Chapter 21
Bonnie hadn't said anything about being sad as the Thanksgiving decorations went down and Christmas sprang up all over town, but Jeremy knew that she must have been at least a little down in the dumps. She had no family to speak of: both her parents and beloved grandmother were gone. Her dad had some family a few states away but they might as well have been strangers. So although she hadn't voiced any type of sadness, when the second week of December rolled around and Bonnie's house was void of any festiveness, Jeremy took it upon himself to bring some cheer to her home.
He showed up one morning, wrapped up in warm clothes and a wreath in hand, and demanded that Bonnie put him to work. She seemed surprised, but not unpleasantly so, and she let him go crazy in her home. He put up the pathetic fake little Christmas tree that she refused to part with and then took to the outdoors, where he was hanging up lights along the trim of her house.
"Jer, are you sure you know what you're doing?" she asked with a weary expression.
"I'm sure," he said. He smiled and simultaneously stapled in some lights. "I did this with my dad a million times."
"Okay," she said slowly, clearly unimpressed with his story. "Just be careful. I wouldn't want you to fall and sue me. There's no telling what the homeowner's insurance policy is looking like these days."
"No problem." He smiled and stapled again. "If I get hurt, you can just kiss it and make it better."
Bonnie looked down and shifted her feet, and Jeremy frowned. He remembered a time when Bonnie would blush from his flirty comments and maybe shrug cutely and tell him to knock it off. She was uncomfortable, but in an innocent and adorable way. Now, she just looked uncomfortable. Like she had no idea how to respond to him or flirt back.
It was driving Jeremy up the wall. Ever since her return from the Other Side, she had been distant and unsure. He tried to give her space, but none of his usual methods to pull her closer were working. She was sweet and polite but completely unresponsive.
Neither of them said anything as he continued to hang lights and she waited, bundled up in her jacket, watching him like a mother hen. Her phone rang every few minutes and out of the corner of his eye, Jeremy saw Bonnie smile slightly, type back a response to whatever message she'd gotten, and then slide her phone back into her pocket.
"You're popular today," he said, breaking the awkward silence. "That thing is going off every couple of seconds."
"Caroline," she said with a shrug. As if that explained everything. And really, it did. Caroline was on a tear with all her holiday planning. She was insisting that they have a repeat of Thanksgiving by hosting a big Christmas party at the boarding house. She'd already made everyone pull Secret Santa names. She was also heading up a New Year's Party and Jeremy guessed that she was telling Bonnie about it in excruciating detail.
"I'm making some cookies," she said. "You want some?"
"Chocolate chip?"
She smiled that lopsided brilliant smile that he loved. "Of course."
He watched her walk inside, and once he finished the string of lights he was working on, he climbed down the ladder to take a cookie break. When he walked inside from the brisk late autumn air, he was greeted with the warmth of Bonnie's home. Nat King Cole's Christmas album filled the space with his rich singing voice. Bonnie's anemic little Christmas tree that could shone brightly with all its colorful built-in lights. The smell of freshly-baked cookies infiltrated Jeremy's nose.
As he rounded the corner and found Bonnie dusting green and red sprinkles over the cookies, he was attacked with a sense of peace and comfort. In that moment, he could see himself being with Bonnie forever, having Christmas together and chasing after some adorable witchy kids. He wanted it all, and when she turned around and smiled at him, he nearly melted into the floor.
"Ready," she said, gesturing to the cookies.
He nodded but totally ignored the sweet treats as he made his way to Bonnie and wrapped her up in a tight hug. She jumped in surprise and for the first few seconds, she was stiff in his arms. But then, incrementally, she relaxed until she was hugging him in return and he grinned in triumph.
"Thank you," he said lowly.
"For what?" she asked, her voice muffled against his chest.
"The cookies."
She chuckled. "You're welcome. And thank you for all your help today."
Her phone rang again and he groaned.
"Is there some polite way you can tell Caroline to buzz off?"
She laughed. "I did that about fifty messages ago." To his dismay, she shimmied away from him enough to look at her phone. He watched her frown and then tap her foot. "She wants each of us to bring a special ornament to put on the tree at the boarding house."
"A special ornament?"
"Yeah, you know, like some family ornament that means something to each of us. I actually think I have one in the attic."
She slid past him and he gently took her arm.
"I can get it for you," he said.
"Uh, no, sir. I think you've put yourself in enough danger today. I'll be right back."
She disappeared from the kitchen and Jeremy shed his jacket and hopped up on the counter. He took a cookie while it was still hot and grinned when the chocolate melted in his mouth. He leaned his head against the cabinets behind him and closed his eyes, wallowing in the comfort of the moment. He didn't realize that Bonnie had left her phone on the counter until it rang again. He opened his eyes and frowned, eyeing it from a couple of feet away. He seriously contemplated texting Caroline back and telling her to give them some much-needed private time.
And then, in a moment of sheer insecurity, Jeremy wondered whether Bonnie had been texting Caroline at all. He thought back to the all the times that Bonnie had shrugged off his hugs, or avoided his kisses, or came up with some excuse to not spend time with him. He had entertained the thought before that maybe she was into someone else, but he never gave it much mileage. After all, she was Bonnie. She was a good girl, and that was one thing he liked about her.
Still, the thoughts plagued him as he watched her unlocked screen brighten from another message. His fingers itched to see who was texting her so much, but he knew he shouldn't. He strained to hear Bonnie and his heart beat a little faster when he heard her moving around in the attic. He had the time. He had the opportunity. And he before he could think better of it, he hopped down and snatched the phone up before it faded to black and locked him out.
Jeremy's heart thundered in his ears when his shaky thumb went to her messages. He wasn't sure what to expect, but he was overcome with relief and guilt when the text box with Caroline was the first to appear. He only had to skim briefly to see that Caroline had indeed been the texting culprit all along. He put the phone down and wiped his hand over his face, ashamed that he hadn't trusted Bonnie more. He silently vowed to himself that he would never sink so low again.
His promise only lasted a millisecond, when another message popped up. Only that time, it wasn't from Caroline. It was Damon.
Jeremy's eyebrow quirked up. He had noticed that Bonnie and Damon were obviously closer than they were before they left. They hadn't shouted at each other at all since their return and their whole dynamic was different: friendly, easy, maybe even a little flirty. Jeremy had caught Damon staring at Bonnie once or twice and although he hadn't seen Bonnie return the attention, it bothered him.
His fingers tapped the counter while he wondered if it was worth snooping through her phone twice in less than thirty seconds, when he had been so wrong the first time. The text from Damon was probably totally harmless.
Probably.
Maybe.
Maybe not.
It was Damon, after all.
And again, Jeremy was picking up Bonnie's phone and going to her messages.
i miss you
He stared at the message from Damon, unsure of what to make of it. It didn't necessarily sit well with him, but then again, they were friends now and friends missed each other. Right? He didn't want to believe there was anything more to it than that, and then another message come from the vampire.
i can still smell you
Jeremy's eyes widened and a chill went down his body like someone had poured ice on him. There was no way to interpret the second message as anything other than a come-on. What the hell was that supposed to mean anyway? He could still smell her? Smell her from what? Smell what part of her exactly? When were they close enough for Damon to smell her and have it linger long enough for him to text about it?
His young mind whirred with questions and doubts and before he could piece any of it together, he heard Bonnie's voice.
"Found it," she called.
He scrambled to lock her phone and he moved as far away from it as possible. He didn't even have a chance to process anything before Bonnie reappeared, holding up a well-worn crystal ornament that looked like it had seen better days.
"This was my favorite ornament as a kid," she said with a smile. "Grams told me that if I was good and wished on it, I would get everything I wanted for Christmas. And I always did."
Bonnie must have noticed his failure to smile, because she narrowed her eyes at him.
"You okay?" she asked.
"Uh yeah, I'm fine," he said with a quick smile. "Do you have any milk?"
"Yeah, it's in the fridge."
Duh. He wanted to smack himself for asking such a stupid question but his brain was still stuck on the Damon text. He fumbled around with the milk and stuffed three cookies in his mouth.
"I'm gonna finish the lights," he said, walking past Bonnie.
"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked.
He nodded and went back outside without another word. He was zombie-like as he finished all her outdoor lights. He read that text in his head a million times, trying and failing to find a way to make it platonic. But it was Damon. No matter how close he and Bonnie got on the Other Side, they would never be like that.
Right?
By the time he finished hanging the decorations, he wasn't so certain about his assumptions of Bonnie's relationship with Damon. He was confused and unsure of how to ask her about it. If she hadn't said anything, maybe it's because there was nothing to say. Then again, her actions spoke louder than any words could.
"Hey, I'm just gonna take off," he said after he went back inside. "Everything's finished."
"Thank you," she said. "Are you sure you don't want to stay and hang out?"
"Nah, that's okay. I wouldn't want to be in your way."
She folded her arms over her chest. "What is going on? You were so happy when you got here and now you're being so short with me. Did something happen?"
"You tell me," he countered.
He folded his arms like she did, and she looked completely confused. He realized that she may not have even seen the message from Damon since he'd already read it, and he didn't feel like he should admit he was digging through her phone. So he deflected.
"You've been pushing me away for weeks, Bonnie," he said, his voice telling her just how much the distance hurt him. Her annoyed look changed to one of guilt. "Do you not love me anymore?"
Her green eyes widened and she immediately shook her head. "No, Jer, no that's not it."
"So there is an 'it'?"
She didn't speak for a few minutes, then she nodded towards the couch. "Can we sit down?"
He knew from her tone that the conversation wasn't going to end well. The writing had been on the wall for weeks but he'd tried to fight it, ignore it, make excuses. He followed her to the couch and looked at his hands as she collected her breath several times but failed to speak.
"Just say something," he said.
"I don't want to hurt you," she said in a tiny voice.
"Then stop stringing me along and tell me the truth."
He chanced a look at her and he almost felt bad for her. She looked truly torn about what she wanted to say, so he waited until she processed her thoughts and finally spoke.
"I have feelings for someone else," she said.
Although he had expected something along those lines, hearing the words come out of her mouth felt like a dagger to his heart. He clenched his jaw and looked down at his hands again, for fear that if he looked at her, she might see the tears welling up in his eyes.
"I kinda figured," he said.
"I'm so sorry, Jeremy," she said in a voice that hurt him more because he could hear how genuine she was. "I didn't mean for it to happen. You know how I felt about you. You were my first everything and I never would have given that away if I thought we were coming back."
Felt. Jeremy wasn't even sure that Bonnie realized she had used the word in the past tense, but it hit him like a ton of bricks to the face. He had to wipe his cheek quickly before the tears hit his pants. He felt Bonnie's hand on his shoulder and he jerked away from her.
"Is it Damon?" he asked.
He didn't have to look up to feel the shock coming from her.
"How did you...?"
"You guys aren't exactly being discreet with the way you feel about each other," he said, hoping that the quivering in his voice would stop. "I see the flirting, the looks. I just hoped I was making things up in my head."
She said nothing. Neither of them said anything. Jeremy wanted so desperately to be angry. He wanted to call Bonnie a cheater and a hypocrite, but he couldn't. She had died saving them. He knew that if she truly thought she would be back, she would have held out for him. Falling for Damon was not something she probably ever anticipated and now she was dealing with the fallout.
When he got his watery eyes under control, he looked at her and saw how utterly sad she looked.
"I never wanted to hurt you," she said.
"I know."
"I wasn't stringing you along. I promise. I wanted to get back to the way things were between us but this thing with Damon..." She played with her fingers and shrugged. "I can't shake it. And...I don't think i want to."
Jeremy felt his lip beginning to tremble so he looked down again, but he nodded.
"You love him?" he managed to ask.
Her answer was soft, but he heard the 'yes' that he already knew was coming.
"I'm guessing Elena doesn't know," he said.
"No."
"And I'm guessing you don't want me to tell her."
"I couldn't ask you to keep it from her, Jeremy. I don't think I'm ready to tell her yet, but it wouldn't be right of me to break up with you and then ask you to keep a secret. If you want to tell her, then I'll understand."
He didn't think before he said, "I won't tell her."
"What?" she asked, clearly surprised.
He looked at her and said more forcefully, "I won't tell her. It's your friendship and you should tell her on your own terms. I'm not trying to hurt you, Bonnie. And I don't want you to hate me, just in case this thing with Damon doesn't work out."
He could tell from the small smile on Bonnie's face that she didn't think her 'thing' with Damon was in any danger of not working out, and it was at that moment that Jeremy realized how serious whatever they had must have been. Still, she reached over and took his hand.
"Thank you, Jer."
He nodded and stood, and Bonnie followed him to the door. She opened her arms for a hug and he accepted. They embraced each other tightly for several long minutes and when Jeremy pulled away, Bonnie leaned up and kissed him softly on the cheek.
She didn't have to tell him that it was the last kiss they'd share.