Disclaimer: I don't own Bones the show and its characters belong to Hart Hanson and Fox.
AngelBach: That may come back to bite you in the butt. My muse gets really happy when you review and she loves to bounce around in my head with all kinds of things for stories. So if you don't feed her you don't get stories =P.
Luckywynner86: I'm just getting started with them goading, teasing and prodding each other ;-).
1956JohnDeere50: That's okay my husband laughed at me as I laughed while writing some of this stuff =D. But then I got to snicker at him when he burst into laughter while reading it.
Vampiresrockroza: Everyday! Unless something super weird happens but I'll usually give you two chapters the day before or the next day to make up for it.
Silver Maker: See that's why I started my fan fiction blog it lets my readers know that I am not lost or that I haven't forgotten. I usually take a while to write a story but on the upside you won't have those long periods between posts. =D
Chapter 4- Save The Boobies
The alarms started blaring and Michelle groaned.
"Gerroffme," she grunted in a slightly panicked tone, pushing frantically at Johnson.
He looked around and seeing no immediate threat got off her. Michelle struggled to sit up and sighed at the bruise she could feel forming on her thigh.
"Did you really have to jam your gun into me?" She grumbled as Goodman walked by.
Goodman's eyes were scanning the chaos on the ground floor but paused to laugh at her comment. Michelle stood up and walked to the railing and groaned at the door that had slid down Hodgins' office door.
"Hodgins has a bad habit of performing, let's see what does Cam call them, unauthorized experiments," Michelle said. They watched Booth approach the window to the Ookie room.
"Bones, Cam, Hodgins wants you over here now," Booth bellowed.
The two women scurried to the door and leaned in against the glass. Cam turned around and glanced over the platform, calculating.
"Wendell, lab one now. Fisher, lab four. Clark, lab three. Daisy, my office. Reed, Dr. Brennan's office. No one argue just do it," Cam ordered, striding to her office.
Michelle groaned turned back to the lounge and flopped down on the couch. Picking up her phone, she ignored the buzz around the lab and went back to playing Angry Birds, trying not to think about what Hodgins had done to almost kill them.
"Reynolds, go stand next to my office door. Cruz, go next to lab one. Morgan, stand next to lab four. Scott, over next to lab three. Murphy, go over next to Cam's office," Brennan barked in a hurried tone.
Legates watched as the people scrambled to do as she ordered. There were times when Brennan could give the Brown Hats a run for their money. He rolled his eyes when he saw Reed step out of Brennan's office with that look on his face.
"What is going on, Booth?" Reed barked at Booth in irritation. Booth looked up having forgotten the man was in the office.
"Mitchell, Lewis, you two next to Angela's office door now," Booth called out, pointing to Angela's office.
"What the HELL is going on around here?" Reed bellowed from the doorway. Booth scowled, getting tired of Reed's impatience.
"Bend over and cough, Sergeant," Booth bellowed back.
Legates eyes' widened, what the hell were they getting physicals for? Something definitely went down in that explosion. Legates shot a look over to Techie and raised and eyebrow. Techie shrugged in return to Legates silent question. The security team formed a wide circle around the catwalk waiting on instructions. It took about ten minutes before they were being told what to do.
"Techie, get down here now," Brennan bellowed. Techie started moving towards the steps at a quick step.
"Legates, you're with me. Has anyone seen Michelle?" Cam bellowed across the lab.
Legates started to move and was halfway down the steps when Cam's question registered. He paused and let out a low warbling bird whistle that would draw her attention. It was different than any of the whistles the guys had thus far used.
Michelle's head popped over the railing near the lounge to see who was using that whistle and Legates smirked at her. Booth started to chuckle at the scene. Cam raised one eyebrow and crossed her arms. Brennan put her hand over her mouth and giggled. Legates finished walking down the steps and approached Cam.
"Next up are Michelle and Goodman, followed by Oaks and Perkins then Addison and Wilson. After that are Johnson and Brown. Last, but not least, is Davis," Cam barked out, glancing at the list in her hands. Michelle sighed and stood up to follow Goodman down the steps.
"Booth, I'll leave you to Dr. Brennan," Cam said, snickering at a blushing Booth. Michelle swallowed her laughter when she saw Booth blushing.
"That's good, then that will mean you get Dr. Sweets. We can't forget about him," Brennan said, sniggering back at Cam.
"Shit," Cam said under her breath. Michelle giggled at Cam's muttered curse.
Turning around, Cam stalked off to her office. Legates followed her apprehensively to her office. Cam pointed to the area to the left of her desk.
"Down to your undergarments, please," she asked.
Legates looked at Cam as if she'd lost her mind. Mentally rolling her eyes, she pursed her lips and tapped her pen on the clipboard she held.
"You've been exposed to a possible neurotoxin and I need to be able to see your form when you move," she told him.
He shrugged and stripped down to his boxer briefs. I need you to walk to that wall and back. Legates walked to the wall and back feeling kind of stupid.
"Stand with your feet together, eyes closed, arms at shoulder height palms up," Cam said.
When he closed his eyes, Cam watched his form looking for swaying. Tattoos? She thought to herself as she wrote the score down.
"Okay, you can get dressed but I have some questions for you. Some are a test and some are for filing purposes," she told him. He nodded and pulled on his clothes.
"Name including rank and address where you can be reached," Cam requested, her pen poised over the paper.
"Corporal Michael Joshua Legates. Fort Myers, Washington D.C 22211," Legates answered automatically. Cam's mouth quirked at his name but she carefully wrote the information down.
"Is it night or day?" She asked him, still looking down at her sheet.
"Night," he grunted.
"Closer to dusk or midnight?" She asked, pen still over the sheet.
"Midnight," he grunted as he pulled on his boots.
"Country, City, Building, current room in that order," Cam asked.
"US, Washington DC, Medico-Legal Lab, Your office," he told her. She chuckled at his answers, making him look up at her.
"Yes, you answered that right. You're the only one to call the lab by its proper name though. Everyone else said Jeffersonian," Cam said, smiling. Legates shrugged and started lacing his boot.
"Repeat the following words, Methodist, Episcopalian, and Renee," Cam said, pausing between each word.
"Methodist, Episcopalian, and Renee," Legates returned, looking at her for the strange third word.
Cam smirked at him and he stopped lacing then started laughing. She had just told him Michelle's middle name.
"Spell the word world backwards," Cam instructed.
"Shit, you're lucky if I can spell it forwards," he paused for split second, "dlrow."
"Good, okay, repeat the three words I asked you to say earlier," she told him.
"Methodist, Episcopalian, and Renee," he told her, mentally laughing as if he'd forget the last one now.
"What is this?" She asked him, holding up the pen in her hand.
"A writing utensil more specifically a black bic pen," he snorted and grinned at her. She scowled at his answer and wrote a score.
"And this?" She asked, pointing to her shoe.
"A shoe, specifically a white K-Swiss," he told her, biting back his grin.
"Smart ass," she grumbled, writing a score. Picking up dry erase marker, she held it out to him.
"Walk to me, take the marker, read the sentence I have written here and then write it on the board," Cam said.
Legates stood up, sighed and walked to Cam. Taking the marker from her, he looked at the clipboard, read the sentence and bit back his laughter. He walked to the board, uncapped the marker and wrote on the board.
If I am interested in Michelle I will not lie to her, hurt her feelings, or be an ass.
"Well done. You've passed except for a strange drawing out of your vowels. Do you suffer from a speech impediment of any kind?" She asked him, her pen hovering above the sheet.
"I'm from Georgia. We have a tendency to do that," he drawled out, his accent now thick and very noticeable where before it had not been. Cam's head shot up and her eyes narrowed in contemplation.
"Never would have guessed. I need you to fill this and leave it on cart outside the bathroom," she said, handing him a cup with a sticker that had his name on it.
He nodded opened the door and headed to the bathroom. Cam stepped to the door and gestured Michelle into the room. Michelle walked in and glanced around. She spotted the sentence on the board and smacked her hand to her forehead.
"Seriously, Cam? What the hell?" Michelle bitched, walking into the room.
"What? I had to make him write a sentence and it was complex enough to do two parts of the test at once," Cam said honestly.
Legates stepped out of the bathroom and dropped the cup on the cart there with the others. Walking up the stairs to the catwalk, he started patrolling again. At the halfway point, he crossed paths with Davis.
"Are we done yet? Damn, I'm tired," Legates grumbled.
"Well, if you stopped flirting with Michelle and slept when you were supposed to then you wouldn't be so tired," Davis teased.
"What? I got woke up by that White guy. Michelle was asleep when I went to lay down. You should damned well know it since you were sleeping with her before I laid down," Legates smirked. Davis' face turned red.
"I wasn't sleeping with her. She was sleeping on me, wait, I mean she was sleeping when I woke up. Dammit," Davis fussed. Legates burst into laughter and walked on, leaving a sputtering Davis behind.
"Okay, Michelle, strip to your bra and underwear," Cam ordered. Michelle sighed and stripped. Cam's eyes widened a little at her daughter's choice of undergarments.
"Walk to the wall and back," Cam ordered, pointing toward the wall.
Davis turned the corner and skidded to a halt. He wondered if Cam knew that you could see through those blinds from this angle. Holy crap was Michelle wearing, oh Lord, that is so not cool. He started walking looking in the opposite direction. Legates walked past him with a frown.
"Davis, security doesn't look at the floor it doesn't make for good patrols," Legates said, slightly irritated.
"Fine, switch me directions," Davis said, turning and switching directions.
Legates shrugged and spun on his heel and walked in the direction he'd just come from. As he approached from the other side at the halfway point, he frowned at Davis.
"What the hell is wrong with you, Davis?" Legates growled at the man.
"You'll find out soon enough," Davis said, grinning as he walked past.
Legates continued around the path. As he reached the corner, he immediately saw the reason. Michelle stood in her underwear with her arms as shoulder height, palms up, eyes closed. He sucked in his breath and almost groaned at the sight of her breasts being pushed up and together by a pink lacy bra.
Across the platform Davis smirked at Legates just standing there. Legates mind grappled with the sight of the matching bra and panties. Shaking his head, he returned to his patrol and glared at Davis when he approached the halfway point.
"That was wrong, Davis. A little warning would have been good," he growled, stalking past a snickering Davis. By the time he got around again, Michelle was sitting down and pulling on her shoes. Legates let out a breath.
"Is it night or day?" Cam asked Michelle.
"Night," Michelle grumbled.
"Closer to dusk or midnight?"
"Midnight," Michelle said, yawning.
"Have you been sleeping?" Cam asked her brow puckered in worry.
"A little but between glass doors being shot, that White guy flopping down in the lounge and every other fricking thing, I've given up on getting any," Michelle grumbled. Cam pursed her lips but nodded in understanding.
"Repeat the following words, Methodist, Episcopal, Joshua," Cam said, biting back a grin.
"Methodist, Episcopal, Joshua. What's with the religious theme?" She asked Cam, squinting at her mother.
"Episcopal and Methodist are testing to see if you are correctly pronouncing your vowels and the last one was just a random name," Cam said. Michelle shrugged and pulled on her shoes.
"Spell the word world backwards," Cam instructed.
"dlrow," Michelle said quickly.
"What is this?" Cam asked, pointing at her pen.
"A black pen," Michelle answered.
"And this?" She asked, pointing to her clipboard.
"A clipboard," Michelle said.
Cam nodded and wrote on her form. Picking up dry erase marker, she held it out to Michelle.
"Walk to me, take the marker, read the sentence I have written here and then write it on the board," Cam said.
Michelle stood up, walked to Cam, took the dry erase marker, read the sentence, grunted then walked to the dry erase board. Uncapping the pen, she wrote the sentence on the board.
If that man breaks my heart I will not hide, I will inform Special Agent Seeley Booth and have him shoot said man.
"Very nice. Now fill up the cup, leave it on the cart outside the bathroom doors," Cam instructed, handing Michelle a cup. Michelle was walking across the lab to the bathroom when she heard a bark of laughter and looked up to see Davis laughing. Shaking her head, she continued to the bathroom.
Davis turned the corner as the door to Cam's office opened. He caught sight of the two sentences on the board and burst into laughter. He recognized the nearly indecipherable scrawl that was Legates handwriting. Underneath, he could only assume was Michelle's scripted writing.
He missed Michelle shaking her head at his laughter as he continued on his patrol. Legates was coming around for the fifty millionth time when he spotted Michelle coming from Cam's office. He muttered under his breath and started naming the monsters from his Dungeons and Dragons Monsters Manual. He kept walking, his eyes scanning, his mouth moving.
Davis looked confused as he walked past Legates and heard 'Manticore, lawfully evil, strength 20, dexterity 15, constitution 18, intelligence 7 ' as they passed each other. By the time he made it back around to the lounge, Legates had calmed down enough not to look like he'd lost his mind. He froze at the shrill whistle from below. Man, Booth was more demanding here than he was in the military.
"Alright everyone. I need an explosive engineer, a chemical engineer or anyone with more than a BA in either field," Booth called out.
Wilson jerked his chin in Booth's direction while looking at Legates. Legates eyebrows rose and he nodded. Wilson took off at a trot for Brennan's office. Michelle stood up and headed down to Cam's office, she knew Cam kept snacks around here somewhere and the silly scientists weren't eating. Cam walked into her office to find Michelle digging in her food drawer. Smiling indulgently, Cam put her hand on her hip.
"Looking for something?" Cam asked, watching Michelle dig around.
"Yeah, food is a good thing. And I'm not finding anything around here to eat," Michelle grumbled. Cam grinned and thought for a second.
"Tell you what take the dry erase board and markers into Dr. Brennan's office and I'll tell you where Angela stashes the good stuff," Cam bargained.
Michelle's head shot up and Cam nodded slowly.
"Okay," Michelle agreed.
Practically skipping from the office, she headed to the conference room completely unaware of the set of eyes following her. She gathered the requisite supplies and pushed the dry erase board to Brennan's office. When she entered, she could tell Booth was irritated by the situation.
"Cam thought you might need this," she said, smiling.
She walked to the table and dropped markers on it. Turning on her heel, she left the room and headed to find Cam. She found Cam standing at the window watching Hodgins write and shaking her head.
"Herding cats, I swear," Cam muttered.
"Okay, so where is the good food?" Michelle asked, smiling at Cam with innocence on her face.
"Don't even try that with me, young lady. It doesn't work. The two boxes in that storage closet that are marked toilet paper," Cam said, pointing at the closet that Michelle had gotten the towels from. Getting out the step ladder, Michelle opened the first box and laughed at the note on the top
Angela, Michelle is getting food let me know what she takes and I'll replace it ~ Cam
Michelle grabbed a bag of S'mores Chex Mix off the top, closed the box up. Walking back to Cam's office, she opened the refrigerator, reached over the bottles and took out a can of Sprite. Opening the can, she walked from the office and headed to where Booth was standing, presumably talking to Hodgins. She walked up and saw Hodgins in a clear box that he had written all over it.
She waved at him with a smirking smile. Booth laughed at her smirk and she took a sip of her soda to cover her grin. Turning on her heel, she walked off leaving Hodgins and Booth to their conversation. She headed back up to the lounge and picked up her book with a sigh. Opening the bag of Chex Mix, she started munching while she was reading.
Legates' eyes popped open a little when he saw Michelle sitting cross legged on the couch with a bag of Chex Mix in her lap, reading a book.
"Hey, where'd you get that?" He pretend whined at her while pointing at her bag of Chex Mix.
"Angela's stash and no I'm not telling you where it is. But maybe if you are really nice I might share," she said, without pulling down her book.
Legates didn't say anything but narrowed his eyes. She pulled down her book and grinned at him. He was about to make a smart ass remark when Booth came up the steps. Booth put his hand up and gestured for Techie to come over. Michelle went back to her reading, ignoring the men.
"Okay, you two. We have the two deuce and a halves and the reporters have swarmed the front of the Jeffersonian. So we're going to pull them around to the bay doors and back them in so the squints and you all can load up with very little exposure. I want the last four that slept to work security on the back to protect the squints because these reporters are vicious blood thirsty people," Booth said.
"Got it," Techie said.
"While you are sorting out who goes in what truck I'm going to go check the security feed for outside," Booth said. Legates nodded and turned his back when Booth walked off.
"So, what squints in one truck and military squints in another?" Legates suggested.
"The guys?" Techie asked with pursed lips.
"Half and half?" Legates suggested again.
Both men turned at Michelle's laughter. She still had the book in front of her face. Techie shrugged thinking that she had read something funny. Legates had a feeling she was laughing at them.
"What are you laughing at, young lady?" He asked her which just made her laugh harder.
Angela walked into the lounge to find Techie grinning, Legates with his hands on his hips, and Michelle giggling for all she was worth. Angela sat down and leaned her head against the back of the couch. The rest of the team began trickling in.
"You still haven't answered," Legates pointed out. Michelle pulled her book down and let out a soft sigh then burst into laughter again.
"Sorry...but...you...two...having...a conversation...of nothing...but questions," she gasped out and started giggling again. Shrugging, Techie and Legates turned back to their conversation.
"So, we're splitting the guys?" Techie asked, looking at Legates. They both quietly chuckled when they heard Michelle snicker.
"Yep, I'll take the regular squints you take the military squints," Legates said.
Techie nodded in agreement. Parks had come up with the last of the Jeffersonian team and was leaning on the railing. The team was squeezed on the couches but sprawled in that way only close friends are comfortable with. Angela was leaning towards Michelle's shoulder and Hodgins was leaning on Angela.
They both caught Booth gesturing to them. They turned and went down the stairs. Following Booth, they went down to the parking garage. Legates dug around in his pocket and found the keys. Climbing into the truck, he started it and mentally sighed. He hoped Hodgins place wasn't too far because he was fucking tired.
He watched Booth pull out and head towards the exit. Turning the wheel, Legates grumbled about the lack of power steering. He followed the SUV through the throng of reporters who were moving towards the trucks, yelling questions and taking pictures. He hit the gas and shifted into a higher gear causing the truck to growl and belch smoke. The reporters leapt away from the truck. Legates heard the radio crackle and then Techie laugh.
"You're having too much fun with that," Techie said.
Legates ignored the radio and pulled through the back gate. Grunting, he shifted the truck into reverse and started to back into the spot they'd agreed on. He was breaking to drop the truck into neutral when he saw Techie's truck surge forward then slam to a stop. Laughing, Legates picked up the radio.
"Hit the button to shift into reverse or you're in first," Legates laughed.
"Kiss my ass," Techie grunted as he steered into his spot.
Legates hit the floor brake and engaged the emergency brake. Turning the truck off, he jumped down and headed to where Booth was standing. Techie joined him and they waited as Booth punched in his code. The door to their left clicked open and Booth pulled the door open.
He held the door open and allowed Techie and Legates to step through before him. Legates' eyes immediately began scanning and landed on a kid who looked to be just barely eighteen. The kid looked at his watch then at Booth then Legates and Techie.
"Morning, Agent Booth," the young man called out.
"Morning, Josh. We have a situation and we're taking everyone out through these doors," Booth called back. The young man nodded then returned to his clipboard.
"So, there is always someone here at 2am?" Techie asked Booth with a suspicious tone.
"Naahh, they must be expecting something special," Booth muttered. They made their way back to the lab. Micah met them outside the lab door.
"Agent Booth, the door will be here today and I will make sure it gets installed by maintenance," Micah told him.
"Thanks, Micah," Booth said with a smile.
"Let's go guys," Booth called out as he stepped through the door.
Legates and Techie laughed as the squints stumbled sleepily en masse down the stairs. They stood waiting as Booth spoke with Parks and White. Finally Booth gave the signal and Legates headed towards the doorway, gesturing for the others to follow him. Legates led them down hallways he was sure they knew better than he did. He constantly scanned but saw nothing. He had the door open and was pointing to one truck or another as they filed out the door. Goodman took the door and gestured for Legates to go ahead and help the squints.
"Squints in the first one, military squints in the second and split the guys between the two ," Legates said quickly.
"Yip," Goodman said.
Legates walked over to where his truck was parked. He started grabbing bags and slinging them up on the back of the truck. When there was a decent pile, he looked at the squints. They all looked tired and he sighed in frustration. Wendell stepped forward and scampered up into the back of the truck. Legates raised his eyebrow at Wendell.
"What? I worked on big trucks and buses while in high school and college," Wendell explained.
Legates gave a short nod and grabbed Daisy's hand and pulled her forward. She squealed a little and he grimaced.
"Foot there," he pointed and waited for her to put her foot on the step. She looked at him in confusion. Blowing a breath out through his nose in irritation, he tried again.
"Put your foot there, Wendell will grab your hands and I'll lift you at the hips," he said in a growly tone.
She nodded and put her foot on the step. Legates put his hands on her hips and pushed while Wendell lifted. After the truck was halfway loaded with people, Legates stopped to load more of the bags into the truck. Once all the luggage was loaded, the squints began picking out their luggage and moving it to where they were sitting. While they were doing that the military personnel climbed into the truck without help, leaving Angela and Michelle standing on the ground.
Legates looked up to see Addison standing there waiting to help. He was more comfortable with that for some reason. Angela put her foot on the step, her hands in Addison's and boosted herself into the truck. Addison quirked an eyebrow at her.
"There many mysteries to this woman," Angela said, in a tired voice as she headed to sit with Hodgins. When Michelle stepped up, she handed him his clothes from earlier.
"I figured you'd want these," she said.
"Thanks," he muttered and set them on the back of the truck.
Michelle was already half standing on the step when he turned around. Addison lifted but didn't have a good grip and Michelle started to slip backwards. Legates put his hands up and when she landed in them, his hands were on her ass. She gasped as he lifted her into the truck by her butt.
"Well, that was interesting," Michelle muttered as she grabbed her bag and started to move towards the spot left for her up near the front.
"Uh, Michelle, my bag is under your seat. Can you please just shove this stuff in there?" Legates asked in a tired voice.
"Yep," she said, pausing to sweep his clothes up and carry them with her.
He walked around the front of the truck and climbed into the cab. Slamming the door, he started the truck and waited for the others to pull out. He pulled in behind Techie and groaned as the reporters swarmed around the trucks again. He glanced in the mirror and saw Parks and Addison swing out grasping their rifles. When the reporters saw the rangers they skittered back and the drivers hit the gas. Legates heard a knock near his head and growled. Reaching back, he slid the window open.
A/N: On the docket for tomorrow...crankiness, less paperwork, opulence, rooms, snuggling, blushing, fun socks, ragged breathing, missing boots, coffee, Murphy, tension, a tennis match, laughter, save the boobies, underwear shopping, reporters, panic attack, passing out, and shooting reporters,
A/N2: Brown Hats are Drill Instructors. They're called that because of the brown hats they traditionally wear. And of course because for some reason the military thinks it's easier to say one than the other. O.o.. Shame on me for not posting my links yesterday, I must apologize. My little sister got married and things got a little hectic. So I'll be posting both the links for chapter three and chapter four today in my blog.