Rocky couldn't sleep that night. He kept tossing and turning, occasionally getting up to check on Riker. Every time he checked, his brother was sound asleep.

Which was good, right?

He had noticed something was off with Riker for a while now. He had just figured his brother was just moody, and written it off as a bad week. But the weight loss, it was serious.

Now that he thought about it, he hadn't actually seen Riker eat in weeks. The most he had seen was a couple bites out of an apple, or maybe a granola bar.

Rolling over, Rocky grabbed his phone and Googled, "symptoms of depression."

The first link brought up a list, followed by treatment plans and other information. Rocky scanned the list.

-Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions.

Riker had been somewhat spacey, and he seemed content with handing most of the responsibility to Rydel lately.

-Fatigue and decreased energy.

The dark circles and bags under his eyes confirmed that Riker was tired, like, all the time.

-Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness.

Rocky had no way of knowing what was going on inside Riker's head. He glanced over at his brother's sleeping figure, and whispered, "Do you feel like this?"

-Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping.

Due to his decreased energy, Rocky concluded that Riker hadn't been sleeping a lot lately. And he was always the first one up.

-Irritability, restlessness

He was good at hiding it, but Riker had seemed a little more testy lately.

-Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex

Riker hadn't seemed to lose interest in playing music. Even just that night at the concert, he had seemed fine. And sex? Did Riker even have sex? Rocky shuddered, not even wanting to think about that.

-Overeating or appetite loss

Definitely the latter. He was way too thin.

-Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment

Rocky thought back to the last few band practices. Riker had excused himself early each time, complaining to have a headache.

-Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings

Again, Rocky didn't know. But he was having trouble believing it. Riker was usually really happy. Or at least, he acted like it.

-Thoughts of suicide or suicide attempts

Rocky's heart dropped as he read the last symptom. Suicide? Would Riker even think about that? He couldn't imagine waking up one day, and seeing his big brother's lifeless body laying in the bed next to him. How would he do it? Cutting and bleeding out? No way. Riker hated blood. Hanging himself? Overdosing? He felt sick as he thought of it. He was almost certain Riker would overdose. It was quick, painless, and nobody would notice until it was over.

Panicking, Rocky ran over to Riker's bed, and checked for a pulse. He was relieved when he found one, but he made a promise to himself that he would watch Riker all night, just to be sure.

Don't kill yourself, Riker, he pleaded internally.

1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

The next morning, Riker woke up to find Rocky staring at him. From the looks of it, he hadn't gotten much sleep either. Meaning he had probably been watching him all night.

"Jesus Christ, Rocky!" he exclaimed. "You almost gave me a heart attack. What the hell are you doing, anyway?"

Rocky looked away. "I guess… I was just making sure you woke up." He glanced at Riker nervously.

Riker froze. Rocky knew. "What… what do you-"

"Don't try to bullshit me," Rocky interrupted. "I know what's wrong with you."

Riker shook his head. "No. You don't."

His brother narrowed his eyes. "Yeah, I do. You're depr-"

"Shut up," Riker snapped. He wasn't ready for anybody to know, let alone say it out loud.

Rocky sighed. "Why, Riker?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you… you know…" he didn't want to say it. He barely wanted to believe it. But the signs had been pointing to it for a while now.

Riker looked at him sadly. "I don't know. All I know is I haven't had the motivation to do anything in a while. To eat, even sleep, really. I don't know how I actually got to sleep last night, to be honest."

Rocky stared at his brother in shock. Sure, he had known. But somehow, hearing Riker say it out loud, and describe what was happening made it worse. "You just… you have so much to-"

"Live for?" Riker let out a bitter laugh. "I'm not going to kill myself, Rocky. There's no way I could do that to you guys."

"But if it weren't for us…" Rocky let the sentence go unfinished. He saw his brother pause, then nod slowly.

"I wouldn't have anything else to live for."

Suddenly, Rocky was finding it hard to breathe. Tears blurred his vision, and he couldn't look at Riker anymore.

"Please don't tell," Riker said quietly. "It'll kill them. Ross especially."

Rocky didn't feel right about it, but he nodded. "I won't," he whispered. Wiping his eyes, he turned back to his brother. "But you have to promise me you'll try to get better. There's like, medicines for that," he suggested.

Riker shook his head. "No. Those don't work. At least, not on their own."

"You have to try," Rocky insisted.

"I know, Rocky," he said, feeling irritation build up.

"Then why aren't you doing it?" Rocky pushed.

"You don't get it!" Riker burst out. "It's not just that easy. I can't just flip a switch and automatically be okay. It doesn't work like that. I have a problem, Rocky. A psychological problem."

Clenching his jaw, Rocky stood up. "Then deal with it. Go to a therapist or something. We need you, Riker."

He left the room, leaving Riker alone with his thoughts.

He's right.

"About what?"

You're crazy.

"Oh. Probably. I mean, I am talking to myself."

But he's also lying to you.

"Rocky doesn't lie."

They don't need you.

"Shut up. Yes they do."

You might as well just do it.

"I promised Rocky I wouldn't. I said I'd try."

Then you're a liar, too.

"I'm not. I will try."

You're going to fail. You're pathetic.

"I know."

Do it, then.

"No."

Do. It.

"No!"

DO IT!

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Riker collapsed on his bed, disappearing into a puddle of sobs.

Meanwhile, Rocky slumped against the closed door, crying softly into his hands as he listened to his older brother lose it on the other side of the door.