"I'm sorry." I choke out as she gasps for air, loosing her strength and collapsing onto me. Bree screams in agony and grief.
"...Bree?" Nana gasps, head on my chest. Bree runs over, pulls her off of me, and lays Nana on her lap, smoothing the hair out of her face. I'm drenched in blood. "... Bree... I love... you." She breaths.
"I know Nana, I love you too. I love you so much." She cries. Nana stops breathing. I stand up, then drop onto my knees and scream, holding my head in my hands. Tears stream down my face. I choke on my breath and suddenly Leo has his arms around me and he lifts me up. I look around, my mask completely broken. Mark stands, holding a girl who looks exactly like him, but with longer hair. Mar. Jess is on the ground by Bree, and Nana's body. She's sobbing.
"What happened!?" Leo demands, he holds my shoulders and turns me towards him. He's blurry through my tears. "JAQ!" He shouts, I'm limp in his hands, knees slightly bent.
"I... I killed her." I say suddenly.
"WHY!?" He demands. I begin to hyperventilate, and I struggle to break free of his grasp. He lets me go, and I drop to the ground. I stand up suddenly, and stumble over to Nana. I drop to my knees, and remove the small iron bracelet, and I put it on my own wrist, so I won't lose it. My tears stop instantly, as my mask falls back into place. Bree sees the change in my face, as I stand up. She tries to grab my arm, but I avoid it.
"Jaq, why did you kill her?" Leo demands, standing in front of me.
"She tried to kill Bree, and I. It was self defense." I say simply. He stares at me shocked. I don't respond. I watch as Bree, gently takes off Nana's jacket, and she takes off her jacket, and puts on Nana's. She doesn't mind the blood on it, it's less that what was on her's. Most of Nana's blood is on myself.
"Bree is injured." I say, calmly. But on the inside I am still sobbing. I will not show it. I can't.
"I'll take a look at it." Leo says, glaring at me. Don't look at me like that, I think. Please Leo. Understand, you know me better than any one else here. You should know. I walk over to the side of the tree and look down at the titan reaching for us. "Don't say it, Jaq" Leo suddenly says. I glance back at him.
"It has to be done. Someone has to say it." I say quietly, trying to keep my emotions in check. Bree suddenly understands what I mean.
"NO!" She screams. "WE CAN'T DO THAT TO HER!" She pulled Nana closer to her body. "She... she still deserves a proper burial."
"If we bring her back, the wounds on her stomach will be obvious." I reply, looking at her.
"We can't. No one deserves that." Mar suddenly says, her voice quiet. We all look at her, even Mark is shocked.
"Mar... this is a touchy situation, we have to decide what is best, Jaq could get into a lot of trouble for this." Mark tells her.
"So you agree with her?" Bree whispers. Mark looks away from her face.
"I do." He states as the titan makes odd noises.
"Leo, I can't do anything, not without your orders." I look at him. He glares. My heart sinks, he has never looked at me that way, no matter the mistake I made.
"Do what you want." He growls and stalks away. I look over at Bree and she gasps, clinging to Nana.
"Please, please Jaq! I know you aren't a bad person! Don't do this." She begs, I fight the tears threatening to overflow and break my rock hard mask.
"Bree, this is what must be done." I tell her, and Jess helps her up, without looking at me. Her screams fill the air as Mark and I lift Nana up, and toss her body at the titan, her eyes lifeless as she fell into it's grasp. It didn't seem to mind she was dead, that or Bree's screaming was enough.
"NANA!" Her screams fill the otherwise silent air. "NANA I'M SORRY!" Suddenly she flings herself off the tree branch, and the titan reaches for her. I jump off after her and go for the nape, as Jess uses her 3DMG to swing down and catch Bree, Mark is cursing up a storm, and Leo ran to distract the titan for a moment so I would have a clean shot, I kill it. We all come back to the branch, and I walk over to Bree, fury in my eyes.
"What the fuck, Bree!? What's with this death wish!?" I shout. Leo grabs my arm, forcing me to look at him.
"Knock it off Jaq, that is an order, get your emotions into check. This isn't like you." He snaps, and I glare at him.
"Yes sir." I growl. He releases my arm and gently grasps Bree's shoulders avoiding her injury.
"Bree, think rationally, this isn't what Nana would want for you. She didn't want you to die by the titans." Leo whispers gently. I clench my fists, hurt that he's acting in such a way towards me. I walk away and lean against the tree trunk, crossing my arms. Bree takes a moment to calm down as Leo whispers more calming words. Suddenly he stands up straight, "Everyone head back to the horses, stay in the trees, Jaq and I will follow in a moment." He announces, "That is an order." Everyone leaves and he looks over at me.
"You're certainly not afraid to give orders like I thought you would be." I say, trying to stay calm.
"Bree is in a bad place right now, Jaq, you need to accept this. If it were you that just died, I would be reacting in the same way as she was." He says watching me carefully.
"Because you love me so much, all you've done is yell at me this entire day." I say, clenching my jaw.
"Stop acting like a child, and I'll stop treating you like one. You are my equal, but at the same time you are also my subordinate. You need to understand that." He says with a softer tone in his voice. He brushes his hand down my cheek, with a feather touch.
"I'm sorry, Leo. I just, I didn't expect this turn of events."
"No one did, but with the way you're acting at least I know you love me." He says with a slight smile.
"How so?" I scoff.
"You've been raging with jealousy at the lack of attention I've been giving you."
"Sure, lets just head back." I say and launch off, he laughs behind me and follows, both of us still on edge, but some stress between us has fallen. We fly through the forest, the wind whipping my hair straight back, and in a matter of minutes, since we are no longer searching for someone, we make it back to the horses. We mount our horses, not saying a single word to one another, and we race back towards the walls. With a rare stroke of luck, we encounter no titans. By the time we reach the walls, the blood covering me, almost head to toe has dried, and I'm left with a disgusting sticky feeling. Other soldiers are about to enter the wall again as well, and I notice Levi, with the same piss face that he had when I met him all those years ago. He notices me looking at him, and his face shows disgust and something else flickers in his eyes, at the sight of the blood all over me. But he doesn't seem to recognize me.
As we all file into the wall, people crowd as close as they can, and parents being informed, of those who died cry out in horror. Soon I notice Nana's parents. I thought I would have had to seek them out, but they wanted to see if she would live apparently. I dismount my horse, and walk up to them, slowly, handing them the iron bracelet.
"No!" Her mother screamed, tugging at her blonde hair much like Nana's. "No, she was to young!" Tears streamed down her face. The father pulled her in close trying to consul her, tears shinned in his own eyes.
"Nana... of the 104th graduating class, requested I tell you, she was sorry, and she loved you both very much." I say, trying not to choke on my words.
"W-were you there?" Her father asked me. I could only nod my head.
"You killed her! You let her die!" Her mother accused, I flinched as if I had been slapped across the face, "That is her blood on you isn't it!?" She screamed, I couldn't answer, and I returned to my spot in line. Commander Erwin looked at me, taking in the state I am in, recognition in his eyes.
"Jaq, let's have a talk after this, shall we?" He asked, Levi looked at me, finally realizing who I was.
"Yes sir." I replied, Bree walked behind me, and I was not to far from the front of the soldiers. I noticed Mike on the other side of Erwin, and some other soldiers, that I have heard stories of their skills. Soon we reached our destination, and Erwin motioned for me to go to him. Walking forwards, getting use to the feeling of dried blood, causing my clothing to be stiff, my breath almost back to normal.
"Jaq Makosky, I didn't expect to see you here." Commander Erwin said. Mike was watching me carefully from behind him.
"I didn't think I would end up here either, sir." I replied, glancing back trying to find Leo.
"What happened out there?"
"What do you mean? We rescued a soldier, whose squad died."
"You lost a member of your own squad. Nana, was her name?"
"Yes sir. I do not understand why you are asking me this, soldiers die every time we leave the walls, what is so special about this?" I ask, trying to remain calm.
"Mike said he smelled something different about you." My head shot in Mike's direction, his expression was blank.
"You killed that girl." Mike said. I began to gasp for breath. My head spinning.
"Jaq?" Erwin asked, reaching an arm out.
"No! I mean, I'm fine." I gasp, swatting his hand away. I hold my breath for a moment, and run a hand through my hair, annoyed at the small panic attack I just had. Erwin looks unsure, but continues.
"Why did you kill her?"
"I had no choice."
"What do you mean you 'had no choice'?"
"She was trying to kill Bree."
"Who is Bree?"
"Bree was Nana's girlfriend."
"Why did she try and kill her?"
"Commander Erwin, you can't possibly expect me to kn-" I start, only to be cut off, Ewrin's face showing slight annoyance.
"But you do, now answer the question, soldier."
"She was insane. She figured a death by her hands was better than one by the titans." Erwin looked at me carefully for a moment.
"And where is Nana's body? You didn't bring it back with you."
"I-we..." Tears overflow at the horrible deed I committed
"Jaq, now." Erwin's face showed slight concern, but he wasn't going to just leave me alone.
"There was a titan. And we agreed it would be best to-" I stop, unable to continue.
"So you fed her to the titan." He said, his voice suddenly void of any emotion. "The one thing she didn't want, you did to her." My breath caught, and I bit my lip, trying to suppress a scream. "I'm putting you on a gag order, you are not to tell anyone. I will inform your squad." He frowns. I salute, about to break,
"Yes sir." Erwin turns on his heel, saying something to Mike, he replies, but I can't hear what either of them are saying. I leave, realizing I was dismissed. As I head back towards where my room is that I share with Jess, Mark suddenly steps into my path. "Hey." I sigh, I notice something is off. "Mark, are you alright?" I ask taking a step forwards. He glares at me with hate filled eyes, and I can't help but flinch. His eyes had never looked like that, I remember when he first was boosted into the class of 102.