Your support is what keeps me going, so give yourselves a pat on the back! EIGHTY PLUS REVIEWS. Yeah. You guys did that. You. Gosh, I love you guys. You're what keeps me updating!

And on the subject of updates, I regret to say that they may become slower after August 22nd, since I'm starting my senior year of high school. I'm taking two advanced English classes (well, I say advanced, but one of them is actually a college class being taken for college credit), and both of them are focused on writing for the first semester. SO I might have to take time out to do my English homework, but I shall still do what's within my power to give you guys at least two updates per month!

Bear with me, guys! You're the force behind my pen! (or fingers moving on the keyboard. XD)

I'm sure you're tired of my rambling now, so how about I give you what you're here for? Chapter 7 awaits.

DURP! I made an edit; thanks ShiningStellar for catching it! :)

In the hour and a half since Titania had left me to my own devices, I had berated myself over all of the information I had given her in the short amount of time we shared together, but the majority of my time had been spent in front of the mirror that hung on the wall as I stared at my own image. My thoughts were troubled, and it showed in the face that returned my incessant gaze with false blue eyes from within the reflective piece of framed glass. I tried a smile, and subsequently grimaced. Such an expression was much too reminiscent of my old life, of a girl I was still desperately struggling to leave in the past, where I felt she belonged.

A dejected sigh left my lips as I ran a hand through the hair that hid my real, naturally blonde hair from sight.

I've given so much away! I groaned inwardly. I had told Erza of my condition, that I had been plagued by it for longer than should have been physically possible. I'd told her of the letter. With that in mind, I recalled my short-lived idea to send the letter early and was thankful that I had shot that idea down. Since the scarlet haired ex-quip mage was aware of the plans made by 'Layla Heart', how bit of a stretch would it be for her to connect 'Layla' to my mother's name, and 'Heart' to 'Heartfilia' upon receiving the letter, thus recognizing me as the girl they were so committed to finding?

"I knew I should have taken a more unique name," I grumbled, spying a stray strand of blonde hair and quickly tucking it back into hiding.

I took another glance at my reflection, frowning slightly. My features were more careworn than they had ever been while I was at Fairy Tail, and they had matured since I had left, but still…. If it weren't for the wig and maybe even the contacts, I would be willing to bet that my nakama would have long since recognized me. The soaps and shampoo I used that were different from the more fruity scented ones that I had constantly used when they knew me were probably part of what threw off the dragonslayer's usually unerring sense of smell. But be that as it may, even with the changes in appearance, Natsu had shown some sort of recognition in the Nara incident. Even Gray had said that I, as 'Layla', reminded him of their Lucy. Granted, it was by the size of my bust, but it was still one step closer to realization. And with all that Erza knew about me now, could it be that I was digging my own grave as 'Layla Heart' and having a reluctant rebirth, however brief it might be, as Lucy Heartfilia?

I had to put a hand over my heart, clutching my shirt tightly as though the action might dull the pain.

The girl in the mirror wore a tortured expression, eyes haunted and features twisted in distress at her internal woes. The distress was clear to see with the naked eye, and so I turned my head abruptly away from the reflection, trying to quash the memory of that single, fleeting glimpse of my own agony by sheer force of will.

For what felt like the hundredth time since the sort-of reunion with my old nakama, I calmed myself with several deep and even breaths.

It won't do for me to keep wallowing like this, I decided, forcing myself to stand erect. My self-pity and self-loathing could and would do nothing to help me now, and I couldn't stew in those thoughts any longer. The only thing that had a chance of saving me was to keep my cool and try to flawlessly play the fool when it came to my old team and discussion about my old self. The latter I knew would be more difficult than I could have ever imagined prior to seeing the many new faces of Erza Scarlet. If her new expressions were anything to go by, if the others had such a new repertoire of tortured looks to make, I was in way over my head.

Stretching, I told myself that I had to move around and stop thinking, or at least thing about something else, so I turned and left the room, letting the door thud closed behind me. Anything to get my mind off of the heavy, hurtful things reeling around inside my head, even if it resulted in running into Erza again.

And so I found myself standing on the deck of the ship, looking out over the water as the wooden craft sliced through the waves at a decent speed. The sails billowed as the good wind filled them, helping to propel the vessel forward with relative ease. In the distance, I watched as a few dolphins playfully jumped out of the water and just frolicked together in general. Every time one of them took the leap from the water they knew best and into the air, the water was flung from its lithe, graceful form and glittered in the air before falling back into the water seconds after the dolphin landed.

"Those fish look really yummy, don't they?"

The voice made me nearly squeal in fright and surprise as the blue Exceed it belonged to landed on the railing, sitting there and swinging his little legs some. Soon, he turned his large eyes on me inquisitively.

"Are you okay, Layla?"

"Yes, I'm fine," I swatted at him, as if annoyed that he'd come up to me so suddenly. "You just came out of nowhere, ya damned cat!"

I almost froze at the familiar phrase that had slipped out. As Lucy, I'd always called the catlike creature a damned cat when he annoyed me and it had just fell from my lips with the ease that most familiar words did. Even though I hadn't seen him for almost three years, I guess I still had the muscle memory of my usual reactions, and besides that, it was a line that would be so Layla, if only I hadn't used it so often as Lucy!

"I do that," Happy said happily, and I started, pulling myself from my thoughts. But my worry was ungrounded. He didn't even seem to realize just how closely the words I'd just said had mimicked the usual response of the Lucy that he had known and that they were looking for. I could let myself breathe a little easier at his oversight, but then again, how closely would anyone remember someone's lines from almost three years ago? I could still feel the uncomfortable prickling sensation of unease on the back of my neck, which prompted me to look around for other members of my team-well, former team. Thankfully, none of them were in sight. I had a hard enough time dealing with one of them; two might just prove to be my undoing, causing a complete and utter mental breakdown. After a short silence, the blue feline piped up again, "So, do you think those really big fish look yummy?"

A blue, furry paw pointed out at the leaping dolphins, and I rolled my eyes when he wasn't looking. Of course Happy would be thinking about fish when on a boat.

"I'm not into eating dolphins," I said, taking a bored tone. "They seem too happy, I couldn't even think of hurting them, let alone killing them so I could eat them. I may be a coldhearted bitch sometimes, cat, but I wouldn't wanna ruin that kind of happiness."

His ears slowly tilted down in a sad manner, and I cursed myself in my head. I just had this way of making my dearest friends upset today, didn't I? Now all that the normally cheerful Happy was doing was wringing his paws in his lap and looking down at the waves beneath us rather than out at the playful dolphins. I wanted to hit myself, but refrained, waiting for him to make a quick comeback like he used to do, but it didn't happen, and I heaved a sigh.

"What is it?" I asked, groaning as I turned my back to the water and leaned against the rail. "What'd I say?"

"So even if you were hungry, you wouldn't eat those big fish because they look so happy?"

The wide eyes were killing me.

"I don't think so. I'd find a smaller fish," I said bluntly, "and if I couldn't find a smaller fish, I'd just make do without until I could find some food."

"You're so nice," the Exceed then sniffled, and I looked at him, alarmed. He wasn't going to cry, was he? "You're so nice about it! You're like Lucy! You wanna make sure they stay happy, just like she always did! Don't call yourself mean things, Layla! You're really nice…"

I wanted to strangle myself. Happy was crying beside me, and even he had connected me to Lucy. I wasn't going to let myself snap back to the old me, like I had with Erza. I couldn't afford to act so nice when my politeness, which was minimal in this persona, reminded Happy of who I really was. Perhaps all it would take for full recognition by the team would be for the four of them to get together and talk it over, telling each other what they thought of me and how I reminded them of my former self. But when that cat was acting so pitiful and so helpless…

I would shoot myself later, but I reached out a hand and scratched Happy's head, pointedly looking away.

"Calm down, stupid cat," I said roughly. "I'm not nice. Not nice at all. If you keep blubbering like this, I may decide to try and eat you next time I get hungry. After all, I said I wouldn't eat the dolphins because they were so happy but a depressed creature like you would be fair game."

When the cat peered up at me next, his eyes were wide and filled to the brim with unshed tears prepared to fall.

Crap! I just couldn't resist that jab, now could I? I cursed inwardly.

"UWAH! You're scary! Just like Lucy!" Happy cried as he flew away in a frightened frenzy.

Double crap! I just made him compare me to Lucy-again! I groaned. Why, oh why did I always seem to revert back to my old self when I was around them? Why couldn't I just keep myself in check, and not lose my nerve at the sight of their tears?

That's it, Lucy, I thought sternly to myself. Enough of this farce. From here on out, you've got to keep your cool. Keep your damn mouth shut when it comes to telling personal things to Erza, Gray, Happy, and especially Natsu. Because, really, if I thought about it, Natsu was the one I was most worried about. He was the one I felt would recognize me if the others couldn't piece it all together first.

If you can't keep things to yourself, I thought darkly, my heart feeling as though it was ripping itself apart, you'll have to completely distance yourself from them for the last time, no matter how much you need them.

I pushed away from the rail and made the trek back to the stairs, going back below deck. As I did so, I reflected on my own statement that I wasn't nice. I found that I sincerely believed in those words. After all, I couldn't be nice if I reduced the poor creature to tears, or if I was so cold to he and Erza. No nice person could sit by quietly and watch them suffer the way they were, desperately searching for me high and low, as I didn't even lift a finger to help or open my mouth to tell them they didn't have any farther to look. With all that I was doing to them, how could Happy call me a nice person, and how could Erza so honestly promise to me that she'd do whatever she could to help me? Of course, they didn't know what all I was causing them, because they hadn't figured it out… yet.

Not paying attention to where I was walking, other than having decided to go back to see if I could get something to drink from the small dining area, I bumped shoulders with someone and stumbled a little.

"Oh! Sorry," the voice came, and I wanted to slam my head against the wall.

Was it my luck, or what? Leaving Happy up on deck and running into Gray not even five minutes later, literally. Sometimes I wondered if some sort of celestial spirit beings were working together in an attempt to thwart my own plans. If Loke had enough contacts in the spirit world, it wasn't impossible.

"Wasn't watching where I was going," I said, by way of taking the blame. I didn't apologize, though, because my niceties had to come to an end, and soon, or I'd be recognized. I continued to walk then, brushing past the ice mage with a cool attitude, trying my best to be the Layla that I had been in Reason.

"Hey! You're that Layla person, right?"

There were no words to describe the sinking feeling or to express just how much I wanted to groan at that moment.

"And?" I asked, pausing for a moment and half turning to face him.

"What're you up to?" he asked conversationally, stepping up beside me. There was no way that anyone had ever had this much bad luck. Not in a hundred years could a single person have had to endure as much horribly cruel misfortune as this; having already upset two of their number, I run into the third. And he has to be so friendly and talkative when I run into him, so that I can't find it as hard as I wish I did to resist the urge to punch him and just keep going.

"I'm going to see if they have something strong to drink," I replied to his query, taking on an almost annoyed tone. There had to be some way to dismiss him!

"Oh, that's a good idea. I could use a drink. It's better than waiting in there-" here he jerked a thumb at the door next to us, "-for that dumbass to throw up on me."

I let out a snort before I could stop myself, but then reflected that snorting at the comment was better than giggling, which would have been the other reaction. And then I had a spark of inspiration; strike out at his pride to turn him away.

"So, what? You need someone to go with you, to hold your hand, tell you where to go? You're a big boy now, aren't you? Do whatever the hell you want."

The ice mage just snorted like I had done and he flashed one of his suave smirks as he said, "Fine, then. I'm going down to get a drink, too. Though you can hold my hand if you want to." Gray's smirk was still directed at me when I turned around abruptly, cursing my stupidity.

Damn it all! If only I hadn't mentioned my true intentions–that I was going down for an alcoholic beverage–I could have made some sort of excuse to go back to my room, or back up on deck, or go anywhere as long as it wasn't here, with him. But I couldn't have done the smart thing. Oh, no, I had to go and admit what I was doing, and now, if I try to back out and go to my room, he'll get suspicious of me, won't he? And is he hitting on me? Damn!

"Not interested," I managed to say in a level tone, walking down the hall with quick, agitated steps, trying to distance myself from him. I left him behind only briefly though, because he caught up fairly quickly.

"Hey, you offered!" Gray called, and he had the audacity to chuckle at me and my reaction.

I kind of wanted to punch him now, but I resisted the urge, barely.

With my back to him, I grimaced at my foolishness. At least I hadn't said something nice to him in order to get him to come along, but this was almost as bad.

Gray stepped up beside me, hands in the pockets of pants I thought he would have discarded by now. He was still wearing the dark blue t-shirt that he'd had on when they boarded the boat a few hours earlier, which also surprised me. I could see that he felt uncomfortably warm, though, by the way he kept reaching up and tugging at his collar before returning his hand to his pocket. I cast a glance at him when he did this but quickly averted my eyes in the fear that I would grin at a memory of his exhibitionistic nature. I lengthened my strides a little in a vain effort to leave him behind, but he adjusted his pace accordingly, and I wanted to shout my frustration. I resisted, and we made our way into the small dining area.

"Yo," I said, getting the attention of one of the cooks. "You got anything stronger than water? I could really use some beer, or rum, or something. Anything, really."

"What kind of ship do you think this is?" the bearded man asked with a grin, motioning to a few stools by the serving area. "Sit yourselves down right there and I'll give you a sampler of our special ale, brewed by the captain and crew!"

I did as he said, and Gray took the stool beside me without a word, leaning on the counter with chin in hand as he idly watched the man disappear into a back room. I couldn't help but wonder why he hadn't sat farther down-did he just like tormenting me? Could he tell that his presence made me uneasy? It was then that the man reemerged with two mugs, though, and I focused on the liquid in front of me. He sat them in front of us and Gray immediately took a drink, but I took an experimental sniff before tipping it back. I was never one for drinking much, but things definitely changed and right now, I really needed it. The hint of honey flavor made the overall taste rather sweeter than I had thought it would be, and I liked it.

"How much would it cost me for another?" I slid the mug back to the man, who laughed.

"A lady with a thirst for the finer things, eh?" here he cast a wink at Gray, but Gray pretended not to see it, so I did the same. "And it won't cost you a bit, we include this as part of the fare. It doesn't cost too much to make, and we sell it elsewhere to get a little profit, so we can afford to lose a barrel or two on our trips. Though…would you like a larger mug?"

"The biggest one you've got," I agreed with his suggestion, letting a fully Layla, seductive sort of smirk grace my features. "Did you want more, Gray?" I nudged him, unable to resist my desire to become rather chummy with him, like we used to be. I wanted to blame the alcohol, but somehow I didn't think I could pull that off when he let a full blown roguish grin spread across his face whilst tipping back his mug and draining the contents.

"Same thing for me, if you can manage," he said, and the bearded man laughed at the two of us, but went back to do as we asked with a wave of his hand. When he disappeared into the back room, Gray turned to me and asked, "So, Layla, do you know where you're headed?"

Damn it! I cursed my luck. What could I have possibly done to deserve this sort of torture? Am I really such a horrible person that I need to be punished? Essentially, I also felt it boiling down to the ever-present and nagging question, why me? In the midst of my inner battle, I thought about fidgeting with my fingers, but stilled my hands because that was something I would have done three years ago, in Fairy Tail.

"Nope," was the answer I gave instead, rolling my shoulders. "I told your friend the Titania earlier; I'm just looking to roam around and do some traveling. See the sights while I still can. When you guys showed up and gave me a glimpse of the outside world I'd left, I couldn't help but want to go out and see more of it. And it just so happened that we ended up on the same boat."

"Something like fate, huh?" the dark haired man laughed a little as our new, larger mugs of the honey ale was placed in front of us.

"Sure, whatever," I shrugged, taking the mug in hand and taking a more modest drink this time. "Call it what you want."

"I think you just wanted to follow us," Gray said, taking a swig of his ale. I shot a look at him, but he wasn't paying attention. "We're a famous team, like you said. I think you might have subconsciously wanted to tag along to see what we can do, or maybe even try to find out the reason we're taking so many jobs. And hard ones, at that." He turned and winked at me as he added, "That, or you're just interested in me. I know I'm sexy."

I snorted.

"I never took you to be the conceited sort," I said, looking away. "And I don't need to know why you're taking so many jobs. You guys have already made it plain. You're looking for this girl named Lucy, who left you guys about three years ago without a trace and without telling you where she went. Do I have that right?"

"Yeah," Gray said, turning back into his more subdued self.

What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I keep making them more withdrawn with just the simplest comments? Not to mention, I seemed to keep brining myself up in conversation, the one topic I wanted to avoid more than anything else. I was just asking to be figured out!

"Look," I said bluntly, "this Lucy girl is obviously important to all of you, but she probably had a reason for doing what she did. Think about it that way, Fullbuster. What if she was just trying to protect you from something, so she ran off? You guys are all desperate to find her, but what if she doesn't want to be found? At least for right now. Don't you think you might be wasting your time if she really doesn't want to come back with you just yet? Or what if she just doesn't care?"

Ouch. I really had to stop tearing my heart to shreds like this.

"You're wrong about that," Gray's voice was low, and it shook so he took a large draught of ale. "You're wrong. Lucy still cares. She's not the type of girl who can just up and forget about all of us like that and walk away without hurting. No matter how much it hurts us, I know that it has to hurt her more. And it's obvious that she must have had some sort of reason, but we're all strong, so why would she need to protect us from anything? If someone was after her or something, for any reason, the whole guild would be behind her, and Lucy should have known that! I'm sorry for being such a dickhead, Layla, but you're wrong. You don't know a damn thing about Lucy."

Now that really hurts, I thought dryly.

"Maybe she was protecting your emotions or something? I dunno, do I? So you don't have to snap at me like that." I took a sip of my drink. "I can't say that I'm ignorant to how you feel, but neither can I tell you that I've been through that before. It hurts, though, doesn't it? Like you said, she must be feeling it worse than you guys. So just…I don't know. But maybe you should stop looking for her. She'll come back when she thinks the time is right, don't you think?"

"We'll never stop looking for her," Gray turned a fierce, loyal gaze on me. "Lucy's a part of Fairy Tail. An important part of our family. Even if she had ever wanted to let us go, to protect us or whatever it is you think, we couldn't let her go. We'll still search for her when we're old and grey, if we live that long and she's still not back. I don't think you understand just how much she means to us. You seem like a loner, a person who doesn't have people close to them to care about, or who cares about you. Don't pretend to know what this feels like."

"Don't presume to know so much about me, either!" my tone was sharp, snapping out at him before I realized the words were leaving my mouth. "I know how badly it hurts, but unlike you I wasn't the one left behind, I was the one who left! Don't act like I've never had close nakama who care for me, or that I haven't had to endure the feeling, like knives are stabbing into your heart and you can never get away!" I changed my voice to a low, almost menacing sound. "It hurts like hell, and no matter how I try to run from it, it just keeps coming back. And I know I should have told my old friends something, why I was leaving, but I just couldn't bring myself to. How would you feel if one of your 'family' told you that they would be dead within a year? That's what has awaited me from the moment I found out I had this…this condition. I didn't want to make them suffer, knowing that they were going to lose me soon, so I decided to run. So don't say I don't understand! I might understand more than you do about how much it must have hurt your Lucy to leave!"

My chest heaved from the conviction my lowered tone had struggled to get across, and I realized I was glaring determinedly at a speechless Gray Fullbuster. I frowned and jerked my head roughly aside, chugging half of my ale in one go. And there it was; the feeling as though I was drowning in my memories, the pang of a thousand invisible needles driving into my heart. What a useless organ that was; day to day, it stubbornly kept beating, kept feeling such remorse that I felt as though I should rip it from my chest to end all of the pain. The sadness, the regrets, the roiling pit of despair. Why should I keep living like this, when all it did was cause me pain?

And then again, here I was losing my cool and snapping at Gray, giving him more information than it was necessary for him to have about me, and thus giving them more of a chance to identify me. I grit my teeth in frustration, just waiting for the ice mage to say something, anything, that would show that he had deduced who I was from what I'd said.

"I'm sorry."

My head turned toward him, and I frowned once more at the words. He continued.

"I'm sorry. It was presumptuous of me, and I shouldn't have said it." Gray's gaze was averted, so that I couldn't see his expression, but I could tell he was truly apologetic just by the sound of his voice. "You just don't know how scared I am that she did leave for a reason like you left. We just keep searching, day after day, month after month, for almost three years now. Relentlessly. Y'know what I mean? I don't want to keep doing all of this just to find out that Lucy ran away because she was sick, and was going to die. She can't die. She's too important to all of us, Layla. The thought of finding her alive is the one thing that's keeping Natsu going. Before we decided to start taking all of these requests, he wouldn't do anything but sit there at the guild. He hardly ate, and if he drank it was a beer, or a few shots of whiskey. I don't seem to like the guy much, I know, but when it gets down to it, he might just be one of the closest friends I've ever had."

Even though he said that, I knew he'd never admit as much to the dragonslayer in question. It would ruin their rival images far too much to admit that they were really good friends-except, of course, when Erza threatened them with her swords.

"Don't mention it," I finally said, in a tired sort of voice. "I'm sorry I snapped. At least I didn't make you cry with my bitchy attitude, though."

"What?"

I chuckled dryly.

"She probably won't admit it, but your friend Erza almost cried earlier when she talked to me and I said offhandedly that Lucy was probably dead or something," I told him, and he started to bristle in anger and opened his mouth, but I quickly interceded, "I didn't intend to sound so heartless, you know. I just thought you should face the facts, know the possibilities. Though Titania didn't particularly like that suggestion, and I can see that you don't. And then there's your flying blue cat, Happy, who burst into tears earlier because I threatened to eat him."

"Excuse me?" Gray cocked an eyebrow at me, almost comically, but I could tell he was still peeved about my remark that Lucy was probably dead.

I sighed, "Not literally. He said the dolphins looked tasty and asked if I thought the same thing. So I told him I'd never eat a dolphin because they seemed so happy, and he started blubbering for some odd reason about how nice he thought I was being. That's when I told him that just because I wouldn't eat the dolphins because they were happy, it didn't mean that I wouldn't eat him because he was being so depressed. I scared the shit out of him, I'm afraid." Why was I telling him this? Omitting some of the details, of course. Mostly about how both Erza and Happy had compared me to Lucy at some point in our conversations. I forged on, drawing my statements to a close with, "So, I made two of your team cry today. Then if you count Erza and yourself, two of you snapped at me. I'm just such a social butterfly today, aren't I?

This time, it was Gray who snorted. "You must just have a way with words, Layla. Though, I must admit, Erza has been a bit more prone to tears since Lucy left. She'd probably attack me for saying so, but it's true. I think Lucy might have been the best friend that Erza had there at Fairy Tail. Lucy never really ran from Erza when she was mad, like everyone else, and they got along really well. Almost like sisters."

"Really, now?" I asked, trying to sound indifferent. But really, Erza? Prone to tears because of me? I was such a horrible person, and yet they called me 'friend', even considered me a sister in regards to Erza.

Gray just nodded beside me. I wanted to sigh, to throw a fit or something, anything to get this feeling off of my chest. I watched as the dark haired man take another draught from his mug, and then turned away. All these conversations about me with my friends, who couldn't tell it was me under my meager disguise, was bad for my sanity. They just couldn't give up on me, could they? It would hurt if they did, for sure, but I'd have a bit more security. One reason being that they wouldn't be out trying to kill themselves to attract my attention, and the other being that they might not realize who I was.

I drained my drink and sat the mug back down, standing up.

"I'll see you later, ice mage," I said, waving a hand in the air. He looked up quickly, opening his mouth to say something, but thought better of it and turned back to his drink thoughtfully after raising a hand in farewell.

Once out of the room, I nearly fled to the cabin I was given to rest in during the trip. My head pounded and my stomach roiled, and it wasn't from the alcohol. I knew that much with a vivid certainty.

Lucy, why are you such a fool? Why can't you just leave them be?

Because I still need them, I realized. I need them so much it hurts, so badly that I can't even see the beauty of life, of the things around me, unless they're nearby. I didn't know that you could need your nakama so badly until I was reunited with them and it felt as though a void in my chest had been filled, like an empty hole had been repaired and healed. I knew it wasn't safe to heal these old wounds, but I couldn't help it when it just felt so right. I need them more than they need me, as my life winds down and I near my last days on earth. Their warmth, their smiles…why couldn't they have changed more?

I closed the door with a snap, leaning back against it and sliding to the floor, fist to my mouth to stifle any cries that may try to escape. Warm drips rolled down my cheeks, and I just wanted to openly sob but feared that one of my friends would hear, so I held it in. With the arm that wasn't stifling my sobs, I drew my knees to my chest.

This would be harder than I'd thought. So much harder than I could have ever imagined.

Here we have chapter 7! Another confrontation; well, two of them.

Jeez, Luce, having trouble hiding your attitude, aren't you? You weirdo.

Thanks so much to Ari-chan! You know who you are, and I don't say it enough. xD