Strangled By a Halo 5

Love, peace and harmony.

Love, peace and harmony.

Mm, very nice, very nice, very nice.

Maybe in the next world?

Panic, Kitten

A/N: Because reincarnation might be scarier than the Otherworld.

Also, this story took way too long to finish...so thanks for sticking with and reading it, and thanks for the reviews that reminded me to complete this thing.

"That would involve paperwork filled in duplicates. Triplicates."

"We have to know."

"It's really the whole thing that started this mess."

Leaning against the legs of the huge desk, they both reeked of homemade fruit fermented alcohol made in the rec center sure that was sure to be banned as soon as someone squealed and told one of the Kais about it. And when that Kai showed up for a taste and started a party and a fight, a higher ranked Kai would be sent to sort things out, and the alcohol ban would be enforced all over again.

This told to Juuhachigou, who, drunk and disheveled, had spent those uncounted hours sitting beside him on the pool table, staring at him with confusion. Searching, searching. Lost. 'Why you, why would I ever sleep with you? I mean sure, you have muscles. But the shortness. The baldness. No, even with hair…still not my type.'

'Dunno. Have to ask those two. Why would I want to have a kid and marry you?'

'Ask them. Hah.'

'No, no, let's! Let's totally go ask them!'

'We have to. I'm going to get another glass of this crappy wine. Then we'll leave.' She was nearly reeling on her feet, clinging to the tables and chairs, getting looks from eyes that eventually turned to stare at Krillin. Yeah, he nodded back slowly, she's with me.

May the Gods have mercy. For once.

"You have to let us talk to them."

"Have to? I have to."

"I'll keep an eye on her and anything, everything."

She did her hair-flip-move. "All we want is to find a way to talk to those two. How much damage could possibly be done?"

Krillin stared up, widening his eyes. "Please, please. Let us talk to them."

It was funny how King Yemma and Juuhachigou didn't get along at all, plainly distrusted one another. Yet they seemed to trust Krillin well enough, even though it was his ideas and plans that backfired.

The two fighters were training, and nothing was necessarily odd about that. Until Juuhachigou overthrew a punch, and ended up falling into Krillin. She laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I thought you wanted to train?" His words were muffled by her mouth darting close to cover his own lips.

Pulling away only to tell him, "This is better."

Krillin and Juuhachigou physically recoiled at the sight.

He didn't know about her, but personally his own vision was going dim, like he might faint. It had been a while since he'd checked up on them, and his immunity to the sight had wavered, apparently. Himself kissing the blood-thirsty android that was incapable of humility and still did not pity or feel any guilt for what she'd done. How could this other Krillin enjoy being so close to this murderess?

Juuhachigou simply looked ill.

What to say to them? Um. Hey. Other me. Other her. How've you been? Liking death? So, how did you two get together—I mean, how come Juuhachigou, this Juuhachigou, isn't a murderer?

It seemed so nice to be stuck up here with someone you loved. Loved loved. Not like him and the others. In a non-friendship way. The way they groped at each other made him miss someone he didn't know. All affectionate, Juuhachigou careful not to kill him. He looked okay with hair, this other version of him. And with that grin, and a pretty girl on his arm.

"Ahem."

Now it was their turn to jump and recoil. Nice to be the one not freaked out by what alternative versions of themselves did. "Who-what—"

"We're from a different timeline." Was the curt answer that didn't really answer much of anything.

Juuhachigou, the good one, was eying the other's denim skirt and vest. It didn't seem to bring back any good memories. That's why she was so awesome, because she wouldn't be caught dead in something with Red Ribbon on it. "What timeline exactly are you from?"

"The one where she's evil." Krillin explained.

Their alternative selves took a wary step back. Even in that, they were in sync.

The other Krillin broke the silence first. He stared upward, scratching at his sweaty hair. "Okay…so what exactly are you doing here?"

"What we wanted was to talk to you."

"Oh. Oh." Krillin sincerely hoped he'd never actually done with this other guy was doing, and wiggling his eyebrows meaningfully. Juuhachigou's amusement didn't really make him feel any better. She did laugh at him, that lucky bastard.

'His' (by the loosest definition) Juuhachigou was glaring at him. Then at her other self with real disgust that she served usually for humans only.

"Don't worry." The other Krillin patted him on the back. "You'll win her over soon enough."

Krillin's nervous laughter made the two Juuhachigou's who were glaring at one another finally break their gaze.

"Thanks. But no."

"No? Really, you sure?"

"She's not…well."

"Nice?"

"Exactly."

So strange to see himself nodding, and yet not feel the sensation. Was basically looking into a mirror. They had the exact faces, and expression. The only difference was the hair. Like having a brother. Or a… twin. "I'm sorry man."

This android knew when to get to the point, just as the evil one did. "So, you two want to know how we ended up getting married?"

Krillin rubbed the back of his head, as though the answers could be found by yanking at the tangles in the windblown black mop. "Why we got together?"

Juuhachigou looked amused, with a smile and a playful expression. "Hmm, not really sure?"

"Maybe the hair?"

"Maybe. Why did I marry you?"

"I dunno? Begging?"

"Some of that, some of that," she conceded, rubbing her chin in a move she definitely had learned from her husband. "Guess you just have a strange magnetism to you."

He puffed out his chest, a gesture Krillin knew he'd do before actually seeing it. And it would go back down…there it went. "Wait. So just weirdly attracted to me? Not because you like me?"

"I guess that weird attraction made me like your other attributes." Her voice was bland.

"Like the shortness."

"That has other nice factors to it, though."

Krillin's mind investigated the corners to that statement, before recoiling in disgust at the possibilities.

"You can't even tell us why you got married?"

"You wouldn't understand." The good Juuhachigou looked like she was restraining herself from saying more. The other Krillin's look of sympathy was for his wife, not for the guy who was stuck with her in the afterlife.

"I guess we'll head back." He let his shoulders tug inward. "Maybe go and get drunk again at the bar."

Do what Goku would do, and take the supposed never-ending-supply as a challenge. Only instead of dumplings, it would be bottles of gin. And they would win, just like Krillin's best friend had done to the ice cream demon, and the gingerbread contest and had beaten that cocky horned guard with his huge blueberry pie and the claim that it was impossible to finish.

Bring it on.

"You guy's got a bar?" they asked, outraged. For the first time, Juuhachigou and Krillin almost smiled.

"Juuhachigou?"

"What is it?" The syllables were all expressed in an exhale.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did."

"Something else. Important."

"I don't want to marry you and bear your young."

"No, no it's not that. Believe me, I'm not asking that."

She glared at him with all the energy she could muster.

"What I wanted to ask is, would you be interested in reincarnation?"

"What?"

"Starting all over again. From birth. Somewhere. With no memory of your earlier life."

"Would I get kidnapped by Gero, again?"

"No, I—wait, what? Gero kidnapped you?"

Her eyes were flat with hostility. "How do you think we were turned into androids? You think we signed up for that?"

"…maybe? I'm sor-"

"I don't want to hear it. Like I need your sympathy."

"You don't get my sympathy! Monster!"

"Pathetic weakling!"

"I'm glad you died!"

"I'm glad you died!"

One of the souls turned around with a twitch of a puffy simile of a tail. "Just get a divorce already. You're already dead, what does it matter!"

Krillin had to keep Juuhachigou from hurting the cloud, and then they both had to fight to keep from falling off the narrow road and falling right back down to Hell.

He came to, nearly screaming, sweat running down his forehead. Terrible. Just terrible.

In the cot next to him, a pale blonde girl rolled over sleepily to glare at him. "Did you have another bad dream?"

"Yeah."

"About me and my brother?" Juuhachigou sounded vaguely interested. On the other cot, Juunanagou slept with his legs akimbo, snoring peacefully. His scarf bright even in the dark room. The other fighters, further off, were too busy sleeping off their own soreness to awaken.

"Nope," he lied.

"You're lucky. My nightmares usually involve you growing a mustache, so…"

Krillin sat up just enough to direct his glare onto her back. "That's not that bad."

"Maybe if you don't have to see it."

"Going to go for that reincarnation, I swear. No more of dealing with you." Hard, though, terrifyingly hard to imagine a life with her. What would he do without his blonde angry shadow that followed him around to complain about having to spend an eternity here, with 'Goku and those other morons'? And could he deal without the pupil that constantly badgered him with learning another ki move that might allow her to cut Vegeta's head off? Who would pull the ball away at the last moment during the flag football games? Or tackle him, during the soccer matches with the intent to hamstring him, to giggles and whistles as the other fighters crowded around to watch?

His almost-sometimes-maybe-friend that he hated to the very core being of him and the only women he'd ever wanted to literally murder.

But at least they could sometimes make each other laugh, Yamcha had told him. Trying to make Krillin feel better, he realized later. Like he felt bad about not having the full romantic attentions of Juuhachigou, who would always been an unrepentant murder that felt nothing for her victims, even now. Who was not the sweet Juuhachigou that he'd last seen watching Marron play with Turtle, before Baba had wretched the crystal ball from his sweaty hands.

'Take her back!' he'd once screamed at King Yemma. No need to say a name.

King Yemme had only shaken a giant red head. 'Oh no, you signed off for her. Now you have to deal with it.'

Left without her power, she was basically harmless. Uncaring and dead inside, but unable to act out on such feelings. She was more robotic than ever, even if she no longer had any commands to follow. Perhaps in time Krillin would come to pity her.

"Yeah. Sure."

"I mean it."

She yawned. "You're too cowardly."

"I will."

"See you on the other side then," she laughed and rolled over. Did that mean if he was reincarnated, she'd do the same? Then she added over her shoulder, "I'll do my best to kill you in that life too."

"Even then, you won't be able to."

"We'll see."

"Yeah. Just go back to sleep. Have to get ready for the Other World airport to meet for the Otherworld Tournament."

"Fun."

"To watch you lose more? Yes it will be."

"We'll see, little man." The dark promise in her voice. Staring at him with those bright eyes that more than once he wanted once to cover with a blindfold. But that would have only made gossip about them get even worse, and the stares at the mess hall were becoming overbearing. How Chaotzu had cut him off after one beer, because Vegeta of all people had told him that people couldn't control themselves when they had too much. Not saying a single word to Yamcha and Juunanagou, who would get drunk and scream at each other with this really disturbing tension that made still-deep-down-sensitive Gohan go pale. Plus, when Juuhachigou was loaded, she tended to just hurl insults at everyone until she'd break a pool cue over Vegeta's head because he was totally not a better blonde than her…and then Krillin would have to step in and hide her in a utility closet that did not help with people's knowing looks and grins.

But either way, there was no sexual tension. On his side anyway, since okay, occasionally the woman would say some pretty disturbing stuff when liquored up, when they were crammed into that closet, that had him leaning away from her and trying to ignore her leers about him finally 'giving in' to…whatever the hell charms she supposedly had. That she was still a woman, regardless of whatever Gero had installed, a woman with needs and wants. That, goddamnit, he was a man and there were worse freakish cowards out there than even him, and she'd never quite hated anyone the way she did him, and would he just, just—they were dead anyway, and she was forced to live as a human, and it was boring up here! Rants that ended with Krillin saying, 'that's nice, Juuhachigou,' and petting her head did nothing to make her more normal. Grabbing his collar and pulling him even closer, 'You creepy little bastard human!' and then Goku or someone else would open the door to find them like that.

'Aw. You two…we need those cleaning supplies. Don't use them all up.' Or Goku going 'Hm. That's what me and Chi-Chi used to do. Huh. Can you have babies up here?…Can an android have babies?' Until she was throwing bleach in his eyes. Always, always blaming Krillin ultimately, for the things other people would imply about them. Walking away in huff, while he tried not to look at any length of leg or how great it was to watch her leave for so many reasons, such as the pretty twitch of her angry movements beneath that skirt.

And then he would think, with an almost longing, 'if only, if only she weren't her.'

Really, what would his life be like without her? Remember, when she wasn't up here, with her still-odd brother that could at least cook. Remember trying to bring her up here? This was most definitely not how they'd planned any of their (after) lives to end up.

Krillin lay flat, unmoving, on his tiny cot. At least he didn't spend his days looking into a crystal ball, wondering, 'what if?' Now he had to get up to watch Juuhachigou and make sure she didn't find some way to hurt anyone else. To see if one day she might actually smile without scorn and let go of her hatred.

…Reincarnation was looking better and better. He looked at the black sky hovering above them both. Well, it'll be something.