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Where the heart truly belongs...
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After Rukia regained her strength and got back on her feet, a mild yet exciting smile appeared on her lips. Her heart started to beat fast, as if she had received the best news of her life. She couldn't wait to go back to Ichigo… in that moment, her life changed. She had always been the strong, straight minded person to believe that nothing is more important than her duties… but today things changed. Inside her a woman's foolish heart grown… Today, inside her…
She stopped from her flashstep and her smile suddenly disappeared the moment she saw the Kuchiki manor. Her happiness had been shadowed by the inevitable meeting she would have with Byakuya. She was meters away from him, but in short time, those meters will be transformed into kilometers.
She took a deep breath and entered the gardens. It won't take long until this masquerade will end and she will be back in Ichigo's arms. It won't take long… and yet she felt like she was sinking. She wanted to go back to Ichigo, but the idea of not seeing Byakuya anymore scared her…
She stepped on the porch of the house and headed to the Byakuya's study. Every step was heavier than the other one and when she arrived in front of the closed door she felt like her body was made of iron. She knew that he was inside. She knew because it was 7.30. He was always going in his study after breakfast.
He was there, but she couldn't move. What will she tell him? How will she tell him?...
She leaned her head against the wooden door. She didn't want to leave. No, she didn't want, but she loved Ichigo so much. How will she tell to her fiancé that she's madly in love with someone else? How will she tell her brother that she has ashamed the name of her family?
"My lady?... Kuchiki-sama?" a voice hissed shocked.
Rukia slowly turned and saw her maid, Mariko, along with all the servants behind her.
"It's you, indeed! My lady we missed you so much! Welcome back!" Mariko added with a sincere smile.
Rukia didn't react. She just looked at them with a deep frown, as if a strong headache was giving her a hard time. Then Mariko turned to the servants and ordered them to prepare the bath and serve the breakfast. As they were leaving and Rukia remained still, Mariko approached her a little worried:
"My lady, are you looking for the lord?"
Rukia's eyes widened hurt and then she bowed her face.
"He's not here…" Mariko added. "The lord is not at home"
Rukia raised her eyes surprised.
"The last time I saw him, he was with Lady Ryoing in the study. Then the lord got dressed in some strange clothes and both of them left. He's been the whole night away."
"Lady Ryoing… you mean Haruna?" Rukia asked.
Mariko nodded affirmatively and Rukia frowned. The wound from the kazuki blade, the one she gave to Oza in the first place, still ached. She should have went directly to Ukitake and confess him everything, but the fact that she actually saved Byakuya's life two months ago, stopped her.
"I'm so glad that you are back, my lady!" Mariko added cheerfully. "This house is a mess when you are away. No one is able to coordinate the servants and they're slowly forgetting their duties… Last week, the cooker served for dinner lamb, as if he didn't know that our lord doesn't eat lamb. Oh , my lady… it's so good that you are back! There are so many things to be done here! This house is a chaos without its lady!"
'The Lady of the Kuchiki Manor' Rukia thought. This was the last day she will wear this title. These were the last moments and somehow she wanted to enjoy them. Byakuya will return soon and after that she will have to leave this place…forever.
"Very well… prepare me a kimono. I will have my bath and I'll see the servants. Also check if there is someone appointed for noon. Inform them that the lord is away and that I can receive them."
Mariko smiled and made a bow, taking her leave. When Rukia remained alone, she sight.
'The last day as a Kuchiki…'
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"Rise and shine, love" Haruna said with a cold and ironic voice, as she stood on a chair and looked at Byakuya who opened his eyes. He tried to stay up and he suddenly frowned as a strong headache took over him.
"What happened? Hangover? Did you have a rough night?" Haruna asked with a malicious smile.
Byakuya took his head in his palms, pressing it hard.
"You have breakfast and some medicine on the bedside. After you had them you may leave" she added and got up from the chair, heading to the door. In that moment Byakuya looked around and realized that he was not in his bedroom.
"What happened last night?" he asked coldly, but not coldly enough to hide his worry.
In front of the door she stopped and turned to him with an annoyed expression.
"You don't remember, Toto? How come?"
His eyes widened.
"... You were pissed of, we had a couple of glasses and then I carried you to my place since it was closer than yours." She lied.
He frowned as he slowly remembered the reason he was initially "pissed". Rukia…and Kurosaki!
"She's here… you may want to hurry and confront her" Haruna added.
Byakuya tuned his gaze to the windows. Indeed, she was back. He could sense her reiatsu… and it was instable. He got up from the bed and approached the porch.
"But I'm telling from now, so you won't have any surprises, later. If she doesn't have any good excuse for this cheap circus… I will kill her!" Haruna added.
Byakuya turned slightly, watching her with the corned of his eye.
"Nene-cha , you know that I will have you dead before you'll be able to lay a finger on her" he said coldly.
She cocked an eyebrow amused.
"I'm not so sure about that, Toto… I know that you will never kill someone from your own family."
"You missed an awful lot, Nene-cha… time during which I changed an awful lot" were his last words as he shunpo-ed on the porch.
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"Are there any questions?" Rukia asked the army of servants after she gave all of them their task. None of them answered so she took their answer as "no".
"I see, and then you can all go back to work. I'll be in my room if you need me" she added and then she left the room heading to the porch. When she reached her room though, she stopped for a moment and looked at the beautiful garden. It was a sunny day that made the trees and the grass look beautifully. She thought of how cold must be in Karakura now.
"In Seireitei it's never winter…" she whispered.
"Rukia…"
Her heart startled as a voice came from her right. A voice that she recognized instantly.
"Byakuya…" she whispered as she slowly turned.
There he was, ten steps away from her with his cool and composed air, wearing his black shinigami uniform. The captain of the 6th division. The 28th head of the Kuchiki clan. Her brother and her fiancé. How many people could have been in only one person? And how could only one person love them all? And yet, she did.
He was looking at her, apparently speechless, but his eyes were speaking hundreds of words. Beautiful and cold, like a marble statue and she couldn't lie to herself believing her heart was not startling with joy at his sight. Now that she was seeing him, she understood how much she…
"I missed you…" she whispered.
He took a step forward.
"Did you?" he asked.
She suddenly felt a heavy weight on her chest. His voice sounded broken, as if he knew what happened in Karakura. As If he knew what was going to happen next. She thought it would be easy, but now she was feeling how she was falling into pieces. It hurt and surprisingly it hurt more than the time she thought Ichigo would have married Inoue. She felt like a traitor. Byakuya had saved her life and in return she cheated on him.
"I wish you'd never forgive me…" she said.
He took another step.
"What have you done so that I would never forgive you?"
"I broke your heart." She said with dry a voice, lowering her eyes.
He took another step.
"Do you know so many about my heart so you'd know whenever it's broken or not?"
"I-" she tried to speak as her words died.
He took another step.
"I might not know and I might hope that I'm wrong, but the truth is that i-" she finally found the courage to speak, but then he interrupted her.
"The truth, Rukia? So strange for you to mention it because you obviously know nothing about it."
She froze. She felt those words like a slap over her face.
"The truth is that we haven't seen each other in two months and during this time which you were deadly injured, while i let an enemy of our clan to sleep through my fingers. All this happened because both of was were too focused on our personal issues to see where our true duty lies. We were blinded. Myself by the feelings I have for you…and you, Rukia by the feelings you have for…"
Here he made a pause, while she felt her blood turning cold in her veins.
"…For Kurosaki Ichigo…" he finally said his name out loud. "So the truth is Rukia that we allowed ourselves to feel too much in the most inappropriate moments. That's why I will not have this conversation today or any other day, until Oza will die by my own hands. I will not listen the justification for your action nor I will explain mine. This is not a time dramas."
He took another two steps, finally, reaching her.
"I though so much about you that I forgot who killed my parents. I plan to change that and so should you, Rukia, regarding the object of your affection. A Kuchiki is meant before anything else; to follow his duty and maintain his honor, even if that means to step on his feelings."
Rukia clinched her fists as she still kept her head bowed. She couldn't believe he was preaching her. At a time like this, when their hopes and dreams were falling apart, so that new ones will be born…
"Before being Kichikis, we are persons and our duty lies where our heart is, Byakuya-sama."
"Our hearts?" he asked. "The heart is weak Rukia and it allows itself to be wrong and selfish, hurting innocent souls. It is not the heart the one that build empires and it is not the heart the one that maintains the peace in Soul Society."
"And yet I am not planning to build empires, nor to maintain the peace on Soul Society." She answered.
"Than what do you plan Rukia?"
"To follow my heart and take the responsibility for its wrong and selfishness."
"Which would be…"
"The fact that I broke your heart." She answered.
"Have you already or are you about to?" he asked.
Her heart startled and on that question she raised her head and met his eyes. She could swear that his face never looked that… human before. She could see in his eyes the fear and the hope, the vulnerability and the stubbornness. She could see his heart. The one he was so hard trying to hide, because it was the only one who could have foolishly forgiven her for all she had done.
"If I would tell you that you haven't broken my heart yet, but you're about to, what would you do then? Would you still step on your real feelings so you won't hurt me and this clan and will you return to your duties? Or would you rather go on with whatever you're planning to do after this conversation is over?"
Her eyes widened.
"You know…" she whispered with a cracked voice. "You know what happened…"
He didn't answer and her eyes were slowly being filled with tears. He knew and yet he was ready to forgive her if she was willing to return to him.
"But how? You couldn't have known… You were in Seireitei…"
She had never known that kind of love before. A man willing to trade his life for hers. A man who'd forgive all the wrong she had done to him. A man who will even set her free if she will ask it. She had never known a love that would go that far…
"You came to Karakura, haven't you?"
She had thought that she had made her choice the moment she kissed Ichigo's lips. She thought she was sure of her feelings and yet it was now the moment she will have to make the real choice.
"You came because it was my birthday…"
She presumed that he would be shocked and angry when she will tell him, but apparently he knew everything already. She presumed that he will despite her and banish her from the house. Yet he was here calm, ready to forgive her. For a moment she felt the eagerness of throwing herself at his feet asking for that forgiveness, but then the dizziness took over her again and she had to make an extra effort to control her reiatsu.
Even though she wished for that forgiveness, it was too late. The cards have been played and she had to take the responsibility of her actions. Her duty was where her heart truly belonged and that wasn't with Byakuya, nor with Ichigo. It was with someone else. Someone who deserved the whole happiness in the world. Someone for whom she was willing to sacrifice anything.
She swallowed her tears. There was no choice to be made. It was just a thing she had to do…
She took a step back from Byakuya and she slowly leaned on her knees, touching the floor with her forehead.
"Byakuya-sama…" she intoned with her most formal voice. "I have ashamed myself and the Kuchiki name with my behavior. Therefore, I am no longer worthy of it. In the quality of your fiancé, i have betrayed you, Byakuya-sama and went with other men. I am not asking for forgiveness and I am aware of the…"
The entire time she spoke, Byakuya stood there still as a rock, cold as an iceberg. He couldn't move, he couldn't think, he couldn't act. It was the end and he was speechless.
"I will leave the Kuchiki name along with this house without taking anything from it, except for my belongings…"
She was right. The heart was stronger that any other law or duty; and it was foolish and weak, stopping from beating while his body was still standing. He could feel it fading, he could hear his inner world falling apart and yet he was powerless. He couldn't do anything.
She suddenly got up and after she made a bow she left without looking into eyes.
Rukia was leaving…
Rukia was leaving…
Rukia was leaving!
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Rukia left.
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