Authors Notes:
I want to first apologize to everyone who reads and follows this story and my RP tumblr. I am so sorry it took me so long for this chapter and come back, but please allow me to explain. I only feel comfortable doing this because its behind the anonymity of my handle. No one here knows who I really am, or even my real name. Not that it matters. Anyway, I very recently have gotten out of a physically and mentally abusive relationship. I watched as my Anakin Skywalker turned to Vader, but just as the real story goes, love was not enough. I tried to fix it, deny it, help it, I tried everything. But nothing worked and it was taking not only a toll on my life but also my writing. I put myself into my characters, I imagine myself as them, and with this happening I couldn't do it. I couldn't be brave and strong when in reality I was weak. I had written this chapter during it but after re-reading it I realized my emotional state was causing the story to go places I didn't plan on taking it. So I got rid of the chapter and knew I needed to fix myself, then my story. If I said I was this big brave woman who stood up to him and left, I would be lying. I was terrified, I wish I had the bravery to stand up to him as Padme did, but I simply did not. When it came down to it I had to find my inner Padme, the only character that I ever truly felt connected to, to help me. She helped me so much that I've written a letter to George Lucas, who will probably never read it, but I needed him to know how much his character helped to change my life. I called the police and a very close friend and here we are now. I'm not looking for sympathy, I just feel that my loyal readers deserve to know what's going on. I promise it'll never be that long between chapters nor will I be missing for this long (so long as I can prevent it), but I need you guys to also understand that it's not coming as easy as it used to right now. I'm building my life back up and it takes time. There were moments when I wanted to give up and die. But I pulled through and I'll eventually be a better person because of it. I know some of you may be too young to understand or just not there in your life, but this is a very difficult time for me. I was using my RP blog to escape reality and I wasn't handling the situation correctly. In the process I hurt myself even more, and possibly others. For that I apologize, it was never my intention.
If any of you ever need help, ever feel lost or stuck and need an open ear, please know I'm here for you. You can send me an ask, PM me or email me at PadmexSkywalker sometimes all you need is someone to listen.
Never give up because it will get better.
May the Force be with you,
Padme xx
Just a few other things I'd like to address:
First, as always a HUGE thank you to my beta ellisaed.
Next, as I've mentioned in prior Author's Notes Order 66 has not happened [obviously], BUT Anakin/Vaderhas done other things that have been alluded to. This chapter does not address those things, they will come up later. I will also probably right a one shot about it.
-Someone made a comment about Anakin favoring Leia and ignoring Luke or not liking him. Of course Anakin loves Luke, I'm sorry I had this story skip so many years so you didn't get to see much. I didn't think filler chapters of fluff would be appreciated, so perhaps I should do some one shots of them growing up. I kinda jumped straight to the issue which would appear that Anakin and Luke have had tension. That being said, dads are always harder on their sons than their daughters. I know for sure my dad was much harder on my brothers than me in certain aspects. I was my dads princess, and that's how I'd imagine Anakin treating Leia.
-There was also a thing about some characters seeming ooc, I apologize if that bothers you but that's how I write. I make these characters my own.
Lastly, I've had people asking me if they can write stories based around my universe. I welcome them with open arms! Others have I guess threatened that they would finish my story if I don't. I AM finishing my story so please don't. If you don't like where I go with it write your own ending by all means. I just feel that someone telling me they are going to finish my story is a little insulting.
ALSO this chapter comes with a warning of adult themes, drinking, smoking and slight swearing! I may be raising the rating on the story but haven't decided yet.
Luke slowly opened his eyes, and where ever he was it was dark. He tried to move, but his arms were jerked back by metal restraints. He tried to recall what had happened and how he ended up there, but nothing came to mind.
He heard the door creak and voices on the other side, quickly laying his head back down. He closed his eyes and fell into a mediative state to appear asleep. He sensed two people enter the room and walk towards him.
"He's still out my lord." A gruff voice said, using their foot to lift Luke's face.
"We'll wake him when he is needed." Another voice said.
"Yes my lord. Where should we go from here?" The first voice asked.
"You will go to Naboo for two weeks and pretend to be the boy. Stay with her family and find out whatever you can. Pretend to be homesick; we know how attached he is to the vermin and return to Coruscant."
"Yes my lord. But what of Dorme? Won't they be suspicious when the boy returns without her."
"Dorme will send a message that her father needs her. Once the boy is ready he will resume his position and you will go back to being the hand maiden."
"Yes my lord."
"And don't mess up. Remember what happened to . . ."
Luke sensed the people leave and the door shut behind them.
Leia grunted and pushed her saber hard against her fathers. She felt the sweat dripping down her face and let out a scream as she was once again tossed back onto her bottom. Getting up, she ran towards him only to be Force pushed back again, landing on her back.
Staying on the floor, Leia closed her eyes and let her thoughts turn from anger to relaxation. Taking deep breaths she sat up and looked at Anakin who was standing a few feet away smirking.
"It's not fair. You can't expect me to beat you."
"I don't expect you to beat me. I do expect you to stay on your feet." Anakin walked towards his daughter and held out his hand to help her up, "And no one is going to fight fair."
Leia accepted his hand and got back onto her feet rubbing her arm. "It's just so frustrating." Leia sighed, "You're not even trying. This is why I needed to take more combat classes."
"Leia, you know why you didn't and thats okay. We'll fix that now," Anakin laughed and patted his daughter on the back, "I don't expect you to beat me. I expect you to try and learn. When facing an opponent, they won't fight fair and they will give it their all. You need to let go of your anger and frustration to use the Force to guide you. You need to think three steps ahead of them."
"That and not even most Masters on their best day can beat your old man on his worst."
Anakin and Leia turned to see Obi-Wan leaning against the wall.
"Master Kenobi." Leia bowed.
"You flatter me Obi-Wan." Anakin laughed.
"You and I both know it's the truth." Obi-Wan smiled and walked toward them, "Perhaps Leia needs to take a few lessons from someone else you've taught. Someone who can understand where she's coming from. Someone more like her."
Anakin smiled, "I'm sure that's just what Snips wants to do."
"I don't think she'd mind." Obi-Wan patted Leia on the back, "You've got all the right materials, you just need to mold them into something greater."
"Thank you Master Kenobi." Leia smiled.
"Now Anakin the real reason I came down here, we have a Council meeting to attend."
"Of course we do." Anakin shook his head, "Leia go find Ahsoka and tell her I've asked you to spar with her."
"Yes Master Skywalker." Leia smiled and grabbed her bag from the floor.
"I'll find you after the meeting." Anakin called out after her as she left. "She's a handful."
"Don't even." Obi-Wan snorted.
Anakin punched him on the shoulder, "Yeah, yeah. Settle down old man."
Padme sat in her office reviewing a recent datapad from Mon Mothma. She sighed running a hand through her hair, which was down in loose curls. She was about to begin her response when there was a light tap on the door.
"Come in." She said standing and making her way to the door. She opened the door and the figure on the opposite gave her an uneasy smile, causing Padme to feel nervous for his unexpected visit.
"Chancellor Organa. What can I do for you?" She asked bowing as the older man walked into her office.
"Please Padme, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Bail? How long have we been friends?" He smiled embracing her in a tight hug.
Padme smiled, "I know. I know. But I doubt you've come to my office midday for a chat. Is everything okay?"
Bail's smile fell, and he motioned to the datapad in his hand. "I found this when I was going back through Palpatine's records."
Padme took the datapad from his hand and read over it. Her mouth fell in disbelief and she sat down on the couch behind her. How could this be? She wasn't sure if she could believe what she was reading, but Bail would never lie to her that she had no doubt of. It slowly started to sink in as she read the data pad over again.
"I-Bail, I don't think you understand what this means."
"I think I have a vague understanding." He responded sitting next to her.
"Oh Anakin." She cried putting her hand to hear forehead and resting her head. "I have to tell him. I don't know how but I do."
Bail nodded, "That is why I brought it to you. Do you want me to be there with you?"
"No, I can handle it myself." She closed her eyes feeling Anakin's sudden calming vibes. "He knows I'm upset. I'll have to do it tonight after dinner."
"If you need anything just call. Breha and I are here for you, always."
Leia raised her saber over her head and brought it down on Ahsoka's, attempting to push her back. Ahsoka pushed her blade upward, causing Leia to lose her footing and stumble. Angered, Leia swung her blade back towards Ahsoka, who ducked and kicked sweeping the younger girls legs causing her to fall. Ahsoka who was now thirty three, and a Jedi Master had agreed to help the young Padwan with her training. Leia was always fascinated with Ahsoka and her exotic beauty, her skin still the orange tint from her youth, but her lekku had grown to about her waist.
"You're trying to make yourself look bigger than you are. Don't do that, you're built small. Use that to your advantage; you're a smaller, quicker target." Ahsoka said, as Leia got back on her feet, "You need to let go of the anger in your fighting. You need to calm down and focus."
Leia gritted her teeth and took another wide swing with her saber.
"No, stop." Ahsoka said, holding her hand up, "You're still doing it, you're over-swinging your blade. You're very small, agile. use that."
Ahsoka came around the girl and held her arms guiding them in a small quick strike. "Like that, quick and powerful."
Leia nodded and practiced the quick technique, swinging her blade in short quick attacks.
"There you go." Ahsoka said responding to her hits, "Less anger, more force."
Leia took another deep breath, filling her mind with good thoughts, "I can do this."
She began to swing her saber again, moving quickly around Ahsoka, "Good, good, keep moving. A moving target is a hard target."
Leia began to cross her legs as she moved, but moving too quick her legs crossed and she fell to the floor.
Ahsoka laughed and held her hand out to the younger girl, "You need to think about what you're doing. Moving is good, but don't be careless. Staying on your feet in battle could mean the difference between life and death. Plan your attack before you do it, always be ahead."
Leia rubbed her hand against her sweaty forehead and sighed, "I know. I'm trying."
Ahsoka smiled patting her on the back, "It's hard when they've been trying to groom you to be a Senator. I would say I get it, but I don't. This is all I know, I was trained to fight since I was a baby. I think that's enough for one day, I'll talk to Master Skywalker about setting up a sparring schedule."
"Thank you." Leia said bowing.
"Now, how about you grab that Jade girl and we go get some drinks." Ahsoka laughed as Leia ran from the room.
As soon as Ashoka, Mara and Leia arrived at the Catina, Leia dropped her hood and shook out her long chestnut locks.
"Well at least we're clear of holo reporters...for now." Mara remarked as she made her way to the bar. Leia rolled her eyes and followed.
The three girls sat at the bar and ordered shurra fruit martinis. Mara sipped her drink and turned to Leia, "How's training going? Your old man kicking your ass?"
Leia laughed, "You can't even begin to understand. He's impossible sometimes. I can tell that he's conflicted with treating me like a Padawan and treating me like a daughter-"
"They are one in the same to Anakin." Ahsoka interrupted. "Your father treated me like I was his daughter when I was his Padawan, and that was before you and your brother. Your parents both have always treated me like I was one of their own."
"I know Ahsoka." Leia smiled, "You're the big sister I never had. But there's a difference, I can see it in him. When he looks at me he sees his little girl, he's always treated me like a delicate flower. He's not afraid to rough around with you. I could tell today that he was conflicted with training me to fight, I think that's why he sent me to you."
"He sent you to me because you can't handle him. You're not even close to being on sparring level with him." Ahsoka finished her drink and waved the bartender for another.
"And whose fault is that?" Leia demanded.
"Not mine." Ahsoka answered rubbing her eyes. "Look Leia, I'm not looking to argue with you. You're Padme's daughter. It'd be useless, and I learned that lesson long ago. But you asked to be trained by him, and you need to give it everything you've got and more. When you're out on a mission your Master needs to trust you to protect their back. Your father knows that better than anyone else. The conflict your seeing in him isn't because he doesn't want to be rough with you, it's because he sees too much of him in you."
"What is that suppose to mean?" Leia snapped, Mara put her had on Leia's arm. The girl yanked it away.
"Leia." Mara said gently, "This is what she means. You snap very quickly, you need to let go of your anger. Anger only leads to-"
"I know Mara, I know." Leia took a deep breath, "I'm sorry Ahsoka, I didn't meant to snap at you."
A Wookie roared loudly and Leia turned to see a young man and said Wookie sitting at a table in the corner. The man seemed to be arguing back but Leia couldn't hear him, she turned back to the bar and finished her drink.
"It's been a long day, I need something stronger." Leia said as she waved the bartender over.
"Now we're talking!" Mara exclaimed ordering double toxic shots for the three of them.
Padme sighed with relaxation as Anakin rubbed her shoulders. The couple were sitting in bed watching the Holonet, and it had been a long day. Padme had a lot on her mind.
She peered behind herself at Anakin and couldn't help but smile.
"What?" He questioned playfully.
"Nothing, just wondering how you managed to still look so handsome." She felt him shake with laughter behind her before pulling her closer to him.
"You're one to talk Angel." He muttered as he kissed across her shoulder and up the side of her neck. She let out a soft moan and titled her head as he nipped the skin on her neck.
"Ani." She breathed out heavily. She wanted to spend a relaxing loving night with her husband, but she couldn't, not with the guilt eating away at her insides. As he slipped his hands under her night gown her conscious caught up with her body.
"Wait." She said stopping him and turning to face him.
He lovingly placed her hands between his, "What's wrong?" He could feel the guilt and apprehension in her.
"Ani, I don't know how to say this." She took a deep breath and looked up at him. She tried to speak but only ended up failing at keeping back the tears she was fighting. He had the same innocent look he did all those years ago when she had met him. This man, the man she loved, who had been to hell and back, still held the innocence of a nine year old when she looked into his eyes. He didn't deserve this, but he needed to know. He needed to know the events of his life weren't always as unlucky as he thought.
"Padme, please speak to me Angel. Whatever it is we will get through it together."
But Padme couldn't form the words needed to tell him. She stood up and grabbed the datapad from her discarded bag, and handed it to him.
"What's this?" He asked taking the datapad and looking down. He began to read what it had stored on it, when he was finished he looked up at her with wide eyes. "How did you get this?"
She could feel the anger rising in him, she could feel him rising. "Bail found it when he was going through Palpatine's records."
She watched as he read the data pad over and over. Each time she felt his anger rising, the messages between Palpatine and the Hutts, the messages confirming the man he once considered his father was actually responsible for the death of his mother, the death of him.
"Ani." Padme said placing her hand on his arm, tears still streaming down her face. He sat still and she wasn't sure if it was the lighting or not but for a moment she saw a speckle of yellow in his blue eyes, which quickly disappeared at her touch. But she knew he was fighting inside, fighting him. She recalled something the mind doctor had told her at the beginning of his treatment about memories being his anchor to the light side, she needed to focus on his good memories. Vader fed off his fear, anger and depression, they only way to fight him down was love. She slid off the bed going to her dresser and retrieving a holo book bringing it back to their bed.
"Look Ani." She said opening it and placing it in his lap. "Look my love, it's us on our wedding day. Do you remember that day?" He didn't waver and she sighed turning the page, "Oh here's a good one, its us on Naboo. This was the trip the twins were conceived on, now this I know you remember."
She laughed changing the page. "And here's Luke and Leia, our babies Ani, not his babies, ours." She watched his eyes as they moved to look at her, and she smiled as his body relaxed. "There you are." She smiled tenderly placing a hand on his cheek.
"He killed her." He choked out.
Padme's smile dropped and she grabbed his hand in hers. "I know my love, and I am so sorry. I'm so sorry you had to go through this, all of this. You don't deserve it."
"He did this to me. He put this demon inside me." He stood up and walked to the window, his back to Padme, "I want to kill him. I want him to pay for all the pain he's caused our family. My children would know their grandmother, their father wouldn't be so fucked up, their mother wouldn't need an inhaler to live. I'm a monster Padme, I'm a monster because that selfish Sith wanted to use me."
Padme stood and walked to her husband, "You're not a monster."
"Yes I am." He turned his face away from her.
"No you're not." She placed her hand on his cheek and turned him towards her, "You're my husband. You're the father of my children. You're an uncle, a son, a Jedi Master. But you are not a monster. And I love you."
"And I love you." He said leaning down to capture her lips. He broke the kiss resting his forehead against hers, "I just need to get some fresh air, call Obi-Wan to talk about this." He kissed her forehead and made his way to the fresher.
"It's late, cant it wait till morning?"
He didn't say anything just exited the fresher grabbing his boots. He sat on the bed and began to pull them on and zip them up.
"Don't ignore me when I speak."
"I'm not ignoring you. I just need a moment."
"You're still upset, I can sense it. Just stay here." She kneeled behind him, placing light kisses on his neck. "Come on love, we can pick up where we left off."
He stood up and looked down at her, "When I get back." He leaned down and kissed her, pulling away and exiting their room.
Leia pulled a cigarra out of her inner pant pocket and lit it up, taking a deep breath. Stepping to the edge of the actin's balcony she looked out at the endless buildings and stream of speeders passing by. It was warm out with a slight breeze.
She sensed him come out before he even reached her, but she allowed him to approach her and wrap his arms around her. He had no idea she was a Jedi, so she looked up and smiled at him, "I didn't know you'd be returning to Coruscant so soon."
"I didn't know either." He remarked kissing her cheek and taking the cigarra from her, taking a drag himself, "Nasty habit you've got there."
"Spare me the lecture Han." She rolled her eyes, "I don't smoke often, just when I'm really stressed."
"Missed you too, Princess."
"Missed me? You don't know me to miss me." Leia turned and started back into the Catina.
"I know you better than you think." He winked following her.
"You don't know me at all actually." She turned towards him and stopped him before he could speak, "It's your rule, no strings, no personal information. So it's not my fault you don't know anything about me. Just because you know my body, doesn't mean you know anything about me."
"Fair enough," He said pulling her back towards him, "Let's go back to the Falcon."
"Let's have a few drinks first." Leia smirked as she pulled away from him.
The light was bright, blaring, and he squinted as he ran down the hallway. He could hear her screams getting louder and louder.
It was his mother, pleading to someone. "No please! This isn't you, come back-"
The sound of her voice was cut off, and he could hear choking. Luke rounded the corner to see his mother fall to the floor, on the opposite side of her stood his father -
But it wasn't his father at all. The man had a menacing look and Sith yellow eyes.
"No!" Luke screamed, drawing his lightsaber, "You monster." He charged at his father, his blade above his head.
Luke shot up in a hot sweat, taking deep breaths and running his hand through his damp hair. He had, had many dreams like this one over the past few days? weeks? He wasn't sure, time seemed to drift in and out with no real meaning.
breaths and running his hand through his damp hair. He had had many dreams like this one over the past few days . . . or was it weeks? He wasn't sure, time seemed to drift in and out with no real meaning.
"Nightmare again?" The cloaked figure asked from the corner, he seemed to always be there whenever Luke woke up.
"Yeah." Luke said letting out a breath.
"Your mother again?"
"Same as always." Luke sat, up pressing his head to the cool stone wall behind him. "I'm in some weird bright building, my mother is screaming, I show up and my father is choking her. I always wake up right before I attack him."
"Have you ever considered you are a greater Jedi then they give you credit for?" The mysterious man spoke with a, oddly soft and reassuring voice.
"What do you mean?" Luke questioned, squinting into the darkness, still not being able to see him.
"I mean that maybe you are more like your father than they have let on. Perhaps these are not dreams, but premonitions. Your father is a very gifted Jedi, you probably inherited his same strength, if not a greater one."
Luke let the thought sink in. He was powerful, even his Uncle Obi-Wan had said he reminded him of his father. "Vader is going to take control of him again?"
"I can't say. I do not posses these powers as you do." The cloaked figure stood and made towards the door before leaving, "But I suppose it depends on what you believe. Could love truly destroy evil? Or is it lying in wait, waiting for the right time. Like I said, it is not something I know."
"What do I do if these are really premonitions? What do I do to stop them? How can I help my mother?"
"What are you willing to do save her?" The mysterious figure asked.
Luke didn't even need to think about it before he spoke, "Anything."
The cloaked figure left without another word and Luke found himself feeling hazy again, he laid on his cot and drifted off to sleep.
Beep! Beep! Beep -
Leia rolled over and hit the alarm on her com off, groaning as she sat up. She felt an arm snake around her and pull her closer, "So much for not being much of a cuddler."
"Do you have to go so soon?" The sleepy voice of Han came from next to her.
"Yes, I need to be home before dawn, you know that." Leia stood, beginning to collect her strewn clothes from around the small captains room of the ship.
"Let me take you home then."
"Wouldn't that be breaking your own rule?"
"Got me again Princess." Han sat up grabbing his pants from the floor.
"Don't call me that." Leia sighed, pinning her hair up.
"Hold on." Han grabbed a small box from under the bed and handed it to her, "I got this for you. I don't know why but I saw it and knew I had to."
Leia looked down at the box in surprise, "You say that to all the ladies don't you?"
Han smirked, "Only you Princess."
Leia rolled her eyes and opened the box, she looked down at the object inside and her throat went dry.
"Do you like it?" He asked pulling the box from her hand and pulling the necklace out. On the simple leather string sat a reproduction of a Japor Snippet. But not any Japor Snippet, the Japor Snippet she had seen her whole life, she had sucked on and played with as a child, she had heard the story a million times. It was her mothers. She didn't know what to say, "I-I love it. Thank you."
He motioned for her to turn and she did lifting her hair, "It's an exact reproduction of the one Anakin Skywalker gave to his wife Padme."
"You don't say?" Leia choked out.
Han secured the clasp and smiled as she turned back around, "Yeah, it's supposed to bring luck or something."
"Thank you Han." She said leaning up and kissing him, tears forming in her eyes.
"Yeah yeah. Don't get mushy on me now." Han joked.
"If you could do something sweet like this Han, then why can't you just-"
Han put his finger over her lips and shook his head, "We've gone over this far too many times. You know we can't. Now go on and get home before it's too late."
"You leaving today?"
"Yeah, but I'll be back soon. Com me when you get home."
"Of course." Leia said pulling her hood over her head and walking down the ships ramp. She took one last look at the Millennium Falcon before sighing and heading home.
Author's Notes:
Welp there it is. Hope you enjoyed! Feel free to leave comments, reviews and questions.
Till next time, may the force be with you,
Padme xx