Chapter 9 Déjà vu

"You need to wake up Liv. I want to see your beautiful brown eyes looking at me. I need to hear your voice again and I need to tell you... I want to tell you..." Alex says.

"Spit it out Counselor. Just tell me what you want to say." Olivia says huskily.

Stormy blue eyes are looking shocked into brown eyes.

"You're awake." Alex whispers as tears rolling down her cheeks.

"You really didn't think I would leave you suffering and stay asleep did you? Now what is it that you were trying to tell me, honey?" Olivia asks, her voice a bit raspy.

"I can't believe you're awake. This isn't a dream is it? That I wake up to find out that your still unconscious?" Alex asks softly.

"It isn't Lex. You're not dreaming. Could I do this if I was still unconscious?" Olivia asks.

Olivia picks up Alex's hand and brings it to her lips and places a soft kiss on it. Then she lowers their hands and places Alex's hand on her chest so that the blonde can feel her heartbeat.

"I was so worried about you. You lost so much blood. The nurse told me that they almost lost you once and I was so scared that I would never see you again. That you wouldn't make it. Now I know how you must have felt when I was shot. I tried to stop the bleeding but I couldn't. Fin helped me when they arrived at the house. But together we couldn't stop the bleeding. I never have been so scared in my life." Alex almost whispers.

Olivia's heart breaks when she hears Alex's words. She still can remember perfectly that hateful day so many years ago. She still wakes up from the nightmares she has about it and can feel or see the blood on her hands. It hits the Detective hard to know that the blonde knows how that feels now. She needs to feel Alex against her. Hold her in her arms. She needs to feel that Alex is alive, that she's alive. And if it's the same for Alex as it was for her she knows that Alex needs it too. Olivia slowly moves in her bed and scoots to the right side of the bed so that Alex can lay against her at her uninjured side.

"I know, Lex. I know how you feel. About everything you just said. Come here." Olivia says, petting on the bed.

Alex looks at Olivia with her eyes are full of tears and she sees that Olivia knows what she feels. And even worse, after all the Detective thought she was dead till the moment she came out of that SUV. Alex looks a bit confused at Olivia. Not really getting what the brunette means.

"What?" Alex asks.

"Come here and lay down with me." Olivia answers softly.

"Liv, I can't. You're injured. You were shot only a few hours ago." Alex says.

"Alexandra Cabot get your ass on this bed now. I know you need it and truthfully I need it too. I need to feel you in my arms and I need to know that we both are alive." Olivia says emotionally.

Alex then realizes what she said and how it affected the strong Detective. And how right Olivia is about needing to feel her close against her.

"Are you sure? I should call the Dr. letting him know that you're awake." Alex asks.

"The Dr. can wait. You can't. And yes I'm sure. Now do I really need to ask you again to come into bed with me?" Olivia asks teasingly.

Alex shakes her head and takes of her shoes before she carefully climbs on the bed and turns on her side, snuggling against Olivia and lays her head down on the Detective's chest. Olivia puts her good arm around Alex waist carefully because of the clip on her finger and pulls her gently against her. Both women let out a sight. Feeling safe now that they are in each others arms again.

"Now isn't this better than to sit in that chair?" Olivia asks.

"Yes it is. I'm sorry Liv. I didn't think how it would feel for you when I said what I said." Alex says.

"It's alright Alex. You just said what you feel or felt. And I understand that. You've been through a lot the last few hours. From the moment that crazy bitch came bursting into the house till the moment you finally could see me. And I think that we should talk about both our shootings. I never talked about what it did with me with anyone. Not now but some time when I'm not in the hospital anymore. Now how about you try to relax and get some sleep, huh? You must be exhausted now." Olivia asks.

"I don't think so Detective. First I'm gonna tell you what I tried to say when I thought you were unconscious and then I'm gonna call the Dr. We'll see about it after the Dr. has seen you. And you're right we need to talk about what our shooting means for the both of us when we can do it in private." Alex answers.

"I don't need a Dr. I'm fine. And I would like to keep you in my arms and sleep with you like this." Olivia whines.

"Don't start being stubborn already. You're awake for about 5 minutes. Let the Dr. see you if not for yourself than do it for me." Alex says.

"Fine I won't start now. But if he says something I don't like I won't keep my mouth shut. Now please tell me what you wanted to say before." Olivia says.

"That's the best I can get for now so I'll take it. As for what I want to tell you or need to tell you. I realized something. I know we just agreed to start a relationship and to go slowly. But that was before you got shot. And well.. I want to tell you something. But I don't want to scare you off or make you run. I don't know if you can remember it or not. But you see... I'm.. I mean I.." Alex stutters.

"I know what you're trying to tell me. You can't scare me off or make me run by telling it again, Lex. I remember what I said before I lost consciousness and I remember what you said. And I meant it or to exact, I mean it. I love you Alexandra Cabot, I'm in love with you." Olivia says and kisses the blonde's forehead.

Alex let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Hearing Olivia say that she loved her that she was in love with her and that she remembered saying it before is such a relief for the blonde ADA. She has no problems now with saying it again.

"I love you too Olivia Benson, I"m in love with you too. I thought that maybe you didn't remember it because you lost consciousness after we both said it. And if you didn't remember it I didn't want to scare you. I know we agreed to go slow but after being so close to losing you I don't want to go real slow. I still want to wait to get intimately till we both are ready for it. And obviously you aren't physically ready for it but even if you would be I still want to wait." Alex says.

"I want the same. But what I do want to do as soon as possible is take you out on date a real date. You know pick you up take you to some romantic place or go to see something and then bring you home when it's time. Alex, would you like to go on a date with me?" Olivia asks.

"Yes Liv I would love to go on a date with you. And if it's alright with you I would like to kiss you now." Alex answers.

"I don't think that's a good idea. Not that I don't want to because I do. But I'm still hooked up at the heart monitor and I don't want the nurses running inside this room and see us kissing. Because I can assure you that my heart rate will go up if you kiss me Alexandra Cabot. And that's a good thing. So I think we should wait till the damn machine is gone and then we kiss as much and as long as we want." Olivia says.

"Charmer. I'm gonna call the Dr. to get rid of that monitor. And to have him check up on you." Alex says smiling.

The blonde turn around and presses the call button on the remote for patients. Alex wants to climb out of the bed and sit down in the chair again so that the Dr. doesn't see her lying in bed with Olivia because that would for sure start a fight between the Detective and the Dr. but Olivia gets what Alex wants to do and puts her arm firmer around the blonde's waist. Alex wants to protest and explain why she wants to leave Olivia's bed but she doesn't get the chance. Unfortunately for them the Dr. was already on his way to Olivia's room and was about to step knock on the door and step inside when he saw the red light above the Detective's room turned on. So he opened the door and stepped inside.