Hello!:) Firstly, i am sorry about my grammar mistakes. I do need help concerning my english! So please, help me!

Secondly, here you have a mini chapter. Even if it's little i wanted to put it separately , since it concentrates the whole essence of this story.

I am falling…unconscious…

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I never seemed to notice before, but Rukia broke my heart: She knew how much I hated the rain and still, she made it start again.

The last thing I remember was the snow of her zanpakuto melting in a cold rain over me…over us. She had her arms around me. She was near again. And I was hating myself for being that happy to have her close when I know…. she won't stay for long.

I can still feel that cold rain over me…I can still feel her warm tears over my shoulders and I still hate myself for hating the fact that I made her cry. Back then I never wanted to make her cry. Now I wonder if other guys made her cry before me…In fact, i wish that other guys could have been before me, so that she won't be like me. I don't know If I could survive knowing that her heart is as broke as mine because of my ignorance…because I couldn't left everything behind and follow her.

Could it be my fault then?

If a chance would be given to me, I would do things differently all over again: Firstly, i would confess right after I will save her from execution. I can't blame myself for not being sure of my feelings until now. I always knew that she was the one who once stopped the rain from falling.

I always knew she was the one …

…The only one.

You, snow demon! For me you were warm as a summer day! I wish I could turn back time and have that summer all over again! Because ever since you left, in my world it started to rain again…and slowly, during the past 6 years, it became an ocean…

Now that I admitted all my feelings, i am afraid that after looking at you tonight, I won't be able to look at any other women ever…and furthermore, I won't be able to talk or…. breathe again. They're just childish fears, aren't they? Now I feel as if it's the end of my world, because you're so close and yet so far. But it won't be, right? Because in the bottom of my heart I know that time heals everything… One day, you won't be around, but this won't mean that I'll stop making love to my wife or raise properly my children. I will probably have a job on which I'll spend my time looking forward to the week-ends. I will certainly still be fighting with my father during holiday visits and be overprotective with my sisters. In other words, I'll have all that little and superficial happiness that every normal person have.

But will it be enough since ever since I met you, I'm no longer normal or superficial? I am afraid to receive an answer…I am afraid because I already know it and I don't want to destroy the fragile happiness I might have in your absence… So i decided to not drown myself in the rain of my inner world. Instead I will ask your ice zanpakuto to freeze all my sorrow.

Even so… all that will be left of me after your departure will be only…

A frozen ocean of rain.

So don't dare to leave yet! Not until I wake up! Because it's amazing how a naïve heart can crush so easily all my rationality when you're around:

No matter how much it hurts…and no matter how much it will keep hurting…

I still need… I still want you, Rukia.

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I am falling…apart.