2nd chapter is out! enjoy!
Chapter 2: The best thing I never had
There was a suppressed background noise in the house from the people who started to wake up from their hangover headache, but sitting in the little kitchen, he was ignoring it all. Inside of his mind there was only silence and that silence started to overcome his thoughts.
The day they parted…
He didn't give a thought about it often because it was a memory which was still twisting strange feelings in his heart…
The moment she walked out of his life, the Soul Society did the same thing. At this moment, it was more than being an inutile shinigami, because the he was no longer a shinigami … at least for another two years if he was still thinking of that PhD Degree. He didn't really need it, but surprisingly, he got himself very attached of this college student life…and more surprisingly, he was truly enjoying the subjects he was studying. The situation was very different 6 years ago, though.
6 years ago…
He was sitting on the roof watching the starry summer sky while he was making a little retrospective of his life: He was 18 years old and he was graduatig highschool, but this aspect (which for all his others friends was essentially) was fading in front of his shinigami duties:
Protecting his family, his friends, wars in Soul Society, in Hueco Mondo and so on…but lately the peace seemed to reign. Rukia was saved from execution, Aizen was defeated, no more trace of Fullbringers and the war with Quicies was over.
At that moment the only thing left for him was to ask what turn his life will take from now on. Normally he should have thought about college in a big city, but half of his existence was bound to his shinigami duties. As a Karakura's representative he couldn't leave it to fate even in a peaceful time. No matter how quiet the days were in town, it wasn't as if hollows were exterminated for good. At some point, he really considerate to not go to college. It was a tempting idea since he was not the only one thinking the same way: except from Ishida who got accepted to Tokyo University, medicine department, the rest of the team seemed to remain in town. Chad got himself hired as a guardian in a club and Orihime chose to take some nurse courses since Ishin gladly reserved her a job at his clinic.
Everybody else was leaving for Osaka…Kyoto…Tokyo…
In some way, it was hard for him to watch the others preparing to take their leave while he was glued to this place. A part of him, the human one, was truly yearning for him to become a college student. But again, he couldn't because of his duties…
He closed his eyes wondering if he was slowly becoming more of a shinigami than human…
"Some hot days you have here Karakura…Even after 3 years I can't get used to them…"
He opened his eyes. Rukia was standing next to him. She was in Karakura for a few days on mission of which purpose she didn't mention. She was always doing that when she was sent here because of him and he was always acting as if he didn't have any clue. Since he finished highschool it wouldn't be a surprise for him to be asked to come and live in Soul Society. If Rukia was there in order to persuade him, he was laughing inwards knowing that she wasn't standing a chance.
"Make room! I wanna sit!" she ordered him with a grin on her face.
She was still wearing short hair and he was still feeling at ease around her. From all the persons he was fond of he knew that he could talk with her about everything, even though he never had time for serious or intimate conversation. Now that the war was over, they were having plenty time for discussions and slowly they started to know each other intimately. It was a strange feeling because being with her now was in the same time the easiest and the hardest thing to do.
"So Ishida is really leaving Karakura" she said. "Medicine, he says…What about you? Would have you liked to become a doctor…like Ishin?"
What was all this so sudden? He though.
"I don't know…maybe…I never thought about it…"
"You never thought about college too?"
He turned toward her with a surprised expression. She was smiling.
"I don't think college it's an option for me…" he answered.
"Why not? Just because you're half a shinigami? …Don't forget that you're half human too.
He smiled. It was like she was reading his mind.
"Thank you, Rukia…For your concern…"
"Don't thank me yet!" she said with a strange grin on her face and she punched him on his shoulder.
"Ouch! What was that for?"
"Come on!" She answered. "It's not like it hurts you!
"That's not the point!" he yelled. "You should just stop hitting me!"
She started to laugh, reaction which made him more annoyed.
"It's good Ichigo, to see you, at least from time to time… as in the day we first met…"
She looked up the sky with a peaceful expression.
"I'm so happy that the war ended…now we have time to be ourselves again. I'm talking about you too Ichigo, you can go back being the person you were before meeting me …if you want…"
He frowned his eyebrows confused.
"Why would I want something like that?"
"Because you are young…and it will be a shame to not live your youth to the full"
Her voice was gentle and for the first time she reminded him of his mother.
"I think you should go to college Ichigo" she concluded.
He blinked, still confused so she sigh loudly.
"I know it's a little late…and most of the deadlines for college submission expired, but I'm pretty sure that we can find something suiting you"
We? Which we? He asked himself.
"How would you know about college application procedure, Rukia?"
She grinned before her face would turn red.
"That doesn't matter! But you should try, Ichigo!"
How would she know about me wanting to go to college?
"Even if I was free to submit…I can't, I haven't opened o study book in two months."
She grinned again.
"You don't have to worry about that!"
She got up heading to his room.
"Come on let's go inside and look for universities!"
"Rukia stop it, please! He protested even though he was following her.
They both entered in his room, since she retook as residence her old spot: the closet. For more than a year she was freeloading in Karin and Yuzu's room when she was in town, but this time she expressly asked for Ichigo's closet. It was a little strange since Ichigo wasn't anymore a teenager, but nobody protested, especially Ichigo who really missed that tom-boy, little shinigami in the silence of his room.
As he was watching her searching nervously for some documents, she turned toward him slamming a stack of papers.
"Now start looking!" she exclaimed happily.
"What are these?"
"Application forms… and informations about universities!"
"Rukia…" he started…"Where did you get them?"
"That's irrelevant…Let's just say that someone taught me how to use the internet. Now start looking!"
She took up one of the forms. "Kyoto University….mmm….they have nice conference room… and good math department…What do you…"
"Rukia…" he interrupted her gently. "Why are you doing this?"
She stopped and put down the paper.
"You are…my friend, right?..."
Here she stopped again and for a couple of seconds she fixed with her purple eyes the application forms.
"Look…" she started " I know exactly what's going inside of your mind…but you literally have the whole time in the world to be a shinigami…and mush less time to be human and enjoy this life…"
"Rukia…i…" he tried.
"Let me finish, please!" she butted in. "I already spoke with Yamamoto and the others captains and I'm waiting for their answer these days. I proposed them to give you a little vacation and let you go to college…"
"What do you mean by vacation?"
She hesitated a little:
"Taking away yours shinigami powers during college…"
"Rukia!" he shouted.
"Stop it, Ichigo! You need this! You want this and I know it! …Don't worry about Karakura…I will personally take care of it and your family! They'll be under my jurisdiction!"
He was watching her speechless as her voice was almost begging him to have a break…to take a vacation…to be only human again.
"And when you decide…you can have your powers back…Please, at least give it thought." she added softly.
He couldn't say no. He picked up one of the application forms. He wasn't sure about it but he couldn't refuse her:
"Kyoto University you say, huh?" he said, as nothing had happened." Baka! You didn't even see that the deadline expired? Give me another one!
They've spent the whole night sitting on the floor, looking through presentations and application forms. From time to time he was looking at the clock.
At 12.00 a.m they weren't done yet with sorting the universities for which deadline still on:
"It's not like I'm 100% sure about college, Rukia!"
"Shut up! Look Hokkaido University it's still on!"
"No way! It's too far from home!"
Around 1.30 a.m they were having a debate on Law School vs. Medicine School:
"I think it's a noble profession, Ichigo. You'll be helping humans…"
"I prefer Law. I think one doctor in the family it's enough! Moreover Gifu doesn't have such a good medicine department…As a matter a fact if you look closely the only good university with deadline still on is Tokyo Institute of Technology "
"So?"
"Rukia… there, i can study only engineering!"
"I don't think it sound bad…"
"I bet you don't know what engineering means!"
She punched him with the application form.
Around 3.00 the only light in the room was the lamp on his desk. She yawnnig while he was completing the Tokyo Institute of Technology's application forms:
"I hate this gigai! It gets me tired too fast"
She yawned again and she leaned on Ichigo's bed.
"Don't fall asleep in my bed! I'm not planning to sleep on the floor!" he shouted.
"Yeah…Yeah" she answered with closed eyes and a lazy voice which made him put down the biro and turns toward her to watch her slowly falling asleep.
"Rukia? …" he gently asked.
"Yesss, Ichigo!" she answered annoyed. "I'm still awake!"
He smiled and he approached her, laying on the edge of the bed.
"What is it?" she asked with eyes still closed the moment she sensed his presence next to her's.
"I was wondering…if Yamamoto refuses you and the whole college deal goes down…"
"I don't think it will go down since Yamamoto owns too many things…and among all, the one you need the most it's a normal life, at least for a period. Look at you! you're already 18 and you barely go out…you don't even have girlfriend"
Here she opened her eyes, facing him with an evil grin. He instantly blushed.
"Look who's talking! The 50 years old single lady"
"Strawberry, the difference between me and you it's that I have the whole time in the world to find one"
He felt like he had just swallowed his tongue.
"And who's fault that would be for not getting a girlfriend?" he shouted. Who just had the greatest idea of turning me into shinigami and steal all my free time?"
"I thought you enjoyed being a shinigami!"
"Baka! I do!
"Then you should find yourself a shinigami girlfriend…" she said and closed her eyes again.
He blushed. Her words blocked him.
"Cat ate your tongue, Ichigo? …Have you finished completing the application forms?"
He sighed loudly but he didn't answer. He lied on the empty half of the bed that her feet didn't touched.
"But if I go to college …I will no longer have my powers…and I will no longer see you…" he unconsciously started to think with loud voice.
"It's not the first time, remember?... The last time you weren't able to see for one year and a half… and you survived"
That one year and a half was actually a year and almost 8 months, he thought to himself. But he didn't correct her since he didn't want to remember that period.
" Oh! I'm so tired that I'll sleep in the closet only if you move me there" she mumbled.
"You can sleep in my bed" he said quietly.
"What about you?" she whispered.
As an answer he put himself entirely in bed next to her. She didn't say anything.
"It was one year and almost 8 months back then" he finally said.
" One year, 7 months and 3 weeks to be more precisely" she added.
You knew…Did you count the days the same way I did?
He clenched his fists, having a strange sensation in his stomach.
"You know what I missed the most in those days?" he whispered.
"Amaze me…" she said.
"Could you stop for once being that ironic?" he scolded her.
She turned toward him and again he was blocked because in her eyes wasn't any trace of irony. 'I missed those eyes' he wanted to say in that moment, but trough his mouth came out only:
"I missed your voice waking me up in the morning…"
She smiled and then she turned on her half of the bed.
"Why can't I keep my shinigami powers and still go to college?"
"I will not allow it" she answered promptly.
"Why's that?" he asked confused.
"Because I truly care about you" she answered with the same natural tone of voice...so natural that it instantly intimidated him. " You must enjoy to the full your youth. I don't want you to look back to this world and say "The best I never had".
"The best thing I never had, you say?
"In a way I feel a little responsible…since I'm the one who took it from you, I should be the one giving it back to you…"
"Even though this will mean to not see each other anymore?
"Ichigo you're confusing me… You're starting to be so sentimental that I barely recognize you" she said trying to be ironic, but her voice ended up being gentle.
"Look who's talking" he added softly.
She quietly laughed.
"Remember Ichigo that we said before "goodbye" thinking that we'll never see again and yet we are here now, sharing one bed…I think it will take much more then college to separate us."
Sharing one bed, What an irony! He thought.
And yet he slightly raised his arm and with a hesitant gesture, he embraced her. She didn't riposte, she neither said a word. Instead she grabbed his hand and she slightly responded to his embrace.
He felt asleep with Rukia in his arms and the light on… thinking of those words "The best thing I never had"…
It wasn't a relaxing sleep. The rest of the night, he frequently opened his eyes just to check if his last memory was indeed true: Rukia sleeping in his arms. It was an odd sensation to hear her breath and feel her hair on his chicks. It was for the first time and yet the feeling was so familiar. Did he get that used to her or was it the feeling of putting a thing, in the place in which it belongs?
"The best thing I never had"
He never thought about the gaps in his heart, but since there was no more fighting, he found himself with a lot of free time to he spent with her…and slowly, he started to think of questions he never put before:
"Does she have a certain music that she likes?
Does she have hobbies, other than collecting chappies?
Does she enjoy being here more than in Seireitei?
Did she ever felt in love?...
Did she ever miss me when we were separated? And did I ever have the time back then, to think of how much I missed her?"
He never asked himself any of this before, because there were always worlds waiting to be saved, but since the peaceful days came, he gained the time to reflect over his life and his future. The strange part was that thinking of these aspects now; it meant actually questioning himself on the length of her hair and the shape of her small body which ironically fit best in his arms.
He opened his eyes again.
He was just pretending to be asleep so he could enjoy the best: falling asleep next to her and not missing a thing at the same time.
He closed his eyes and started to dream their hands playing and making funny figures on the wall: "Look Ichigo, that's a Chappi!" .He smiled…and his smile must have been seen beyond his fragile sleep.
As an adult, giving the turnings that his life finally took, when he was thinking of that night, his feelings were all mixed up and confusing. Even so, in one aspect he needed to agree: he would have given anything for that night to last more…much more.
"Ichigo…Ichigo…Wake up!"
The sound of that familiar voice. Rukia… I really missed her waking me up.
"Ichigo ! Wake up! You're going to be late for school!"
Late for school?
He opened his eyes at once.
"Ha ha! Caught you!" she laughed. "You already graduated, remember? Still you should wake up. It's almost noon. I'll be downstairs…" she added and left the room.
She didn't close the door well so he heard a conversation that she had with Ishin on the corridor:
"You both sleepy heads!" the father begun in his usual cheerful manner but then, he suddenly changed the register becoming serious: "Were you able to convince him?"
"He completed a form for Tokyo Institute of Technology…"
"Tokyo? Well that's great!"
"Yes, it is. I'm happy to know that I'm helpful…From now on we'll have to wait the First Captain's decision."
On that day she went back to Soul Society to negotiate the conditions for his college admission. The days which followed were almost erased from his memory by their monotony. He clearly remembered though the afternoon she returned. He was sitting in his room preparing himself for and an eventual admission exam in Tokyo Institute of Technology. He wasn't sure about college, he wasn't even sure about engineering ( in the end he chose it because it was the only good university with deadline still on) but he didn't have anything better to do. At some point he started to hear noises downstairs and the specific agitations of a visit from…
"Nii-chan! Orihime is here!" Yuzu exclaimed happily, after she open the door without knocking. "Would you like me to invite her to your room?"
Ichigo frowned his eyebrows suspicious at his sister joy. Lately, both, she and Karin were a little too enthusiastic when Inoue was visiting…and lately she was visiting a lot. He didn't pay too much attention to this aspect, since he knew that he wasn't the reason why she was dropping by. She had just decided to become a nurse and his father, which after all was the best doctor in town, promised her a job.
" To my room? Isn't she here to see dad?"
"Well…yes" started Yuzu "…but wouldn't be nice for you to see her?"
"I guess" …he answered.
"So, should I call her to your room?" added Yuzu joyfully.
"No…It's not necessary. I'll be downstairs in a moment"
Yuzu seemed a little disappointed by his answer, but again he tried to not pay attention. When he descended to kitchen, he found Orihime chatting with his sisters. The moment they've saw him, they started to giggle and immediately disappeared from the room, leaving Orihime alone. Ichigo frowned his eyebrows again: his sisters were acting so weird that he couldn't ignore them anymore.
"So what are these two up to?" he asked the moment he entered the kitchen.
Orihime, at her turn, slightly giggled, refusing to give an answer.
"Hello ,Kurosaki-kun!"
"Hi,there…So what's bringing you up here?"
"Today I submitted the application for the nursery school…"
"Honestly Inoue, you walk all these way just to give us this news?"
Orihime looked at him with surpised eyes, ready to burst in tears.
"Oh, no! Don't get me wrong…I'm really happy for you…" Ichigo added trying to reformulate. " But you could have just called…"
Orihime's eyes lowered sadly and Ichigo bitted his tongue, because he knew he wasn't aware of how he suppose to behave In front of women.
"I…I just wanted to share this good news since I don't have any…"
"Right!" he cut in with a forced enthusiasm afraid that he might upset her again. "Right! I'm really happy that you chose us to share your achievements! You'll be a wonderful nurse since you're the best healer I know!"
And then he approached her with arms wide open preparing to embrace her. He didn't even have the time to properly approach her, because Isshin made his lousy entrance in the kitchen.
"There it is my favorite future nurse! Congratulations!"
"Oh! Thank you!" answered Orihime. "But it's not like I got accepted yet. The exam will be on Friday."
"Irrelevant! To me, you're already the best nurse of Kurosaki clinic!" shouted Isshin. "But why were you here alone? My daughters are not willing to keep you company?"
"But, I'm not alone, Ichigo is…"
"Again, irrelevant! If I were you I wouldn't be so sure of being alone with my son. I would keep you company, but I have o lot of patients waiting. I just dropped by to congratulate you! So once again congratulation! Now I'll leave you to my daughters! Yuzu, Karin! Come here, I know that you are eavesdropping in the corridor!"
"We are not eavesdropping!" Yuzu's voice answered annoyed.
"Then come here!"
Since there were no movement, Isshin went to the corridor to grab his daughters, who started immediately to protest.
"Why won't you give them a moment of privacy?" shouted Karin.
"Shut up! It's not polite to leave our guest alone!"
"Orihime's not alone, she's with Ichigo!" protested Yuzu.
"Keep it down, Yuzu! You're ruing my plans"
Meanwhile Ichigo watched with boredom the whole scene.
"Inoue…since here it's so much agitation. Would you like to go to my room?"
Later, he will regret that apparent innocent invitation. But at that moment he saw his family suddenly interrupting their fighting with a shocked expression.
"Yes…" answered Orihime with a shy voice and a red face.
While they were heading to the room, he heard Karin's voice laughing at her father: "You lost old man!" .Righ now, giving the events that will follow, he wished he could have paid much attention to those words.
Since there was no other chair in his room, except from the one at the desk, he invited her to sit on the bed, while he gathered all the physic books he early studied for the admission exam. He didn't observe how red her face was while she sitting on his bed.
"What were you doing, Kurosaki-kun? You were studying?..."
"No…not really" he mumbled.
"Oh, I see…I though you finally decided on college…"
He didn't answer and for a couple of minutes the silence was installed.
"Kurosaki-kun…" Orihime begun suddenly." I am happy that you are staying in Karakura!"
He looked at her confused.
"I mean…I'm happy because you will not be alone! I know that Ishida is leaving and Tatsuki also… but I will remain here…by your side"
He didn't know what to say. Her intentions were good, but this was to sudden. He remained silent.
"I could never leave your side…since you're the one who saved me…"
"Inoue…it's not necessary to still feel indebt towards me for that Aizen incident…"
"Oh, but I don't feel indebt…I feel grateful! "
"I…I-I appreciate it! But don't be anymore; please…You don't have to be by my side just because of that!"
Orihime lowered her face.
"It's not "just because of that"… she said softly.
Ichigo frowned his eyebrows again, confused.
"It's because of you…of your way of being…that I can't help but be next to you…I don't know if it makes sense, but we've been through so much and for so long together that I can't imagine myself without you…"
Ichigo was more than surprised. No matter how stupid and inexperienced with girls he was, he started to guess where was all this heading. Yet he couldn't say a word.
Orihime took a deep breath, making herself courage to confess all:
"Kurasaki –kun…the reason I came here today was not because I submitted to application form at the Nursing School, but because making this decision meant also the decision on staying here with you. It's a decision that my heart made long time ago and the only thing I could do was to be truth and faithful to it as its feelings are truth and faithful to you… I am afraid to ask if you're also in love with me or if you can respond to my feelings but at least, please, accept them as they are…"
Ichigo's mouth opened. At first he didn't know if it was due to the shock or to the fact he really wanted to say something. He neither got the time to figure it out because he suddenly felt on the back of his neck a violent cool winter breeze which brought him back to reality. Her reiatsu! She was back! He felt it so strong, as if she wes next to him. He turned to the door and the next second, he heard steps on the corridor.
His feet ran cold:
She heard all the conversation!
As if Orihime didn't exist he got out of the room to follow her. But then he founded her in the kitchen with an annoyed yet hurt expression on her face. Isshin was next to her, patting on her shoulder:
"Don't worry…still it could mean nothing!"
"Stop it!" she shouted. "It's not like I would care about his personal life!"
"Wait! Don't yell! I'm on your side!"
"What side, crazy old man? …There's no side to choose here, because I'm not part of this game, so stop it!"
"My daughter, don't be so recalcitrant and admit your feelings!"
"What?" she shouted. "I'm just angry because I spent my past few weeks trying to convince the captain's squad to allow him to go to college and now he might renounce to everything because he fell in love!"
Ichigo stopped at the bottom of the stairs watching her with a guilty feeling. It wasn't because he might have let her efforts vanish for nothing, it was more because she…
"Rukia…" he said softly. "Don't worry… I'll go to college!"
She turned toward him surprised.
That day he went with her in Soul Society. He was demanded there to conclude the details of his college departure and the suppression of his powers on that period. Yamamoto allowed him a peaceful life during his youth and Kurotsuchi Taicho prepared him a necklace which will suppress all his powers. He will wear that necklace all the time and he will not be allowed to put it away until he'll receive permission from the First Captain. He listen all the condition and accepted them as Rukia adviced him to do. If he didn't truly truste Soul Society, at least he trusted Rukia. The other reason he was called on Seireitei was because everyone was throwing a farewell party for him. It was a little surprising for him to find that in the end he was sympathized by the squads. He didn't remembered a lot from the party, except that he got drunk with Renji and Matsumoto while Rukia was laughing at them. What he clearly remembered though was day he came back in Karakura: He was facing the open gate, ready to leave Soul Society and become a college student with a happily and simple human life, when he heard Rukia's voice behind him and his heart broke all at once at the thought of not seeing her again for an unknown period.
"Promise you'll visit!"
"No Ichigo. It wouldn't be good for neither of us!" she told him …"Now go! Go, and have the best things that world can offer you!"
He turned toward her with a torn expression, as he remembered once again her words "The best thing you never had"…
"The best things, you say midget…" he added with a whispered and sad voice. "But you never knew that the best thing I never had was… you"
Her eyes widened with the most hurtful expression he could ever saw on her face and that was the last image that he kept from her.
What on earth made me say that say "the best thing I never had was you…?" he told himself.
That question tormented him a lot for a couple of years.
"Kurasaki-kun?"…"Kurasaki-kun?"…
At the sound of Orihime's voice, all his memories faded and he returned to reality. He was still in the kitchen of the campus apartment in which he was living since he was a student. He was still hangover and Rukia was still missing from his daily life, even if he had briefly seen her yesterday after 6 years. What seemed more real than anything at this moment was Orihimie approaching him with a worried expression: " Are you feeling well? You got up from bed so suddenly; I thought you were feeling sick…"
He didn't answer.
He tried to remember, why from all the girls in the world he chose her. Because the other one was too far and the feelings that he might bear for her never got the change to be named?
When he got back from Seireitei he wanted more than ever to be a normal person. He already was in college like any other boy of his age. What was still missing was the girl…and Orihime asked his to be by his side unconditionally.
He tried to remember when he started to love her… It was the moment he truly got detached from his shinigami side and anything that was connected to it. When Soul Society and Rukia disappeared from his mind, he truly felt in love with the kind, naïve and beautiful ginger-haired girl.
"Kurasaki-kun…. are you still here?"
He smiled.
"Yes…sorry…I'm a little hangover…"
"Maybe you should lie in bed then…Come on! I'll look after you!"
"Best things this world can offer me" he told to himself as he followed her to their room." And yet… the best thing remain the one I can never have…"
He asked himself what Rukia was doing at that moment.