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Chapter 18
Everybody Talks.
Neon Trees.
"Are you getting sick?" Rosalie asked me, pressing her hand up against my forehead as I began to slouch. My head was throbbing in a dull, and slightly uncomfortable way. My shoulders lifted and dropped in an exhausted shrug. She pulled her hand back, placing it on her hip and looking closely at my face. "You don't look so hot, but you definitely aren't running a fever."
"I just feel cruddy." I pulled the closest cardboard box to me, wrapping my arms and legs around it. I let my face press against the cool, paper side of it. It wasn't the most comfortable position in the world, or the nicest smell, but it was better than sitting up at the time.
"I think she's been over-stressed." Edward walked in, carrying the new role of tape that we had sent him to find. "I really wish you would take a break, love. You've done so fantastically...but you really do need to let yourself slow down for a while."
"I was doing so great!" I whined loudly, carefully moving my head so that my chin rested on top of the closed box. "Why am I just now paying for everything?"
"Your body just needs some time to recuperate." He walked over, setting himself indian-style across from me. I watched in complete silence as he pulled another box into his lap and began sealing it shut with the transparent boxing-tape. He slowly looked up from what he was doing and caught my eye. "Really, just go lay down for a while. You've healed, you've passed your finals, and you're getting ready to graduate. Don't you want to feel better, so you can get that diploma Saturday?"
"I do...I just don't want to get up." I grinned lazily at him and he rolled his eyes.
"Come on, dork." Rosalie got up from where she had been wrapping some of my jewelry, off to the side. "I think you really do need to take a nap, if you're not willing to get up. You're usually one of the most go-doers I know."
"I know." I yawned dramatically, as if I were putting emphasis on my point.
Rosalie crouched over and helped me hitch my arm around her neck. We carefully stood and began our trek to my bedroom. Edward smiled and blew a kiss to me as we walked away. I winked and used my free arm to act as if I had caught it and put it in my pocket. He just laughed heartily, leaving me to grin like a fool as Rose helped me onto what was left of my bed.
We had already packed my room, and so the walls and furniture was completely empty. I didn't have much in them to begin with, as I had only been living with Rosalie for a few weeks. I barely even felt like it was my room. It was a mere stage for me in-between my childhood home and Edward. Once I was laid down on the bed, which was covered in Rosalie's own sheets, I covered my eyes and began attempting to relax.
"Gosh, you're even more exhausted than you're letting on, huh?" She asked and I shrugged.
"As I said earlier. I just feel cruddy. Sometimes it's my stomach, sometimes it's my head. Sometimes I'm just fatigued. It changes constantly. I must be a lot more stressed than I'm feeling." I tried to explain the feeling to her, but I simply couldn't.
"Jeez, you sound like I felt when I first suspected I was pregnant." She laughed and I felt something snap in my head. Her laughter died almost instantly. The next thing I knew, she was plopping down next to me, her hand on my arm. I mentally cringed, keeping my eyes squeezed shut. I did not want to see what her face was showing. I didn't want to know what she was thinking just then. She huffed. "Isabella Marie Swan...you two did it...didn't you?"
I slowly nodded, not sure if I was supposed to answer her or not.
"Bella!" She cried out, her voice shooting up an entire octave. "Are you even on birth control?"
"Well...no..." I frowned, my brow coming together in a pinch. "If it weren't for the sex-ed classes in middle school, I probably wouldn't even know what birth control is."
"Well shit, Bells...were you guys safe?" She sounded nervous, and I finally moved to look at her face. Her mouth was slightly agape, and her brown eyes just seemed far off. I knew that she was thinking hard, and attempting to wrap her head around everything.
"Of course...I mean, we used a condom. Plus, I'm half infertile anyway. The odds are so low. There's absolutely no way that I'm pregnant." I reminded her, practically convincing myself. It just wasn't possible – I refused to think about it.
"I don't like that, Bella. Come on." She sighed, shaking her head.
"Seriously, Rose. Mom. Whatever. I'm not pregnant. I'm just tired. In the last nine months I've been hit by a car, drowned, shot, beat up, and nearly kidnapped. I'm not pregnant. I'm just exhausted." I repeated myself, nodding slowly. "Yeah, I'm totally safe."
"It makes sense...it just...doesn't make sense." She pressed her hands to her face, and I knew that she was suddenly even more stressed out than she needed to be. I knew that she wasn't thrilled about me moving half an hour away, or having Charlie and Renee move back in a few houses down, but this was even worse.
"I would know if there was a child inside of me." I laughed almost awkwardly, cutting it off shortly. "Seriously, it's fine."
"I just have a bad feeling about this, Bella..." She muttered and I merely shrugged. I didn't know what else to tell her, other than the fact that I was probably just catching the flu under stress. She had always been a worry-wort. I didn't really know what I was so intrigued by her attitude just then. "I'm sorry." She suddenly stood up. "Don't listen to me. I'm just being...a parent, I guess. Really. Get some rest, and you'll probably feel great when you get up."
"I know I will." I smiled sarcastically at her before carefully moving to rest my head on the pillow. "G'night. Try not to let the new-mommy jitters bite!"
"Oh, shut it. You're the one going to sleep." She called, and I listened as her footsteps got quieter. Once the door closed, I sighed, rolled over and quickly succumbed to the exhaustion that was trying to take over me.
When I opened my eyes, Edward's warm eyes were securely wrapped around my waist. My lower back was tingling a bit, as the arm under me was cutting off some circulation, but I couldn't find it in me to ask him to move. His face, which was soft with contentment, lay peacefully on my stomach. He was asleep, I could tell by his lack of clothing, other than boxers, and his steady breathing. I couldn't help but smile at the sight of him.
He always looked so innocent when he was asleep. He was almost childish. I then thought of Edward as a child. I had seen pictures at Esme's house. He was a lovely boy. He had his messy hair, which was a bit redder back then, and some light freckles. He still flaunted his single dimple, and had the sweetest eyes. He was a sight to be seen then and presently.
I ran my fingers lightly through his hair, and down his neck. My hand rested on his back, where I idly drew shapes, through my thinking. I was curious as to whether our future children would be graced with his beautiful genes. A girl could only turn out as lovely as Esme. A little boy, a mini-Edward, was simply too perfect for my mind to come up with. Those thoughts left me grinning as well.
Never once had I considered the idea of having children. Not even with Edward. It was comforting with him though. I knew that my chances weren't exactly with me, due to the shooting, but I also knew that positive thinking was a key factor. It worked for Esme and Rose. Even if it didn't work out that way for me, we didn't have to do everything traditionally. If Edward wanted a baby, I would have done absolutely anything to get him one. Even if it wasn't biologically mine.
It was probably better off without a dip in my horrid gene-pool anyway.
"What are you thinking about, Bella?" Edward's voice was a whisper, and I sighed softly.
"Nothing really."
He moved slowly, pulling his arm out from under me. I waited quietly as he moved so that I was tucked into his side, my head resting on the nook between his neck and shoulder. Once I was comfortable, he sighed softly and asked again.
"Okay, as if that's ever true. What's on your mind?" He laughed very softly, and I smiled.
"I was just thinking about...well, first, don't let this scare you off. It really was just a thought." I stopped myself, attempting to forewarn him.
"Nothing you could do would ever scare me away, beautiful." He chuckled and I shrugged.
"Either way, I was simply thinking about what our babies could look like. With your hair, your eyes, and your dimple. They would be stunning." I carried on, explaining the smaller details of my thought-process.
"I beg to differ," he spoke, surprising me a bit. I turned to look up at him. Taking in his jawline and the light stubble that had formed there. I fought the urge to kiss it, waiting for him to continue. "I think a brown-eyed little girl would be lovely. Your eyes are so soft, and so sweet. I can only imagine how they would turn out on a little you."
"You're just being Edward. Your eyes are too gorgeous to pass up. Imagine a baby Esme, or tiny you." I countered and he laughed.
"You just don't see yourself correctly. If we were to have a girl, I'd put my money on it looking like you. Not that the looks truly matter in the end. I'd just be happy to have a healthy, safe little one." He corrected himself slowly and I couldn't help but agree.
"And so...you won't be upset if I can't...provide that for you?" I asked him, thinking about how we could always adopt.
"Of course not!" He shook his head frantically and I released a relieved sigh. "Bella, you're giving me everything simply by breathing. Just because we may not be able to produce it the traditional way, does not mean that we can't raise and love a child as our own."
"I just wondered." I shrugged again and he sighed.
"Well, you don't need to. I'm yours for the rest of our lives. Beyond that, even. I love you so much...you couldn't even begin to comprehend it." He sounded genuine, his voice seemingly rich with emotion. I smiled softly, turning so that my cheek was pressed up against his heart. I listened to it's rhythmic beating, taking him in. His sweet smell, his heartbeat, his breathing, and everything else about him. In that very moment, he was the most perfect thing on the entire planet.
"I think I could understand it better than you think," I finally spoke after I was able to absorb the sweetness of the moment.
"Either way." He chuckled. "What time is it?"
I glanced at the digital clock, reading the glowing green numbers. "Just after seven-thirty in the morning."
"Rose and Emmett will be here soon. We're going to finish packing. You can just stay in bed, if you still feel like it."
"No, I want to help." I told him honestly.
"I know you want to, honey, but if you're sick, then you need to get some rest." He was stern then, making me chuckle. He called me honey.
"If I begin to feel bad, I'll take a break. I promise." I attempted to get him to agree.
"I'll take your word for it." He shrugged, sitting up a bit. "I'm going to go make breakfast. Take a shower, or do whatever, until you're ready."
"Thank you." I smiled, leaning up onto my elbows. I craned my neck, placing my lips on his. He smiled into mine, placing a hand on my hip and the other in my hair. We took the moment to kiss chastely, but cut it off due to our short time.
"I love you." He sighed, shaking his head with a wide smile on his face. I said it back to him, watching his retreating form lazily. He was stunning, even from behind. My face burned at the thought, but I didn't even care. We were in the comfort of my own room. Rosalie and Emmett had stayed at Charlie and Renee's, so that they could pack the rest of anything I wanted.
I think Rosalie wanted to give us some privacy, and give me the chance to tell Edward of her odd suspicions. I chose not to, not really knowing how to bring it up. I could have told him when we were discussing children, but it just felt too off. I didn't believe it, and I didn't want him to have to worry about something as silly as that.
We were doing so good. The twenty minutes that we had spent together were perfect. I didn't feel like giving that up.
I carefully sat up and went to the bathroom. There I ended up taking a quick shower and dressing. My stomach still felt a bit queasy, but I felt pretty better than I had during the day prior.
Once I was dressed and ready to go, I walked into the bedroom to find Edward freshly showered and dressed as well. He shot me a smile from across the room, and then slipped his socks on. He was wearing a Forks Police Department t-shirt and some sweatpants. I had also taken on a school shirt and some sweats. Both of our shirts were navy, and our sweats were black. The only difference was that I hadn't added socks yet. Mine were going to be the same black as his.
"You look gorgeous." He told me as I moved to get some socks out of the basket in front of him. We had two baskets that weren't packed for us to choose from. We were sharing a lot.
"Yeah, I'm sure." I rolled my eyes, going to sit next to him. I quickly slipped mys socks on and then began to do a single french-braid down the middle of my hair. I wanted it out of the way.
"You always do." He shrugged and I smiled.
"You're always overly-nice as well."
"Whatever." He scoffed, quickly kissing me on the jawline before hopping up. "I have cereal set out in the kitchen. Feel free to join me."
"How could I pass this up?" I asked him, and he laughed, leading me to where the yummy food was waiting.
Edward walked around the table, pulling my chair out on the way. I smiled and thanked him, quickly sitting down, ready to eat. I filled my bowl with Lucky Charms, and then grabbed the milk. Edward had already poured his bowl, and was just sitting there with his green eyes on me. I slowly came to a stop, placing the jug of milk beside my bowl. He just stared quietly.
"Uh, what'chya lookin' at?" I asked him, cocking my head to the side in confusion.
"You." He grinned.
"Well, by all means, go ahead...but you should probably eat that before it gets soggy." I glanced at his bowl of cereal, which had been waiting a while.
"I'm waiting for you." He shrugged, dipping his metal spoon in and getting a bite. I watched him, with my eyebrows raised, waiting for him to finish chewing. "Sorry, I just mean that I was waiting for you to have your food done before I ate."
"Oh, well, you don't need to do that." I giggled.
"I thought girls liked chivalry." He smirked and I rolled my eyes dramatically.
"We do, but not when it's that much of an inconvenience." I tried to explain. "Like, I wouldn't want you to ruin your jacket by tossing it in a puddle. That's silly. I'll walk around a puddle. But holding doors and pulling out chairs? That's simple, and nice. It doesn't really put you at a disadvantage in any way. I appreciate that."
"Okay, that makes sense." He shrugged. "I like doing those things though. I don't understand what's so hard about them. It's just a simple way to show that I care."
"And that's why it's you that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with." I pointed my spoon at him, and he laughed, nodding with total agreement.
"We're here. I hope everyone happens to have all of their clothes on!" Emmett's voice was suddenly filling the house, making me laugh and shake my head at him.
"Emmett, shut up!" Rosalie hissed at him, and I just waited for them to find us.
"In the dining room." Edward called, speaking my thoughts.
"Oh, they're dressed..." Emmett's big brow came together upon entering. His eyes flickered between us, where we were seated across from each other at the fair-sized dining-room table.
"Sorry to interrupt breakfast," Rosalie said, ignoring Emmett's comment as she sat down in the chair beside me. Her brown eyes were trained on me. "So...how is everyone doing today?"
"We're doing just fine, thank you." I spoke with a heavy tone.
"What's their problem?" Emmett asked Edward, who simply shrugged.
"Nothing. Apparently we're fine." Rosalie gave me a look that said more than she needed to. She had really wanted me to tell Edward how she felt about me possibly being pregnant.
Except I was not.
"You guys are weird." Edward laughed, and wiped off his upper lip with his arm. He had just finished drinking the remaining milk from his bowl. I shook my head, still having cereal left in mine.
"Yeah, whatever." I rolled my eyes.
"Tension!" Emmett laughed, standing up. "Come on, Ed. Let's go have man-time with the boxes. We brought the U-Haul."
"Of course." He stood and walked out with Emmett.
"Men. I'll never get them." Rose huffed.
"Same here." I agreed immediately. "So, do we really have anything left to pack up?"
"Nope. We're going to Esme's, and she's going to let us pick out some furniture for you guys' place. Edward said that he trusts your taste and that he would rather just leave it all to you."
"Ugh, little shit." I muttered, not really wanting to have to do all of that.
"Bella!" She laughed. "Gosh, foul-mouth. Esme will probably do most of the picking. You just have to hang out and confirm."
"Sorry, I'm just moody." I sighed, standing up with a stretch. The milk that was left in the bowl just didn't sound all that appetizing. The more I looked at it, the more it disgusted me. I quickly stood and walked tot he kitchen, not really listening to Rosalie about how she was suffering mood-swings as well. Just when I dumped the milk, the stench took over. I groaned, my stomach churning.
I did a quick double-take, turning to sprint to the bathroom. I never truly could sprint, at least not in the same way that normal people did. Though I did go at a much faster pace than my usual, awkward run. I was motivated by the fact that I refused to throw up in the kitchen.
"Oh God!" I cried as I vomited into the stupid toilet.
"I'm telling you, Bella. Preggers." Rosalie's voice was more nasal, as I assumed she was plugging her nose.
"I'm not..." I cried into the bowl. That was when Edward ran in, gasping at the sight before him.
"God, Bella." He groaned, moving to my other side and rubbing my back. "If you felt sick, why'd you let me shove all of that cereal down your throat?"
"I don't feel sick." I argued and he laughed.
"You sure look sick."
"I'm fine!" I sat up, closing the lid loudly and flushing the toilet. "Could everyone just back up a bit? I'm feeling cornered."
"Of course." Edward sighed, moving to stand over by the wall. Rosalie moved too, and waited as I turned to rinse my mouth out. Once I felt a bit cooled down, I turned so that I could rest against the counter-top. Edward's emerald green eyes were full of worry and concern. "Are you okay, love?"
"I'm fine. Really. Just...just ate too quickly."
"Really, because you ate a lot slower than E-" Rosalie began but I cut her off with a dirty look.
"Shut up. I'm fine."
"Do you feel okay enough to go to Esme's?" Rose asked and I nodded at her. "Good. Because we're going in a minute."
"Call me if you want to come home," Edward spoke softly as I began walking. I nodded, wrapping my arms around him in a tight hug. I hated going away from him, even if it was just for a little bit. I had lost most of my trust in people, and I never truly felt secure unless I could see Edward.
"Of course." I breathed.
"Can't I have a kiss goodbye?" He asked, pouting. I shook my head, giggling.
"No way. I just threw up."
"You washed your mouth out!"
"I'd still feel weird if I-" I was cut off by his lips overtaking mine. He kept the kiss short, but incredibly sweet. He was one of those people who could just project their feelings through a kiss. I loved it, but I wasn't very happy with his choice of interruption.
"Dude!" I huffed as he pulled away.
"I can't say goodbye without a kiss, love. It just can't happen." He laughed and I rolled my eyes at how truly melodramatic he was.
"I love you." I sighed.
"I love you as well." He leaned in for a quick kiss on the forehead. "Go with Rosalie. Have a good time. I'll probably be over in a bit so that we can put my things in the truck."
"Okay." I nodded, turning to follow Rosalie's retreating form out the door.
When we got to Esme's, Esme had us seated around the coffee table quickly. She retrieved several catalogs and magazines, telling us that she had dog-eared the pages that she liked the most, but that we had total reign when it came to what we wanted. I thanked, her, taking the first one of the stack and beginning to go through it.
We spent several hours going through them, slowly picking out bits of furniture that I thought would fit. I got more and more tired as we did though, and I found myself ready to just go to sleep on the floor. I could tell that I wasn't holding up much of a charade, as the other two were shooting me worried glances constantly.
"Bella, dear, do you need to take a break? I can understand that this would be very stressful..." Esme frowned.
"Why don't you tell Esme what I think?" Rose crossed her arms, leaning back to watch me closely.
"It's your opinion." I rolled my eyes and Esme looked worriedly at Rosalie.
"Is she all right?"
"I think that she's pregnant," Rosalie spoke sharply, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh!" Esme gasped, her eyes trailing back to me. I was sure that I had turned fire-engine red.
"I really don't think that I am." I assured her, shaking my head frantically. That caused a fresh wave of dizziness to take over my entire body, making me groan and close my eyes.
"Come on, Esme. You work at the same place I do. Tell me that she just doesn't scream pregnancy." Rosalie waived her hand at me, making me glare openly at her. She was being such a pain in the ass. I couldn't believe that she had brought Esme into things. Things that didn't exist!
"I don't know, Rosalie." Esme sighed, her eyes still trained on me. "Are you sure that it's impossible, Bella? Have you and Edward..."
"Okay. No. No way! Not with his mother!" I stood up. I was too quick, causing myself to drop back onto the couch as I was hit by vertigo. Rosalie and Esme were immediately at my side, checking for a fever and talking to me in a panic.
"The more I look at you, the more I believe her." Esme sighed, glancing between Rosalie and I. "Bella, honey, maybe we should just take a test. It'll be quick and to the point." She offered, brushing some hair out of my face. I had yet to open my eyes, not wanting to discuss it with anyone. I couldn't have been pregnant. I was in no shape to be a mother.
It just wasn't right. Edward was surely going to run away as soon as I brought it up. I couldn't bear the thought of him leaving me. My life without Edward, at that point in time, was pointless. I couldn't live in a world without him. He probably wouldn't live in a world with a baby. I groaned at the horrific thoughts, covering my eyes.
"If this is really what you want, then we don't have to tell Edward about the test. I mean, if it's negative." Rosalie offered, pulling me into her side. "Come on, Bella. Wouldn't you want to know early?"
"I can't be!" I cried, my voice growing higher with each word. "I can't do this...I can't have a kid. I am not fit to be a mother...I can't screw another person up like that! And Edward, he won't want me with a child! That will change everything!"
I was crying before I knew it. I covered my face with my hands, my pride getting the best of me as I moved to hid in Rosalie's side. She wrapped her arms around me, and I felt Esme's hand move to rub my back soothingly. I just couldn't get a grip. After everything that I had gone through, I was possibly pregnant? It wasn't fair at all.
"Don't cry." Rosalie sighed. "If it's true, then you'll make a great mom. If it's not, at least you've gone through every possible scary situation for someone your age and beyond."
"It will be just fine, Bella." Esme sighed. "Edward won't run away. In fact, I think he'd be happy to have a baby."
"Please...I just, can we take the test and be done with it?" I sniffled, and they nodded. Esme hopped up.
"I have some in my purse." Rose sighed. "I was hanging on to them while I was still testing. Good thing I didn't just toss them, huh?"
"Please. No light-hearted talking." I huffed. "No talking...at all."
"Okay." She whispered, still holding me as Esme came back with her purse.
"Come on, honey. We should do this quickly if you're planning on being done before the guys arrive." Esme held out her hand, pulling me slowly off of the couch. Rosalie followed us, where they sent me to do my business.
I rushed, almost too nervous to do the deed. Once everything was set, I went ahead and washed my hands and splashed my face with some cool water. My attempts to cool down weren't really doing much, as the face looking back at me in the mirror was still bright red and puffy.
I looked at my brown eyes, wondering if maybe Edward was right when he was talking the other day. A little brown-eyed girl with his hair. Or a green-eyed one with my hair. Any combination would have been fine with me, as much as I argued about it, because I knew that if it was ours, then it was more than enough. My hand slid down to my lower belly, where things were still flat, and I sighed softly.
I could have had a mini-Edward in there, growing and living. I shook my head, knowing that there was no way that I couldn't love it. I had a hard time picturing Edward not being head-over-heels for a child, but the thoughts still took over my entire brain. I bit my lower lip, looking down and shaking my head.
"Bella...are you, you know, decent?" Rosalie asked and I told them to come in.
They cracked the door open, the pair slowly walking in. Esme placed her hand on my shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly. I smiled sheepishly at her, not really sure what I should have told her. There was a chance that I was carrying her grandchild, messing with her son's future – it wasn't right.
"How are you feeling?" She asked me and I shrugged.
"I don't even know what to say..." I sighed, running my hand over my hair, where it was still up in a braid.
"I get that," Rosalie spoke, nodding in agreement. "I remember when I first took my test with you. I was so scared. I knew that Charlie and Renee would kill me."
"Did you...I don't know...want it, but know that it wasn't right? Like, you were inadequate and it wouldn't be fair to anyone?" I asked her and she nodded.
"You shouldn't feel like that, I think." She told me, rubbing her neck stressfully. "Your possible baby will have a daddy. You have supporting parental figures, Em and I. Your baby will have loving grandparents. Your baby will have a beautiful mother, someone who changes everyone for the better."
"I don't feel like that." I huffed.
"It's true though."
"Hey ladies!" Emmett's voice made me jump out of my skin, yelping in the process. Esme grabbed my forearm, gripping it gently in a supportive way. Emmett laughed at me, and then looked at Rosalie, who was currently holding my pregnancy test. "Oh, come on babe. You don't need to keep taking those. They all say the same thing." He reached out before she could stop him, turning it so that he could see the result. "See! Pregnant! You're definitely still pregnant."
"Emmett..." Her brow came together, and I watched, shaking my head frantically as he turned to look at me. He watched her, his eyes growing wide as they finally found me.
"Bella?"
"What's going on in here?" Edward laughed, walking in, Carlisle on his trail.
"Edward..." Rosalie and I said his name at the same time, our eyes going back to meet each others.
A/N: Okay, I decided to save the BPOV of the last chapter as an outtake. Feel free to give me ideas of things that you would want from those. I plan on doing a few.
I liked this chapter. I had a good time writing it. I'm finally getting passed my Robsten issues. I still love the both of them, but I've kind of decided to ignore everything. Lol It's all good. Thanks for the support from you all – it means a lot!
Review for the next chapter!