Disclaimer: I don't own these characters and I make no money from this writing.
(Just as a matter of interest, reference is made here to "The Return of the King", page 51 in my 1985 copy. "There was no gleam of stone or gold, nor any fair thing in all their gear and harness; nor did their riders bear any badge of token, save only that each cloak was pinned upon the left shoulder by a brooch of silver shaped like a rayed star." The riders are, of course, Aragorn's people, the Dúnadain).
(A/N This is the amended version – thanks for the character catch, Daw the Minstrel!)
Getting Estel to go to bed is proving a task almost beyond the three of us. We have him contained within his bedroom now and Elrohir is attempting to calm him down with a story. I hold out no great hope that we will have a peaceful evening. He is far too excited and tired, which for a human child seems to be a destroyer of sleep, or any desire for sleep.
I pause outside Estel's room. The corridor is dark. It is very late. From the room comes a soft glow and a flood of questions, which Elrohir is struggling to answer.
"Where do horses go when they die, Elrohir?"
I can hear my twin son's sigh even though I am still outside the room. "Estel. I answered that question five minutes ago. You must go to sleep. How are you going to be able to keep up with Halbarad tomorrow if you do not sleep?"
That is a good question, Elrohir. It even holds Estel for a moment.
"Is he really asleep?"
"Yes. He's been asleep for at least two hours now."
"Really?"
In my mind's eye I can see Estel's expression as he tried to gauge whether his brother is telling him the whole truth.
"Just one more story?" the boy wheedles. "I have to learn as much as I can. I promised Papa I would."
Oh, now that's unfair, Estel. You should know better than to use one of us against another.
"No, Estel. You are going to go to sleep. Think how embarrassing it will be when you need a nap in the afternoon, like a baby."
Ah – now they're both using unfair tactics. I wonder if Estel will be able to rise to the challenge of that comment. As far as Estel is concerned, tomorrow has always been a long way off.
"I suppose so. All right. I'll try."
I take that as my cue to walk away. I would have liked to have wished him good dreams but if I go in, it will be another excuse for him to stay awake. I will check on him later.
I walk quietly away and join Elladan in the Hall of Fire. He is sitting by the fire, legs stretched out, his expression serious. He looks up as I take my place on the opposite side of the fire.
"Is he going to sleep?" he asks, eyebrows raised to reinforce the question.
"I think he may. If not, we will be entertaining Halbarad tomorrow, I think. He will have to sleep at some time." I study my son. There is something on his mind. He is not usually this slow to tell me what it is.
"We must go tomorrow," he says.
"The orcs must be dealt with," I concede. "They have killed one of our allies. We need to know why they were there, what they were doing so far from their home. That Estel should immediately run into a band of orcs may be too much of a coincidence."
Elladan shakes his head. "We left here telling no one but yourself. Even if we were watched, they could not have travelled so fast to intercept us. There would need to be spies everywhere and I do not believe that is so."
He has a right to make that judgement. He and his brother have worked very hard with our allies to ensure the safety of Imladris.
"Then coincidence it must be. So, my son, must you go tomorrow? Estel will be very sad."
"He has his new playmate. He will be too busy – what did you say he was going to do? The gardening?" He snorts with laughter but I think he has underestimated his brother's tenacity and curiosity.
"I shall teach him to grow beans first," I tell him, remembering a time long ago when the twins watched the bean, trapped between paper and glass, put out root and shoot.
Elladan clearly remembers too and smiles gently. "Yes – he will enjoy that."
"I think you are wrong, my son. I think he needs both of you here. But if you must go, then you must. He was prepared for you to leave in the next few days in any case."
Elrohir joins us. "I don't know if he will stay in his room or come searching for us, but he has consented to lie down and try to sleep. He had not been so unsettled since he was a small boy."
We all have memories of a very small boy trailing round the house, trying to remember where he is and find some security in the people he knows. He has not been like that for three years.
"Well, then, we must rest too," I tell my sons. "If you are leaving in the morning, then you must have some rest after the exertions of the last couple of days."
We go to our separate rooms and, to my surprise, my rest is untroubled by boys who cannot sleep. In the early hours I check him, unable to believe he is actually asleep. I replace the blanket that has slipped to the floor and smooth the hair from his face. Even in sleep he seems poised to move, to act and to interact with his world. In a few short years he will not be able to sleep securely. He will wake when anyone comes near him and be ready to protect himself. He will spend long hours awake protecting others. I have a moment's foresight. He sits, staring into the night, while others sleep securely.
If that will be his future then we must make his present as safe as we can.
He stirs in his sleep but does not wake. I leave him to his dreams.
In the morning, the house is full of the bustle of preparation for leaving. A message has arrived to say the orcs, nearly fifty in number, are still on the northern bank of the Bruinen and seem to be waiting there for something. Their intention is unclear but we must find out what it is and defeat them.
Estel is still asleep when I go to break the bad news to him. He comes awake slowly and is still rubbing his eyes when I tell him his brothers are going away. He soon comes awake.
"No! Papa, make them stay. We were going to do so many things this time. No – I don't want them to go!" His shocked face is enough to shake my resolve to support my sons' decision but he has no more right to hold them back than I do.
"Estel – you will find the strength not to stop them. To wish them well on the journey, so that they do not worry about you. You will have Halbarad here to keep you company this time." I wipe tears from his cheeks. "You must do this. I am sorry, I know it is difficult but it must be done."
He nods, trying hard to master himself. They have gone before, and they have always returned. It is on that experience that he must now draw.
"I will try. I will. But I do not want them to go."
My heart agrees with him.
He watches them leave, dry-eyed and standing tall. I think only I can see the pain he is masking.
Halbarad is staring at him and I try to see through his eyes for a moment. I see Aragorn, son of Arathorn, the man he will become. I think, when he is roused, few will be able to stand against him. That is there in him already and yes, Elladan has noticed it too. He looks back over his shoulder then stares, seeing what I see.
He will be formidable, the man that he will become. He has the strength to endure, to inspire others to follow him and to die for him.
When the twins have gone and silence descends at the gate, Estel goes to Halbarad and asks him, politely, what he wants to do. Halbarad stares at him. If I leave them any longer I think the boy will acknowledge his leader and that cannot be allowed to happen, not under any circumstances.
"Let us break our fasts first, Estel. Then I have something I wish to give you. The day will be cold until the fog clears. Then perhaps some exercises for you to do."
Estel's eyes are full of tears. The desire to be strong for his brothers, to resist the usual hugs and tears has made him pale and quiet. But he will not give in.
"Yes, Papa. Perhaps I could teach Halbarad to play chess?" he asks.
"You could," I say carefully, looking at Halbarad. I put my arm round Estel's shoulders and draw him closer. "I will give the matter some thought."
We walk back into the house, Halbarad following quietly. I must ask him what Estel can teach him for it is clearly something Estel wishes very much to do.
In the kitchens, the cook provides a special meal for the boys and they eat heartily. Estel still looks pale but he is beginning to speak again, and is trying to answer Halbarad's riddle. I leave them to their game and go to my room.
In a box hidden behind the books on the top shelf of the darkest bookshelf in my room, I keep Estel's heritage. The ring of Barahir, I will give him when I judge he is a man and worthy to bear it. But the star of the Dúnedain, he may look at that. He will have to earn it but I see no harm in him seeing it. Halbarad has passed his test and earned his own. Estel must be made to feel part of his own people.
"Papa?" The door is pushed open and Estel appears, followed by his new friend. I have replaced the box and the books which hide it, and now I hold the star badge in my hand.
"Come here, Estel. Look. It will be yours one day."
He approaches cautiously, hand held out, and I place the star on the palm of his hand. It is bigger than his hand. He is speechless.
Halbarad looks too. He has seen these badges before and carefully takes it from Estel's hand. He holds it against Estel's shoulder. "You'll wear it here. All the Rangers wear them. I hope mine is waiting for me when I go home."
They admire the beauty of the star, and the way it catches the light. Then Estel hands it back to me.
"Papa, it's very beautiful. I will try to earn it."
He looks at it once more, longingly. I know he wants it now and wonder if I have done the right thing, showing it to him.
Halbarad comes to my rescue. "I'll make you one," he offers. "Well, we can make one together. Then you can be my captain if you want, and I can show you some things, so you can be ready to take your test."
Estel, still looking wistfully at the star, nods. "Can we do that, Papa?" he asks.
"Of course. I will find what you need."
It takes a short time to gather up materials they can use, then they are a full hour making the star. Halbarad proves adept at measuring and cutting, while Estel carefully draws the pattern, his face screwed up in concentration. I find an old brooch, we attach the shape to it and the homemade star is ready. Estel runs to find his cloak, for it is a pin to fasten the cloak at his shoulder, just as Halbarad showed him.
I have a moment to speak to Halbarad. "Estel wishes to teach you something. Can you give me a clue about what that might be?" I ask, as we clear away the space on the floor where they have been working.
He looks at me, puzzled. "I don't know what he knows yet, sir."
"In two days, then. Tell me, and then I can encourage him. I am glad he has found you, child. He is too often on his own."
"I want to be his friend, sir. But may I tell you something?"
"Of course."
"There is something very strange about him. I don't know what it is. I can't explain it any better."
I know what he means. When you put the pair of them together, Estel seems the older of the two, though he is three years younger. I had not noticed it till now. He still speaks and behaves as a child but there is something that marks him as different.
He comes back into the room before we can say more, and the star is pinned to his cloak. He admires himself in the mirror then he's away, Halbarad in hot pursuit, and he is full of himself, shouting down the corridor, full of plans and ideas for the day. Halbarad has become his faithful sub-commander, if Estel did but know it.
I resist the impulse to tell them both to be careful and replace the star in its box. I go to the balcony and watch the two boys chase across the lawns, laughing and shouting to each other. It is music to my ears.