A/N: Thanks to each of you for reading and commenting. A couple of you have PM disabled so I was unable to thank you individually. I appreciate all your kind words. This is the end of this story. But, surprise there is another one ready to post so stay tuned for that tomorrow.

I Need You

Chapter 8

She had known this would be his reaction. She thought she was prepared for his anger but when he walked away she realized she had underestimated just how upset her husband was. This was going to be the real challenge. The preceding discussion paled in importance when she brought up why she had gone to Israel. If their problems had only been her insecurities and his lingering feelings about Jenny, the day could have almost surely ended well. Now, that was not a sure thing by any means. Ziva had to decide whether to go after him or let him cool off by himself. When she heard the back door slam she knew she would have to wait for Jethro to calm down on his own.

Jethro had never been as angry at Ziva as he was in that moment. He knew he had to get away from her before he said something he couldn't take back.

With no boat in the basement to distract him, he went out into the backyard to try and regain his composure. He desperately wanted to hit something. He wanted to reach across the miles and strangle Eli David. He wanted to believe he could some day trust his wife again. Jethro walked out into his yard and took lots of deep breaths and talked to himself for a good ten minutes. Then he sat down on the steps of his deck and looked out over the flower garden he and Ziva had so painstakingly planted the past spring.

Why had she left without talking to him? All the other stuff she'd told him he could deal with. He didn't understand how she could ever feel inadequate or unworthy but he knew that how a person felt was not always something they could control. He would do what he could to help Ziva see what a great mom and wife she had been. He would figure out why he was still thinking about Jen and he would deal with that. He would NOT accept Ziva going off on a mission with her old Mossad partner without telling him why or where she was going. Jethro tried to clear his mind and put his anger aside. The little voice in his head was practically screaming at him and he knew he needed to listen.

"But can you forgive her"? Can you let her explain and then forgive her and let it go to save your marriage? You're not exactly the perfect partner either you know. You have already walked away or given up without a fight too many times. As bad as this was, is it more important than how you feel about her and how much you love and need her? Is it more important than Tali having her mom and dad together?

After sitting outside for almost half an hour Jethro decided he was ready to go back inside and work things out. He loved Ziva but maybe more importantly he wanted his daughter to grow up with two parents who loved her and each other. Walking away was just not an option this time. He stood up and turned to go in the house and found Ziva standing at the back door watching him. He could tell she had been crying; he didn't blame her, he felt like crying himself. When he opened the door Ziva stepped back away from him but he caught her arm and pulled her to him.

"Hey, it's okay, Ziver. I just needed some time. I want to hear the rest and then I have some things I need to say."

They stood rooted in place and held each other for a long time. Ziva finally relaxed in his arms and they just took their time, feeling their way back to solid ground. Jethro had always felt very protective of Ziva even though he thought she needed his protection the least of any woman he had ever known. Maybe, in light of what she had told him earlier, she needed it more than he realized. Not physical protection perhaps but emotional protection and support. That would not be a problem for him; he was all too happy to remind her frequently in the future just how special she was.

Strangely, Ziva had always had the urge to protect Jethro's psyche. She, being the first of the team to know about Shannon and Kelly, had always wanted to protect him emotionally. From the very beginning she had wanted to shield him from emotional pain and heartbreak. Now, she was realizing, she may have not only failed to protect him but had caused him some significant heartache herself. She held on tighter hoping to transmit to him her very deep regret for what she had done.

Standing in their kitchen holding his wife in his arms Jethro realized he didn't need any more explanation from her as to why she went to Israel without telling him. If she wanted to tell him he would listen but it would not alter the fact that he had already forgiven her. He could tell by her body language that she was sorry she had hurt him. He would ask for her assurance that she wouldn't do such a thing again and he knew he'd get it. Truth be told, all he wanted now was to kiss her and hold her and tell her what she meant to him. In doing that, he thought he could make her understand why he was so upset and at the same time let her know that she was far more than adequate as a wife and mother.

Having made up his mind about what he was going to do, Jethro began rubbing Ziva's back and let his hands get tangled in her hair. He pulled her back just enough to be able to look her in the eyes and said, "I love you Ziver." Then he leaned down and kissed her on the mouth. It had been such a long time since he had really kissed her that he took his time and savored it. They started out slowly, barely touching lips then backing off and coming back, nipping and tasting each other. Pretty soon Jethro got serious and with one hand on the back of her head he took possession of her mouth and kissed her with all the pent up emotion of the last month. He backed her up against the pantry door and held her there with his body while he kissed her until neither on of them had any breath left. He trailed his mouth down her throat and when he thought she'd had enough time to catch her breath he went back to her mouth and kissed her some more.

Ziva was so damned glad Jethro was finally kissing her she couldn't stand it. Ever since she had gotten home she had needed to have this close, physical contact with him but they had barely touched each other. When he began kissing her she finally began to believe he was going to forgive her. When he backed her against the door and pinned her there she felt her body melting into his and she finally felt like she was really home. She managed to get her hands under his shirt and the feel of his skin under her hands after so long without him was fabulous. She couldn't breathe but she didn't care. She wanted him to keep kissing her and holding her and if giving up breathing was necessary she was happy to do it.

Eventually they both had to have some breathing room and Jethro started to move back but Ziva pulled him back against her body and held him there. He leaned his forehead on hers and they slowly relaxed and began breathing normally again.

"I have missed having you kiss me Jethro. Missed the feel of you and the taste of you. I promise you I will never leave you again without talking to you first. I am sorry for all the pain I have caused you."

"I missed you too. Very much. I may not understand why you left but I know you thought it was what you needed to do. I forgive you that, Ziva. I am sorry I wasn't paying attention to what was going on with you. I want to do better. I have some other stuff I need to say. Want to go sit down?"

"Yes."

Ziva took his hand and they went into the living room and Ziva sat on the couch. Jethro sat on the coffee table facing her and took her hands in his. He closed his eyes and tried to get his thoughts in order. That brief make out session in the kitchen had sort of thrown his mind into a spin and he was having a hard time coming back to the idea of talk instead of action. But, he was determined to follow Ducky's advice and tell Ziva what her leaving had meant for him. Then, perhaps the action could resume.

"You know I'm not much for talking when something else will work but I know there are things I need to say to you Ziva so please be patient and let me say it all. I'm not saying this to hurt you but to help you understand what your leaving did to me. First it made me angry and then it scared me. And then it hurt me. The anger I know you understand; you've seen it and you know what it does to me. Only this time I had to keep it to myself because I couldn't let Tali see it. My team saw most of it and the rest I took out on the firing range and in the gym.

After a few days, after we talked on the phone I was just plain scared. Scared you would get killed or hurt or just decide not to come home. I have lots of experience with people I love leaving me so I figured that was what would happen. I couldn't really believe you would leave Tali so I thought maybe you would come back for her. The idea of losing the two of you scared me so much some days I could barely pay attention to what I was doing at work. Ducky finally sat me down and made me tell him what was going on and after that he was checking on me all the time. After a couple of weeks I stopped being scared and I guess I got mad again and then I had to admit I was hurting.

Ziver, I have trusted you from the beginning you know that. As important as the love I feel for you is the trust I have in you. I trusted Shannon from the minute I met her and she never, ever let me down. I didn't trust another woman until I met Jenny. I trusted her with my life and eventually with my heart and we know how that worked out. So, for me to trust you outside of work was a big deal. I know you understand that. When you just left with no explanation, I began to wonder if I had been wrong. I didn't want to believe it but there it was, right in front of me and I couldn't shake that fear that I had made a mistake in trusting you with my heart and my soul."

Jethro let go of Ziva's hands and stood up. Talking this much was very hard for him and he needed to move around. He could seen in her face that what he was saying was having a strong affect on his wife. Maybe they both needed a short break. Ziva wanted to say something but she wasn't sure if she should or if she should just wait and let him finish. She had never heard him say so much at one time. Any other time it would be an occasion for a laugh but this was too serious to joke about. Instead of saying anything Ziva got up and went to stand behind Jethro as he stood looking out the window. She put her arms around his waist and laid her head on his back. He covered her hands with his and she felt him take a deep breath. Whatever he had left to say was coming soon. Without turning around Jethro began to speak.

"Zi, I don't think you have any idea how much I need you. Not how much I want you or love you but how much I NEED you in my life. When you're not here nothing is quite right. Sure I can manage alone, I did it for a very long time and if I had to, I could do it again. I can take care of Tali myself if I have too but that's not what I mean. I need to wake up with you because when I do I feel like the day is worth getting up for. I need you here when I come home so I have someone to balance me and tell me the bad stuff can't hurt us. I need you because you understand the darkness and you don't let me go there alone.

Some days when you were gone I went through all the motions of getting Tali ready and I'd go to work and when I got there I'd just sit in my car because I felt like I couldn't breathe. And when I got home I'd go through the motions of supper and bath time and reading stories and getting Tali to bed and then I'd lie on our bed and stare at the ceiling and try to figure out what I'd done to drive you away from us. I'm not saying you can never be away from me. I'm saying that not knowing what was happening and why, nearly drove me crazy. I can't do that again. I won't.

You and Tali are my life but one day Tali will grow up and leave us and have her own life. You and I, Ziva, we're forever."

They continued to stand together, Jethro looking out the window and Ziva holding onto him. Ziva absorbed everything she'd heard and took a few minutes to formulate her response. She wanted to look at him when she talked so she stepped around in front of him.

"Let's sit down."

Jethro took her hand and they sat on the couch together. They settled, both sitting partially sideways so they could see the other's face. Ziva leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss before she sat back and reached for his hand. She held on with both of hers and managed to steady her voice when she spoke.

"You were right, some of what you said was hard for me to hear but I am very glad you told me. I say again, I am very sorry for hurting you, Jethro. It was not my intention and I did not make a conscious decision to leave in order to hurt you. I left because my father needed my help and because I was in a very bad place emotionally and did not know how to get out of that place. You are also right when you say that I did not understand how much you need me. In fact, I have to say that I felt you in fact, did not need me. You are the most capable man I have ever known and I know you could manage quite well without my help. You are a wonderful, caring, attentive father and I had no qualms at all about leaving Tali in your care.

I understand now that I was thinking only of the material or everyday kind of needs and not the emotional needs of either one of you. I have spent so much of my life not thinking about emotions that sometimes I still do not consider them. That has to change. I thought it had until now but I promise you, Jethro, I will pay much more attention to that aspect of our life in the future. Can you trust me to do that?"

"Yes, I trust you to do what you say Ziver. I trust you with my life and my heart and my soul. You need to know that I think you are a great mother. You are every bit as good a parent as I am. None of those women at the park can hold a candle to you as a mom. Tali adores you. I adore you. You are a wonderful partner Ziva and I don't mean at work. You make me a better man. I have some pretty extensive experience in this area and I can tell you that as wives go, you are very nearly perfect."

"Only nearly?"

"Take away the last month and you are perfect."

"Then I would like to erase the last month and go forward. Can we do that?"

"I think that would be a very good idea. Promise me that if you ever start to question yourself in this marriage you will come to me and let me tell you what a wonderful wife and mother you are."

"I promise."

"And promise me if your father needs help again you will talk to me about it first."

"I promise."

"And promise me…."

"Jethro!"

"Only one more. Promise me that you will come upstairs with me right now and we can spend the rest of the day having wonderful makeup sex."

"I promise! And, I promise that if you can catch me you can be on top first."

With that Ziva jumped off the couch and ran for the stairs with Jethro in hot pursuit.

END