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I Need You

Chapter 3

Jethro suddenly jolted awake and realized he had his hand in his pants and was stroking himself. He closed his eyes and remembered what he had been dreaming about. No wonder he was hard; thinking about making love to Ziva almost always got him aroused. He gave himself a few more strokes and was about to roll over and go back to sleep when his phone buzzed. He wasn't on call so it better not be work he thought. As he reached for the phone he saw it was just past midnight.

"Yeah, Gibbs."

"Jethro, I am sorry to call you so late. I thought you would still be up."

"Ziva? I'm up. Where are you? Are you alright?"

"I am fine. Actually, I am in London."

"London? What the hell are you doing in London?"

"How is Tali?"

"She's fine. You didn't answer my question. What are you doing in London."

"Working."

"For whom?"

"My father. I cannot go into it on the phone. I called to find out how you are. And to say I hope to be back in the States in a week or so."

"Back in the States? What about back home?"

"Yes, of course that is what I meant. I know you are angry with me, you have every right to be. Do you trust me Jethro?"

"I want to."

"Then please be patient. Please trust me and remember I love you."

"I need to know what you're doing Ziva. Does Vance know about this?"

"Yes and no. Some of it yes, the total of it no. Do not go to him Jethro. This is not NCIS business. It is Mossad business and my own business. You need to trust me and let me finish this."

"I don't like what I'm hearing Zi. Are you with someone?"

There was a long hesitation and Jethro knew he had struck a nerve. He could well imagine the answer and wasn't sure he wanted to hear it.

"Michael is here. We are looking for an old friend."

"Now I really don't like it. Why Michael? If you're working for Eli why didn't he send someone else? You knew I wouldn't like it."

"Because he is the best at what we are doing and he knows the friend we are looking for. Jethro you have nothing to worry about when it comes to Michael. You know better."

"Is this what you've been hiding from me the past few weeks?"

"Yes. I am sorry."

"Me too. You need to reconsider your priorities Ziva. Is your father's business more important than your daughter? More important than me?"

"That is not fair. This is a job that is long overdue and concerns many, many people. Do not ask me to justify what I am doing. You knew who I was when we started together."

"When we started together your connection to Mossad was a thing of the past! You put that behind you. Are you forgetting you're an American citizen now? You can't be running around all over the world doing your father's bidding! You have a daughter here who asks me every single day where her mommy is and when she's coming home. What am I supposed to tell her?"

"Tell her that her mommy loves her and will be home as soon as she can. I understand you are upset and worried and I do not blame you. All I can tell you is I love you and I will be home soon."

"Ziva you know how I feel about secrets and being lied to. You and I have some serious talking to do before things are right between us. I love you but I won't be lied to by you and I won't accept you keeping secrets from me. Before you come home you need to decide what you want."

"Are you telling me you do not want me to come home?"

"No, I'm telling you that when you come home you need to choose the life you want. Do you want to be married to me and raise our daughter and be happy or do you want to be at your father's beck and call and running around the world settling old scores for the Mossad?"

The silence on the line was deafening. Jethro waited and waited and finally Ziva spoke.

"I do not need to think about what I want. I want our life together. I want you and Tali and our friends and our house and the love we have. You are right I know how you feel about secrets and lies. I broke your trust and I am deeply sorry for that. This was something I felt I had to do for myself, not just for my father. I miss you Jethro, I ache for you. If I thought you would not forgive me I could not go on. I need to hear you say you will listen to me when I come home and try to forgive me. Please, Jethro, tell me you will try to forgive me."

"Ziver I will forgive you. I will. I need you here and I love you. I am angry and hurt and scared but I want you home. If this is what you truly want then it will be here for you."

"It is what I want. I have to go. Give Tali a kiss for me and tell her I love her. I will be home as soon as I can. Jethro, thank you. I love you. Bye."

Then she was gone. Jethro sat on the bed and replayed the conversation in his head over and over again. What the hell was she doing in London? She and Rivkin were obviously looking for someone. Probably a terrorist Eli was hunting. No wonder he wouldn't talk to Gibbs when he called. Jethro wanted to reach across the continents and strangle his father-in-law. If anything happened to his wife Jethro would do more than wish he could hurt Eli; he would kill him. He knew he needed to stop that train of thought so he

went to Tali's room and sat in the rocking chair watching his precious daughter sleep for almost an hour. He watched her and remembered the turmoil her unexpected presence in their lives had caused in the beginning. He reached out and stoked her soft cheek and thought about the harsh words he and her mother had exchanged then and how they almost lost each other to their pride and stubbornness.

"You're what?"

"Do not shout at me Jethro. You heard perfectly well what I said, I am pregnant."

"So now I suppose you want to get married. I thought we were fine the way we are now. We haven't even talked about children."

"No, I do not want to get married. What is wrong with you Jethro? Do you think I did this on purpose? I know we were not planning this. Do you think you are the only one surprised?"

"You don't want to marry me? You think we should just go on living together, have a child and carry on as if nothing is changed? Not exactly what I pictured us doing Ziva."

"This is not exactly what I pictured either. Certainly I did not picture you reacting in this way. No, I do not want to marry you. And no I do not think things will just go on as they have been. Our situation has changed now. We need to deal with that."

"I thought you were on birth control."

"Only one thing is guaranteed to prevent pregnancy and we certainly do not practice that, although from the tone of your voice and the way you are acting I believe we will be from now on."

"Is that supposed to be some kind of threat Ziva?"

"No Jethro it is a statement of fact. You and I will no longer be sleeping together unless there is a significant change in your attitude toward me and your child. Now, I would like you to leave."

"Leave? My own house? I don't think so!"

"I was given to understand in the past year that it is OUR house but I see that is not the case. Very well, I will leave."

Ziva packed a bag and left that night and did not return for more than a week. She did not speak to Jethro aside from work for many days and when she finally did it was only because Ducky mediated their conversation. She learned later that he had been on Jethro's case for days telling him he needed to get himself together and fix what he had done. Of course Ziva had confided in Ducky after the blowup and he had assured her that Jethro would come to his senses and apologize to her. That wasn't exactly what happened. Not at that first meeting anyway.

Somehow they had managed to keep the majority of their problem out of the workplace but needless to say everyone was walking on eggshells around them. Luckily, the director was away at a security conference and was not there to see his senior agent and that agent's lover glare at each other and refuse to speak to one another. If he had been there, at least one of them would doubtless have been reassigned.

By the end of that very uncomfortable week Ducky had been persuaded by Tony, Abby and McGee to attempt some sort of intervention with the unhappy couple. He told each of them to meet him alone in autopsy at five thirty Friday night. They arrived unaware the other was coming and at first Ducky didn't think they would stay in the same room together. He prevailed on them to at least hear him out.

"I know some of what is going on because both of you have spoken to me which tells me you both want this fixed. Even if you don't, something has to change before Director Vance returns or there will be hell to pay. You both know your behavior around here is closely scrutinized and up until now there has never been an issue of you being a couple and still working together on the same team. I dare say, that has now changed. I am happy to stay here and mediate your conversation or go and leave you alone whichever you choose but you need to do something and do it before Monday morning."

Ziva simply glared at Jethro and he looked mostly at the floor. She knew in her soul that he loved her and would love their child so she was mightily confused by his reaction to her pregnancy. She was also very stubborn and proud and would not give in to the urge she felt to simply reach out and touch him and say she was sorry for whatever her part was in this fiasco.

Jethro was equally stubborn and proud and also very ashamed of how he had reacted to the announcement that he was to be a father again. In truth he was very happy about Ziva being pregnant and was somewhat surprised by the way he had handled the news. Now though he felt trapped and was too damned stubborn and scared to apologize. No one scared Jethro like Ziva did. Not because she could kill him a hundred different ways but because he loved her so much and knew if he ever lost her he wouldn't survive. And now she was bringing a child into the mix and the old failures and fears were coming back to haunt him.

When neither of them spoke after a reasonable time, Ducky spoke again. "Jethro would you like to begin?"

"Not here Duck. At home would be better." Having said that he finally looked at Ziva and hoped she would agree to come home.

"Whose home? I am currently sleeping on Abby's couch. I do not have a home at the moment." She knew she was being a bitch but she just couldn't help herself.

"You have a home with me and you know it. Don't be so damned stubborn! Why can't you come home so we can talk this out?"

"Me be stubborn! Look who's talking! You are the most stubborn, infuriating, difficult man I have ever known. If you want to talk to me you know where I am."

With that she marched out of autopsy and left Ducky and Jethro standing there alone. Ducky just shook his head and poking his finger in Jethro's chest he said, "You need to fix this! This is all on you my friend and don't try and tell me it isn't. For god's sake Jethro you want this child why don't you tell her that? Why are you making this so difficult?"

"She walked out Duck. She left the house and hasn't been back. Why is it all on me?"

"You practically told her to get out and don't deny it. Your pride is getting in the way of the best thing to happen to you in a very long time. You love this woman! I can't for the life of me figure out what you are doing Jethro. Are you intentionally sabotaging this?"

Jethro didn't answer but began shifting his feet and looking very uncomfortable. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. He refused to meet his friend's gaze.

"That's it isn't it? But why, Jethro? Do you truly not want this child?"

In a very subdued voice Jethro replied, "I want the baby and I want Ziva. We said we'd wait because I figure she'll leave eventually and I can't lose another child, Duck. I just can't."

"Oh Jethro, you give yourself and Ziva too little credit. She has no intention of leaving you even now. She loves you and wants to be with you and have this child with you. You are who she will always want my friend and I think you should learn to accept that. To do otherwise is a great injustice to her. And to yourself."

"You sound pretty sure of yourself Duck. I wish I could be so sure."

"You can if you will trust yourself and trust Ziva. Go on Jethro, go find her and fix this."

Jethro left the Navy Yard and drove home but he just sat in the driveway. He didn't want to go in because without Ziva the house was much too empty. He had lived alone for many years and thought he was okay with that but once Ziva moved in he realized how lonely and quiet his house had been. Now it was full of subtle, female touches and flowers on the table and delicious aromas. There was music and laughter and love where none had been for too long. At least there was until he lost his mind and pushed Ziva away. He sat in the car and brooded for almost an hour until Abby appeared and slid into the passenger seat.

"Gibbs you need to get you ass in gear and go get Ziva and apologize for whatever you did and bring her home where she belongs. You two are screwing up something wonderful and I won't stand for it. I love you and I love Ziva and if you don't fix this I won't ever speak to you again. I mean it. Ziva cannot stay on my couch forever. You love her. You know it and I know it and so does everyone else. Whatever you did or said or failed to do or say you need to get over there and make it right. I know she can be difficult but so what. So are you. Yes, I told her all this same stuff. She's at my house right now miserable and sad and very much in need of what only you can give her. Now, I'm getting out and going to Tim's and when I get home later I expect my houseguest to be back where she belongs; in this house, with you. Do I make myself clear? Good."

Abby didn't give him time to respond she just got out and drove away. Jethro sat in his car for another five minutes then pulled himself together and went to Abby's. Without hesitating he knocked on the door. Whatever it took he was prepared to say it or do it or give it up. He just wanted Ziva to come home. He was a little bit surprised when she opened the door.

"May I come in?"

"Abby went to see you?"

"Yeah. Can we talk, please."

"Yes, come and sit down."

They sat on the couch and looked at each other without touching or speaking for a long few minutes. Finally, Ziva began.

"Can you tell me why you are so upset about me being pregnant?"

"I can try. I'm not upset about a baby. I want the baby, no question about that. I was surprised of course and I know I didn't handle it the right way. I love you Zi and I want you to come home. I'm sorry for the things I said. I was just thrown because we had never talked about having a child together."

"Maybe we should talk about it now."

"Kinda late isn't it?"

"Perhaps. Do you want to talk about it anyway? You and I don't have to stay together just because of a baby."

"Whoa. Stop right there. I have no intention of letting you go Zi. I love you and I want this child. What are you not understanding when I say I want the baby? Why are you even suggesting we not stay together?"

"I saw the look on your face when I told you I was pregnant. It was not happiness I saw there. You are under a lot of pressure from Ducky and Abby to come and fix this but I need to know what you truly feel. I need to know what caused that stricken look on your face when I told you there was a baby on the way."

Jethro got up and paced around the room. Ziva knew about Shannon and Kelly and his divorces. He had no secrets from her. It surprised him that she couldn't figure this out herself but maybe she needed to hear him say it.

"Why do you think I never had another child with my ex-wives?"

"I haven't thought about it. Why didn't you?"

"Because I couldn't risk losing another child. I didn't want to fail another child. When you said we were having a baby all I could think about was, what if I screw this up? What if I let another child die? I have protected myself from that particular hell for a long time and when you said you were pregnant I suddenly had no more protection."

Ziva was stunned into silence. All she could think of was that she should have known; she should have understood this was all about Kelly. Now it all made terrible, heartbreaking sense. She got up and went to him and wrapped herself around him.

"I am so very sorry, Jethro. I should have seen that. I should have figured it out myself. Please forgive my stupidity."

"Nothing to forgive, Zi. I should have told you sooner. Right then in fact. Can we please go home? I don't like it there without you."

"Give me five minutes to gather my things. I love you."

Tali was stirring and Jethro snapped out of his dream. He had fallen asleep in the chair and his neck was stiff. He rubbed Tali's back and kissed her. She rolled over and hugged her favorite bear; sound asleep again. Jethro got up and went back to his own room. He thought about his conversation with Ziva. He knew he would forgive her and welcome her back home. Maybe he gave in too easily but there was no sense in kidding himself or Ziva. He loved her and had already had too many failures in the marriage department. He wasn't going to have another and he sure as hell wasn't going to lose another child. No, he would take Ziva back and they would work out their differences and life would go on. There would be an understanding though that this couldn't happen again.

For the next several days things went on as they had been. Jethro didn't tell Tali her mother had called because she didn't ask and he didn't know how to explain why her mom didn't call to talk to her. The team caught a bad case mid-week and Tali spent two nights with Helen while Jethro was out of town. His mood was marginally better but everyone still gave him a wide berth. By late Friday the case was all but over and Jethro sent his team home for the weekend. He went down to autopsy to have a drink with Ducky before heading home.

"Have you heard from Ziva?"

"Not since last Friday night. She called from London."

"What in the world is she doing there?"

"Hunting I believe. She didn't go into detail. Partly Mossad business and partly personal she said. I think she's been planning this for a while. That's what she was hiding from me."

"What are you going to do?"

"Not much choice. Wait for her to come home."

"Jethro, I know how you feel about secrets and lies. How do you see this working itself out?"

"I'm not sure, Duck. She said she's sorry and wants our life together and I said I forgive her and want her to come home."

"But…"

"But I won't put up with this again. I don't want her running around doing Eli's dirty work. That shit can follow you home and I won't live like that and certainly won't put Tali in the middle of it."

"When is she coming back?"

"She said two weeks at the most."

Just then Jethro's phone buzzed. He didn't recognize the number.

"Yeah Gibbs."

"Agent Gibbs, this is Helen's daughter-in-law. There's been an accident. Helen and Tali are at Washington Trauma Center."

"I'm on my way."

He was on his way out the door and called back to Ducky. "Tali's been hurt. Washington Trauma."

"I'll be right behind you." Ducky grabbed his hat and coat and followed Jethro to the parking garage.

TBC

A/N: I know, cliffhanger. Be patient. More tomorrow.