since I first got to hold her and tell the world she was my baby girl. She's a bit heavier now, but she's still as precious and as perfect as ever. Her blues eyes, which are just like mine, are open wide, and I chuckle as she notices my presence.
"Da da…" She babbles sleepily. I remember the day she first said that… it was one of the happiest days ever. The moment when your first child says its first words and they happen to be aimed at you? It's priceless, I tell you. "Hungee." She adds, rubbing her left eye with her little hand. I chuckle.
"Hey, baby girl." I coo, "Happy birthday… you're hungry, yeah?"
"Yessssss." She says slowly, stressing every letter. It's so damn adorable.
"C'mon, then," I say, "Let's go see Mommy."
"Ma ma." She gabbles, chewing contently on her thumb.
"Look who it is!" I sing, stepping through the door to mine and Sonny's room. She has woken up, luckily – I almost forgot that only minutes ago, she was fast asleep on the floor. Now, she is up, sat on our bed, fluffing the pillows casually. She has moved the pillow that I placed under her head, but the first aid kit is still sat neatly on the floor where it was used last night. I wince at the memory.
"Hey!" Sonny grins, taking Rebecca from me and cuddling her to her chest. "How are you, my little birthday girl?"
"Ma ma!" Rebecca mumbles, which lights up Sonny's tired face. I guess taking care of my little rampage last night tuckered her out… whoops…
"She's hungry." I inform Sonny, who nods at me and smiles thankfully.
"Then we should go get some food down ya!" She baby-squeals into her daughter's ear, "Yes we should! Yes we should! Let's go!"
I stifle a laugh as she walks past me, balancing Rebecca in her arms. My wife – the Queen of Baby Talk. Ha.
Leaving Sonny to take care of breakfast, I make my way to the bathroom to see the extent of my damage from last night. Well, it's not as bad as I expected. There is a red trail leading from my nostril to my chin – blood. I wet a tissue and dab it, erasing the sticky feeling on my face along with the look of some guy who'd been in a fight.
Lovely, huh?
I continue with cleaning my face, wetting my cheeks which feel muggy and stiff from where the few tears have dried overnight. I chuck the tissue into the small bin by the toilet, before examining myself again. I have black bags under my eyes, but once again, that's completely understandable. I'd be able to explain those easily to anyone who decided to drop in today (no party is planned. Just open house – people are gonna drop in and out as they please) – I'll just say Rebecca kept me and Sonny up. I'm sure she'd go along with the story – she, like me, would probably rather keep the story of last night hidden.
There is, however, a small yet easy-to-see cut on my lower lip, and I cringe at the sight. That little injury won't be as easily explained… oh well. I'll think of something.
I look down at my right hand and debate whether to take the bandage off or not. In the end, my self-consciousness gets the better of me, and unwrap the bandage, chucking it also into the bin before examining my hand. There is a sickly purple-and-mustard-coloured bruise covering my knuckles, and a cut at the top of my index finger where some skin must've split.
Oops.
Not wanting to show off my lovely bruise to the world, I wander back into the bedroom and re-bandage my hand. So what if someone sees it? I'll have come up with a perfectly good explanation by the time someone shows up.
I get one last glimpse of myself in the full-length mirror in mine and Sonny's bedroom, and I half-smile at my reflection. I don't look as bad now. I'm just glad and surprised that Rebecca didn't freak out when I came into her room those few minutes ago, all dented and damaged. I probably look a lot friendlier now than I did then, especially to a one year-old girl.
"So, what's for breakfast?" I call into the kitchen as I make my way down the stairs. I faintly hear Sonny giggle and smile triumphantly. It's so satisfying, hearing that woman laugh.
"Nothin' special." She shouts out to me, "Pancakes." (Wrote this on Pancake Day *smirk)
I grin, stepping through the kitchen door, "Honey, you know exactly how to make a man happy after he spent the night beatin' himself up!"
Sonny smiles at me the moment I step through the door. I watch her sigh with relief, before abandoning her post at the oven to attack me with a hug. I chuckle, putting my arms around her and squeezing her tight.
"You're incredible." I mumble into her ear.
"I'm so glad you're okay…" She replies, squeezing me tightly.
"Hey, it's gonna take more than a couple of bruises and cuts to get this guy down!" I grin, letting go of my beautiful wife and pecking her softly on the forehead. She giggles again, that adorable giggle she has charmed me with ever since we were sixteen.
I dodge past her to get to the pancake that is cooking, taking it off the heat to stop it burning. I flip it impressively, and Sonny claps.
"Nice work, you show-off." She smirks.
"Hey, I had to make many of these back before you even came to California – pancakes were Josh's favourite, when he was a kid."
"Aw." Sonny coos, "Adorable."
"Not really." I roll my eyes lightly, carefully placing the pancake on a plate. I pour on the gloopy syrup and pass the plate to her, and she accepts it, sitting down at the table with Rebecca, who is just finishing her own. Well, kind of. If by "finishing", I mean finishing decorating herself with it. I smirk.
Just as I pour the next mixture into the pan, the doorbell goes. I check the clock in confusion and gasp as I realise – it's eleven. Did we really sleep for that long? No wonder Rebecca was hungry…
Sonny rushes to the front door, straightening her clothes. She's still really wearing her clothes from last night – the purple T-shirt and old pyjama trousers. I then freeze and check what I myself am wearing.
Jeans. White T-shirt. Luckily, no blood stain. Good.
"SONNY!"
A bundle of pink and blonde hair attacks my wife.
"Abby!" Sonny squeals, equally as excited. I smirk watching the two, from the doorway to the kitchen. Abby may be nine now, but that doesn't stop Sonny from picking her up and swinging her around. I watch in slightly horror – thinking that only yesterday she was actually having a baby extracted. But whatever. She seems perfectly fine now… I hope so, anyway…
Following Abby in, Melanie steps through the door. She greets Sonny kindly before turning to me with a soft smile. I try to return it, but it's hard. Well, they went to Chicago for a month or so. With Abby. I've just missed my baby girl, okay? Rebecca's my daughter, but Abby will always be my original baby girl. Of course, being an actor, I somehow find a way to return her warm smile, which makes her smile grow in response.
"How are you, Chad?" She asks me kindly. I shrug.
"Alright…" I say. She nods, before her eyes scan me. She seems to freeze for a second. I follow her gaze straight to… my hand. My bandaged hand. She looks like she wants to say something, but has second thoughts and closes her mouth. For that, I'm grateful. At least I don't have to come up with an excuse just yet…
Dad comes in behind her, grinning hugely. He gives Sonny a big bear hug, and she accepts it with that giggle I was talking about. He then smiles at me and I smile back – we haven't had the closest of father/son relationships, so can you honestly blame me for not hugging him or something? Hey, it's not like he's ever given me any of that "I love you son" stuff… when did he even last hugged me? Oh, yeah, back before he left me to take care of two kids at seventeen years old.
You can see, I'm totally not one to hold a grudge. Cue smirk.
No, honestly… I've moved on from all that. Just about…
He looks at my hand in the same way Melanie did.
"What…" He begins, but I cut him off.
"Don't worry about it." I say, "I'm fine."
Being the ignorant man he is, my dad does not question further. Oh well. I can take care of myself now. And if not, I have Sonny. I don't need my dad that much anymore.
I haven't really needed him since I was seventeen.
"So where's the birthday girl?" Abby asks, skipping through the hallway towards the kitchen, her blonde curly hair bouncing around as she does so.
"In there." I tell her, and she grins, before running through the door to the kitchen. Her squealing echoes through the walls, making us all cringe. Yup. Abby has grown up to be one of those girls who find everything cute. I guess I should've seen it coming – with Sonny around for a mother figure for all those years and all…
"Look at you, Becca!" She squeals, "You're sooooo big! Well, not really, but you know what I mean… wait till you see what we got you! It is wayy too cool! Hey, is that syrup on your face? Haha, is my big brother letting you get messy? Oh well. You still look adorable anyway… like I was!"
I roll my eyes lightly, smirking. Of course, being a Cooper, and given the fact she has grown up being known as "Tawni's Mini Me", there was no way Abby was gonna grow up and not have a self-centred side in there somewhere, even if it was only tiny. Which, luckily, it is. I couldn't bear it if my little sister turned out to be a real mini Tawni… ugh…
Dad leaves the house for a minute, I presume to get Becca's present. I hear him call my name and follow the sound of his voice outside, to where he's standing next to a large cardboard box with a red bow around it.
"You any good at D.I.Y?" He asks. I wince.
"Uh… no." Sonny once got me to fix a cupboard door in the kitchen. It did not go well… let's just say, CDC can even rock a black eye. Yup.
Rather than laughing at me or reacting in any other way that I expected, Dad just smiles.
"That explains the hand and lip, then." He grins. My gaze wanders down to my hand, where the bandage is still wrapped firmly around it. I sigh in relief that an excuse has been made for me… no way I was gonna tell them what really happened…
Dad and I take the box around the back, through the horse's gate and into the back yard, before abandoning it. We head back into the house, where Sonny is sat with Melanie, drinking coffee, talking. Rebecca is sat on the floor, playing with one of her soft toys that sings (joy. Sonny's idea for a good birthday present), and Abby is more than excited to get stuck in with her. My little sister still loves those singing, dancing toys. To be honest, they get on my nerves, but I grin and bear it for my little girl. Girls.
"Ah, there's my little granddaughter!" Dad says when he sees Becca. She looks up at him with those wide, exploring eyes. She's only met him a couple of times, I'm not so sure she'd remember him.
But, Rebecca being friendly little Rebecca, she grins and babbles and says "hello" anyway, which just makes everyone in the room fuss and sigh. Even Dad.
"And what about the second grandchild?" Melanie asks. I gulp. "You got to see it at the scan yesterday, right?"
Sonny blanks out for a second, shaking a little. I put a supportive hand on her shoulder and sigh.
"The baby passed away." I say solemnly. Melanie's eyes widen.
"I'm so sorry!" She says, "I didn't know, honest…"
"No, don't worry about it." Sonny smiles sadly, "It happens."
Melanie nods, placing a hand on Sonny's knee, "I've been through it plenty of times, I promise, it gets better. You'll have another baby, I'm sure of it!"
"We are too." I say, picking up Becca and swinging her around "At least we get a little more time to get used to this little tyke!" I lift her T-shirt and blow raspberries on her tummy, and she explodes with laughter.
"Da da!" She screams, "No! No!"
I smirk, placing my little girl back on the floor and taking a seat next to Sonny on the couch.
Sonny's POV
Melanie and Chris have to leave soon after they arrive, which is a shame. It's nice being able to catch up, especially since we rarely get to see them for this long. Usually, they're out a lot, so whenever we do see them it's only for a short while, when they come over because we've been taking care of Abby for them, to pick her up. Hey, we don't mind. Especially Chad – he loves his little sister more than himself. I don't blame him – Abby's an angel.
"I don't wanna go!" She ties herself around Chad's legs shyly when Chris and Melanie finally decide it's time to leave. Melanie frowns.
"Sorry, honey, but we have to go." She says, "We're meeting up with some friends for lunch… remember Lisa and Harry?"
"They scare me." Abby pouts. I can't help but giggle.
"It's okay." Chad says, wrapping his arms protectively around Abby. "We can take care of her for a couple more hours."
Abby's little face lights up, "YES! Oh, yes! Yes! Please, Daddy? Please?" Ah. The official Munroe puppy dog eyes that I have shown her many times. That girl has learned well… ha!
"You can't say no to those." Chad says, obviously picking up on her little trick too, "The Munroe girls are well-known for getting their way."
"Ain't that the truth…" I snort. Every petty argument Chad and I had when we were younger, well, the Munroe puppy dog eyes won every. Single. One. And they still do, from time to time… cue smirk.
Chris smiles, "Fine, you can stay."
Abby grins, "Yes! Thank you, Daddy!" She wraps her arms around her dad in a quick embrace, before running back to Chad. My husband's smile couldn't be larger as his little sister squeezes him tightly.
Just as Melanie and Chris wave to us as they leave in their car, another car comes into the drive. I smile as my friends step out of the car. Tawni, wearing her large pink sunhat, looks my way over her large sunglasses and grins, running right to me. She wraps her arms around me, grinning, her boyfriend Nico, Grady, and his girlfriend Mel (Yes, that Mel :P) running up behind her.
"It's been so long!" She squeals into my ear, and I giggle. Tawni and Nico went on a vacation to Hawaii a couple of months ago. They obviously had fun – they only got back last week. I haven't talked to her for about 6 weeks.
She pulls away from the hug, her grin a mile wide.
"We need to catch up." She demands, before dragging me back into the house.
A/N: The second half of Becca's birthday will have to come soon, cos this chap is long enough :P I've started it, kinda. I have plans, let's say that. ;)
Soooo, what do ya think? Isn't Rebecca just adorable? And yes! I finally brought Mel back! Lol :P I'll get the next chap up as soon as possible! I've only just started it, but I will try my best considering y'all had to wait like 3 weeks for this one. :D
Ooh, I got questions! Anyone wanna help me with, like, presents for Rebecca? I've covered Sonny's and Chad's and Melanie, Chris and Abby's... I need the Random's presents and Zosh's too. So, tell me if you have any ideas, they don't have to be clever :P
Ooh! It's my birthday a week today! So gimme a review as a present? Lol ;) Love y'all and your feedback. Heh. Later!
~Amy x
PS: I. Am. Obsessed. With. Hey Monday. Seriously, check them out if you haven't before! They're, like, my favourite band :D