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Chapter 13
Mama's Song.
Carrie Underwood.
"I hate this. I hate seeing her like this." Edward murmured, holding Bella's hand in his. He was rubbing it soothingly, pressing his lips to her knuckle ever so often. I had her other hand, using it as support as I looked over Bella's sleeping body. I felt the same as he did. I understood.
When Edward showed up a few mornings before, and I was pulled out of that appointment...I felt almost anxious. I knew that Edward and Bella could handle themselves when it came down to it. Edward was all that Bella had at one point. I wasn't proud of that, not one bit, but I also couldn't change that. So, when I found that they were having problems, I left them to their own devices. Even when it went against my better judgment. My instincts.
If I spent the day fretting about that gut feeling, then I didn't know what to think of the feeling that I had when I went to help out with whatever emergency had spiked the attention of the rest of the hospital. I was curious about what was going on, only to turn around and find my own daughter...bleeding out and unconscious.
It was as if my heart had stopped all together. My former anxiety passed, and my entire body was taken over with raw fear. I had treated many gunshot wounds in Chicago. We lived in one of the smaller parts of the city and I was relieved when we finally moved to a calmer town. The fast lane, the rush of Chicago just didn't hold anything that I wanted. So, coming to a smaller town, having Bella, and Emmett...I needed them and they brought me the relief that I didn't know I had longed for. But seeing Bella on that gurney brought the dreaded feelings back, and intensified them.
All I wanted to do was run in there and help. I had always felt the need to come forward and just do something. That was part of the reason that I went into medicine. I chose to be an OB/GYN simply because I loved children, new mothers, and everything that came with them. It helped me cope with my struggles over Bella, and my struggles getting pregnant. I felt disabled and useless. I couldn't even take proper care of her growing up, leaving her to the most irresponsible people I knew. And then when I finally got her back, and got my chance to make right again, I lost her all over again. I couldn't do anything.
I spent the first few days in Emmett's arms. Edward was always there.
"I want to know now." I growled at Carlisle. He was stalling. I personally knew all of the tricks. Trying to get us to sit down, take a break, get some privacy. He just didn't want to talk about what all he had just seen.
"All right." He sucked in a deep breath and I gripped Edward's side. "We just got her stabilized...the bullet thankfully missed all of her vital organs, but it did catch her left ovary." He began and I felt my eyes begin to blur with tears. "We had planned on just removing both and fixing everything up, but we couldn't see that it had also tore an artery, and that she was bleeding out quickly.
"Bella was called dead on the table twice..." his brow came together, finally showing a bit of the emotions that I knew he was trying to hide from us. My heart broke with each word. "I just...I couldn't give up. We finally got her out of defib, her heart wasn't taking well, and were able to get her stable about twenty minutes ago...they're about to transport her to a room in the ICU. The Intense Care Unit." Carlisle finished, keeping it short. I felt Edward begin to shake next to me. This basically pushed me along, causing me to begin bawling again.
"Will she be all right?" Edward choked and Carlisle nodded.
"I believe that if we keep a close enough eye on things that she will be just fine. This will take time."
"Her ovary, Carlisle," Esme spoke, cutting in. I had forgotten that she and Emmett were there. "Does this...are her chances of having kids cut in half now? How does that work?"
"Yes." I nodded at her and watched as her face dropped.
I understood that look. Bella had told me that Esme struggled with having kids, just like I was. Esme wanted lots of them, just like I did. She had her Alice and Edward, and she clearly loved them more than anything, but she was meant to have more than that. Edward had told me that she liked to play mom with Emmett, Bella, and I so much just because of that. I didn't mind one bit – I felt for her. And now my own daughter was going to go through it.
I hated it.
"We'll figure something out," Edward muttered and then looked at Carlisle. "I want to see her. That's what's important right now."
"Of course...right." Carlisle nodded, his eyes on Edward. I noticed how proud he almost seemed. Even through all the insecurity and sadness.
"She'll be okay." Edward murmured. I wasn't sure if he was talking more to me, or himself. All I knew was that he was trying to reassure us. He felt like the more he said it out loud, the truer it was.
"She has to." I whispered in agreement.
We had spent the days after in her room. I found myself fighting tooth and nail to stay by her side. Emmett tried to get me to go home. He said that I needed sleep and a shower. I didn't want to hear it. Edward seemed to be coping the same way, across the bed where his mother and father argued with him about taking care of himself.
She had been asleep for so long. It was just too long. It was so unnatural. I wanted to see her brown eyes, on her pretty face. Not her breathing tube and eyelids. I wanted her to call me Mom again and to look at Edward with all the love that her little heart could muster. I spent eighteen years wondering about her – what she looked like, who she loved, and everything in between. Then, just as I had gotten her back, I go back to wondering.
We took turns talking to her. Nobody really knew what she could and couldn't hear. I told her about my time away from her, and Edward sang songs to her. He had his dad bring the guitar that she had gotten him, and he made sure that he used it. It was so odd to me...beautiful...yet odd. Her heart rate, which we could hear through the beeping monitor behind me, seemed to speed up every time Edward said anything upsetting. Anytime he seemed remorseful, or didn't help himself. That was how I knew that he was it for her.
They were each others person, and I couldn't fight it. Because if Bella was going to have somebody, and that person couldn't be me, I was happy that it was Edward Cullen.
"You love her." I breathed, watching as he finished up a slower version the song I'm Yours by Jason Mraz. It all seemed so fitting.
"More than anything in the world." He just sighed. "I hate seeing her in the hospital. She's so...pale...and sick looking. She'll always be beautiful, always. That doesn't mean that I like to see her upset. It makes me upset." He spoke nervously, and I sighed at the way that the beeping sped up.
I watched as he put his guitar to the side, being gentle with it. And then, just as gently, he stood to press his lips to Bella's forehead. He kept her hand in his, pressing it to his chest. I watched in utter silence as he whispered sweet-nothings to her. He was reassuring her, promising that he was there and that nothing could upset him enough leave. When the beeping slowed, back to a healthy pace, he carefully sat back down.
"She loves you..." I added onto my earlier comment about him loving her. He just grinned, that smitten side of his face showing.
"I know."
"Hello children," Esme spoke, and I didn't even jump that time. She had been popping in, surprising us when we first began staying in the hospital. It slowly became less startling.
"Esme." I nodded towards her. She sat down beside Edward, pulling up a stool from the end of the bed. She wasn't dressed for work. She was wearing brown, pin-striped slacks and a form-fitting, green top. Her hair was pulled back and into a delicate pony-tail. I could see in her face that she was exhausted. She and Carlisle seemed as genuinely worried about Bella as Edward and I were.
But they were owning up to their positions as the adults in the situation.
I just didn't have it in me.
The thought made me let out an involuntary sob. Esme gasped, and they both looked at me with worry. I just shook my head, not able to tell them what I was thinking. I hadn't exactly been willing to talk about it. Esme stood and was beside me, her hands on my shoulder as she looked at me. I just kept on shaking my head, looking at my feet.
"Rose, what's wrong?" Edward asked me, his eyes full of pure worry.
"I'm the worst mother ever." I finally spat, and they both looked surprised.
"What makes you think that, honey?" Esme asked me, brushing my messy hair out of the way.
"I just...I left her and then I come back, and I had no idea...but I messed her up. I ruined things for her that she should have had. And then I come back and all of this happens. I can't even function right! You and Carlisle...you're still helping, and you're working, and taking care of us. I just don't know how...and I can't have my own kid. Am I not meant to screw up another person? I really am trying my best!" I cried, and the beeping went ballistic.
"No!" I jumped forward, gripping Bella's hand. "You're not screwed up, baby, it's me. I'm just being selfish." I tried to explain, but the beeping kept going.
"I think she's trying to tell you that you are a good mother. You've managed to be a better mother to her in these last few months than Renee ever had been." Esme explained to me and I just shook my head. "No, Rosalie, it's true. You're a wonderful mother to Bella."
"She's right." Edward nodded in agreement.
"Then how come Carlisle and Esme can take care of everyone like this?"
"You know that we love her like a daughter as well." Esme sighed, and squeezed my shoulders. "But that doesn't change the fact that we know that you two need help right now. I can see that I won't be doing Bella any good by overcrowding her in this room. The fact that you have sat her for the last week, thinking of nothing but her proves that you are the perfect mother. Unlike that Renee, who can't even drop by to see if the girl's alive. I've known her for all of five months and I love her enough to check up everyday. And look at you...you won't leave! I know that my part is to make sure that you guys are comfortable, and that she's all right. Your part is to be mom and be with her. Okay?"
"Are you sure?" I asked her, my voice thick with tears.
"Of course I am. Bella adores you. Don't ever doubt that." She hugged me, and I leaned into her hold. Bella wasn't the only one missing a mother.
The beeping finally went back to where it was supposed to be. I sighed, shaking my head for the umpteenth time.
"Thank you...you really helped."
"Absolutely. I was just telling you the truth." She told me, walking back over to sit back down after hugging me. Edward nodded in agreement.
"Uh, guys," Carlisle spoke, peeking his head into the room. "Renee and Charlie Swan want to see Bella."
"What?" I shot up, crossing my arms. "Why just now?"
"I wouldn't really know..." He sighed.
"Fine. Just tell them to watch their place."
"Of course." Carlisle disappeared, and then reappeared with the two people who had landed us into this mess.
"Rosalie, Edward, Esme..." Renee stepped in, nodding awkwardly towards us. Her greeting was almost hostile. I could tell that she did not want to be there. So, I sat back, and held Bella's hand in mine.
"Why are you here?" I asked them, not wasting any time.
"Shouldn't we at least be able to see our...granddaughter?" Renee grimaced at the last word, her eyes trained on Bella. She looked perplexed.
"Not when you can't call her your granddaughter without making a face." I rolled my eyes.
"Plus, you guys got her into this position...it's all your fault." Edward practically growled at them, surprising me. I hadn't expected him to be so forward about things. Although I guess they weren't his boss anymore, which meant that he wasn't watching his every step around them any longer. He was free to stand up for his girl with them.
"Now, that's hardly true!" Charlie sighed, turning to look at us.
"It is though!" I shot back.
"James was just a nut case!" He rolled his eyes. "It's not my fault that his wife held a gun towards a police officer. She got shot."
"Gee, why don't you try and sound a bit more sympathetic?" I spoke sarcastically and watched as Esme nervously twitched in her seat. She didn't seem very thrilled by the company of Charlie and Renee. I understood well.
"Why are you here? Really?"
"It felt wrong to not stop by, I guess." Charlie frowned. "Everyone at the police station were pestering me about it."
"No." I was sarcastic again, not able to help myself. "Why would they be? You were only responsible for the last eighteen years of Bella's life. Why should you worry about her?"
"Right...well...we dropped by." Charlie muttered. "We're moving to Denmark."
"What?" I hopped up, dropping Bella's limp hand. "You're moving? What the hell?"
"We figured that Bella could move in with you, or something, and that we could move on and have that life that we always pictured for ourselves." He explained and I felt my blood run cold. What would Bella think? They were abandoning her! I just shook my head at him, biting my lip in deep thought.
"You don't care about her?"
"Well..." Renee began to answer my rhetorical question and I just couldn't take it. I didn't want to hear it.
"Stop. Just leave. Don't come back. Leave Bella's things in her room, I'll...someone will get them. Just don't say anything else. I never want to see you guys again. I just want you to know that between this and your prior choices...you may as well have just cut all of your ties." I held a hand up, and they nodded slowly. They didn't even seem to hold any remorse. I tried to ignore that as I sat back down. They just stood there until I yelled at them. "Just go!"
"You did good." Esme smiled softly at me, Carlisle nodding behind her. "You did the right thing."
"I hope so." I nodded at them.
"I know so." Edward added.
The sound of Bella screeching over her breathing tubes pulled Edward and I out of our calm silence. I turned and found her struggling to get the breathing tube out of her throat. Edward moved so that she could see him and restrained her arms. I began explaining to her that they kept her on the breathing tube while she was in an induced coma so that her body would remember to breathe. She began to calm a bit, not fighting us anymore, but her heartbeat didn't slow very much.
"I know this is scary, love, but you're okay. It will all be okay."
"We're here, Bella." I added and her eyes flickered between the two of us, her heart rate slowly returning to normal. "Don't worry. You're better now."
"We have to remove your tube, to see if you're ready to breathe." Carlisle approached her, his voice soft. I watched as he instructed her on how to cough. She gripped my hand and I knew that she was probably a bit more scared than she was letting us see.
"Just remember to squeeze my hand three times if you can't breathe, baby. We'll reattach it." I reassured her, reminding her on how to tell us if she were distressed or not. She nodded slowly, and then her eyes found Edward, who had taken her other hand and sat beside her. I just watched her carefully as Carlisle had her begin coughing.
She only squeezed my hand while we helped her, and I was happy that she was okay. She let out a staggered sigh as she was finally breathing again. I smiled with relief, watching as Edward kissed her gently on the lips. She smiled up at him before breathing heavily again. Carlisle and Esme just smiled approvingly. I watched in silence as Esme went to retrieve some water for Bella. They all seemed so much more relaxed. Just as I felt.
"It hurts," Bella whimpered and Edward just rubbed her arm.
"What does, baby?" He asked her, his eyes full of concern.
"My side...what happened?" She squeaked, looking over at me and then Carlisle.
"You were shot in the hip, Bella...you lost a lot of blood but I don't know that you're ready to take on the stress of this injury yet. Maybe you should take some pain medication and relax for a while. Afterward we can discuss the extents of your injury." He looked seriously worried and I understood. If she knew too much, she would stress out and freak. Nobody wanted that. It would stall her healing process.
"I want to know...please...otherwise I'll think it's worse than it is and stress more!" She cried.
"Bella, you lost a great amount of blood. We had you on transfusions for a while. The bullet pierced and ruptured your left ovary and we lost you on the table, twice. You are fine now, though, and you don't need to stress. We have it all under control." He sighed, rushing through all of it.
"My ovary? No babies?"
"Not necessarily..." I rubbed her leg. Her eyes flitted to me, looking a bit calmer. "Just half the chance. Even then you're probably better off than I am. You two have so many options. It's okay. You also have plenty of time to worry about it. Time that isn't right now."
"Okay..." She looked worriedly at Edward before Carlisle again. "So...I'm fine? I won't go to sleep and die?"
"Absolutely not. You're going to be facing a lot...but I mean, I guess it won't be too much for you. After all, you just got over a broken femur. You know rehabilitation well." Carlisle half-joked, seeming a bit nervous about it. I just nodded, trying to tell him that it was okay. He was right.
"Thank you." Bella nodded. "All of you. How long was I out?"
"About ten days." I murmured.
"Oh...well...thank you. For hanging around."
"Thank you for staying around." I laughed and so did everyone else.
"I love you guys." She yawned just as a nurse came in and began to replace her bag full of pain medication, connected to her IV.
"We love you too, beautiful girl. I will see your beautiful brown eyes when you wake up. Just rest and get better." Edward began humming again and Bella smiled softly. Slowly, her eyes began to flutter and shut.
I looked around at everyone as they watched her lovingly. She was going to be just fine.
A/N: I can't believe some of you thought I would kill her! ;)
I got some of the best reviews ever on that chapter! I just had to thank those of you who had accounts. And for those of you who were under guest, I just want you to know that I love you and that you made my day!
Review again and I'll spend my time before my nephew's birthday tomorrow working on the next chapter! And it'll be up sooner!
THANK YOU.
