Declaration

I went home and when I got to my room, I started thinking about what Matt had said, not only today, but in our last talks. He wasn't that fool, funny, immature guy anymore, who didn't care about anything. He was really worried about Anne, I pictured him as a lion protecting her (from me, mostly). Everything that had happened also changed Matt, and I could see their relationship was much more intense. I must confess I was a little jealous. I missed my brother. I even considered talking to him, but I still needed some time, even though I knew it wasn't his fault (like Anne said).

Days went by, I was still playing with the guys, writing a few songs… we were recording some of them, to send to the labels…

Sometimes I saw Anne, getting in or out of the house, always with Matt. She looked a little better, at least she was not so pale anymore. Sometimes I thought about going there and talk to her, I don't know, so things wouldn't be so tense between us, but then I realized she didn't deserve it.

I came back home one night and saw an unfamiliar car getting out of Anne's house. I tried to see if she was inside, but all I could see was a guy and a blond girl, I couldn't see their faces, but at least wasn't Anne. I parked the car and before getting in, I looked at her window. It was opened, the light was on, drapes were closed and swinging, she might have been there 1 second ago… and my imagination was cheating me.

Next day, I went to a few labels with Andy to leave demos. He had passed by, and we went with his car because mine was out of gas. We spent the whole morning doing that, and he asked me to call Neal to see if he was home, so we would go there to get some cds, but when I looked for it, I realized I had forgotten my cell at home. I used his cell instead, and we went to Neal, and ended up having lunch there. I went back home around 2, because Andy had something else to do. When we got to my street, I saw smoke coming out of the old abandoned house, it was about time something was being done with it… but strangely enough, it seemed like I was losing a part of my childhood…

I got in and I was thinking about taking a nap, when I passed by the living room, Andrew spoke, without taking his eyes off the TV.

"You got a message a while ago."

I got my cell and read it.

"Dave... could you meet me now at the abandoned house, please? It's important. I'm waiting for you..."

I read the sender, "Sis", and the message was sent over 2 hours ago. And then I remembered the house on fire... I felt like I had been punched in the face... the house on fire… Anne was in there… what if…

I ran, I heard Andrew asking where I was going, but I didn't answer, I ran as fast as I could to the house, I could barely feel my legs, it was like the house was getting further and further, I was terrified with what could have happened, I couldn't even imagine... when I finally get there, the smoke wasn't so intense anymore, but the house was still there...

I got in and stopped in the middle of the living room, the house wasn't on fire. It took a while for me to realize the smoke was coming from the fireplace. I looked around, there was nobody there.

"ANNE!"

Nothing. I called again, nothing. Well, if she had sent the message 2 hours ago, of course she wouldn't be here anymore. I went to the fireplace, there were a lot of burnt things, but I couldn't tell what they were. I turned my back to leave, I'd call Anne to see what she wanted, maybe she was going to ask me to go back with her again, that she was sorry, that same old talking… and she chose a familiar setting this time. But before leaving, something caught my attention. I got closer and realized it was a tape. I got it, and there was another thing on the table… it was the coaster that I had given her on Outback a life ago… but she had written Bro on top of Sis… what did all that mean? I hope it was not a suicidal video...

I went home quickly, to see what was in the tape. I ran upstairs, ignoring Andrew's questions. I got into my room and closed the door, automatically turned the radio on to calm down… I sat on the bed to watch it, on the radio was playing .com/watch?v=B9IjLDEtGHM

"David, I recorded this video because you chose not to listen to what I had to tell you, actually to show you, so you could see how I feel about you. Even though you didn't come, I'm gonna tell you anyway, I have to say it...

I made a scenery to our conversation, with all the memories I had from you, to illustrate what I had to say, so you could see that everything I went through with you made me grow up, every minute, every laughter, every tear, and I recorded it not only in my memory, but in pictures, songs, letters...

I screwed up David, and so many times... Now I can see, more than ever, that I didn't value you enough, and now it's too late… My biggest mistake was taking you for granted, thinking that if that love attempt didn't work out, our friendship would remain, despite of everything. Actually, I never thought I'd have the guts or reason to show you all of this, but now I don't have much to lose anymore… I already lost what matters the most, I lost you in every way, and I miss you so much… Knowing that I don't have you in my life anymore, not even as a friend, hurts so much…

Only now I can see how unfair I was with you, and how I made you suffer not once, but many times, and you, more than anybody, don't deserve that… Actually, I realized I don't deserve you... You are the greatest person I've ever met, I cannot believe how much I hurt you, and I'll never forgive you for making you suffer... after everything you told me, I could see myself better, see how wrong I was all this time, I always put myself before you… I saw I had turned into a person that I don't even recognize.

As I told you once, I didn't start loving you when I sang you that song, I only realized that day something that had always been inside of me, right on my face and I couldn't see... I know that I showed differently a lot of times, but I love you so much, David… I know that for everything that happened, you think it's a lie, and I don't blame you for this, but it's not… I love you more than I was ever capable of showing, and much more than I knew… losing you made me see that what I feel is much bigger than I imagined… I'm always gonna love you, I can't even tell you how much... thinking about you, you scent, your eyes, everything we lived, it's unbereable…

This time, unlike the others, I won't beg you to forgive me, you made clear you're not willing to do that when you didn't show up... and I understand, I don't want you to think I'm mad, I don't have this right, I don't know if I would show up if I were you… I just wanted you to know all of this.

I made this last attempt because in a little while I'm going to NY, I got a really good job in a producer there, I rented an apartment and I'm moving there, you know this has always been my dream. It's small, but lovely, close to Times Square, you'd love it... as we always wanted, remember? It would be perfect to have you there with me, but I know that's not possible anymore... I'm not running away this time, like when I went to Sao Paulo, Matt has my address and number, if you ever change your mind. Once you told me you'd always wait for me, and now I tell you the same. And maybe we can party everyday, like you promised me once.

I'm gonna leave this tape here, because I believe sooner or later you'll show up. And if you watched it, I was right... and if you came... it means you don't hate me that much. Not everything is lost... what you wrote on the coaster is mutual. Don't forget it."