Author's Note: So from what I've heard Girl Meets Friendship is not a good episode for Lucaya shippers. I'll just be hiding my head in the sand :(

Disclaimer: I don't own Girl Meets World, just a bucket of feels.

"Cause I'm hiding behind this smile
No, I haven't come out for awhile
See there is this place so empty inside me
I keep hiding behind this smile"

-Behind a Smile, Matt Wertz

Riley may not know what jealousy is, but you sure do.

It all starts back in kindergarten, on the first day of school, when you spot a brown-haired girl in pink pigtails walk into the classroom, gripping her parents' hands nervously. (You, on the other hand, were dropped off by your Gammy and marched into the room with your lunch in a paper bag and your hands clutching your jacket).

You should hate this girl, but there's a certain innocence about her that you feel needs to be protected, and maybe even if you can't have a perfect life, you can at least pretend with this girl.

So you stride over to her confidently and plop your measly bag of Oreos and a turkey sandwich next to her fancy High School Musical lunchbox and grin.

"Hi, I'm Maya," you introduce.

The girl smiles back at you excitedly. "I'm Riley."

And that's when you first learn what jealously is…

/

Jealousy is when your best friend scrapes her knee and you see her mom rush towards her daughter and fuss over her worriedly.

Meanwhile, you have a father who's half-way across the country and a mother who can't afford to spend time with you, and so, at six years-old, you learn to bandage your own scrapes and suck up the pain.

But you still watch Riley being fussed over by her parents, and you can't help wishing your life was a little more like hers…

/

Jealousy is stopping by your best friend's home at seven in the morning (because Riley gets to sleep in late, while you have to be up at five just to see your mother once a day) to walk to school together, and seeing a warm, home-cooked meal laid out nicely on the table every day.

Your own stomach finished digesting that measly bowl of cereal you had with your mom hours ago, and when Mrs. Matthews insists you eat some oatmeal, you comply, the whole time wishing your mom had just had the time to make you your own breakfast so you didn't have to catch that knowing look of pity in Riley's parents' eyes…

/

Jealousy is when a new boy from Texas comes to school, and at first, you're happy to watch your best friend fall for him, since you have literally nothing in common with him.

Or at least, you thought you didn't, until you learn that his family isn't exactly as perfect as everyone thinks. And slowly, you realize that this boy may just be as close to perfect for you as you'll ever find.

He's nothing like your usual type–all country charm and polite manners–but he's the only person you've met who actually gets your sense of humor and matches it with his own. And that stupid smirk of his starts to make you feel all funny in your stomach, and suddenly you're jealous of Riley all over again.

The worst part is, you can't even talk about it with anyone: your best friend is head-over-heels for him; Mr. and Mrs. Matthews (the only adults who actually have time for you) would only tell you that you have to talk to Riley; and Farkle is now best friends with Lucas, so it's not like you can trust him not to blab when he's spending so much time around the guy every day.

So instead, you bury your feelings like the pain from the cuts you took care of when you were six, and you wear a carefree smirk like a piece of armor, and no one seems to notice how much you're hiding behind that smirk.

/

Jealously is when your best friend calls you excitedly to tell you that she and Lucas kissed. And since you're a good friend, you fake a smile and put on a happy tone, even though your heart is breaking and you're so angry at yourself for falling for someone you can never have.

It's not like anything would happen even if he did like you that way (and you like to think, late at night, when you're staring up restlessly at your ceiling, that maybe he does like you like that–that maybe all those teasing smirks and amused glances are hiding something more real). You're too good a friend, and that's why you're able to hide your jealousy from everyone around you, bury it until even you're fooled by how you're feeling. You learned at a young age to mask the things you're really feeling by hiding them underneath careless shrugs and mocking tones.

Because when you've already lost so much, you can't afford to steal the things of the people you actually have left, no matter how much you want them.

So you smile harder and laugh louder as your best friend blabbers on enthusiastically about her first kiss and all that it implies, and you're proud of yourself, because the one thing Riley will never be better than you at is faking a smile when you're drowning inside.

/

You look in the mirror afterwards and you decide maybe it's time to write a new flaw on your forehead.

You're still broken, but you're Maya Hart, and you also are J-E-A-L-O-U-S.

Welcome to the team…

A/N: Well, that was depressing. This is so different from what I usually do, I hope it worked :0