Closure

A lot of things went through my mind, but I had to get used to the idea that Anne wasn't gonna be always available to me, I left her a message on her cell…

"Anne, as promised, I'm trying to talk to you, I finished a photoshooting now, I thought about you all day long... call me when you can, or when you want to..."

She didn't, I was staring at the phone all night, Kim, inconvenient as usual, kept asking me if I was expecting a call...

During the week, I could only call in the mornings, her phone was always off, and everytime I called her home, I didn't have the guts to ask about her to Matt, so I ended up talking about anything and then I found out she wasn't there, in one of these calls I couldn't resist…

"Matt, I wanted to send a photo to Anne's cell, do you know why is it always off?"

"I have no idea man, Anne is acting kind of weird these days, she is never home, but I saw her using her cell today..."

I was getting tired of trying to talk to her and never get a reply, she was never home, she could never talk to me... something was going on, I just didn't know why Anne was avoiding me…

One day in the bedroom, Kim was out to have some breakfast and I automatically dialed Anne's home number, it was still early, it wasn't possible that she wasn't home…
Matt answered, I was about to hang up, I didn't want him to get suspicious of my persistence, but Anne apparently picked up the other line... hearing her voice made me relieved, and then angry, anxious... I needed to know what was going on, but it was a lot of emotions to the short time I had to talk to her, Kim must be coming back, I told her I'd pick her up that night, we had a lot to talk...

I waited 2 hours for her, where I told her I would, but she never showed up, and didn't say anything. I called her many times on the cell, but as usual, it was off. And then I finally gave up and went home. I decided not to ask why she didn't go, if she cared she would give me an explanation...

I couldn't understand what was going on, was Anne avoiding me? But I knew her, if there was something bothering her, she would tell me… she had agreed on not telling anyone about us while I was able to solve things with Kim, but she apparently had changed her mind… something was wrong. I knew she loved me, but was that enough? Our relationship was getting more and more complicated...
A few days later, I was talking to Matt, and with my most casual voice I said it had been a while since I had talked to her, I asked him how she was...

"Oh, she is great... talking more on the phone than never, can you believe Kyle called her yesterday and they talked for like 2 hours? I guess they're in good terms after the break-up… that's good, right?"

I tried to hide my disappointment, and look happy.

"Yeah, that's great..."

I was about to ask him if he thought they were gonna get back together, but I realized I didn't wanna know the answer. Was that the reason Anne was avoiding me? She was talking to Kyle again and didn't want me to know?
Days passed by and a lot of weird things kept happening, I called, she didn't answer and so on. When I saw her, I couldn't act like the in-love man I used to be, she made me be more distant and cold…

I started wondering if it wasn't a mistake, Anne and I trying to be together. I wondered if we should be only friends... Everything we had tried so far went wrong, maybe it wasn't meant to be... I decided to have a serious talk with her, to see what we would do once and for all… to my surprise, before I do it, she did it. And she told me exactly what I was thinking, that we should stop playing boyfriend and girlfriend, maybe we should be only friends, and that I was very important to her… I agreed, I said it was better to get that over with before we couldn't even be friends.

We hugged... how could I forget that scent, how could I be away from her? Nos abraçamos... Como eu iria esquecer esse cheiro, como eu conseguiria ficar longe dela? Forgetting Anne would be almost impossible, but I knew it was the best thing to do...

I got sadder than I thought, breaking up with her was so hard… I dreamed about her pratically every night, I woke up in the middle of the night and had to control myself not to run to her house and get under her blanket…

We went back to "just friends", we tried to get back to that old friendship we had, but it was impossible... everytime we were together, I had to control myself not to take her in my arms and go to my room… Matt was always asking what was wrong, but I couldn't tell him, he couldn't even dream that my problem was not having his sister anymore…