A/N: Thank you all for waiting! I'm sorry for dragging things out lately. I've been wanting to post chapter more frequently, but I had a rather busy and eventful few weeks that sadly required me to neglect A Cold Farewell. Now I should have some more time as the experiments I'm running for my research project allow me to focus on other things too, and since I have no classes to go to or homework to make, that leaves me with time that can be spent on writing. As such, Chapter 9 is already quite far long.

So, here's chapter 8. Those who have been asking about Embry should like this chapter – though that's all I'm going to say. Have a fun read! As per usual, reviews are most welcome!

As always, a thank you to Lineia and dantemalfoy for providing comments!

Warnings: Drama, angst.

Chapter 8: Third wheel on the wagon

"We are never so defenceless against suffering as when we love." – Sigmund Freud

Jacob.

The name of the native echoed in his head as he woke up the day after. He lay in his bed and stared up at the ceiling, his eyes wide with newfound determination. Thoughts mulled around in his invigorated consciousness, claiming his attention, until finally he jumped out of bed, put on his slippers, and paced to the bathroom to drink some water and brush his teeth. Angela had given him a new toothbrush, and Brad had provided him with one of his old razors and some shaving cream. Until a week ago, before he broke down mentally, he hadn't touched the razor at all. Now however, now that life seemed more liveable with every day that passed, he was more inclined to make use of it. Today he actually picked the razor up. With Jacob at the forefront of his thoughts, he took a steady hold of the plastic little thing and the shaving cream, applied the cream and started shaving.

After taking a shower and getting dressed, he walked downstairs to get himself some breakfast. It was a Saturday, so that he found Angela and Brad sitting in the living room. Brad was reading the newspaper, while Angela was quietly reading a book. The murmur of jazz music coming from the radio pervaded the room. When Edward entered, all eyes were suddenly fixed on him. Angela smiled, and Brad looked sternly over his glasses, but soon his expression softened into a smile also.

"Hello dear, glad to see you awake. How are you feeling?" Angela asked.

Edward nodded curtly. "I'm doing okay." He smiled quite happily, and he felt honestly so. It hadn't been the first time; more and more often his laughs were not forced, as if only meant to please the couple that had taken him in so selfishly. Rather, his smiles were increasingly the result of actual happiness returning to his complicated self.

"I made pancakes Edward, why don't you go get some? They're in the kitchen." Angela nudged at the kitchen door, and was happy to see Edward's smile widening. He nodded, and strode off.

After having taken a plate and loading it with pancakes, he came back to the living room and sat down on one of the comfy couches, facing the loving couple. Both had continued reading, but Angela sent him a content glance when he had started eating. Edward had smiled back happily, munching on the pancakes all the while. So they now all sat in the living room, the silence of the room chased away by the jazz music that came from the radio. It was a quiet, calm Saturday morning, and the sun shone brightly, with a few clouds dotting an otherwise impeccably blue sky.

Soon, Edward was done eating. He put the plate down on a small side table to his left. He stared at Brad and Angela firmly, frowning. They were oblivious of it, so he coughed to draw their attention; still no response. Finally he just broke the jazzy silence. "Angela, Brad?"

Both of them now looked at him, with some surprise on their faces. Angela quickly regained herself and smiled again. "Yes, dear?" Edward looked her over as he considered his words.

"So, the person that I mentioned that I think might be able to help me…"

Upon speaking those words, Brad and Angela in unison put their reading matter down and stared at him. Angela's mouth was half-open in surprise, but her eyes twinkled. Finally Edward was about to open up on this point! Brad was in a similar state of tense anticipation as his wife. He stared at Edward intensely, waiting for him to continue. Edward sighed briefly as he looked down at the floor.

"His name is Jacob, and he is one of the Quileute tribe. I'd like to see him."

He cautiously raised his gaze again, to meet Brad and Angela's intense stares. He didn't meet them; Brad and Angela were staring at each other instead. He looked them in the eyes and saw a sign of understanding. It hit them that the Quileute tribe would surely not welcome him with open arms, and they recognized that that might have been Edward's reason to withhold on telling them. Little did they know that Edward was more concerned with Jacob's ability to help in general, rather than a potential hostile environment. They soon glanced back at him. Brad folded his newspaper and lay it down on the side-table next to his chair.

"When do you want to leave?" he asked.

Edward's glance shot to Brad, his pupils dilating with surprise and a smile appearing on his face. "As soon as possible!"

Brad nodded and looked at Angela. "You heard the kid. We're going." Brad made to stand up, but Angela interjected.

"Edward, know that if things don't work out, you're always welcome here. Brad will give you his cellular, so please call if you need help. We enjoyed having you here. Please, don't be a stranger?"

Edward gulped at those words, emotions overtaking him as words of gratitude clogged up his throat. He didn't cry just yet, but it wouldn't have taken much to make him to. He managed to articulate a muffled "thank you", after which he stood up and walked over to Angela. He sat down next to her and hugged her in a strong embrace. When he moved out of it, he merely looked her in the eyes, and muttered another "thank you". She smiled back at him pleasantly. He stood up again and looked at Brad, who motioned him towards the front door. He too smiled, eyeing him in a friendly manner, akin to how Edward's late grandfather had done when they left him after spending an afternoon with him at the old people's home.

Edward felt lucky: lucky to have been found by these people. Their enduring love and care warmed his heart, and he was happy that he wasn't saying "goodbye" to them, merely "so long". It made it easier for him to leave their house, and set foot again in that wide-open world, full of danger, threat and the ever-present temptation to relapse into depression. He'd stay strong this time: for them, and for Jacob.

Brad and Edward stepped into Brad's pick-up truck. Brad looked him over as he started the engine and hit the gas, enticing the car to come into motion. Soon they found themselves on the road to the reservation.

They stayed silent as they continued on their journey. Edward glanced over to Brad now and then, and noticed how he was frowning. Admittedly, he didn't know Brad that well, but he knew him well enough by now to recognize that this frown was not a frown of anger or annoyance, rather sadness. Like Angela, Brad was overtaken with emotion at Edward's leaving; though being a typical manly man, he didn't show it.

Soon they found themselves at the sandy path that lead up to the reservation. Brad pulled over and turned the car's engine off, as he looked Edward over, briefly sighing before saying "You will be okay, right?"

Edward nodded, forcing a smile that almost instantaneously disappeared. No matter if Edward was doing good, he had trouble showing it: As excited as he was about the prospect of seeing Jacob again, he felt unnerved by a lingering fear that the world would once again collapse onto him. Brad looked him over worriedly. He then got a pen and a piece of paper out. He scribbled something onto it and handed it to Edward.

"Here, that's my cell's number. Call me when you need our help. We'll come for you, immediately."

Edward accepted the number gratefully, smiling a wide, honest smile, and put it into his shirt's pocket, thanking Brad as he opened the door and got out. The movements and situation seemed strangely familiar to him, but he wasn't sure why. Assuming it was just something he had seen in a movie, he slammed the car door shut. A worried Brad looked at him through the window. Edward simply waved, trying to widen the smile on his tensed-up face. Brad started the engine, and soon he was back on the road.

Edward was alone again.

As Edward stood along the road, he considered his options. A tiny little part of him craved to get back into the forest, slump down against a pine tree, and wait for the night to claim him. Fortunately, a much bigger and more dominant part of him kept the image of Jacob firmly in mind, so that Edward was instantly prompted to walk down the sandy road, towards the reservation.

Soon he reached a house; a small house, with wooden boards making up the exterior, painted in a fainted red. It had probably seen better days. The front door, which was white with small, square windows, was built in an outcropping of the building. White stripes lined the edges of the roof, and a small, wooden ramp was built to meet the front door's threshold. By all means, it was a cosy house.

The front door suddenly slammed open and a middle-aged man wheeled outside, looking at him somewhat suspiciously.

"State your business!" He shouted from the ramp.

Edward ogled him as if he had seen a ghost, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. It wasn't tucked into his pants like normally would be the case, making him look rather sleazy.

"State your business!" The guy cried out once again. Edward still didn't respond, instead just eyeing the native. He wore a kind of cowboy hat and had long, black hair. In better days he probably would have been a rather good-looking man.

Finally the guy got fed up, wheeled off the ramp and rolled in Edward's general direction. He yanked on his wheels with a fervent strength that took Edward aback – this weak-looking exterior seemed to have quite some resolve and confidence inside of it! Edward merely blinked as he was approached by the queer fellow. When he was finally about a meter in front of him, he stopped, and gazed Edward right in the face, piercing his eyes with his.

"I know you. You are one of the Cullens, that miserable bunch of egocentric, religious zealots." the guy sneered at him, a sudden anger possessing him as he spat out the name of Edward's family as if it was a disease. He wheeled a little closer.

"You are getting off my land, you despicable animal! You will find no friends here!" he hissed at Edward. Something else drew Edward's attention however, while this broken man launched an increasing amount of insults at him.

From behind the red house appeared a figure. It curiously peaked around the corner. Longish, black hair veiled a boyish face that contained two, dark eyes. They peered at him as he peered at them. Edward recognized the face.

Embry!

A glimmer of relief rolled over Edward's face as the weakest of smiles curled his lips ever so slightly. The invalid in front of him had noticed it too; the barrage of threats had suddenly subsided. Edward raised a hand and waved. Embry clearly understood Edward's signals, and had, seemingly somewhat reluctantly, started towards him. The middle-aged invalid looked round and saw Embry too. He started to oppose to Embry getting into contact with Edward, but Embry kept coming anyway. Soon they were standing close to each other.

Edward merely smiled, and Embry smiled back, though hesitantly.

"I see you already met one of the elders, Billy Black." Embry nudged at the black-haired man in the wheelchair, who looked thoroughly appalled by Embry's lack of respect for his authority.

"Pardon me? This creature here that you see is Edward Cullen, one of those religious fanatics from down the road that wanted us expelled to Alaska, and here you are, talking to him as if you have known him for ages!" Billy seemed to explode from outrage, but Embry managed to shush him. He then looked at Edward.

"What is it you want? If you're looking for Jacob, he went cliff jumping; he's not here. You don' look so great by the way… what happened to you?"

Edward noted Embry's concern. In all there previous interactions, he never had seemed to care for Edward. Moreover, he was always opposed to him getting in touch with Jacob, or so it seemed. He had never made his intentions very clear though, so Edward remained in the dark as to what his problem was. Now here they were, and Edward felt positively elated to see the gloomy, young native. Embry's sudden talk yanked Edward out of his thought and back into reality:

"So? What happened?"

Angela had given him some of Brad's shirts and pants, all of which were at least one size too big. He still worse his own, dirty shoes, bot on the whole he probably looked like a clown. Edward looked down at the floor, ashamed of his looks, and mumbled something incomprehensible. Embry looked him over.

"You want to have a coffee at the nearby diner? You look like you need it…."

Edward's gaze flashed upwards to meet Embry's. That seemed like an idea from heaven! He nodded. Embry didn't smile in response, looking as serious as ever. Edward almost felt like Embry had wished that the answer had been negative. Still, he kept true to his word, patted Edward on the back, pointed down the road where they had come from, and gave Edward a little push in that direction. Satisfied that Edward was about to leave, Billy Black wheeled away. He rolled through the front door into his small, red house, and slammed the door shut with a bang. Embry and Edward were left alone, staring at the shut door. They then briefly glanced at each other, and set off for the diner.

They walked in silence. Birds, chirping merrily in the trees, and rustling of leaves in the softly blowing wind, were the only sounds. Small tree branches littered the forest floor, and they crackled softly as the pair of guys stepped on them. Edward glanced over to Embry as they proceeded in the direction of Forks – apparently the diner was somewhere along the road, a short ways into the forest.

Embry's head had drooped, watching his feet as he put them one before the other. His black hair veiled his face, so that expressions remained hidden from Edward – something with which Edward didn't feel very comfortable. He had made it a habit of trying to read people's facial expression continuously; a hidden face disabled that possibility, making Edward feel uncomfortable.

And so they continued walking for at least fifteen minutes, until they finally arrived at a turn to the right. An extra five-minute walk down a sandy road brought them to the diner. A soft push opened the door, and Edward's nostrils were filled with all manner of delicious smells. He took in a deep breath, rich with the aromas of fried bacon and egg, as he stood at the door.

"You coming in?"

Embry's low-pitched, sad voice shook him from the simple pleasure the various smells brought him. It reminded him of weekends at home; he'd come down from his room after a good night's sleep – one without worries, as should be normal for the average kid. He'd find his father at the table, reading the Sunday morning newspaper, and his mother would be in the kitchen, frying eggs, bacon and sausages. A small mountain of pancakes was already laid out on a plate, ready for him to grab.

As he reached for the first one, his mother would turn around in the kitchen. She would smile quietly and nod in approval. Edward would smile back. Even his father would slowly lower his newspaper – just enough so that his eyes looked over its top edge. And while Edward never saw his whole face on such Sunday mornings, the eyebrows betrayed his father's approval too. He would then continue reading, and Edward would eat.

But that was all over now.

"Yeah, I'm coming," he replied, and he quickly walked further into the diner, closely following Embry. He had gotten seated at the bar, and Edward sat down next to him. They ordered a coffee each.

Embry sighed.

"So, what's up?" He glanced at Edward, an expression of silent curiosity on his face. A certain calmness pervaded it that hit Edward as strange, considering the awkward situation. Though, if anything, it was more an expression of curious pity that he seemed to take on Edward, and not for bad reasons: Edward looked weird in his baggy shirt and loose pants. He also still had that wound on his head, with scratches below it like a mountain path leading up to a small cavern.

"Not that great," Edward replied, his voice raspy as his vocal chords fought against the hoarse throat and dry mouth to produce intelligible sounds.

"No kidding," Embry sarcastically retorted. Edward sent him a brief glare, but Embry only smiled vaguely. Meanwhile their coffees were delivered. The smell of freshly ground coffee beans swirled up from the small mugs and filled their nostrils.

"So, what happened? If you don't mind telling me, of course…."

Embry looked at Edward inquisitively, hoping Edward would speak up. At the question Edward's head drooped slightly. He took a sip from the coffee, sighing loudly as his body filled with the deliciousness of the simple liquid. He then straightened his back and threw his head back, stretching his arms in the process, repositioning himself a bit on his barstool before folding his arms and leaning on the bar. He sighed again and shifted his gaze to Embry, who still awaited a reply.

"Short version: my father found out I'm gay, abused me, threw me out of the house, and none of my siblings or my mother had even the slightest inclination of doing anything about it. I was betrayed by the people I thought loved me most."

His confession had been delivered briskly and in a business-like manner that not at all befitted the subject. Edward looked at Embry when he had finished speaking, and he could tell that his brief story had torn a hole in Embry's heart. he swallowed audibly and looked away, sorry to have brought this up. Edward looked back at his coffee.

"Don't worry about it, I don't need pity," Edward spoke softly.

At those words Embry shot his glance back to Edward. His lower lip trembled a bit, although Edward wasn't sure why he would be so shocked by his declaration. Unless….

Unless he is indeed gay, and is afraid of the same thing happening to him.

Edward smiled at the thought, which visibly confused Embry. He looked at Edward with a strange frown that expressed a mix of pity, curiosity and surprise.

"You are gay, aren't you?" Edward spoke softly with a quieting tone of voice, soothing Embry. After a short while, Embry finally sighed and nodded silently.

"I don't think you have anything to worry about. Jake is out and proud and he seems to be accepted, no?" Edward held Embry's hand reassuringly. Embry nodded again. He sobbed briefly before regaining himself.

"Look at this, I should be the one consoling you, not the other way around," he spoke in-between soft snivels.

"Yeah well… it's okay." Edward retracted his hand and took another sip from his coffee. He put the mug back and stared at its contents intently. A smell of coffee infused the air around the two guys, who were now both lost in quiet thought. The calmness had returned to Embry's facial expression as he broke the silence

"So how did it happen? How did your father find out, I mean."

Edward sighed as his memories of the night with Jacob were re-awakened. His lips curled into a smile when thinking of the events that culminated in that fateful kiss in front of his old home. The thought of that kiss evoked a pained sigh as he stared deeply into the black, swirling content of his mug.

"My father saw me and Jake kissing in front of my old home," Edward admitted. Embry's face darkened at that truth, but he remained silent. Edward didn't even look at Embry as he continued.

"Jake had driven me home after we left the bar. I think it was roundabout 4 A.M. when we arrived there… I didn't even realize my father might be awake." Here it became too much for Embry. His curiosity got the better of him, interrupting Edward's story.

"Wait, he brought you home that late? What did you guys do until that time?"

Embry's expression had further darkened by now. Edward was disquieted by what he came to realize: the calmness was a veil. This veil that graced Embry's expression during the conversation had so far quite successfully hidden Embry's true emotions, but now the veil seemed to be lifted slightly, revealing what was behind it bit by bit. What it was veiling was a different matter, though. Edward considered the options: concern for Edward perhaps? A misplaced worry about himself? Maybe anger at how Jake had run off with Edward, leaving him and his mates alone at Gaya again? Maybe he was annoyed at how Jake tended to forget his friends when they were out for drinks? After all, they went together, as a group, and here Jake was, running off with the first guy he could sink his claws in.

That seemed like logical reasoning, but if it were true, it complicated matters somewhat. Thus he became afraid to say the truth: that he and Jacob had fucked. Yet again, Jake had left Embry for a quick fuck…. This obviously wouldn't go down well with the boy, who had been nice enough to accompany him for a cup of coffee. Edward didn't want to upset him. The last thing he wanted was for Embry, what felt like his first chance to return to a normal life, to turn his back on him.

Moreover, and Edward was surprised at himself for not coming up with this sooner, Embry seemed like the only person that could, at this point, get him into contact with Jake. Above all, Edward felt that if again somebody would abandon him so soon after losing everything in his life, he wasn't sure if he could recover from the new wave of apathetic depression that would no doubt swallow his mind and mood whole. Of course, he had Angela and Brad and felt strengthened by their presence. Still, the image of the black night, that shadowy murderer, involuntarily crept back into his thoughts. He shuddered, and took a sip from his coffee.

"You fucked, didn't you?" Embry suddenly asked. The question carried an offended undertone, but was imbued with a pressing urgency to know the truth.

The question caught Edward entirely by surprise; the shock of having that question flung at him so bluntly caused some of the coffee to go down his throat the wrong way – that is, through his windpipe. He started coughing profusely. Soon he also started to blush and he wasn't quite sure where to look, scratching the back of his head out of embarrassment as the final drops of coffee were violently ejected from his lungs. He swallowed harshly to get rid of the nasty taste it had left behind. When his windpipe and lungs finally settled after the brief period of shock, he looked Embry in the face with a quirky smile of astonishment.

"Well?"

Even though he was pushy about an answer, Embry's face radiated a certain cool calmness about the whole affair, but it was not a good calmness. Edward sensed that, like before, it was more a veil than a sincere feeling, and whatever was behind this icy shroud made Edward rather uncomfortable, to say the least.

First he thought it might have been some kind of anger at Edward for making Jacob leave his company on yet another outing with his mates, but was that really true? Was it indeed disappointment? Embry's expression seemed unusually dark, and he was unnervingly persistent in coaxing an answer out of Edward. It didn't seem like a reaction that was in line with Edward's prior idea. Perhaps it was something Edward hadn't really considered up to that point….

Jealousy?

He shifted from left to right on the barstool as he mulled over the reasons for Embry to be jealous. Finally, his thoughts picked up speed as his mind shifted into next gear to process the sudden flood of information that led to one conclusion. At long last it hit him:

Is Embry in love with Jake? His thoughts trailed off to an earlier point in the conversation, where Embry had sobbed a little, making him think of a quote of Sigmund Freud: "We are never so defenceless against suffering as when we love." Is Embry really worried about his family finding out that he is gay, or is he suffering because of a love for Jacob?

Edward stopped his movement on the barstool. He stared at his mug, but didn't register it at all. His eyes widened and his pupils dilated from anxiety as the conclusion echoed in his conscious mind. His hands became sweaty and cold as he understood the consequences his honest answer would have: he would lose Embry. Embry, meanwhile, started to lose patience.

"Come on, it really isn't a very difficult question… either you fucked or you didn't. What is it, yes or no?"

He shook his head to get rid of some of the black hair that had fallen in front of his right eye. When he had jerked his head like he had done, swivelling it roughly to the right, his glistening hair had lashed at Edward like a whip, before they settled to the side of Embry's youthful face. Two dark eyes now pierced Edward's instead of one eye.

Edward opened his mouth but couldn't utter much. He tried a few times, but his throat was dry after the fit of coughing he had just endured. In defeat, he closed his mouth and remained silent as he took a few sips from his coffee before putting the cup back onto the table hesitantly and emitting a brief sigh. Still looking at the cup in front of him, he finally managed to utter the truth.

"Yes."

Embry's reaction was acute and full of anger.

"Son of a bitch!" He exclaimed, and struck the bar with his fist. Now they both sat in silence, staring at their mugs of coffee.

"Son of a bitch," Embry finally repeated, slowly and quietly, removing the fist from the bar and resting it on his lap. He sat slouched on his barstool, fidgeting quietly with his hoody's zipper.

"I'm sorry…" Edward started, but he stopped when Embry sent him a scowl. That scowl quickly broke down into a hoarse laughter, full of pain and hurt. Edward looked at Embry with surprise.

"You okay…?" He finally asked. Embry shook his head, still chuckling.

"It's my own damn fault. I get angry with you, but it's my own bloody fault. It's as if I'm the eternal third wheel on the wagon." He shook his drooped head in denial of his own stupidity; or that's how Edward interpreted Embry's body language.

Edward waited for Embry to say more, but he didn't say anything. His chuckling had subsided and had turned into a frown as he continued fumbling with the zipper of his hoody. Finally he brought his arms back onto the bar and leaned on them for a few moments, after which he stared at Edward, biting his upper lip. He suddenly seemed terribly anxious.

"What?" Edward finally asked. Embry merely shook his head. He swung his gaze back to his coffee mug, and eyed it intently for a while. He seemed entirely lost in thought. Suddenly though, he took the mug of coffee and emptied it in one giant gulp, cringing as the hot fluid steamed down his oesophagus. He placed the mug back on the bar and pulled his wallet as he stood up from his barstool.

"Hey wait a sec, you leaving me here?" Edward demanded, annoyed by Embry's sudden rush to leave. Embry merely gave him an empty glance as he opened his wallet, took out a few coins and swatted them onto the table. As always, the imprint of the condom was still there.

Only after he had done all that did he look at Edward.

"Yes, I'm going and I'm leaving you here. I'll see you around."

And thus Embry left. Edward remained on his barstool, staring with wide-open eyes of shock at the front door of the diner. Embry had pushed it open hurriedly, and had run away from the diner with considerable haste. The door of the restaurant closed slowly, the cold winter air penetrating the bastion of warmth that was the interior of the restaurant. A bell rang as the door finally closed completely, falling into place with a soft "thud".

Embry's tone had been dark and anxious, filled with an annoyed urgency. Edward had no idea what had suddenly happened, except that he was alone once again. Amidst the patrons, he was but a faceless youngster.

The conversation had taken a very strange turn as he thought back to Embry's sudden laughter. Confused he analysed the conversation again and again, until he finally gave up. He had no idea what happened.

He drank the last of his coffee, and put some money on the bar; hopefully just enough to pay for the coffee. He stood up, walked over to the door, through which he exited the diner. The door closed behind him with a soft click, ringing the bell as it shut. The cold air greeted his warm face with renewed vigour, so that he started shivering again. He tucked his hands in his pants' pockets, meanwhile wondering if he ought to get back to Brad and Angela's place.

His eyes widened in surprise.

The déjà vu he had outside Brad's car hit him, a flash of recollection bringing him back to the original event of which the déjà vu was a meagre representation:

"That's my phone number. Call me." Jacob added a nod in affirmation of the gesture.

He pulled his hand out his pants' pocket and held a crinkled, little note in his hand. Edward opened the crumpled little thing and looked at it. A weak smile breached his desolate exterior.

The note contained Jacob's phone number.