A/N: For your general interest, maybe interesting to know that I have started posting a second story: Unleashing the Animal. It's similar to A Cold Farewell in that it's a Twilight fanfic, and strips away most of what makes Twilight 'Twilight'. It's Jacob slash, but without Edward appearing in it. As a matter of fact, Unleashing the Animal is all about a guy (Jacob) dealing with the fact that he is gay, discovering what he wants and needs in life, and how he learns to accept it. Expect hot sex scenes as well as lengthy, more philosophical scenes. It's a much dramatized version of my own coming-out story. Read it here: s/10250259/1/

Thanks to dantemalfoy and Lineia for providing comments!

As always, I'd be thankful for some reviews to hear your thoughts!

Warnings: Some angst and drama. Offset by some comfort, though.

Chapter 14: The Lost Puppy

Edward sat outside for about two minutes, listening to the birds chirping merrily in the tall trees surrounding the Black residence. He was getting increasingly fidgety, sitting on the ramp that led up to the front door. He folded his arms, and leaned them on his knees, then laid his forehead on his folded arms.

He couldn't do it. Waiting outside was nerve-wracking; waiting inside felt weird. He had half a mind to just up and leave, go for a stroll on the reservation, but he didn't think the natives would take too kindly to a Cullen roaming their lands. Instead, he stood up and went back inside, as quietly as before. He'd rather just hear Jacob and Billy talk than wait outside. At least he wouldn't feel like the prisoner waiting for his execution; this way he could at least see the guards prepare the noose.

Quietly he toed back to Billy's bedroom and sat by the door. As he went to sit down, he picked up the first strands of the conversation going on inside.

"…thrown out," came Jake's voice. Edward guessed he had concluded his account on how Carlisle had thrown him out of the house. He nervously clenched the doorframe as he leaned over and peeked inside. They were sitting roughly as before. Jacob had clambered back onto the bed and sat turned to his father, who still sat in the same position as before. His elbows were resting on the armrests of the wheelchair, and his interlocked fingers supported his chin. He looked pensive, like an old professor trying to remember his early teachings. Jacob ducked his father's gaze, and fidgeted with one of the zippers of his pants' many pockets. Having heard the tale, Billy merely huffed. "Terrible business, but he is still a Cullen."

Jacob eyed his father in disbelief. "Dad, seriously? That's all you are going to say?"

Billy looked at his son, his face in a stern expression of stubbornness. "I'm sorry son. While I pity Edward, I have no love for him. I'm not surprised by the things that happened, either, and I wish you'd stay away from that family; they bring nothing but grief."

Jacob's mouth stood crooked with defeat at those words, but he pressed on. "I'm not done yet," he said, voice filling with new purpose. His father sighed softly, probably thinking that no word would change his mind.

Jacob remained quiet for a moment, hoping his father would react, but he didn't; he merely turned his gaze away, back to the window. The sun was still shining brightly, casting long shadows in Billy's bedroom. When seeing his father had no intention to comment, Jacob pressed on, turning his gaze away from his father and back to the floor.

"He talked to Embry. I guess about me, to some extent." Jacob huffed nervously, before adding "and not long after, Embry came to me to…" Jacob mulled over his words. Billy had now looked back at his son, seemingly curious about his next words. It seemed like he knew what was coming.

"Agh," Jacob finally blurted out, sounding annoyed, wanting to get it over with. "Suffice to say, Embry seems to care a lot about me." He was silent for a second. Billy's attention had apparently risen tenfold at Jacob's introduction of Embry into the story, for he stared at Jacob like a wolf smelling prey: ears pointed upward, poking the air in silent anticipation of fresh meat clenched between its powerful jaws.

"Let me guess," his father suddenly interjected, and Jacob gazed upward, at his father. "He confessed his love to you?" Jacob merely cringed as he averted his gaze again. His head drooped as he fumbled with the buttons that closed the side pocket on his shorts. "Yeah," he said meekly.

To Edward's surprise, Billy neither smiled nor frowned. His expression was mostly neutral, though a mild hint of worry bore through: his eyes betrayed a tinge of unease and he shifted uncomfortably in his wheelchair.

"What did you tell him?"

"Nothing," Jacob admitted. Edward tuned in with great interest: this was new information for him. He, too, had no idea what Jake's relation currently was with Embry. From what he had understood, Embry was in the middle of his confession when he had called on the phone, hence the long reaction time until Jake picked up.

"Embry was talking, saying all his stuff, and then Edward called." Jacob looked down in anguish. "It's all so fucked up, dad," he added desperately, prompting Billy to pat his back lovingly.

Jacob sighed hastily. "I like Embry, I really do, it's just," and he stopped for a few second, trying to restart his thoughts several times before continuing. "He is a nice guy, but I'm not sure he's for me, you know?" He looked up at his father with a hopeful look, as if he thought Billy would give the perfect answer. Billy watched him thoughtfully for a short moment, before finally commenting.

"You're wise Jake, even if I don't always concur with your actions." He looked at his son pensively for another moment before continuing. "And I'm afraid this is an action I just can't agree to; I can't even begin to fathom it, Jake." He shook his head with regret as his gaze trailed to his lap. "What's wrong with Embry, Jake?"

Jacob remained silent at that question, twiddling his thumbs nervously. In the end he just waved it away with a mumbled "dunno", before returning to the original story. Evidently he wanted to deal with only one problem at a time.

"Needless to say, I left Embry and came running to the diner, where I found Edward in quite a state." Jacob explained how the time in the diner had gone down, how they had talked and discussed. His voice sounded a bit raspy and hoarse when he told his father about how they had lingered around Jacob's car before Jacob had invited him to come with him to the reservation. Billy remained quiet at that, quite obviously not content with Jacob's initiative. Still, he remained quiet and attentive right until Jacob's account of the car crash. Here Billy's nostrils flared and his eyes betrayed the anger that welled up in his stomach, the acid within sizzling angrily, beating against the stomach's walls.

"So Edward nearly had both of you killed, is that it?"

Edward couldn't blame Billy for the sudden burst of anger that supported his increasingly booming voice. He didn't even know how he would react if his son came to him with the news that his almost-boyfriend had caused a car crash. He thought back at what had happened: how he had briefly lost control over the wheel when Jacob's body-stirring tongue had lapped his dick so fervently, but had managed to regain control before something could happen. How the next moment they heard a loud bang from out of nowhere, and the car started veering uncontrollably to the right. How suddenly there was nothing but blackness.

It had been a hellish experience; one that he was glad had only injured them lightly. Still it puzzled Edward how quickly Jacob had regained from his pang of mistrust, and seemed so keen on obeying him as his submissive. It caused Edward some doubt, for was Jacob just playing a game, or did Jacob really trust him that much? The latter just seemed too preposterous a notion. Perhaps Brad had been right; perhaps his punching Carlisle in Jacob's name had truly affected Jacob so much that he was now willing to fight it out for him with his dad. Jacob's pleading voice brought Edward back to the Black residence, and back to the conversation playing out in the bedroom. He had already missed part of it while he had been thinking to himself.

"…handled it well, called Brad and –"

His father cut him off, gesturing with his arms dramatically, pointing at the door where Edward sat tucked away, out of sight. He heard him say "Damnit Jake! Don't you hear yourself talk? What is it with you! What kind of spell did Cullen place on you?"

"Dad…" Jacob tried weakly, slightly taken aback by his father's outburst. His father blast right through his son's weak utterance, and his slouching position before him didn't help to make him more sympathetic.

"For the love of god Jacob, you have to wake up. The guy nearly got you killed for heaven's sake, and you're sitting here, in front of me, defending him like he some kind of angel. I just don't get it Jake, I just don't. Explain to me why you are so obsessed with him!"

His eyes wide with anger and his nostrils flared, Billy sat in his wheelchair and eyed his son with agitated expectation. Jake took a few moments to recover from the verbal slapping he had received, before uttering weakly: "He has been very kind to me, shown me things that –"

"Kind?" his father interrupted him, "kind you say?" Billy reached with his hand to his forehead, closing his eyes as his head drooped. "I'm not sure I'm hearing you correctly, Jake."

He lifted his head as he opened his eyes and gazed feebly at his son. "Seriously Jake, give me one kindness that Cullen did for you. Give me one reason you shouldn't question him, should not mistrust him."

Jacob thought for a while, as Edward peeked again around the corner to try and read his facial expression. To his horror, it was rather blank. He could see Jacob did his best to come with a reason, but he seemingly couldn't. Finally he opened his mouth, to Edward's great relief, but the kindness Jacob had come up with sounded idiotic: "We spent such a nice night together, I –"

His father's deep sigh cut his sentence short. Trembling with anger, his father spoke: "You're going to tell me that you are willing to trust Cullen based solely on the fact that you had terrific sex?"

Edward heard the words, and to his own fear understood that it sounded idiotic. He felt himself sway back to the night he had spent along the road to the reservation, how he had given up on Jacob. Now he had reconnected with the beautiful native, but what had come out of it? For him, Edward, it had been good. For Jacob, though, no more than grief had come out of it. The car crash, the verbal assault by Carlisle; now he was forced to defend himself for his father, had been forced to come out to him as gay. Fortunately Billy was tolerant, but what if he had reacted badly? What if he had thrown Jacob out? Edward shuddered at the thought, feelings of increasing misery crowding his thoughts.

How could I have been so selfish… how come I didn't see this coming? Lost in thought he shook his head, defeat filling his mind with dread. In the distance he heard Jacob splutter weakly against his father's words, but he could hear in his voice that Jacob was losing hope. It wouldn't have surprised him if Jacob doubted his intentions already. What's worse: he had every reason to do so.

I should have never tried to come back; should have seen that the name 'Cullen' is cursed.

The world seemed woozy, until Edward found that it was not the world, but his mind that was swaying from side to side. He started to feel drunk with the gloom that was overtaking him, and not before long did he find himself back on the road, in that icy winter night. As he submerged himself more and more in his own pity, he realized that he should have stayed away. He should never have woken up in that accursed bed, at Brad and Angela's, and everybody would have been happier.

The thickness of the sadness that dropped down before his eyes was starting to get overwhelming, almost all sounds being drowned out by the weight of disappointment. Then he heard Jacob's words.

"But," Jacob started again, "in the hospital, Edward did something amazing."

Edward, from within the cocoon of sorrow in which he been trapping himself in the last few minutes, was surprised, thinking he is still trying to defend me before his father? His father had the same thought apparently, for when Edward peeked around the corner again, he saw how Billy shook his head in disgust.

"By god son, you still trying?" He was silent for a moment and stared at his son's eyes, which seemed dull with shattered hope. He sighed. "Okay then, final chance. Let's hear it."

Edward's eyes widened. Perhaps he was giving up hope too soon. He had always had a knack for abandoning all possibilities, passions and hope at the first signs of retreat. Perhaps he ought to keep standing. If Jacob still tried, then why shouldn't he do the same? Attentively he followed Jacob's every move, listened to every word that came out of his mouth, gliding on his gilded voice.

Jacob smiled feebly. "I met Carlisle."

Next Jacob told his father how Carlisle had recognized him, had evaded his lingering handshake, and had instead made to insult him. How Edward had suddenly rushed past him, and further in the ward had called out for his father.

How a sudden 'thud' and a soft crackle, followed by a heart-stirring whimper had filled the ward, which was otherwise dead-silent with perplexed anticipation.

How he had heard what Edward had said: "That is for treating Jacob the way you did, father."

How Edward had kicked his father in the stomach as revenge for what he had done to him, two weeks before. Billy sat in silent astonishment, staring at his son with eyes wide in disbelief.

"He did that?" Billy asked softly, as if not truly believing his son's words. Jacob nodded. Billy was quiet for over a minute, gazing out the window in silent contemplation. He was clearly weighing his son's words. Finally he sighed as he looked down at his lap briefly before glancing sideways to his son.

"I'm glad for Edward that he punched Carlisle. But, it doesn't strengthen your case much." Billy eyed his son with a stern, serious look. "You tell me he crashes your car. You then tell me he beats his father. With all due respect, Jake, but Edward sounds like a traumatized, impulsive, immature and irresponsible kid."

Jacob was silent at those words, and outside the bedroom Edward felt like a hole was punched in his chest. He could nearly breathe; saw the axe through his relations with Jacob fall, severing their connection forever.

In the meantime, Billy had again intertwined his fingers and was leaning on them pensively as he once again gazed out the window. Jake and his father had been talking for quite a while already, and the watery morning sun had turned into a warm afternoon sun. It was probably three o'clock PM already.

Edward felt weak. Feebly he stood up, his legs shaking ever so slightly under the weight of disappointment, which forcefully gripped him at his throat. He toed through the kitchen, put on his shoes, and made for the door. The sky was mostly clear and the golden sun shone on his face. He stared upwards at the sky where he could make out two swallows flying merrily around each other. They chirped happily, as if playing a game. Edward let his gaze trail along the horizon, following the trees that lined the Black's property.

When he heard shuffling behind him, he let his gaze travel back to the wooden house. His eye fell on Jacob, who trod uncomfortably towards him, scratching his neck in clear uncertainty. "Well, I think dad reached a decision." He sounded hopelessly unsure.

"I figured as much," Edward said, causing Jacob to raise an eyebrow. "You figured? Did you hear anything of the conversation?" Edward sighed.

"I admit that I sat inside most of the time, listening silently." He smiled wearily, hoping this wouldn't anger his startlingly beautiful friend.

"Ah," he merely huffed. "Guess you have an idea of what to expect, then." Edward nodded, sighed deeply as his head drooped.

"I'm sorry, Jake… from the very start I have failed miserably."

The confession caught Jacob by surprise. His eyes widened. "Ed, what are you saying?"

Edward lifted his gaze dramatically. "I call you my pup, but I don't really deserve to call you that." He ducked Jacob's intensifying gaze and looked sideways, shuffling about anxiously on his lean legs.

Edward heard how Jacob sighed a few meters away from him. Still refusing to lift his gaze he heard the words Jacob spoke. They hurt, but they didn't come from nowhere; they only served to underline Edward's apology.

"Talking to my father was enlightening, Ed, I have to give him that." He heard how Jacob shuffled around a bit, his naked feet making soft noises in the sand.

"Look, Ed, this is not coming from nowhere. I had wanted to talk to you anyway, but the time just wasn't right. First the shower, then my father barged in, and when we sat in the forest earlier I had other things to think about."

The words caused Edward to look up. What's he going for? He squinted slightly, frowning as he tried to figure out what Jacob was hinting at. Jacob sighed, "It's about last night…."

Edward's eyes widened. "Jake, what's wrong?"

"I don't know Ed, but it didn't feel right. I'm not sure what to say to you. My doubt came in the night, after we were done, but it hasn't let me go. When I defended you for my father, I was battling these doubts. I guess I was trying to keep the fantasy alive."

Jacob drooped his head, breathing quietly. He was disappointed, so much was clear. Edward eyed him with mixed feelings. "So, what are you saying?"

Jacob raised his gaze to meet Edward's. "The talk with my father served to bring my doubts to the surface. He asked me for a reason why I wished to follow you so fervently."

Edward nodded. "You mentioned the sex we had." His gaze trailed down to Jacob's feet, where they stayed focused on the lingering sand. Jacob's handsome footprints adorned the otherwise chaotic display of stones and small twigs.

"Yeah, I couldn't think of much more than that." Jacob pierced Edward's eyes sternly now. "I guess I follow you because I want to be your submissive. The explanation defeats all logic…"

His voice faltered briefly. "The feelings, Edward…" Again his voice stumbled, his throat being clenched with the emotions with which those words were laden. "The feelings are really strong. I have wanted to submit to somebody for so long. You made me feel so in synch with myself; I couldn't give it up just like that."

"Look, Edward," Jacob continued after staying quiet for a moment. "After the car crash I doubted you. Then, however, when Carlisle went for me like that, you stepped up and took it up for me. You protected me, like a Master is supposed to do."

Edward smiled at the memory, but it quickly faltered as he heard the rest of Jacob's words. Jacob had been brought to near crying, his eyes glistening with the accumulation of yet unshed tears.

"That really tugged at my heart, you know? Made me feel safe and secure. When in the hospital ward, after that guard released you, you then took me in your arms and quieted me the way you did, you overwhelmed me. It felt like I was coming home." Jacob watched Edward intently for a moment before continuing.

"But, what is this really about, Edward? Is this love?"

Jacob's voice choked to silence as he was overcome with emotions of regret. Edward started stepping towards him, feeling a rushing need to soothe Jacob; take him in his arms, stroke his spiky hairs, dab his salty tears before they left his cheeks and hit the unforgiving forest floor. Jacob motioned for him to stop, however, not to come any closer.

"No, Ed, don't make it harder than it already is." Edward stopped dead in his tracks, his mouth twisting into a vague grimace. Jacob sighed deeply as he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

"You know, Edward, I am worthy of the term 'pup', and you know why?"

Edward merely stared at him with a blank gaze. He shook his head slowly and quietly, not understanding what Jacob wanted to say with that. "No, I don't. Why?"

"Because that's how I have been following you: like a love-sick puppy. This is not love; this relationship I mean. It's not, is it?" Jacob had shallowly raised his voice. Edward merely looked down at the ground again.

"It's not, Edward. I'm not in love and neither are you, I think. We are both in this fantasy together that has blinded us; blinded me, at least. I couldn't see the truth from within the role that I was locking myself into way too rapidly." He made motions suggesting being collared.

"I wanted it to be real so bad, give myself completely to one person without thinking that I might be giving myself to the wrong person."

Edward looked up. "You think I'm the wrong person?" It had come out stronger than he wanted; his voice sounded more reproaching than anything else. Already could he see a lightning strike in Jacob's beautiful, dark eyes.

"I don't know Ed, are you?"

A stalemate of silence ensued. Neither of them willing to give an answer, Jacob finally sighed as he massaged his forehead.

"I realize that in such relationships it's necessary to talk a lot, and that's something we obviously didn't do. We rushed into it, and this is the result. I will not lose myself in my desires again like that, and neither should you. I would like to say that I should have been more attentive to the problems, but frankly you should bear as much guilt as I do."

Edward nodded slowly. "Yes, yes of course. It's my duty as dominant to make sure you befall no harm; not from others, and certainly not from me. I have let you down immensely. I can't tell you how sorry I am."

"You should be," was Jacob's swift rebuttal. He breathed deeply. "I'm willing to give this one more chance, but we're going to do this my way. We have to talk, but not now. My father would probably flip if he saw me with you, lingering around the house."

Edward nodded once again, "yeah, it's probably best if I go back to Brad and Angela's. Maybe we can talk tomorrow, though?"

Jacob nodded hesitantly. "Perhaps, I don't know yet… I think I need some time to think things through, get straight what I want. Might go fishing with dad and Embry." Jacob smiled feebly as he gazed out into the void, mumbling softly: "he is a nice kid." Finally he shook himself from his drowsy entrancement and redirected his attention to Edward fully. "Give me your number and I'll call you in a day or two, that okay?"

Edward pulled out the number Brad had given him and handed it over to Jacob, who grabbed it hastily from Edward's trembling fingers. He lunged out his phone and entered the number with swift key presses, so that Edward had the note back in hand before he knew it. Jacob nodded at him encouragingly. "I'll call you."

Edward nodded also, saying goodbye and making to turn away from Jacob and the Black residence, but at the last moment he elected to turn back. "Jake!" he shouted as he started walking back.

Jacob, who had also already turned around, looked back. "What?"

Back in comfortable hearing distance, Edward spoke. "I wanted to thank you for giving this, me, a second chance. I won't fail you again, Jacob."

Jacob nodded, said goodbye and took his leave. The white door of the red house slammed shut with a moderate bang as Edward had started to walk back to the main road over the sandy entryway. Jacob's last words mulled around in his head.

Might go fishing with dad and Embry, Jacob had said. He knew he had no right to think this, but he hoped Embry wouldn't screw things up for him; for both of them.

A/N: Not sure when the next chapter is coming, since I'm going to be very busy writing the final report for my Master's thesis. Hopefully, within two weeks, as always.