„I… you… wow." Jamie bit his lips in embarrassment. So much for his academic career. He had assumed he was able to talk properly, but now he found himself lost for more than the simplest words: "You're beautiful."
Beth sighed in relief and smiled. "I'm glad you like it." Her hand followed the line of the olive-shimmering silk dress, outlining her slim silhouette. Gently Jamie laced his fingers with hers and held her hand up to kiss it. "Like is an understatement."
"Oh God help me." From behind, Andrew Conway appeared, his face twisted between disgust and pride. He stepped next to them to kiss his sister's cheek, but different to the previous times Jamie had taken her out nodded in his direction before he left. Smiling even wider, Beth turned to kiss her boyfriend – not on the cheek. As he wrapped his arms around her Jamie felt fireflies buzzing in his stomach, whirling around his whole world. In the past three months this woman had become his best friend. There was something in her eyes and her voice that made him trust her with everything, and just when he thought he knew her... she took his breath away.
Jamie swallowed heavily but the lump wouldn't leave his throat. He pulled Thomas closer and tried to breathe normally. Losing his mother and Joe had showed him that you don't really suffocate on grief. It hurt physically, it was hard to breathe, it made it endlessly exhausting to put one foot in front of the other, but it didn't kill you.
If it wasn't for the baby in his arms Jamie wasn't sure he wouldn't have killed himself.
Thirteen days.
She pulled away. "I think Andy starts to like you."
"I guess he does." Jamie kissed her again. "No death threats today. Maybe cause he knows I know them by heart."
Beth put her hand on his cheek, her eyes filled with the familiar sudden sadness. "I'm sorry."
Jamie quickly shook his head. He hated to see that look on her. "Beth, you're more than worth it. Really. And I prefer your brother over mine."
Beth put her head on his shoulder as they walked down the street. "Your brother loves you. It's just not as easy to be overprotective with you."
Jamie sighed. "Do we really have to discuss this now?"
He enjoyed her laughter, if possible even more now than in the first weeks. "Alright, officer. What would you have us talk about?"
Elizabeth Reagan, 1990-2014. Beloved daughter, sister, mother and wife.
The amount of attributes had been the firefighter's condition, and Jamie had thankfully agreed. Beth's first family was close to her name but she was lying with the Reagans.
"I'm sorry."
Jamie nodded to the murmured condolences and the hands that landed on his shoulder, likely to support him but actually wearing him down. Every touch was a reminder of how Beth's skin had felt, how perfectly her body had been shaped, how much time they had spent holding each other, taking solace of the world's madness in the simple presence of the other.
It hadn't been enough time.
He didn't hear a word the priest said about his wife, though he tried to listen. Somehow his mind seemed to be clouded, dimmed and broken apart from the world. When Frank gently took Thomas out of his arms and rocked him Jamie felt tears coming up in his eyes, but it was only when Danny hugged him tightly that they would finally run down his cheeks. Beth was gone. She was gone, forever, she had left Thomas and him here and he would never see her again.
"So?" Beth smirked. "What is it? You can't complain about the wrong topic and then stay quiet. I mean, you can obviously" the playful smile became more seductive, "but it's not nice."
"It's not?" Jamie stopped and took both her hands, stroking them absentmindedly as his glance searched and found hers.
"Don't run, okay?"
Beth's eyes widened for a moment, then she swallowed and nodded. "What is it, Jamie?"
"Are you sure you want to take this step, Jamie? You don't have to decide yet." Frank looked at his son in sorrow. Jamie was barely himself today, and far as he was from blaming him the police commissioner felt sick at the thought of what Jamie was going to throw away. He couldn't think about that now, there would be time in a few days, maybe weeks.
Jamie shook his head to drive the fog out. His eyes searched for his son who was sleeping soundly in Erin's arms now.
"I don't need more time. We've decided this long ago."
Jamie moved closer. "Beth. I love you."
Beth gasped, and for the shortest moment he saw panic flicker in his eyes before it was replaced by sheer joy. Tears glimmered in her eyes. "And I love you."
"I will not risk Thomas growing up as an orphan. I promised him, and I promised Beth." Jamie sighed.
"I'll quit the NYPD and become a lawyer."