You feel alone and lost. You think that nothing can improve in your life, that it's too late. One day you wake up and you realize you've lost everything you had. Sometimes life can be very hard and we have to overcome many obstacles. Sometimes you take bad decisions in your life and you're very weak to keep going. But you're never alone. Sometimes we can find special people in our lives in the most unexpected way, people who will change your perspective about life. Will you be able to trust a complete stranger? Will you be able to find someone who makes you feel loved? Once again, your life with Darren Criss.
A/N: Thank you very much for all the reviews, it gave me the courage to keep writing knowing that you all enjoy this fanfiction. I'm really sorry it took me too long to update a new chapter, I had a writer's block. The intention of the following story is not only a story of how your life with Darren Criss would be. I tried to leave a message that I hope you all can grasp. Now, enjoy!
Chain Letters.
There you were, looking at your reflection in the mirror. The bathroom was dark and quiet, yet you could see your reflection in the mirror while listening to the sound of your tears dripping into the sink, tears that were cleaning the little blood that you had spilled. The pain in your wrist was intense, but you didn't do anything about it. Only you kept looking at the cut on your wrist while you dripped more tears. It wasn't the first time that you did it, you thought that it was a good way to escape of the deep pain and emptiness that you felt in your life; but you've never been brave enough to escape your life forever. You looked at yourself again in the mirror. Your face betrayed a deep anguish, and your eyes had an empty expression. You watched the reflection of a lost and confused person, of a person who was scared and that had lost all hope. You were seeing the reflection of the person you had become, a kind of person you never thought you could get to be.
"Daddy, do you think that someday I could get to be an actress?"
"Of course, look at yourself. So precious and creative"
"And daddy…? Do you think that I'm going to be as happy as my unicorn is?"
"You'll be even happier. I won't let anyone make you feel sad or anyone ruin your dreams. You're going to be the happiest girl in the world, because that's what you deserve"
You could remember that conversation with your father in the park, while swinging when you were just 8 years old. You would like to go back in time when you were a little girl, when nobody judged you for being who you were and the worst pain you could feel it was when you tripped and you cut the knee to have been running fast. You'd like to be again a little girl when your father was still in this world. Now the world was different, you had to pretend a person who you weren't to please to the others, you had to wear expensive and fashionable clothes so that nobody would look at you strangely and exclude you; now what mattered most was to be popular and recognized no longer care about the values of friendship, love and honesty. Now your social rank depended on the popularity and the money, not whether you were a humble, sincere and good person. The world had become a world full of selfishness, greed, discrimination and hypocrisy aside solidarity, humility, openness and inclusion. And you became one of those hypocrites in order to be included and to make friends, that very different from being true friendships were friendships based on self-interest; but that way you weren't alone. Your life wasn't what you had thought it would be.
"I'm sorry dad. I know I'm defrauding to you. I know this is not what you wanted for my life. But it's the only way that I don't feel alone. I wish you were here to guide me. I'm lost, dad."
Your voice echoed in the silent room while you cried. You got to think about the reasons that had been the cause that led you to make you cut your wrist. You were living in an expensive apartment that you couldn't pay because the money you had wasn't enough, what led you into debt. But you lived there alone because you knew that it was a fancy apartment, that your false friends enjoyed because it meant you had money and then you were included in society. Your closet was full of expensive clothes and shoes, high fashion that had produced more indebtedness; but that way people, when saw you walking down the street, smiled to you and they didn't ignore to you. You couldn't confront all your expenses and indebtedness because you worked in an office as secretary and the balance wans't good; reason why you had to find a second job as a waitress in a nightclub, a job which your false friends had no idea because you hid it, because it made you feel ashamed. And you lived alone because since the death of your father you had been distanced of your family. Your father was the real reason that kept the family together and now he was gone, each family member went their own way. You only saw each other when it was your father's birthday, when it was the Father's Day, or when it was the anniversary of his death in the cemetery. Definitively your life wasn't the one you wanted, your dreams of being an actress and to be happy were gone. Your life was full of lies, conflicts and unhappiness. Your wrist didn't stop bleeding and you were starting to feel weak. Quickly you looked for alcohol and a bandage to put in your wrist to stop the bleeding, to keep living your miserable life.
The next day you got up early as usual to go to work. You put on a long sleeves shirt to hide the scar cutting your wrist. Before leaving your apartment to go to work, you read a letter that has been sent to you. It was a notification saying it was the last notice to pay the debts before you are evicted. You left notification on the table before you go to work. It was a cold day in San Francisco and you decided to go to Starbucks to buy coffee and take it on the way to work, that was your routine. The work was far from your apartment but you liked walking, because it helped to clear your mind. As soon as you arrived to your work, Susan Connan, one of your co-workers, walked over to where you were to tell you that the boss wanted to talk to you. Intrigued, you went to the office where he worked. As soon as you came, your boss looked up to see you.
"Please, have a seat"Your boss said gently. You looked at him and slowly you sat in the chair opposite him. It was very weird that your boss called you.
"Thank you, Mr. Hastings. Mrs. Connan said you wanted to talk to me."You asked puzzled, frowning slightly.
"Exactly. Well miss, as you well know, we're doing some adjustments to the company because businesses aren't doing well."Your boss started to say slowly in professional terms. "And we've been observing your expedient and the reality is you're not as efficient as you used to be"
"What are you trying to tell me, Mr. Hastings?"You asked with fear, looking into his eyes.
"I'm sorry, but you're fired. You can pick up your things and leave now."Mr, Hastings replied seriously.
You looked at him intently and begged him to not do it, but it was too late. Evidently Mr. Hastings had made the decision and was forceful. You greeted Mr. Hastings with a gesture and left his office to go to your desk and pick up your personal stuff while you shed some tears. You left the building as quickly as you could, you noticed that millions of people were staring at you as if they had already known you were going to be fired. You left the building without saying goodbye to anyone, you didn't have mood of talking to anyone, much less to listen false cries because of your dismissal. You started to walk through the streets of San Francisco aimlessly, wondering what you would do now to move forward with the life you had been building over the last four years of your life. You had been fired without notice and now you weren't able to pay the debts you had. You sat on a bench in a park not far from where you used to work. You thought what you would do from now on. You needed to get a new job to not be evicted from you apartment. All your credit cards were canceled for the same debt and the only way to pay them was getting a new job. You went to your apartment to leave your personal stuffs so you can go get a job. When you arrived at your apartment, you saw how all your things were in boxes outside the building. Frightened, you went to talk to the janitor of the building.
"Mike, excuse me. But why are all my stuff out?"You asked to the janitor of the building, altered.
"I'm sorry ma'am. Here you have."Mike replied, giving you a note saying eviction order. "Sorry, Miss."
"Okay Mike, don't worry. Could you take care of my things until I get somewhere to live?"You asked, trying to control your despair and trying to hold back your tears.
"Don't worry, miss. I'll keep them until you get somewhere to live"
"Thank you, Mike"
You stayed standing helplessly. You had been evicted and now you had nowhere to live, you had no job and had no money to go anywhere. You thought that the best option would be to sell some of your old furniture that decorated your apartment and thus get some money to pay for a new apartment until you get a new job.
You spent that day selling all your expensive furniture and designer clothes. You only kept few things. The rest of the day you searched for a new place to live. It was very difficult, because the cost of rent had risen sharply in recent years. However, already near dusk, you found a small apartment on the outskirts of the city.
The apartment was a single room very small and dirty. It had a tiny kitchen and a bathroom; and dining room, living room and bedroom were the same room. The lighting was very bad and you could hear the noise of trucks and cars passing at full speed. It was a somewhat dangerous area, where many robberies and assaults happened, so you could hear the sirens of police cars all the time. But that was the only place you had been able to get because of your lack of money. You tried to accommodate your personal stuff in the new apartment. The only things you kept were a refrigerator, a table with a chair, your computer to work and a mattress. You had sold all the other furniture and clothes. You only had five sets of clothes and shoes to wear. You laid in the mattress thinking about all that happened to you on the day. You started to mourn inconsolably knowing that your life had deteriorated and you didn't know what you were going to do from now on. You thought it was time to end such pain and misery of your life. As you used to do in those moments of intense sadness and desolation, you went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, this time to end it all. You grabbed the knife and before you could do something, someone rang the bell of your apartment. You ignored it, but the person who was ringing the bell kept insisting. You quickly dried up the tears and left the knife to go open the door. A man dressed in blue with a hat and messenger bag was standing in front of your door with an envelope in his hand.
"You have to sign here, Miss"The postman said, giving you the envelope.
"No, sorry. The recipient must be the former owners of this department, I've moved here recently"The man looked at you and grabbed the envelope again to read it.
"Well, this doesn't say the recipient's name, just says the address to which must be delivered. So please sign here"The postman said giving you the envelope again.
"Sorry, but no one knows I'm living here. This letter isn't for me."
"Please, just sign and let me continue my work"The postman said a little annoyed.
"Fine, fine. I will."You also answered annoyed and signed it.
You closed the door and left the letter on the table, still upset. You poured a glass of water and sat in the chair, staring at the letter. In a way, that letter was the reason that had avoided doing something stupid, perhaps fate made you to get that letter for some reason. You frowned and grabbed the letter to stare it. You were about to open it, but you stopped.
"Oh, this is stupid! How can I believe that a letter has saved me? Why should I read it if I have no idea who sent it and is not even for me? Such an idiot I am!"
Your angry voice echoed in the room and you threw the letter down, then you went to lie in the mattress. You tried to sleep to get up early and get a job, but your mind kept thinking. You stopped staring at the ceiling to see the letter again. You were intrigued to read it, you wanted to know what it said and who was the person that had wrote it. You got up and sat back in your chair to open the envelope. The letter wasn't very long and was written by hand. After a long time watching it, you started to read the letter.
"Dear addressee. You don't know me nor do I know who you are. This letter may be now in the hands of any person: an old man, a child, an adult, a teenager. It may be a person who is happy and enjoying his life, or may be in the hands of someone who thinks his life is a misery and is plunged into a deep depression. But anyway, I think this letter must be with the person who is reading, for some reason this letter reached you. I hope you continue reading this with due attention. It isn't an ordinary letter. I won't give bad news nor good news. It's simply a letter written to tell an important event that has happened in my life, and I promised to do this. Some time ago, I thought my life was meaningless. Throughout my life I've dreamed many things, but I've never been able to fulfill my dreams. I was very depressed and I did follow the bad ways of life because of depression. My life was based on scamming people and taking drugs and alcohol. In a way, I wanted to destroy my life slowly. I was lost on the road of life. I was planning a big robbery, that night I was going to do it if it weren't for a letter that came to me unexpectedly by a stranger, not even my name appeared as a recipient, but I got carried away by the temptation and I read the letter. It was a young girl who was telling a big event in her life and, like I'm doing, promised to tell the success of her life with other people out there having maybe the same problem as she or that, at least, it would serve other people to realize how this world we live in has changed and there are many people suffering. The letter from her has changed my point of view about life and so far I've gotten a job, I stopped stealing and taking drugs and alcohol to concentrate on fulfilling all those dreams that I had some time.
This letter has the best intentions. The meaning of all this is to show people they are not alone in this life and, if you put your mind, you can fulfill your dreams and give it a twist to life to start to enjoy it. Remember that around you will always be people who care about you and are willing to help you move forward. Focus on doing all those things you've always wanted to do but, for different circumstances in your life, you have not done. I know this sounds difficult, but not all is lost in life, you still have time to improve everything. An unknown person is telling you that you can do it, not give up and not lose your hope. You'll see how your life will begin to improve once you start doing those things you've always wanted to do. Be brave and take a chance. Nothing can go wrong if you keep trying. And every time you feel lost, remember that there's an unknown man who has told that you're not alone.
Please continue with this and send this letter to the first 3 addresses that you find in the directory. Tell your story; tell 'em all you've been through and everything you want to do. Maybe then we can help someone who really needs it.
Remember; make a change in your life. You'll see that you won't regret anything. I've done it, and I can say I'm a happy man.
It's time to say goodbye. Thank you very much for reading this letter. Now is your turn to tell your story.
Greetings, an unknown man."
You finished reading the letter and you kept looking at the letter that had saved your life. That was just what you needed to recover your way back. A simple letter had made you realize that there are more people in your same situation, trying to find their way in life. A simple letter from a stranger made you think you were still in time to reverse your situation. A simple letter from a stranger gave you hope as your father used to do. Suddenly, the world no longer seemed so miserable. You grabbed the directory and searched the first 3 addresses you saw. Definitely you were going to continue this chain letter.
The loud noise of a truck made you wake up the next day. You got up in a good mood and full of energy to do all that you had set out to do. You prepared a big coffee and decided to answer the letter that person had sent you.
"Your letter has saved my life, I arrived at the appropriate time and place and I'll never be able to thank you enough.
As well as your letter has helped me, I'll do the same to help people who might be in my same situation. This means a lot to me, I hope your life continues improving.
Greetings."
That was all you could answer, your words weren't enough to express your gratitude.
Once you finished breakfast, you went to the mail to send the letter, and then you went to downtown San Francisco to start doing all the things proposed. A sense of hope, that you thought had disappeared, invaded your body. For the first time, after many years, you were smiling in happiness and you thought everything was going well. Suddenly, those streets of San Francisco, which before seemed to be gloomy streets where millions of people walking by your side lost in their own thoughts; were now full of life, joyful and full of quirky people. You've never seen San Francisco as beautiful as that day; it was a beautiful city you've never been able to appreciate.
You walked slowly for a long time, admiring that place where you lived; until finally you came to that place you always wanted to go but you'd never dared. You were in front of a building where you could take theater classes. This was the first step in fulfilling that dream you've always had since you were a little girl, of becoming an actress. You knew that it was most likely not get to be a famous actress, but that didn't matter. What really mattered was to feel the passion of being onstage, playing a role, leaving all of you on stage and giving the audience a moment of entertainment and reflection. The theater for you was the art of creating an imaginary world that pretends to be real, it was the art able to give people a new point of view, was the art of making people feel they were part of that world through laughter and tears. The theater made you feel that, even if everything in our life is dark and full of sadness, art and creativity were always going to be present giving beauty to our lives. Precisely this was what you were looking for, to feel again all that.
Finally you came in and talked to a receptionist who told you all the bases and conditions and the cost of classes. It was very expensive, but you were willing to get a job and do your best to take these classes, so you agreed. Next month would be your first day. You left the building pleased by the progress you've done. You were not going to let people judge you by your desire to do theater.
The next thing you did was try to get a job. You left Curriculum vitae in several law firms, because you had a law degree. Your mother forced you to study law as she did although you didn't like it. You considered that being a lawyer was something totally different to the creativity that characterized you. You were always interested in things that were related to art, it was a way of expression and to keep that child still living inside you. However, you'd studied law and received honors, so you had opportunities to work in a law firm, where the salary was high. You were willing to work there to get to do what you most passionate about. Once you went to several law firms, you returned to your new apartment to wait for a call and ready to write those three people, as you promised, a letter explaining your situation.
You sat at the table with a pen and three papers that would say exactly the same. You kept looking at the blank paper without knowing where to start, but once you started the words began to flow alone.
"This is the story of a young unknown woman who was lost in her life until she received a letter from a stranger that changed her life. Sometimes people think that there's no hope, that life doesn't seem to make sense, that it's too late to do all those things you dreamed of but never did for different reasons in life. You feel so lost that you start taking bad decisions throughout your life, sometimes decisions that cannot be reversed like those scars that are marked on your skin as traces of an attempt to end all the suffering that characterizes your life, as traces of an attempt to give up and finish your stage in this world. Sometimes we feel that we're alone, that there's no one in the world who understands and that is by your side to give you that much-needed support that you don't have. Sometimes you see how everyone around you seem to be happy while you're slowly dying within you, and they don't notice it because you pretend to be happy like them, because you aren't brave enough to tell the person next to you everything that you lived and all that you're living, because you feel that they simply don't care. You're holding all your feelings, putting a mask of happiness, until you cannot stand more and that's when a new scar appears on your skin. Everyone around you seem distant, but you try to cling to them to avoid being alone and thinking about your problems. You pretend to be someone you're not to not deal with your problems and seek solutions, because it's easier this way. Then your life becomes one big lie, in a play that seems endless, while depression invades every part of your body, but you hide it. You cannot talk to anyone because everyone thinks you're happy. You give up your dreams because the only thing you do is to survive just another day in this world rather than enjoy it, because you think your dreams are stupid and never going to make it true and it's easier to survive than to strive and face your fears. You are weak. Your lack of courage and your sadness make you be a neutral person, a person walking in this world empty, unable to have genuine feelings, unable to love and be loved; a cold person unable to show all the love and repressed feelings. You become a slave of your own body. You start thinking that every moment of happiness is stupid, that you don't deserve to be happy because you let your problems being more important than trying to find the way to be happy. One day you sit in your bed and you look in the mirror asking yourself what is the point of go on living, if it looks like things will not change. You look in the mirror and look at a person with an empty look, tired of living this way. But when you decide to give up altogether, an unexpected event stops you and saves your life.
Yesterday I received a letter from a stranger who gave me all the support I needed all this time and I never had. A simple letter that made me realize that it's never too late to change your life. Suddenly the world no longer seemed bleak, and a strange feeling came over my body, a feeling that people often call hope. That simple letter gave me the courage to face my fears and do what I always wanted to do. I changed my attitude and I can finally honestly say that I'm being happy; I no longer need a mask. I know I still have many things to live and I'm going to devote to find those things. I know that everything cannot be perfect, I know I'm going to find many obstacles along the way, but this time I won't give up, this time I'll learn to get up when I stumble. Worth a try. And after all, we can never enjoy our achievements if we don't go through difficulties that confront us. I'll be strong and do my best. I know I can.
The point of this letter is to make people see that all isn't lost. I don't know who is going to receive this letter or don't know if this letter will help you reflect on your own life, but it worked for me. Yesterday I received a letter from an unknown man who told me his story and sent it to three strangers. Today, with this letter, I'm asking whoever you receive this letter, to send three letters to different people explaining your history. It's a small gesture that can help people find their way, and even lifesaving. It saved my life, and hope it works for other people. We aren't the only ones who have problems; all we have to do is make people feel they are not alone.
I hope that this chain of letters will follow continuing.
Sincerely, a stranger."
After you finished the letter, you searched three addresses at random and left your apartment to send them. You started to feel a sense of relief and happiness. Finally you said many things that had happened to you to someone, although you didn't really say those facts, the causes that had led you to take these decisions in your life. You knew that, for the first time since your father died, someone would listen to you. And you weren't feeling alone.
FOUR DAYS LATER…
The postman knocked on your door to give you two letters came from two directions in which you had sent your letter. You felt a weird feeling, you didn't know what might come to find in these letters; however you sat down and opened the first letter.
"What you've done is inconceivable. To begin with, who do you think you are to send a letter like this to a family home? It's as if you've invaded our privacy. We don't even know who you are, because you've retained your name as anonymous. I don't know what you're looking for, but if you dare to do harm to our family I'll sue to spend the rest of your life in prision, I swear this will be the last thing you do. And I don't believe any of that story as a child suffered. If you have so many problems, go to a psychologist and stop bothering people who are trying to deal with their own problems, which are already enough. People like you shouldn't exist in this world, cannot do anything else to complain about life and disturb families trying to be happy. Lock yourself in a mental hospital. In this way, you'd help people; do a great favor to this society.
Please don't contact me again or you know what you'll get in return. One last tip, stop living in the midst of lies and find something better to do in life than complain about it."
You kept looking at the letter, surprised. The words that person used to describe his opinion about your letter was very rude. You weren't expecting an answer like this, definitely that person didn't understand the meaning of your letter. You kept thinking about how some people could be so closed-minded and selfish. You read the letter again. The handwriting appeared to be from an older person, by the pulse. You thought maybe that was the reason why that person said that. Sometimes older people just want to enjoy their remaining time of life and cannot respond to a person who has problems much less to a stranger. They just cling to their loved ones and it's fully compressible. You left the letter aside and grabbed the second letter. You were scared with what you might get to find, but you had to read it. Slowly you opened it and started reading.
"I just finished reading your letter and I was surprised. The truth is that I admire the courage you had to tell what happened to you, must have been difficult for you. Your letter has helped me think about some aspects of my life and I thank you. This is the first time I receive a letter and I'm glad that it was a kind of letter like this. I hope you find your way and if you ever feel lost, you'll always have my address to contact me. I don't know if I'll be very helpful but at least you know that an unknown person will answer. It was a very emotional and sincere letter that made me realize that there are people who need our help and we should stop thinking only about ourselves if we want to live a happy and harmonious life.
I'll definitely continue this chain letter, you have my support. I wish you can do everything you always wanted to do and you can keep up.
Honestly, your unknown correspondent."
You finished reading the letter and you couldn't help but shed some tears. The letter wasn't long, but it contained many beautiful words. Even she had offered you keep writing if you ever feel bad. You were happy to know that your letter hadn't been in vain and that at least one of the three people was going to continue with the chain letters. You started to imagine how that person would be, if she was young or not, how her life would be like, if she works or studies, if she had family or not. But you didn't know and that encouraged you to continue writing, you could get to know more about that person and only by letters. Never before you had done something like this and you liked the feeling of experiencing new things. That day you fell asleep thinking about the crazy idea to get to have a pen pal, wondering whether that friendship could become more real than the friends you had in real life, that even had wondered all this time what had happened to you. A smile appeared on your face when you finally fell asleep in that apartment in the suburbs of San Francisco.
FOUR WEEKS LATER…
It had been four weeks since you sent your letter. The third person hadn't yet replied and perhaps would not. All you expected was that at least that person has read your letter and has sent his or her own letter to three different people.
In four weeks, many things had happened. You were in a new month. You'd finally gotten a job in a quite recognized law firm, so that the salary was very good. Also you worked only six hours a day, Monday through Friday, which gave you time to do things that you liked. You bought a camera and started to practice taking good pictures. You liked spending time taking pictures of landscapes and people, because you could capture all the beauty that was around you and made you think what people were thinking on different occasions. You used to stay looking at people trying to figure out how they would feel or what they were doing, and you used to stay looking at a landscape, thinking of different things in life. When you weren't taking pictures, you were in your apartment painting and making handcrafts to decorate your apartment and get a place more enjoyable to live.
During the four weeks you continued writing to the person of the second letter. You'd talked about many things and you got to know her a little more. It was a girl of twenty years old called April who was studying journalism and lived in New York alone in a student residence. You found out that in her spare time she used to attend charity events to help people with disabilities. She'd told you that three people had answered her letter and it worked. Both maintained a good relationship through letters and knew you were going to continue writing each other. April seemed a good girl, though she hadn't yet told the story of her life. You still had time.
That day was your first day of theater classes and you were very excited. The first class was a class where everyone introduced themselves. It wasn't a large group, there were only ten people. Before the class ended, you all did an impromptu performance. You could remember that time when you were a little girl, you could remember what it felt like being on stage and a feeling of extreme happiness came over you. During the minutes that lasted the impromptu performance, you forgot everything around you, everything you'd lived. There were only you and your classmates playing an imaginary situation. Finally you honestly smiled like that time you acted for the first time when you were eight years in front of your father.
When you came back to your apartment, you found a letter under your door. The third and last person had answered your letter. Quickly, you grabbed the letter and you sat down to start reading it.
"Hell-o stranger! I'm the stranger squared answering your letter, I'm used to receive letters but the truth is that I had never before received a letter like yours, so I told myself –Strange boy, it's time to grab pen and paper to answer this letter -so I listened to my mind that never stopped talking. Your letter left me much to think about. Throughout my silly life I've heard many things like that, but no one before had described me it with such honesty and realism. What can I say? I'm not very good at giving advice, in my life I've done many bad things like throwing cupcakes to cool people, but really your letter gave me a weird feeling. It's unbelievable how a person can feel when loses the way. If there's anything you know now is that you're not alone cause you're here with me. Yes, that's it. My mom taught me that -The power of a smile goes a long way - so I decided that I'm going to help you smile, I wish I could help you and I find it absolutely incredible that it's through letters. Man, I'd never done anything like this! Is so cool! Maybe I cannot answer it quickly because my life is somewhat accelerated, I'm a busy bee! That's why I couldn't answer before, I had to go to NYC for work.
I'm glad you've finally decided to go ahead and face your fears, that way you can be yourself. I always say that -There's nothing more badass than being yourself -so I say huzzah for that!
I saw this letter is from San Francisco, weird! I lived most of my life in SF, I could say I'm a proud native of San Francisco and I left my heart there. Perhaps we know each other, perhaps not. It'll be a big mystery. I love mysterious things, you never know what you're going to find so then you have to investigate clues just as Tintin does! Tintin is my idol, I always wanted to be like him, perhaps someday I will. Who knows? Another big mystery of life. You see? Mystery. The mystery is totally awesome, man!
I have a terrible problem, I cannot stop talking. I'm talking all the time, well in this case it'd be writing. I'm writing a lot and should stop, but I cannot because my mind is very accelerated and it looks like my hand took control of my body! What would happen if for one day of our lives our hands take the control of the body? I'd call it Handy-day. Well, it's a terrible name. I should think of something better, perhaps as the title of a film as a documentary that could then go through History Channel -The world according to the hand –It'd be an interesting point of view.
Once again, I deviated from the topic of conversation. Thinking about many hands made me think that I really should use my hand to get an Apple juice. Do you like the Apple juice? I think it's fucking delicious. One simple thing leads to another, and thinking about delicious I wondered what your favorite food is.
Hey! I just had an idea! We could play a kind of game, which would make this much more fun! What do you think about this idea? Anyway I won't take a no as an answer, so here I go. I'll do a series of questions and you have to answer me them in the following letter. What we get with this? Very simple. We're going to have fun, you're gonna be able to ask me questions as I'm gonna do and you're gonna be forced to answer this letter. I'll be a sad panda if you don't answer this letter, and nobody wants to see a sad panda so you have no options.
Please Miss, answer the following questions.
1- What's your favorite food?
2- What's the dream of your life?
3- Do you like Disney? (If yes, answer what is your favorite movie)
4- What do you think about music?
5- Define cupcakes.
6- If you had the chance to know to place in the world. Which would it be? Justify your answer.
Whoa! I felt as if I were a teacher. That's a good thing, I always wanted to be a teacher or a dad, is the closest thing to be a superhero!
Well, I think my hand already took my body for too long and it's starting to hurt, so I'm gonna say - Bad hand! Let me rest! -I'm a tired panda and I need to get some sleep to start a busy day tomorrow!
I await your reply, mysterious girl!
Warm fuzzies, the guy who turned into a paper to be a letter. :)
PS 1: This is totally awesome!
PS 2: I should stop writing now!
PS 3: I hope you have a bloody amazing day!
PS 4: Yeah, all my life I pretended to be British.
PS 5: Now seriously… mysterious guy OUT!"
"Wow" Your voice echoed in the quiet room. "This is probably rather definitely the strangest letter I received in my life! Wow."
You started to laugh at the letter. Definitely that letter had cheered you day. It had no coherence; it seemed as if this guy was writing everything was coming to mind. Definitely he hadn't premeditated what he was going to write. You looked at the letter again and saw how the boy had drawn a smiley face at the end of the letter. You smiled when you felt the sweetness that it provoked to you. As he said, you had no choice. You had to answer the letter, but you really wanted to. You liked his idea of turning letters into a sort of game, it was like returning to childhood, where the games made you have fun and always made you laugh. You decided to answer the letter at that moment.
"Hi letter-boy! Wow, your letter was so… I don't even know where to start, if I should answer the letter first or answer the questions. However, here I am answering because, as you said, nobody likes to see a sad panda! In a way, I was forced to answer the letter. First of all, I have a big question that got me thinking... Do you really have conversations with your mind? Is it as if your mind were a person? Now that's interesting.
Well I've already decided how to answer the letter, I'll reply in parts.
Thank you for your words-You're not alone cause you're here with me -They were very beautiful, made me remember a song I once heard. And your mom is very good at giving advice, that phrase about the smile is very true, I never stopped to think about that. A smile was always having a simple smile for me, now the meaning is different. I'd have liked to have a mother like yours who could give me an advice like that throughout my life. And if what you're looking for with this letter was to make me smile, well definitely your mission is accomplished. Your letter was the most bizarre and funny letter I received.
Alright-Busy bee -Now that's busy! Tell me, is your work based on wake up every morning, explore flowers and collect honey? If so, you definitely have to send me some honey, I'm like Winnie the Pooh, so I demand my jar of honey!
Then-There's nothing more badass than being yourself -that's an interesting way to describe the experience of being oneself. I've always heard statements like -Don't be afraid to be yourself -or-Be yourself and you'll find the way to be happy -but I had never heard that being yourself you'd be a badass. I couldn't help but imagine myself wearing clothes to my taste, with a cap and an earring in my tongue walking down the street screaming -Look at me, I'm a badass!-It was very funny. But I caught the message, don't worry I'm not that stupid. In a way, is the quote about being yourself most honest I've heard. I'm trying to be myself, although it's sometimes difficult. We live in a very judgmental society, where if you are motivated to be yourself, you'll be excluded. I always think that the important values of life have been replaced by the popularity, money and social rate to which you belong. But I've tried to be someone else and it didn't work, so now I'll try to be myself, and take the first step. As you said... Huzzah! (I must admit is a very funny expression, I think I'll start to use it more often).
Exactly, I'm from San Francisco. I was born here and lived here all my life. It's a beautiful city, but I'm just enjoying it now. Maybe we do know, but judging by how you like mystery, is better if we stop here and keep it as a secret. The mysterious life of the unknown girl and boy. Sounds good, we should make our own movie.
Tintin? Really? I've heard very crazy dreams, but no doubt this is the weirdest dream I've heard. I have a solution. Ready? You'll hear (or read) the most amazing solution to fulfill your dream to be Tintin. All you have to do is get orange pants, a blue shirt and a red wig if you don't have red hair. Get out into the street and start to follow mysterious clues. Tada! The new Tintin has appeared! Tell me if it worked or not.
Of talking about Tintin you started talking about the hand, and hand to dominate the world. Maybe one day we wake up and our hands will be monitoring us, doing unimaginable things, taking revenge because they're tired of us having the control. And that will be a case that Tintin must solve. Would Tintin be able to solve the mystery? Would Tintin be able to save humanity from the empire of hand? We will see that in the next episode of The Adventures of Tintin!
This-Apple juice, fucking delicious -sounds like propaganda. Are you a publicist? The truth is that I don't drink apple juice, I prefer to drink Gatorade. Now that's really delicious. Maybe ever change the Gatorade for apple juice and I'll tell you if it's fucking delicious or not.
You won't take a no as an answer, so I'll have to play that game. I'll answer your questions and then I'll ask you.
1- Favorite food. This's a hard question, I cannot even pick one. If Nutella or chocolate count as food, that would be my answer. If those options aren't valid, I think I'd say lasagna. You can call me Garfield now!
2- What's the dream of my life. Well, it's a very intense question. My dream has always been acting. It may sound silly, but I've always wanted to give my life to a stage where you can make up completely imaginary worlds, where you can give people a deep message through entertainment. I think the theater is one of the most amazing arts where you're constantly expressing creativity, and creativity in an adult is a child who has never disappeared. At one point, I think that everything would be more enjoyable if we could keep the child we always were, the child is creativity and pure innocence. It's amazing what you can learn from a child. But I never have tried to fulfill my dream, so far. I've studied something completely different because of fear, but today was my first theater class. I call that progress. And I'm really very happy to have made the decision to start studying theatre.
3- Of course I love Disney! I think I've watched all the movies and I know all the songs! I'm like a maniac. I even used to have a dog named Goofy, if that answers your question. I've always wanted to go to Disneyland, it'd be like a dream to be walking in the midst of a fantastic and amazing world, but I never had the chance. I guess someday I'll go. You asked me to choose my favorite movie, but there are so many! I guess I'll answer the Lion King, it's probably the best movie and even nowadays I cry when Mufasa dies, I cannot help it. But I always wanted to be Ariel from the Little Mermaid. She's so beautiful with an incredible voice. Ariel is definitely the character that I would most like to be.
4- What I think about music. Believe it or not, it's a complex question. I think music is the art of expressing all that we feel from the bottom of our hearts, feelings that cannot be expressed otherwise. The music is all that remains beautiful when everything seems dark and ugly. Music is like an engine that drives us to look beyond what our eyes can see, is something that is not tangible but it feels. We, people, can identify with music and music let all that is around us makes sense. This sounds like something utopian and unrealistic, but I think it really is like that. I never had the opportunity to learn to play an instrument and I'm a terrible singer, but I love to listen and feel the music. If ever I have the opportunity to play an instrument, it'd be the piano. Every time I hear the sound of the piano, it's like my mind flew to another dimension. I don't think I'm gonna get to learn to play the piano because it takes a talent that I don't have, but I'm happy with listening to its melody.
5- Define cupcakes. This is the most extravagant and random question I've ever had. The cupcakes are simply delicious. I think I'd include them in my daily basis. They're very tasty and we can find a huge variety, of all sizes, tastes and colors. Definitely I wouldn't throw them to people like you, I prefer to eat them!
6- A place in the world. Wow! The truth is that I never thought about it before. I think I have two places in the world. One place would be a dream to go, and the other place would be more like a reality that could be near. The real place where I'd like to live, would be NYC, it's like my ideal city where I could do better and progress. And I like the theater, so I'd love to go to Broadway. I don't know if I'd have the chance to perform on Broadway (c'mon, it's very unreal!) But I'd like to watch all the performances and acting. I'm seriously thinking about moving to NYC to live. My place in the world, where I'd love to go and know, it'd be Italy. The beautiful and historic Italy. It's a wonderful country, full of history and art, is a perfect place. I know that if someday I go to Italy I'm going to fall in love with it, is a country where I can find everything: Roman art, Medieval, Renaissance. Italy is the country of Renaissance art, art, architecture and landscape are fused to make the perfect place. Italy is definitely my place in the world, and I have to admit that even the Italian language is very sexy.
Alright, I've answered all your questions and this letter seems endless. So now it's my turn to ask. Are you ready?
1- What do you do?
2- In your free times, what do you like to do?
3- If I say Harry Potter, what do you think?
4- Day or night?
5- If you had to describe your life in a nutshell, what would?
6- What was far more cheerful and exciting event of your life?
Well, six questions as you asked me. Here's the first rule of the game: is not allowed to ignore any questions.
I look forward to your letter, or I'll be a sad panda, and as you said, nobody likes to see a sad panda. Don't worry if you can't answer the letter quickly, I understand you're a busy bee collecting honey.
Warm fuzzies, the mysterious girl.
PS: I'm attaching some photos I took (Yeah, I love taking pictures). Perhaps them bring you memories."
That way you ended your letter to the mysterious and funny guy. You had the feeling that you were going to have a good time with him. You enclosed with the letter some pictures of San Francisco that you had taken and drew a smiley face at the end of the letter, in the same way he had done in his letter. You sent the letter and you came back to your apartment, eager and excited to receive his answer.
THREE WEEKS LATER…
You got up by the sound of someone knocking on the door. It was a cold Saturday at 8am. You grabbed your coat and opened the door to face a man, still a little asleep. It was the postman with a package for you from that mysterious guy.
"Have I casually been named letter-boy? I've been called many things in my life, but never letter-boy. Letter-boy sounds so... tiny. I like it. Man! I have a pet name already! From now on I'll be the letter-boy and you'll be the letter-girl. It's only fair!
You asked me if I have conversations with my mind, as if my mind were a person. Duh! I've even named it; my mind is called Little Brainy. Isn't it cute? Many times we squabble, but we have a very special bond that makes us best friends who are dodging all sorts of obstacles together and nobody will ever separate us! It's the best friend I ever had. Maybe it's because it's part of my body and we are connected, I don't know. It's organic and mysterious.
You've talked about your mother, who didn't give you advice like my mom. Tell me about it. How is it, how is your relationship with her. I'd like to get to know you a little more. You don't have to if you're not comfortable, but after all I'm a letter-boy and that's easier to tell your personal stuff to someone who wasn't always in your life, someone who can't judge you and that it's not gonna tell your stuff to anyone out there. I may help you to get you loads off you've loaded all these years alone. Moreover, so you can see that you can trust me, I'll tell you something very personal that I've never told anyone. It'll be a secret just between you and me; I trust that you'd keep the secret.
Many years ago, I went to elementary school. Back then I was just a silly boy, ordinary. I could never be like other kids my age. It seemed that those guys just enjoyed playing and doing mischief, they were only used to spend their time hanging out talking about robots and tough guys with guns, dreaming of becoming firemen, astronauts, policemen or cowboys. Of course I also did pranks, in my life I've made millions of antics that have led me to be in penance often and they made my parents nervous. But spending time with those guys wasn't what I most enjoyed doing. I didn't dream of being a firefighter, or astronaut, neither cop nor cowboy. I wanted to be an actor and musician. I used to spend all my time playing my guitar, singing and doing Disney covers. When I wasn't doing that, I was spending hours learning to play the violin and cello, and then I learned to play the piano, drums, mandolin, harmonica, ukulele, kazoo, the pan flute, didgeridoo and other instruments. In my free time I wasn't used to play soccer, I was used to lock myself in my room and practice in the mirror acting certain situations I made up in my head. If anyone ever looked at me, sure thought I was crazy, but we're all a little crazy. At that time my singing voice wasn't very good and I was always compared with my brother (he's a genius, has a band and is totally awesome). My parents always supported me in everything I wanted to do; I always had support from 'em. But they never knew what happened to me meanwhile in school. When I was walking through the hallways at school people always yelled at me-Weirdo! -And a lot of words I cannot remember. At that time, I thought being called a weirdo was an insult. When I sang, acted or played guitar boys laughed in my face and made fun of me. I had no friends, I was excluded and a... weirdo. Many times after school a group of boys who called themselves - the rough boys - were used to corner me and beat me or they locked me in the bathroom, they stole and broke my personal stuff. I always lied to my parents- I stumbled- or - I lost it - or - I got distracted doing something else- They believed me because there were no lies between us. I remember that for my birthday I had to spend my lunch money to pay kids to go to my birthday party so that way my mother would think I had friends. Once, a rainy day, the rough boys did something that got out of their control. I had finished a performance for New Year's Eve in front of the whole school, singing with my guitar. That bothered the rough boys and they waited for me after school. They wanted my guitar, wanted to break it, and I wasn't going to let them to take it off from me. We argued until I felt how one of them, the leader, pushed me and I fell down the stairs. From that moment I remember nothing until I opened my eyes and was in a hospital and my mom was beside me, watching me. I remember some words she told me- They told me that you fell off the stairs. Is that true? -I stared at her eyes and seconds later I nodded. That was the last lie I told my mom, I was afraid that the rough guys would beat me again for telling the truth. Time passed and I never told anyone. I still have a scar on the back of my head and since then sometimes I'm used to forget things like the lyrics of a tune. Since then, I realized that being different makes you stronger, and thanks to that over time I could find true friends. I know it's not so serious or important, but it's an event that stuck in my memory and I've never told to someone before. So this is our first secret we share.
Anyway, you've told me what you imagined when I said badass. Why don't you do it? Why don't you go out into the street like that? It could be quite fun.You'd walk down the street saying-Hey! Look at me, I'm different and you cannot do shit about it!I'm cool, man!-I don't know how you look physically, but I'm imagining you in my mind and I can't stop laughing!
Your point of view on society is quite deep and I'd even say right. But I think there are still good people in this world who understand what the real and important life values are, the ones who will be always there and won't go away over time. You just have to learn to see who these people are and interact with them. You'll be surprised when you see that there are still so many people like that. Don't worry about those who think that the popularity, money and social status are everything; they'll realize soon that it's not like that and they'll regret. And after all ... who are they to judge? We too are to blame for that, without realizing we put them in a higher status. We do nothing for them to realize that we are all equal. We should think about it too. Just dedicate yourself to enjoy the time with people who are worth it and not let anyone thinks is better than you, because no one is and you matter.
Hey! It's not a bad idea to dress up as Tintin! Someday I'll do it and I'll research some clues, I'm gonna keep you posted. I may find out the mystery of the hands, I'm willing to take the risk. If you watch in History Channel the story about hand, that's gonna be me!
Is your favorite food the lasagna? Whoa! You really are Garfield! I hope you're not like Garfield on a Monday. Well, you told me you loved Nutella, that it's delicious. So if I were you, I'd see what is attached with this letter. You have to open the package that says -Surprise number one -You have to follow duly the order of the surprises as you read the letter!
I don't think your dream of becoming an actress is stupid. You know? I love Disney and I think it's the perfect time to quote him–If you can dream it, you can do it -It worked for me, why wouldn't it work for you? Don't give up, if it's what you really want you can do it. It's beautiful how you talk about theatre. I feel exactly the same about theater; I think it's where I really belong. And like you, I think we should all keep our inner child. Don't worry too much about everything, about what others think, and just enjoy yourself what you have. You've definitely took a good decision to register yourself in those theater classes. Maybe someday we could get to act together through letters, or who knows maybe destiny would join us and we'd star a Broadway play together. We must dream, mustn't we? Dreaming is something that keeps us alive, giving us the strength to carry on, the reason that gives us a goal to fulfill. And when you're aiming too high on the moon and then you can put your feet on the ground, it'll be a wonderful thing. It's a very cool experience.
Okay, you love Disney. I think we have another thing in common. As you might have noticed, I love Disney since I was a little innocent boy. We have something to share! Oh my wizard god! The Lion King is one of the best movies ever! When I go watch that movie I also need a tissue, because I know I'll mourn like a baby! However, my favorite movie is Aladdin. Have you always wanted to be Ariel? This is when you have to open the package that says -Surprise numer two -I think you'll like it and it'll be more useful to be with you than with me. Someday you'll go to Disneyland and you'll never want to leave! I've been there several times and I never get tired of it, it's ... totally awesome!
Wow. Just wow. Your way to explain music is the most wonderful thing I've ever heard in my life. Your words really made me thrill. It's hard to find someone who thinks that way about music. Many people think that music is only a background melody, but very few people know how to appreciate what really is the music. The only thing I'd add is that music is life. You said that the piano is your favorite instrument, but you've never learned how to play it. Here comes my -Surprise number three - It's not really a piano, but it's a very small keyboard much like a piano. I took the boldness of writing musical notes in the keyboard keys. I'll teach you to play the piano, I'm gonna be your tutor. If you can't get it at the first attempt, don't give up, it was really hard for me too at first. It's crazy, isn't? Having a piano teacher through letters. You must be wondering how the hell are we gonna do it. It's very simple actually, here comes the last surprise. The -Surprise number four - It's a CD where I'm playing the piano a Disney song, probably my favorite one - Part of your World - Don't worry! I only shot the piano and my hands, so don't be scared to see the CD. You're going to try to copy me, you'll record all your practices, and then you're going to send it to me. That way I can evaluate you and teach you to play the piano. Don't be afraid! I know you can do it. So you can call me teacher letter-boy from now on.
About the cupcakes ... someday we're gonna buy a lot of cupcakes and we're gonna throw them at walls together. It'll be one of the funniest things you'll ever do in your life!
Your places in the world. Why do you think about it too much? If you really want to go to NYC, all you have to do is to pack your suitcase and get your ass there. The only thing I'd ask is you to tell me what your new address is gonna be so I can keep sending you letters!
Ti piace l'Italia? Italia è veramente un paese meraviglioso! Yeah, I can speak fluent Italian, I've lived in Italy to study commedia dell'arte. I'll always consider Italy as a beautiful country; all art, landscapes, people. I know that someday you'll be able to fulfill the dream to go there, and I know you're gonna love that place. Hai scelto un buon posto nel mondo.
Now it's my turn to answer your questions.
1- As you surely have noticed throughout this letter, I dedicate myself to the theater and music, which are definitely my two passions. I think we share the passion for the theatre and the show bussines, reason why we can talk about many things together.
2- In my free time what I like to do. Man! So many things! But definitely the answer is to play my guitar. Playing my guitar is the best way to disconnect from everything and concentrate only on music. There's nothing that can be compared to playing the guitar.
3- Harry Potter. Where do I start? Harry Potter made my childhood magical. I read all the books, I've watched all the movies and, with a group of friends, we have created our own version of Harry Potter, a comic version. Harry Potter is the boy who lived to give us a new magical world. I'm an insane hopeless fan. Even once I did a sort of quiz to see in which house I'd be. Apparently I'm a Hufflepuff! Harry Potter is ... totally awesome! I'm still waiting for the owl to come to my house with a letter of acceptance to Hogwarts; I've been waiting for 24 years. I'm starting to think that the owl got lost trying to find my home.
4- Day or night? What kind of question is this? The truth is that the letter-boy doesn't know! I think I'll choose the day, just for the simple fact that I almost don't sleep at night. I'm kind of zombie. I pick the day because you can do many things that during the night you can't. Everything is clearer, although I must admit that the night also has its magic. But I'm a guy who likes being busy and taking advantage of the day to the fullest.
5-Describe my life in a nutshell is almost impossible! My brain is working its full potential to be able to answer this question. Dammit! Is so fucking hard! Alright, I think that it'd be- The silly and random life of a goober guy through music and theater -That could sum up my life a bit, but as I said is very difficult to answer it, so probably in five minutes I'm gonna change my mind.
6- What was the most exciting and joyful time of my life. Wow. Honestly, there are so many and also I'd surely change my mind in five minutes. But there's a moment that is very simple and almost insignificant, but it meant a lot to me. There was a very important moment in my life; I was on stage, in a debut. I was fulfilling the dream of my life and I was nervous as hell and I was scared the fuck outta me but I pretended not to be. When the curtain opened I started panicking, I thought I couldn't do it. I looked at the audience, the room was full. Among all people I could see my family and best friends. They were just sitting there looking at me straight in the eye with a big smile. They were telling me they were proud of me and that I could do it. They didn't need to tell me anything; just with their looks they gave me the courage to do so. That night I performed for them. It was a unique moment. A moment that seems insignificant but I could never forget. They trusted me and I gave my best for 'em.
You asked good questions, some of them very random, but I'm a boy who really enjoys random things. I have to admit that I like you, at least everything I know about you so far.
Now it's my turn to ask questions, and the same rules are for you too. You must answer all of them.
1- What is your favorite color?
2- If you had only one week to live before die. What would you do?
3- If you had the opportunity to perform on Broadway. What play would you like to perform?
4- Have you ever wondered if unicorns exist?
5- What do you think about the world and people?
And one last question, I know that probably you wouldn't want to answer it, but I'd like to know the answer.
6- Why a girl like you that seems to be fun, nice and smart has felt so alone and lost?
That's all, my favorite letter-girl! I hope you have a totally awesome day!
Warm fuzzies, the mysterious letter-boy.
PS: Your photos of San Francisco are stunning! I couldn't help but feel nostalgia and I'm not ashamed to admit that some mischievous tears ran out from my eyes. Everything is as I remember! Of course some things have changed, but the essence of San Francisco is intact. Thank you for that!"
You finished reading the letter with a smile and grabbed the package to open the surprises. The surprise number one was a jar of Nutella. You quickly grabbed a spoon and started to eat it. The taste of it remained the same as you remembered since you were a little girl. Delicious.
You grabbed the surprise number two. It was small. You slowly opened it and you found a pen whose cap was the Ariel's face and all the pen was her body. It was a beautiful pen. You smiled widely.
Surprise number three. He had already commented in the letter what it was, but you refused to believe it. You carefully grabbed and opened it. It was a small keyboard, whose keys were written according the musical notes. A few tears fell down your face, but this time were tears of joy. You couldn't believe what this guy was doing for you. He'd given you a keyboard much like a piano, your favorite instrument. Not only that, but he was going to teach you to play it. You remembered the fourth and final surprise. You put the CD into the computer. You didn't know what you'd find, however you pressed the play button. You only saw a beautiful big black piano and his hands, which started to play a song. He didn't even talk; he just started playing a beautiful melody. Definitely that mysterious guy knew how to play the piano. You decided to pay attention and try to learn the whole song, so it was going to take time to reply the letter. But you were going to do it the next day. At that time you kept playing the CD and you laid in your bed until you fell asleep, listening to the world's most beautiful melody, feeling how each musical note were penetrating your ears, while a smile was drawn on your face as manifest of the pleasure that caused listen the sound of the piano.
ONE WEEK LATER…
You'd finished packing all your stuff. The next day you were going to move to NYC, the mysterious boy gave you all the encouragement you needed to take that decision. The theater school where you were, had prepared all the papers and documents needed to transfer you to one of the best schools in NYC. You were happy and radiant.
Also you've been practicing playing the song the mysterious boy had assigned you. It was really hard; you had to not coordinate the movement of your hands and failed all the time. But you've decided to learn. The result wasn't very good; however you recorded the CD to send it to the boy.
Finally, you decided to answer the boy.
"A week has gone away and you haven't heard anything from me. How does it feel? I've been assigned a task and it had to be done before answering you. Yes, I've been practicing playing the keyboard and I recorded the CD, you'll find it in the package. Don't get too excited! I told you I have no talent, so the result isn't good. The way you play the piano is just wonderful; I cannot explain all I felt while I was listening to you. I'm sending letters to the new Mozart! It was very kind and sweet of you to want to teach me to play the piano, I'm not a very good student but I promise to do my best. Wow, you really are an excellent musician! You're very talented.
I'm telling you that you've helped me take a decision. Tomorrow I move to start a new life in the great NYC. I'm so excited; I think it was a good decision! I enclose my new address, where you have to answer my letters from now on. Wish me luck!
I really like your idea of starting to call ourselves letter-boy and letter-girl! Although I'm not sure if I should call you letter-boy or teacher letter-boy full-time. It's an existential doubt. And by the way, the story of your mind and you moved me so much. You've found the best friend of your life!
Your story about when you were a child isn't stupid at all. Children can be cruel sometimes and I understand your reasons why you've never told your parents. It's not silly because I think each person is raised in different environments, and from the little I know about the environment in which you grew up; this event in your life must be very awful. We never have to compare with the realities experienced by other people; we all have different experiences that we live. I'm pleased to know that you have taken this event as learning; you could get something good out of it. I wish I could have done the same thing, that way I'd have avoided many things that happened to me, the way in which affected me. Don't worry; your secret is safe with me.
My mother. It's a long topic of conversation and I don't like talking about it. But since you've told me a secret, it's fair that I tell you one of mine. When I was little, when I was about 10 years old, my dad died. My dad was an amazing person, a person who always encouraged me and always gave me love. He was the real reason that the family was united. He did his best to see everyone happy. The day he died, everything changed in my family. We gradually grew apart, each pursuing our own interests. My mother became an alcoholic. Every night she arrived drunk at my house and she became an extremely violent person. I still remember the fear I had when in the midst of the darkness she went up the stairs to my room. I still remember the pain that caused me when she grabbed her belt to hit me while I was clung to my stuffed unicorn, that my dad had given me, to evade reality and imagine another world where my dad was still alive. Things got worse when my mother started to take drugs. She wasn't a sane person even during the day, she lived in another world, bringing lovers to the house and I was there present, trying to listen music to not hear the noises coming from her bedroom. I was only 15 years. When I was 16 years, a situation did change my life. My mother was drugged and drunk and she brought a new lover to the house who was also drunk. I was in my room in the dark, covered by sheets, imagining that world that I used to imagine when I wanted to break out of reality. I felt the alcohol breath on my face, I felt how rough hands roamed my body, I felt that my mother's lover abused me while I tried to imagine that I wasn't there. My mother was watching us and all she did was laugh, she wasn't unaware of what was happening. My brothers were no longer living at home and they didn't care about me, so they never found it out. The next day, I packed my suitcase and left my house. I found a job as a waitress and with that I managed to rent a room in a house where an elderly couple lived and I decided to finish my studies. I didn't hear about my mother until I started college, telling me that she had been in rehab, that she was sorry, and to force me to study law. But I never saw her again. I cannot see her face without remembering his laugh to see her young daughter was being raped. I never denounced her, never could. I understand that he was drugged and drunk, but, after all, she was still my mother. That's my story with my mother and I've never told this to anyone. Perhaps out of shame, perhaps because I simply wanted to erase it from my memory. It's a secret that only you and I share.
It's been quite intense writing all this and finally tell it to someone, so I'm only going to answer your questions.
1- My favorite color is blue. It's a beautiful color, which reminds me to the sea and the sky, which brings me peace.
2- If I had only one week to live... First of all I'd go to my dad's grave, I'd say all he means to me and how much he's helped me in this life, that soon I'm gonna meet him again to go back to being happy together. Then I'd go to see my mother to say she has hurt me but I forgive her and I hope that all the bad things she's done will serve as learning to not do it again, to start a new life and not lose her way again. Then I'd play my last performance in a public place so that everyone can see and no one is excluded, to do what I love most in this life. After that, I'd travel. I love traveling and seeing new places. I'd go to Italy, France, Greece, Spain, Germany, and UK. Enjoy my time there. When I return to where I live, I'd say to all those who I appreciate how much I love them. Then I'd donate the money I have for those who need it most, I know it'd be more useful to them than leave the money as an inheritance, which produces only arguments and conflicts. And then, when I run the last breath, I'd go to the beach to see the sunset in peace before leaving this world forever.
3- Well, that's a nice question. What play I'd like to perform on Broadway. I think that I'd choose "Les Miserables", with the role of Fantine; because she has a really tragic role throughout the play. It's a magnificent play that reasons about the nature of good, evil, the law through a story that encompasses and explains the history of France, politics, ethics, justice, religion, society and the nature of romantic love and family. The message that this play has behind the acting is incredible.
4- Another of your outlandish questions! Of course I wondered if unicorns exist! Sometimes I think that still exist, but not everyone can see them. For some reason all people describe and draw unicorns in the same way. Meanwhile, I'm blissful to have my own stuffed unicorn that my dad gave me.
5- What I think about the world and people. It's a deep question. Well, I've already talked a bit about what I think, but your words have made me change my point of view. I've always believed that the world and people is just a cluster of selfishness, hypocrisy, injustice and discrimination. I never could understand the reasons why human beings are always looking to hurt other people, I could never understand why we aren't dedicated only to try to be happy and help those in need. I could never understand why we cannot be considered equal or why someone has to be higher, or why someone has so much money that burns it for fun while there are millions of people who die of hunger. I could never understand how millions of people cry when someone famous dies, but no one cries when millions of homeless people die. I always thought that this world has no solution. But then you said those words and reminded me of the song by John Lennon -Imagine all the people sharing all the world.You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.I hope someday you'll join us, and the world would be as one -I've realized that we can change this situation, even if we do something minimum will help. But if we want to change things, we must first change ourselves. That's something new I learned and I'm thinking to do it.
6- Honestly I don't want to answer this question. Not a whim or because it's you, but because I know what I'll say may not have much sense, because I acted in a wrong way, and nobody likes to show up their mistakes or weaknesses. But I'll answer the question because you're you and for some reason I trust you, and because I decided to change and maybe the change begins by admitting the bad decisions I've taken. I'm not a nice girl neither smart. At least I wasn't always and that's what I want to change in my life. I've been a person who always hid her feelings and lived surrounded by lies. I always lied to people to please them and to break out of the reality I experienced. Instead of confronting and overcoming that reality, I just tried to erase it from my memory. All I did was go to school and work to pay the rent. My grades began to decline because I had no time to study. They wanted to expell me, but I wanted to continue studying. I knew that only through the study I'd be able to improve my situation, so I had to reduce my expenses. I didn't buy clothes or food anymore. People at school started to discriminate me because of my appearance, I was an excluded girl without friends, and it was very arduous for me to be alone without anyone to help me overcome what had happened to me. However, I finished school and I started the college, to study something that I really didn't like but it was going to help me progress quickly. Everyone knows that lawyers earn lot of money. I tried hard to have high grades and become a lawyer with honors; it was all I could do if I wanted everything to improve. And I got it. At college my world based on lies started. I knew if I was telling people my real life, I'd be excluded as in high school. Everyone knows that in the world of lawyers the most important thing is social status, contacts, charisma. Nobody cares if you are suffering or not. Life of lawyers is like a big trial, if you want to win the case, you must show your charisma, persuasion, pride and self confidence, and from there begins the great game of lies to try to convince the judge that you're good enough. One wrong step you take, you'll be denied over all from that point forward. It really is like that, and I didn't want to feel alone again, so thus began my great game in the big trial, trying to defend that girl who could never overcome her problems. From that moment I started to be a person who I wasn't and I hated. I became a person who was interested in popularity, money. The good life, as they call it. I became an ambitious and hypocritical person. I was surrounded by millions of friends, yet I was alone and empty. They weren't my real friends; they haven't even wondered where I am now. I lived in high society, in a luxury apartment; I had expensive furniture, designer clothes. Luxuries I couldn't afford because I didn't have enough money, but I had to make it to be included. I had to get a second job as a waitress in a nightclub hidden from those friends, besides the secretarial job of a major company. I couldn't do what I really liked because the people, with who I was related, were going to judge me and make fun of me. My life sucked and I hated myself. One day I woke up and went to work, my boss told me I was fired. When I arrived at my apartment, I realized that I had been evicted. This is how I ended up in the suburbs of San Francisco, with nothing but a mattress, a table with chairs and my computer. Alone, once again. My life wasn't as I had dreamed and I had let down the person I loved the most, my dad. I had no purpose in life and I was weak, very weak. I decided that the best would be to end this suffering, I couldn't stand it any longer and it seemed as if nothing could improve. I attempted suicide, but that letter from that unknown man stopped me and saved my life. Now everything has changed. I'm ready to face obstacles to get what I really want. Now I have hope that I believed were lost. I'm being happy. One of the reasons that allowed me to move on were your letters, don't want to sound corny or much less. But even if you don't know, it helped me a lot and I'm never gonna be able to thank you enough. Everything is different now, and is a good thing. That is, summed up, what happened to me. What made me take bad decisions that I regret. The reasons why I've always been alone and lost my way. The least I want is you to feel pity for me. Only I told you this because you asked me and because this way I can finally admit my mistakes to change them and learn from them.
Okay, this time you've saved from answering questions in your next letter, because honestly right now I cannot think what to ask. I have only one question that I've always wanted to know.
Why you do this? Do you just write me because you think I'm very weak and I can get to make those mistakes again if you stop writing me, or do you really like me?
If you think that if you stop writing me I'll do that again, don't worry, I assure you I will not. I've already learned my lesson. You aren't forced to answer if you don't want to do, you've already helped me. You don't need to do this, really. You've been very nice with me all this time and the least I want is you to feel forced to do something you don't want. I'm not weak, I've become strong. The only thing I'll do is to thank you wholeheartedly and hopefully one day I'll find a way to repay all you've done for me.
This time I won't say that I'm gonna be waiting your answer, this time I'm going to say, whatever your decision is gonna be, I wish you the best in your life because you really deserve it. You're a talented person and a wonderful person. I know that you're gonna succeed in whatever you decide to do.
I wish you a happy life full of joy and…good luck!
The letter-girl who appreciates you.
PS: Thank you for all your gifts, I didn't expect something like that and it really made me smile. I hope you like the gift that I sent you, I did it by myself."
That's how you ended your letter to that mysterious guy who you really appreciated, shedding some tears. He helped you much to go on, but you knew it wasn't fair to keep him if he was writing you only by the fact he was afraid that you could take bad decisions again. You knew you were doing the right thing. You felt nostalgic and you thought how weird it would be to not receive letters from him, but you weren't sad. You went to sleep thinking that you truly wanted the best for him.
A MONTH LATER…
After moving to NYC, the theater school at which you were going decided to organize a little trip to Hudson Valley to explore new experiences for three weeks. It was a very nice trip and you got to know more about your classmates.
The day you came back to your apartment in NYC, the doorman stopped you saying that four packages had arrived for you. Your heart leaped to hear those words, you had the illusion that the mysterious boy has written you. Quickly you grabbed the packages and you went to your apartment. Your new department was very modest, but it was more pleasant than the last one. You already had more furniture and it was all decorated by yourself. You've got a job quickly, which had allowed you to buy new furniture. Besides, you started to offer different shops what you did: paintings, mirrors, handcrafts. Apparently, people liked it.
You sat on the couch and grabbed the first letter. It was from April.
"Dear friend. I'm glad that you're in NYC and you can fulfill your dream. I'm very happy to know that you've faced your fears. You'll see that this city is amazing, full of opportunities. It's also a beautiful city where you can do millions of activities. The first thing you should do is walk through Central Park every Saturday morning. You'll see that you'll love this place, it's incredible the peace you can feel when you see many people walking their pets and watch children play. It's a place that will help you clear your mind and think it is worth to do so. Friend, I can't wait to see you! Right now, I'm very busy studying, but soon I'll have some time off and we can stroll through Central Park and have a coffee together, that we both love!
By the way, I loved the mirror that you sent me! You know me very well, you chose my favorite colors. I have it hanging in my room. Now I can see myself in the mirror before going to classes and not look like some kind of monster!
I tell you that I finally dared to talk to that girl in my class that I like. Her name is Claire. Our relationship has been improving day by day. We're still friends, but I don't rush things. I like her a lot; she's very friendly and wonderful. I'm sure you'd like her too. We share many things in common and she has confessed that she's a lesbian too. So I have chances with her. I'm very happy!
Speaking of Claire ... What happened with that mysterious guy? Did he keep sending you letters? Friend, I think you should tell him that you like him. If you don't tell him that, maybe he thinks you don't want to keep talking to him. After the things he did for you, I don't think he's sent you letters because he felt forced. Think about it.
Ok friend, now I have to continue studying for my exams. I'll keep in touch so we can meet soon.
I send you a big hug,
April."
You kept looking at the letter with a smile. You were very happy about her relationship with Claire. April has always had a rough life for being a lesbian. In her whole life, she'd been bullied and discriminated for being who she was. When she went to NYC to study, it was the best thing that happened to her. She felt comfortable being who she was. April always told you that she saw Claire during her classes that she was cute and friendly, but she'd never been encouraged to talk to her because she was afraid that Claire rejected her for not being heterosexual. Now things had changed for her and she could be happy. You were excited to meet her and get to know her personally. Both were known for photos, but you wanted to meet and give that embrace of friends that you've always wanted to. You'd talked to April about the mysterious boy. Of course you hadn't told her about his secrets, but you told everything that the boy had done for you and how much he meant to you.
You grabbed the second package. You recognized the address. It was the mysterious boy. You opened it quickly and started to read his letter.
"My favorite letter-girl. Your last letter had been really sincere and intense. I don't even know where to start.
Yes, I know where to start. Your gift. It's been one of the best gifts I've received, it's really beautiful. How did you guess that my favorite color is purple? Have you really painted that picture by yourself? Whoa! You really have talent! Abstract paintings are probably my favorites. I stayed looking at it for hours, trying to figure out what was its meaning; until I realized that what matters isn't knowing its true meaning, but what your imagination thinks it is. Your picture is already on the wall of my room and every night before I go to sleep I see it. You've called me the new Mozart; well I'll call you the new Joan Miró. Thank you very much, Miró girl!
Well, now I'll go from being the letter-boy to become the teacher letter-boy. It's very hard to learn to play piano and you knew it. But to be your first time, you did a good job. Your hands are very small and cute; I had to comment about your hands, after all I'm Tintin to uncover the mystery out of hand! Keep practicing the song and don't get nervous. I noticed that you're stressed. Chill out, you're just practicing and I know it's your first time. Especially practice the first part. I noticed how in the beginning you're very nervous and you fail in some notes, chords, measure and tempos, but throughout the song you get to relax and you do it better. Focus on each chord and pay attention to the notes that you're playing. When you have practiced enough, write the tones and tempos on a paper and put it on a music rack. Try playing the keyboard while reading it. Practice and relax, if you keep going like this, you'll soon play another song! Congrats, student letter-girl!
It makes me very happy that you moved to NYC. It's the ideal place where you'll be able to fulfill your dream. You'll see that you won't regret it! How is your life in NYC? I know it's too early to ask, but you always have a first impression. If you're in NYC, you have to compulsorily go to Central Park. I'll never forget the first time I was there. I never believed all the people who said that that place would help you to clear your mind, much less I thought it could work on me, I'm a guy who cannot stand still and quiet. Anyway, I went and it really worked. I have a favorite place in Central Park, I'd like if you could go there, and it's really fabulous. Go to the southeastern part of Central Park, The Pond. There you'll find the Gapstow Bridge over the Pond, and near there you'll see a large tree, the largest of all. Sit there and think of nothing, just stay looking at all the beauty around you. I know you'll like it as much as I liked it.
You said you consider yourself neither nice nor smart. I can say the opposite when I read your letter. With only reading your letter I realized the kind of person you are, and is the closest to wonderful person I know. Your words to describe the world and the people touched me and I love the way you related it with one of the best songs of John Lennon (Hey, there was a time in my life where everything was about Disney and The Beatles.) From now on I'll remember your very wise words-If you want to change the world, change yourself first -You may not realize how deep and wise are those words. You have a point of view on the world and the people that very few can see. I'm really amazed and I don't stop learning new things with you.
I also was astonished about your answer of what you'd do if you had only one week to live. When I ask that to other people, they always answer almost the same. They'd spend all his money to make a big party, they'd buy a Prada dress, they'd travel, and they'd be with their family. Nobody ever explained it the way you've done. I was thrilled to know that what you'd do first is to visit your dad's grave to tell him you'd soon be together again to be happy, it's very lovely. I can tell how much you loved him and how you must miss him. You've been brave and strong to overcome that, and it makes sense that it was so hard for you. Honestly I don't know what I'd do if I ever lose my parents. The second would be to forgive your mother, despite everything she's done to you. You have a gold heart, and I'm not lying about this. Forgiving someone who has hurt you is one of the hardest things, like the song -Sorry seems to be the hardest word -Indeed is like that, yet you'd do it. You'd do a play in a public place for all those who cannot afford to pay for a show. That only means two things: that theater is truly your passion, and you're a caring person who truly cares about people. Needless to say that you'd donate your money to someone who really needs it, that's not something you hear every day and I'm glad that there are still people like you in this world. You're a good person, even if you refuse to believe it. And that thing of going to the beach before dying is very precious; I could feel that peace which you were talking about when I imagined it.
I admire you letter-girl. I know you'd think that this's a lie, because no one could admire a person who lied, who pretended to be someone else and that was weak enough to attempt suicide. That would sound wrong if no one had known your story, for all what you went through. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean you did the right thing or that we should all do the same if we were in your situation. You took bad decisions, but I understand you. No matter how many bad decisions you took in your life, what I really admire is how after all you could realize your mistakes and how you didn't give up and you kept going recovering all the hope you thought lost. Not many people can recover after something similar than you have lived. Maybe you still haven't been able to recover completely; it'll be something that will be marked in your life. But you're showing the world that you're strong now and you can be happy being yourself yet. Your story is very breathless and very hard; I really would like that you could have someone who could have helped you at that time. But you had to make it on your own and that's very tough. I know this will sound silly and ridiculous, but I'd like you to imagine that right now I'm hugging you, honestly. I'd like if you could consider me a true friend to you. I appreciate everything you told me; I know it was hard for you. I want you to know that even though our relationship is based only in letters, you really have a friend in Los Angeles that will always be by your side when you need it, a true friend.
And here I'm going to answer your only question and I'll be honest. The first time I received your letter, I only answered because I thought you really needed it. I may not want to do it because I had no idea who you were, but your words made me realize that you really needed an answer. So I did it. I thought you were just a teenager with a simple problem, that maybe you were exaggerating. But then I received your second letter. I read that letter several times, behind your simple answers I could notice that something deeper was going on. I never expected from you a letter like that. You described many things in a simply beautiful way with honesty. You added humor to every single thing, but also you said very clever things. I have to admit that you surprised me that time. I hadn't thought about answering you again, as I said, I have a pretty busy life and I couldn't answer all the time your letters. But your second letter made me change my mind. I was really interested to know you more, you seemed a special girl. And you sent me those pictures of San Francisco, that I hadn't even requested, but nevertheless you sent them to me because you really realized what I felt and what I'd like. I noticed you didn't only read my letter, but tried to interpret every word I wrote. And I know it was like that, otherwise you'd never sent those pictures that meant a lot to me. Time passed and I was more interested to know even more about you. And it's true; I've been trying to help you all this time, but this time as a friend. However, I knew there was something I didn't know about you yet. I couldn't understand how someone like you, an amazing person, had been so depressed. How someone who was smart, strong and with clear thinking about life would have felt lost. Because from the first letter you sent me I'd realized that you'd tried to commit suicide. I couldn't understand it. Today I read your letter and I understand all the reasons. And if I have to answer the question, I'd say without thinking that I do this because I like you. This is nuts, I never imagined I'd ever like a person without even meeting her personally. I thought it was something stupid until I got to live it. Today I cannot imagine not writing you, I'm always waiting for your letter to arrive. I don't know what has happened, but I can really say that I've grown attached to you. And I hope you also feel the same. You're a special girl, my mysterious girl.
I'll wait your letter again, every time I receive your letter I have a ridiculous goofy smile on my face. There's not a single lie in these words of this goober boy.
Warm fuzzies and hugs, the mysterious letter-boy.
PS: With this letter I enclose something that means a lot to me and I wanted you to keep it. I know that you're gonna take care about it as much as I did all these years."
You wiped away the tears that were falling down your face to open the gift that the boy has sent you. It was a somewhat old book. You opened it and you found a lot of pictures of different places and many handwritten phrases. His real name wasn't anywhere, nor were there pictures of people. In the end, there was something written by him that said:
"My mysterious girl, have this book since I have 12 years old and I've never stopped writing it. I'd like you to continue this book with your own beautiful pictures and quotes. I know that this book is now in good hands. With love, the mysterious boy."
You kept looking at that old book without being able to stop shedding tears. They were tears of joy. As him, you didn't know what was going on but you've really grown attached to him. It seemed like he was your first real friend. You grabbed the third letter. It was also from the mysterious boy.
"A week went away and still I have no news from you, my letter-girl. I feel weird to not receive your letters. Let me tell you that I really said honestly all those words in my last letter. I hope you're not mad at me and I hope you've really understood all what I meant. I want to keep talking to you, I really appreciate you. If you're not ready to talk to me because I hurt you somehow, I understand, but I'd like to know.
I was about to tell you my real name and send you a picture of me so that way you can know me beyond my letters and words. Forgive me, but I'm not ready. Not because I don't trust you or I don't want you to know how I look. It's because you may know me and I don't want that to change the special relationship we have. I know that if I do it, many things are gonna change and I want to keep talking as we do now. I like you too much to risk everything to change. I hope you understand me.
I'd like to hear from you, to know how you are.
I know I said that I wasn't yet ready to show you a picture of me, but I bought new clothes thinking of you and I wanted to show you it, so I just took a picture of my body wearing those clothes. Hope you like it!
I'll keep waiting for your letter.
Warm fuzzies with love, the mysterious letter-boy."
You opened the picture that he had sent you and you burst out laughing. It was the mysterious boy dressed as Tintin. You thought about someone that you know that could have the physique of him, but you couldn't remember anyone. You may not know him although the two of you have lived in San Francisco. Or perhaps you haven't seen him so often so you couldn't remember someone like him. His body was very attractive. Anew you looked the picture and laughed again. You couldn't believe that he'd bought those clothes. You thought it was the perfect picture to put in the new book.
You grabbed the fourth and last letter. It was also from him.
"Whoa! It's been three weeks and I still don't know anything about you. I'm worried. Have I said something that has bothered you too much? If so, I'm really sorry. My intention wasn't to make you angry or much less make you feel bad. Please I beg you to answer me, at least -I don't want to know anything about you anymore.–
I miss your letters, and I miss you like hell. I know it sounds weird, but it really is like that. I love receiving your letters; I love to hear from you, I love reading your words. Wow, dammit. I should stop writing here or I may end up saying something I shouldn't.
If this is gonna be the last letter I write you cause you don't want to talk to me anymore, I wanted to give you one last surprise. You'll find it next to the letter. It's called - Magic surprise– you'll see why I called it like that. Once you told me that you always wanted that but you never had the chance. Well, it's the least I can do for you. Perhaps you've never sought to make me smile, but you've always done so.
Never forget that you're a special girl and if you show the world who you really are, as you've done with me, surely you'll achieve everything you want and, more important, you'll be happy.
I miss you so freaking much and I hope you're being happy.
I adore you, the mysterious letter-boy."
You stayed startled looking at the letter. You read it once again. Your heart began to beat faster when you read the way he ended the letter. "I miss you" and "I adore you". You couldn't remember the last time someone had said those words to you. You took the letter to your chest, imagining you were hugging that mysterious guy. You admitted that you've really grown attached to him and it was only through letters. You thought you had to answer him immediately, but then you remembered that he'd sent you something. It was a small envelope that said "Magic surprise" with a smiley face drawn. You opened it and when you looked it, you squealed. You were stunned. The envelope contained a ticket to Disneyland, and the ticket was anonymous. You didn't even know you could do something like that. The envelope also had two small notes. You grabbed one that said "Note number one".
"Surprised? I'd love to see if you're smiling right now, I wonder how your smile is. I knew you always wanted to go to Disneyland but you'd never had the chance, so this is my surprise. I hope you're happy. Don't worry about anything, I've arranged with the hotel where you'll sleep, the food and the tour. You might want to check out the gift shop too. You have just to ask for the mysterious letter-boy and you'll find a surprise there. You won't have any kind of problem at the airport by submitting an anonymous ticket. I've already talked to 'em, all you have to do is to bring the ticket and the note that says -note number two- In the hotel and in the restaurant you only have to say these magic words - The mysterious letter-boy has sent me to know the magical world of Disneyland - When they hear that, they'll guide you. Everything is paid, so just enjoy your first magical trip to Disneyland and have a blast! Wee!"
You covered your mouth with your hand, surprised, terrified and excited at the same time. He wasn't only trying to fulfill one of your dreams, but also organized and paid absolutely everything. You couldn't accept it. You knew it was a lot of money and you simply couldn't give yourself the luxury of accepting what that boy had done for you. It was too much. Holy Crap. You thought. Surely that boy only did so because he thought you were mad at him. It was time to answer the letter, to explain why you hadn't answered his letters before and return the ticket and everything. As soon as you grabbed a pen and paper, you noticed that on the back of the small envelope where it was the ticket he'd written something else. You came closer to see what it said.
"Don't you dare for anything in the fucking world to give me it back. I'm doing this because I really want and I'm gonna feel disappointed if you don't accept it. Please just enjoy the trip and not worry about the expense. Again, don't you dare to give me it back if you don't want to make me feel sad."
It seemed as if the boy could read your mind and knew exactly how you'd react. At this point, you didn't know what the hell to do. Of course you wanted to go, but you weren't sure to accept the gift. And what was written on the back of the envelope... you thought for a while and then your face lit up with a smile. You decided to accept the gift, but you were going to repay all that he gave you. You didn't have much money to buy something or to give him a gift of the same magnitude. But you could do something by yourself. You spent that day to do a gift for him and, before dark, you went to Central Park, exactly where he told you to go.
The place was really beautiful. You stopped to see it for a while and you took some pictures. After a few minutes, you found the tree he told you about. You knew it was that one because definitely it highlighted among others. You went over there and sat, resting your back against the trunk of the tree to begin to answer the letter to this guy who couldn't stop surprising you.
"This is history. An ordinary day, a random girl decided to move to NYC. The girl didn't know what was going to find there, she was scared because she was going to live a new experience, far from everything that she was used. She was leaving behind a past to restart a new phase of her life. The day she had to move to NYC, the girl was full of expectations, nerves and excitement. However, there was something that wasn't right. There was something that worried her that made her feel sad and melancholy. But the girl thought it was the best she could do. It wasn't until a few days ago when she realized that she hadn't taken a good decision. But before she could change the situation, in her daily life came up an extraordinary event, unusual and definitely she had to take it. Thus, the girl couldn't do anything about it before she left on a trip with her new teammates for two weeks. When the girl returned from the trip, she encountered a situation that surprised her. It seemed as if all that was worrying her had disappeared. The girl found herself in her apartment reading three letters full of surprises that made her smile widely and that filled her with emotion. After all that had happened, a mysterious boy, very important to her, had written to her. However, the girl thought she definitely had to explain to this mysterious boy everything she felt.
Thus, today, after two weeks, I'm answering your letters. I really wanted to apologize for my last letter. At the time I'd written it, I was feeling a lot of feelings as a result of have finally told someone what had happened to me. You're the first person I've told it, all this time I'd kept it to myself. Consequently, I didn't know how to handle my feelings. It was like reliving that time and it was too much for me. But don't get me wrong, I really felt a lot better when I was finally able to trust someone so much to tell my story. I feel good, very good, to have told all of this to you. You have no idea what it meant for me to know that behind these papers and words there's someone who really was interested to know how I was, why I was like this and who was concerned about me. It was a very odd feeling to know that someone really cared about me, that I misunderstood the whole situation. I thought you were doing it only because you were feeling forced to do so, because the truth is that no one had ever shown interest in trying to understand and help me, not by compassion but by friendship. I didn't want to feel like that, it was something I couldn't understand. And I left the fear beat me. But when I realized what the real situation was, it was too late. I already had sent you the letter and I had to go traveling. The truth is I never wanted to stop writing you because... I really enjoy this, and I'm happy to know I'm not alone.
You never had to blame for anything, and I really think you're crazy if you think you've done something wrong. All this time, everything you've always done was ... magnificent, unique. And I'm not ashamed to admit that what you've done for me no one would have. I really found a real special friend in you and I hope you feel the same when you think about me. That's why today I'm here, sitting in that big tree near the Gapstow Bridge over the Pond, answering you. I never wanted to lose you either let you go, you're really important to me. And the truth is I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't receive yours news from that letter onwards. This is like... our thing.
Never, never ever, I'll be able to thank all you've done for me, all you've given me. I'll never be able to thank you enough for making me feel the way you make me feel. As if I was really loved by someone, as if I were really special to someone. Maybe it isn't like this, but it's the way you make me feel and the reason that gave me strength to keep going on. I don't want you to feel again as if you were to blame for something I did wrong. Your words, in the last letters that you sent me ... it moved me. I also like you, so much.
Your words, your surprises, the piano lessons through letters, the book of pictures and phrases, the trip to Disneyland. You've done a lot for me and hopefully I'll find a way to make you feel the same way you made me feel. It's too much; you've done too much for me. I'll definitely take care of your book and I'll keep doing it, it's something we share now. And I hope that in future I can show you the book and... We could finish it together, remembering all that is embodied there, telling our experiences. It's a great book and the fact of knowing that it's very important to you and you're sharing it with me, makes me feel... blissfully happy.
On the other hand, the trip to Disneyland. Definitely it's a lot. I was seriously considering not accepting it. But somehow you knew what my reaction would be and you had to write that on the back of the envelope. You left me thinking for hours about what to do. The minute I read that if I give it back to you, you were going to feel sad... How could you have said that? Goddammit! You really know exactly what you have to say, don't you? I don't want to make you feel sad, but I cannot accept it. What the hell am I supposed to do? So I decided to accept your gift, but in return I have a surprise for you. I know it's not of the magnitude that your surprise is, but at least it's a simple way to say thanks. Wow. You don't know what all of this means to me.
I can definitely say that with all your letters I laughed, cried, smiled, I felt touched and I thought. Even though they're simple letters, is the most real thing I've ever had. So you have no reason to think that I'm gonna stop writing you. I cannot do that.
Alright, sir mysterious letter-boy, though I don't know your real name and I couldn't see your face, I know how you look dressed as Tintin and I'm seriously thinking that you're the real Tintin. I think I've guessed your true identity. I can't believe you did it! I couldn't stop laughing. My tummy hurt so fucking much!
On the other hand, I've been practicing a lot to play the song on the keyboard. I still have trouble, but I feel more relaxed. So with this letter I'll attach a CD with my progress, Mr. Professor. I hope to get a good score.
Anyway, it's getting dark and I'm sitting in a tree, so I think I'll end this letter. Besides, I have to get ready for my trip to Disneyland!
Thank you very much for everything from the bottom of my heart.
I've missed you too.
I adore you, the mysterious letter-girl."
You finished your letter and you came back to your apartment to pack your suitcase. It'd be a great weekend and everything thanks to that mysterious boy who you liked... a lot.
THREE DAYS LATER…
You arrived to your apartment as a small child exhausted after spending the best weekend of her life at Disneyland. You had a magical experience and your mind went round and round trying to realize that nothing had been a dream, you've actually been to Disneyland, the place you've always wanted to go. The mysterious guy definitely had planned and prepared absolutely everything. And as he said, when you went to the gift shop and you asked for him, a surprise was waiting for you. You got shocked when the man who was attending the store sought a huge Simba's stuffed and gave it to you along with a note.
"My favorite letter-girl, this's a simple gift to make you feel accompanied during the trip with one of the best friends in the world, the great Simba, since I cannot be there with you as much as I'd love to. I hope you enjoy your super magical journey at Disneyland! I adore you wholeheartedly, the mysterious letter-boy."
It was a very special gift considering he knew how much you liked the Lion King. Besides, he'd said he'd love to be there with you, what made your heart beat faster of happiness. You were eager to meet him, to know how he looked, to finally be able to give him that hug you've always wanted. But you knew that wasn't going to happen. You wanted to meet him, but you knew the guy wasn't even ready to tell his name; much less he was going to be ready to meet you personally. That made you feel a little sad. You didn't know how to explain what you felt for him and you couldn't understand why you felt that way when you were thinking about him. Would you be falling in love with that mysterious guy? No, that would be impossible. You both only knew each other by letters, it made no sense. Quickly you cleared up those thoughts from your mind.
When you arrived to your apartment you were hoping to find a letter from that mysterious guy in response to your last letter, but you didn't find anything. Surely he was busy and after all, it had only been three days. However, you decided to grab a pen and paper to tell the mysterious boy how your trip was, to thank him, and to send him some pictures you had taken.
"Oh my fucking God, letter-boy! How dare you! I just came back from the most extraordinary trip of my entire life! I cannot believe it! I'm totally excited and tired and all at the same time!
Simba has been a good fellow for my entire trip. I think he likes me. As soon as I saw your surprise, I can swear that I was stunned for several minutes without being able to react. Then I remembered I was in a crowded place and I was bothering people who wanted to buy gifts. But at that moment I didn't give a shit about anything, only were Simba and I and my extreme happiness. Simba had to be? Damn, you really know how to surprise me, don't you?
I cannot explain the shame that I had when I had to say those magical words in the hotel and the restaurant. I hesitated several times before saying them, I thought I'd look like an insane and creepy person and they'd take me to the magical prision of Disneyland. But after thinking for a while I did it. It wouldn't be so bad to spend the rest of the weekend in a magical prison, but I was fucking starving and sleepy. But none of that happened, they looked at me with a smile and guided me all the time. The hotel was great for god sake! And the food you chose for me? Oh, it was very delicious.
And then the tour. I don't know if I should hate you, if I should love you, if I should hit you in the balls or hug you very tight. I cannot believe you managed to force me to dress up as Ariel and parade in front of millions of people. It was so freaking embarrassing, but gradually several people joined me with other costumes and I even got a Prince Eric! It was wonderful! I'm attaching a picture where I'm with Prince Eric! Don't freak out; you'll only see my costume and my long red hair.
Right now I'm with my best friend Simba, both of us very exhausted but happier than ever! Thank you very much for everything you've done for me, for giving me the happiest memory of my life. As a token of my great gratitude, I bought something in the gift shop for you. I think you'll like it!
I'm sure if you'd been there with me, you'd have had a blast! Because ... guess what happened? I got to fly on the magic flying carpet with Aladdin! Oh my god, it felt so real! I swear I'll never be able to forget this moment!
Thank you for absolutely everything, for giving me a magical trip in nothing more and nothing less than Disneyland!
I send you lots of hugs and lots of love.
I adore you, the mysterious letter-girl."
You finished the letter and you went to sleep, still thinking of the perfect trip you've ever had. Thinking about that mysterious boy.
THREE WEEKS LATER…
You woke up with the ringing sound of your apartment. Many blurry images drew in your mind, still unable to distinguish dream from reality. You had an intense dream, with that mysterious guy. You've already dreamed about him before but you'd never had a dream like this. You were walking down a street in NYC alone. There was no one around you and you couldn't hear any noise, until you heard how someone in the distance started playing the piano the song that the mysterious guy was teaching you. You tried to follow the path where the sound of the piano was coming to find that person that was playing; you needed to know who he was. The sound was getting louder as you approached. And there was that person, dressed as Tintin, playing the piano. His head was covered, you couldn't see it. You approached him and sat alongside him to play the piano together. When the song ended you looked toward the boy who still had his head covered. The boy came up and he slowly put his hands on your waist, resting what seemed to be his forehead against yours. He whispered in front your lips a few words you couldn't remember, but you knew it was a good thing because you felt how your body was carried away by those words. You wrapped your arms around his neck just at the time he moved closer to kiss your lips, a deep kiss. You felt how the boy began to rub your inner thigh while still kissing you, even more deeply, exploring your mouth with his tongue. But suddenly the doorbell woke you up. You heard the bell a second time and you decided to get up and open the door. A new letter had arrived, from the mysterious boy.
"I'm so super sorry that it took me a long time answering your letter, I've been kind of busy. But woooow! Definitely you lit up my day like a motha fuckin' lamp when I received your letters. I wasn't expecting it because I thought you didn't want to keep doing this, but you explained everything and I couldn't help feeling a super big extremely happiness to hear from you. I was really worried about losing a person like you.
It seems that someone had a blast in her magical trip in Disneyland! You look so beautiful as Ariel and I must admit I felt jealous seeing how Prince Eric was holding you in his arms. I mean... poor Simba was alone for a while, I guess he felt a little sad to see how you ditched him for a few minutes, but I guess he's very happy now to be with you, I mean of course he must be happy because you might give him love and all, I mean after all is Simba. Whoa, I'm rambling. Fuck. Let's start again. I'm happy to know that Simba has someone like you and you looked stunning as Ariel. I cannot believe you've gifted me that. How dare you? Really? The magic lamp of Aladdin Genie? I was so excited like a toddler as soon as I saw it, I rubbed it to see if the genie appears and give me three wishes, but none of that has happened. Then I thought that I couldn't be so stupid! Blink, blink man! Of course the genius is you! Duh! So I have to ask three wishes and you have to grant me those wishes. Throughout the letter I'll be asking these three wishes. Let's see how good genius you can be.
I can't believe you've returned me my book. As soon as I saw it back, I have to admit that I felt somewhat disappointed and rejected in some way. But then I opened it and saw all the new pictures and phrases that you've added. I also read what you wrote and I liked your idea of taking turns to continue doing the book together. You don't stop surprising me, my letter-girl! Definitely the picture that I liked the most is the one of that large tree in Central Park where I used to go when I was in NYC; I didn't realize how much I missed this place until I saw the picture. Who knows maybe one day we can go there together.
I saw your awesome progress in the song that I assigned to you to practice playing the keyboard. You've really come a long way, only a few mistakes at the end of the song, you left out a few notes. But you did very well and I'm impressed how you learned so quickly. It's time to think of a second song to give you. As a teacher I'm very demanding, so you should feel very proud of yourself for this!
Here is my first wish, genie lamp, or in this case genie letter... I'd like you to go to Central Park this Saturday at 4pm, to that large tree near Gapstow Bridge over The Pond. Maybe something could surprise you! This is my first wish and I hope it can be fulfilled.
It's time of the second wish... I'd like that before Saturday you go to the Moschino's store in 803 Madison Ave between 67th and 68th St. Say these words-Thelarge tree is waiting for me and I have to find it- Just say those words and you'll get a new outfit. That's the clothes you have to wear when you go to Central Park this Saturday at 4pm.
And my third and last wish. I want this Saturday at 4pm you absolutely follow every single track. It's very important to follow all the tracks in order without exception. Got it?
Don't answer me this letter until I send you a new letter. I won't be in Los Angeles because of work, so don't be surprised if you don't hear from me for a while. I'm gonna miss you, but something tells me it won't be for long.
There's something I wanna tell you... all this time we've been talking, actually we've been writing, it was very special to me. You've become the person I trust the most. Even though I haven't told you many things about me, I told you things I've never told anyone. But with you I feel different, I feel comfortable telling you my personal things. I'm blissful to have received your letter that day. For some reason your letter came to me and not someone else. I always wonder why it came to me of all people in the world, but honestly I'm glad it's been this way. I'll never understand why your letter came to me, why I decided to answer it, why I decided to share things with you. But I don't regret absolutely nothing about what I did, because this way I got to know someone super lovely as you are. I know we don't know each other personally or we don't even know our real names, but that doesn't mean I cannot love you the way I do. It took me a long time to take this decision, but I realized that if I don't take the risk now, then I never will. I have no idea what's gonna happen next, I have no idea how our relationship is gonna continue. I'm fucking scared that things will change, but I thought maybe things can change for the better. I want to take the next step; I want to know you more. I want to meet that person that makes me feel happy and special and who makes my heart go wee every time I think about that person. I'm ready.
Fulfill my wishes, my adorable letter-girl.
Sending you my love and forever saying I adore you wholeheartedly, the mysterious letter-boy."
You finished reading the letter slightly frowning, but with an expression of fun at the same time. He'd asked for three wishes, three unusual wishes. They weren't wishes for him, but were wishes for you. It was so weird. You trusted him, but all that happened in this last time was just weird and you had to admit that you didn't know any longer what you were doing. But there was no way he'll do something bad to you. You just weren't used to this sort of things. But, after all, you weren't even used to write very intense letters to a total stranger and however, everything went well. Everything was going more than good. You'd found two people who became special people to you, and they were always there for you. True friends. And you didn't feel this way since a long time ago.
You stayed long time thinking, sitting on the edge of your bed. You decided to fulfill those odd wishes that the boy had asked you. You trusted him very much and you knew that his intentions were good as always.
Slowly you lay in your bed again to think what he meant by his words "I'm ready."
SATURDAY, 4PM…
You were nervous, standing next to that large tree, wearing a black silk dress with a red heart on the chest that you had got in the clothing store that the mysterious boy had mentioned to you. You didn't know what to do or what you were waiting for. You stayed there just standing looking around. Lot of people was walking around you, but nobody seemed to notice your presence. You looked at your wristwatch to check the time. 4:30 pm. No one approached you, it seemed that nothing important would happen, there was no indication of some kind of track. You thought that maybe the guy just had sent you there to enjoy some time in that special place. You thought to lay against the tree trunk, but you didn't want to screw up the dress. You looked the time again. 4:50 pm. Definitely nothing was going to happen, otherwise you'd have already found the first track. Why would he mention tracks to follow if after 50 minutes nothing appeared?
You decided to go back to your apartment until a person dressed as Tintin appeared in front of you. You looked at him with wide eyes and laughed inside. That definitely had to be the first track. No one who was sane would have used those clothes in the middle of Central Park, but for you it meant something. The person dressed as Tintin smiled at you and, without saying anything, gave you a little note.
"Well, well. You've found out the first track and if you're reading this because you're really fulfilling my wishes and you're making me super happy. Follow the man dressed as Tintin. He'll take you somewhere."
You finished reading the note with a smile and you looked up to see that man dressed as Tintin. The man smiled at you and he took your arm to guide you. He led you straight to the bridge. You didn't know exactly what you were doing there or why he stopped in the middle of the bridge. But you got it after the man pointed to the lake. At first you found nothing and frowned. But then, you paid more attention and saw how a small boat was approaching. You bit your lower lip to try to hold the smile as the evidence that you were having fun. When the boat was close enough, the person who was in it, a young woman with blond hair gave you a second note. You received it, and when you turned to see the man dressed as Tintin, you realized he was gone. Confused, you opened the note to read it.
"This is the second track. From now on you'll have to go it alone. Walk across the bridge and take the path to the right. In the first bench you find, stop and sit there for a few minutes. Something unexpected will happen and you'll realize how to continue."
Fun and surprised, you did exactly what the note said. You looked at the first bench, which was empty, but nothing unusual seemed to happen and there was no note. You sat and looked around you. No sign of something unexpected. After a few minutes, you heard the sound of a well-known song. It was the song the mysterious boy was teaching you to play on the keyboard. You covered your mouth with your hand in response to your surprise. That song meant a lot to you and you knew that this was that something unexpected that would happen. You closed your eyes for a moment enjoying the song, enjoying what that boy had done for you. You couldn't believe it; you had never before experienced something like this. Neither you could understand how the boy managed to do such things to surprise you. You were really a very lucky girl to have known that mysterious guy. You opened your eyes slowly when the song ended. However you remained seated, enjoying that wonderful thing that had happened to you.
Something that was happening around you, made you get attention and divert your gaze to a group of teenagers who were around a person. You stayed watching them for a while until some people went away and you could see around who those teenagers were. Your eyes widened at the sight of a person who you admired so much. Your eyes couldn't believe that they were seeing, in the middle of Central Park, Darren Criss. There he was, smiling and talking a bit with those people as he signed some autographs and took some pictures with them. Soon you approached the group. You've always wanted to meet Darren Criss and take a picture with him. Normally you weren't used to be a fan of any celebrity, but he was different. You really admired his songs and you enjoyed seeing his performances, especially his performances as Harry Potter in AVPM and AVPS. A big smile was drawn on your face when finally several people had moved away and you had the perfect chance to get a picture with him and tell him what you thought about his songs.
Darren Criss looked at you with a smile and came over to sign you an autograph as he had done with the others. You stayed looking straight into his beautiful hazel colored eyes, still surprised to finally have met him. Darren Criss stood looking at you with his pen in hand, waiting until you give him something where he could sign. At that time you stopped looking at him into his eyes to realize that you had no paper on where he could sign. You searched in your pocket one of the notes that the mysterious guy made sure you could receive, so Darren could sign there. Darren looked at you with a smile and signed on the paper that you had given him. You just looked into his eyes, wanting to say what you thought about his songs, but nothing came out of your mouth. When Darren looked up to you after signing his autograph, he said a few words.
"That's a very nice dress."Darren said, smiling. You just stood looking at him and smiled, blushing a little. For some reason, you couldn't say anything and you cursed yourself for being so fucking stupid.
"Th-thank y-you."You stuttered andit was the only thing you could reply and you looked down at the ground, ashamed and shaking your head for acting so foolishly.
"Are you okay?"Darren asked gently, resting his hand on your shoulder. You shuddered at his touch and nodded. "Well, you don't look as if you were feeling fine. C'mon, come with me. It's kind of freezing out here and a good hot cup of coffee could help"Darren smiled at you and you, surprised and widening your eyes as soon as you heard his words, you followed him when he started walking.
It was something you never would have imagined that it was going to happen to you. You couldn't miss the chance to walk alongside Darren Criss, even though you couldn't say any fucking word. Along the way, something stopped you. A person walked right up to you to give you another note. You looked at her surprised and you couldn't ask anything to her because the person moved away swiftly. Quickly, you opened the note to read it; while Darren stood beside you, looking at you and frowning slightly.
"I'm ready to finally get to know each other personally. If you're reading this note is because you're still in Central Park and I'm there too, waiting for you. Just look around and find me."
Your jaw fell off after reading the note, surprised and you started feeling nerves, fear and excitement at the same time. Your body began to tremble when you realized that you were about to meet that mysterious boy you loved. You looked around, in all directions, trying to find some kind of hint or clue. There was nothing around you that could help you to find out who the person was. How were you going to realize who the mysterious guy was? You didn't even know how he looked like or his real name.
"Are you fine? You look a little...concerned and surprised. What's that note? Is it something bad?" Darren said softly by your side making you startle. You'd forgotten that he was at your side. You nodded, but you didn't change the expression on your face, still looking around "Alright, if you say so. C'mon, let's go to get that coffee, it seems you really need it."
You kept walking alongside Darren Criss, taking advantage of this chance. But suddenly, you stopped sharply. You couldn't do that. Even though you had always wanted to meet Darren Criss and this was a chance that never again would happen in your life, get to know that mysterious guy personally was more important. Darren turned as soon as he realized that you weren't following him anymore.
"I'm so sorry, Darren. As much as I'm gonna regret later because I didn't take this chance I have now to get to know you and that I'll probably never have again, I can't go get that coffee. I'm... I'm waiting for someone that is very important to me. But I really wanted to say I'm very happy to finally have met you, have met that man who has probably the best songs in the world and that always makes me smile with his performances, interviews and words. It's truly been a pleasure having met you and it's like... like a dream. I hope you can achieve everything you set your mind and... And I'm sure you will, because you're so talented." You finally said to Darren, smiling and looking into his eyes.
"Whoa! Well, yeah. I totally understand. Well, it was nice to meet you too and thank you for your words. That person you're waiting for... is a lucky person" Darren smiled and turned to keep walking while you went to the bench where you were sitting minutes earlier.
You stayed a while there, looking around. That was the ideal time for the mysterious guy to come over where you were. That's why he'd forced you to wear that dress, you thought, that way he could recognize you in some way and find you. You grabbed the note where Darren had signed the autograph to read it.
"To my favorite letter-girl. With love, from the bottom of my heart. The mysterious letter-boy usually known as Darren Criss."
You kept looking at the autograph, with your mouth open in surprise. All this time the mysterious letter-boy was Darren Criss. Your mind started thinking about everything at full speed, everything seemed to make sense. The ring that Darren was wearing when he signed the autograph was the same ring of those hands that played the piano for you, the wristwatch of Tintin that Darren was wearing was a clear evidence of the several times he talked about Tintin. His lack of time, because he was always busy for work. The times he mentioned that maybe you might recognize him. When he said that he was devoted to music and acting. When he mentioned all the instruments that he could play. The fact that he lived in San Francisco and now in Los Angeles. His obsession with Disney and Harry Potter, the apple juice. His weird sense of humor. The important debut he talked about, Broadway you thought. Even you remembered the phrases that he'd told you-There's nothing more badass than being yourself - and even he mentioned you his own song and your favorite one - You're not alone cause you're here with me –Damn and holy shit! Everything had been so obvious and so discreet at the same time. Some tears started falling down your face when you realized that finally you'd known the identity of that mysterious guy that you loved, and you realized that it was Darren Criss. You just couldn't believe it. Your body couldn't stop shaking and you felt how your legs were weakened preventing you to stand.
You finally lifted your sight to look in the direction where you and Darren Criss, the mysterious boy, had been standing minutes earlier. Darren was no longer there. You looked in all directions until you decided to look behind you. Darren was there leaning against a tree looking at you fondly with a big and bright smile on his face, his hands in his pockets. You both looked into each other's eyes for a while until Darren shrugged still with a bright smile on his face. You stood up and ran toward him, while tears of joy were coming out of your eyes.
"I'm so happy to have met you finally. I know I took the right decision." Darren said, caressing your cheek with a smile."And wow, you're really beautiful in in every way, just as I always thought."
There were the two of you, the mysterious letter-boy and the mysterious letter-girl, giving each other that hug that you both had always wanted. Nothing mattered but only you and him, feeling the love you felt to each other. You'd taken a step in your relationship through letters and you knew that nothing could go wrong, now that you had each other.