The next morning, Peter and I were just sitting down to breakfast when the door swung open and Neal walked in with all his usual swagger. Peter just huffed and got up to get him a bowl for cereal, Neal isn't an uncommon guest for breakfast, but I figured after last night he would be avoiding me like the plague.
"Morning, Neal" I say into my coffee cup before taking a big swig. Thank god Peter finally gave in and started buying Italian roast.
"Good Morning, Lizzy" Neal says smiling wide at me. His charming smile he reserves for cons. He's going to pretend this is normal. I can do that, for a little while at least. At some point he is going to need to face this head on, but if he can't handle that right now then far be it for me to force it on him.
Breakfast goes on as usual after that. Peter and Neal talk shop, and I offer the occasional insight. I talk about the event I have scheduled for later today and the truly magnificent wine selection that's going to be available.
"How do you know so much about wine? I know it's not from living at home…Mom was more of a gin and tonic kind of lady." Neal asks casually after I've finished listing the highlights of my client's collection. I hesitate to answer and look at Peter. I didn't get to the part about my slight criminal past when Neal and I spoke last night.
"You aren't the only one who got taken under the wing of someone with excellent taste when you left home" I hedge, smiling. I'm not sure what effect learning about my time on the streets will have on Neal, if any, but I would rather not risk it over cereal.
"You're hiding something" Neal demands, clenching his jaw.
"Isn't that usually my line?" Peter questions laughingly trying to diffuse the situation. Neal's grimace drops and he gives a chuckle but his eyes never leave me. God dammit. Why can't the past just stay where it belongs?
"When you first got to the city, did you ever hear of someone named Beth Michaels? She ran 'find the lady' for about 2 years in the park?" I ask him, giving in. There is no point in making him angry at this point.
"You mean Mozzie's old arch rival?" He asks and I can't help but laugh. Mozzie is going to implode when he realizes his 'Mrs. Suit' is really the teenager who kept steeling his dealers and forced him to start his 'training program' to make up for lost profits. Have I mentioned that my life is fucking weird lately? No? Well it is.
I finally stop laughing and nod, I can see Peter trying not to look amused out of the corner of my eye and Neal just looks flabbergasted.
"But…does he know who you are?!" Neal asks.
"I was blonde then and a street kid living in the Bronx. There is no way he would recognize Beth in Elizabeth Burke" Neal is looking at Peter now and Peter is trying to look disapproving.
"You knew about this?" He accuses and Peter shakes his head, "I found out last night same as you, Caffrey."
"And you're okay with it?" This is what I was expecting. Neal's confusion as to why he is treated like a criminal and I get to be Elizabeth Burke, the FBI agent's wife. It doesn't help that Neal has a huge crush on Peter that he thinks I don't know about. This poor kid just can't catch a break.
"Neal, sweetie, I ran small time street cons on tourists. The one big fish I tried to take on ended up calling me out and taking me under her wing after about a week. I was never on your level, little brother. There is a big difference between being a recent internationally renowned art thief and being a small timer who has been out of the game for about 20 years." I break this to him as softly as I can. He is nodding his head at me and I know that he is starting to let his brain take control the show instead of his heart.
"You're right. I'm sorry", he says smiling at me genuinely, "You know, you just called me 'little brother' Lizzy" He's beaming now and I can't help but reach over and hug him. This is going to be good for him. Having family around. Even if I'm not quite ready to deal with this whole mess yet, the least I can do is be there for my little brother.
"Don't call me Lizzy, okay sweetie? I always hated that name." Lizzy Bennett is dead. Elizabeth 'Beth' Michaels took her a place a long time ago and I have no plans on going back, not even for Neal Caffrey.
"I'm sorry El, I was just trying to make this normal somehow." Neal apologizes
"It's okay, I know, but it's like if I started calling you Danny. It just doesn't fit." He laughs at that and then stops abruptly, "What was your name going to be? In WITSEC, I mean."
"Julianne Brooks" I answer and I see something click inside of him, some mystery that he finally solved.
"Mom used to ask the Marshals about Julianne when they would come by, if they had seen her, if they knew where she was" Wow. Okay. I didn't know that. I haven't even thought of my family in so long. I never even considered that Mom might have looked for me. She was pretty broken by the time I left. I figured I would be one more burden she didn't have to deal with.
"No one ever told you about me?" This hurts a little. I took care of Neal the whole year before we were placed in WITSEC while dad got farther and farther away and mom delved deeper into the bottle. We were close. Part of the reason I went by Beth when I got to New York was because Neal used to call me 'Bwethy'.
"No" Neal answers simply. I can see it in his eyes that even though he didn't know I existed until yesterday, he is still angry that I left him. Angry that I didn't stay or take him with me. I don't know what to say to his anger so I bury my head in my coffee and let Peter diffuse the whole situation. By the time I come back out, Peter and Neal are laughing about something and getting ready to leave for the office. Peter would have made a great con-artist. I almost wish I had met him before I met Stephanie. He and I could have taken over the world. And if we could of had Neal on our team somehow? The FBI wouldn't have known what hit them.
"Bye Hon!" I say as they are going out the door. I take another swig of my coffee. I really need to figure out to handle this thing with Neal. Maybe if I got him alone and explained it to him? Spent all night going over my side of the story? That's what Peter always does. I could steal a couple bottles of nice wine from work, commandeer some fancy cheese, make those Cornish hens he likes and convince him to listen.
I immediately grab my phone and send a text to Peter.
I'm going to make nice with my little bro tonight so you are on your own for dinner. That okay?
Should I text Neal too? Or should I surprise him? I don't want to interrupt any plans he might have, and I know he hates it when people drop by unexpectedly. On the other hand, he might not accept if I don't force it on him. My phone pings with Peter's response.
Alright, hon. I love you. Does Neal know you are going to take over his evening? Ha! Sometimes my husband is truly physic.
Actually, do you think I should tell him or surprise him?
Hmm. Well, I would surprise him, but he expects that from me. It might be better if you invite yourself over politely. There is an idea. I decide to text Neal right that second.
Hey Neal, It's El. I think we need to clear the air between us. Figure out what all this means. So, I am going to come over and make you dinner and then we can talk, okay? Peter already knows btw. In case you are wondering. See you tonight around 7?
I put my phone away and decide to focus on my event for now and check my phone around noon.
My phone pings a second later and I check it again, thinking that it must be Peter. Neal would want to contemplate a meeting for longer the a few minutes.
Sure. Sounds good. See you then sister.
Guess I was wrong. Alright. This is going to be good. Is it bad I was hoping he would tell me to fuck off? Not that Neal would ever be so crass. Come to think of it, I don't think I have ever heard him curse. Interesting. New life goal, get Neal Caffrey to say the F-word.
My arms are full when I knock on Neal's apartment door at 6:50 that evening. Fuck. Don't freak out, Burke. You can do this. It's just an evening with your little brother.
Neal answers the door dressed down in a t-shirt and jeans. I don't think I have ever seen him dressed casually. He looks younger, more like a 26 year old kid then a debonair international art thief.
"Hey El! Let me take that. Cornish hens? My favorite" He grins at me putting the tray on the table. I hand him the wine selection next, "Get a load of this" I say.
He looks at the bottle and I can tell he is impressed, "El…how did you get a hold of this, this is a really nice bottle" He's impressed. Good.
"I still have a few tricks up my sleeve Caffrey, you aren't the only one capable of a little theft now and then." His grin gets bigger, "What would Peter think?" he taunts and I just smile and laugh. What my husband doesn't know won't kill him. There is a reason I got cleaned out when the FBI raided my storefront that time. I take the bottle from Neal and gesture for him to get glasses. I pour us a couple of heavy pours and start plating the food.
"So...," I say as we are sitting down, "we're siblings. What does that mean?"
"You don't beat around the bush, do you El?" Neal asks me taking a generous sip of his wine.
"Well, I don't see the point in talking around the subject, and the only way we are going to get past this is to get it out in the open" I tell Neal pointedly, "I think you have enough people who talk around the important things in your life, I don't want to be another."
Neal smiles a little at that. "Okay, well…I don't know what it means El. Does it have to mean anything? And listen, before you get all Oprah on me, I never asked for this and quite frankly I don't need a big sister to take of me." Of course he would feel that way. He's never had a family and quite a bit of that is my fault. Fuck. I really did fuck shit up when I left, didn't I? I should have known that mom was too far gone. I should have taken this wonderful little gapped tooth boy with me. I guess hindsight really is 2020.
"I know you don't need anyone to take care of you. You're Neal Caffrey, you get everything you want in the world with a smile and a well-placed stumble. I just want to be here for you, as your sister, Neal. I can't help that. You're stuck with me now."
"Well, maybe if you were so worries about being a good sister you wouldn't have kicked our father out of my life! He went to ground. He won't even answer my phone calls." Erupts Neal, almost yelling.
"I did that for the safety of this family! He isn't a good guy Neal. He never was. He—" I have to stop myself before I reveal anything too terrible. Things I haven't thought about since I was 15 because they didn't happen to Elizabeth Michaels. Think it 5 times and it'll be true. This is my coping mechanism. Diligent denial. "He isn't the kind of man you want to be your father." There. That'll have to be good enough.
Neal just shakes his head and looks out the bay windows, "I didn't know him El. I don't even remember him. I just want to know who he was, who I am." I grab his chin and make him look me in the eye.
"You are not our father. That man has nothing to do with the man you are today. Trust me on this little brother, you are not capable of that kind of evil."
"Evil? El, you know he didn't kill that cop, right? Sure, he was on the take, but he never killed anybody." I shut my eyes. Five times. Say it five times.
When I'm done with my mantra Neal is still staring at me. His big blue eyes brimming with tears. "What did he do El? What else? Besides being a crooked cop and abandoning us and getting us thrown into WITSEC?"
"Nothing you need to worry about sweetie. He's gone now, and he can't hurt us" Five times. This conversation needs to be over now or I am going to lose it. I finish my glass of wine and I can see that Neal isn't going to let this go. Fuck. Five more times: that didn't happen to Elizabeth Michaels.
It's possible that my life actually is a soap opera because the next thing out of Neal's mouth is totally out of the blue.
"Do you know where mom is?"
What? Okay. Change of subject. Yes, this is good. You know your life is fucked when talking about your alcoholic mother is better than talking about your shithead father.
"No, sweetie. I lost all contact with you guys when I left. Why? Do you know where she is? Are you in contact with her?" I had assumed that Neal had left everything behind like I did, but it's possible he didn't.
Neal bites his lips like he is debating something before getting up and pulling out a large black scrapbook from the bookshelf. He brings it back to the table and flips through the pages. When he finds the right one, he turns the book towards me. Oh Wow. That's mom and Neal. And it's recent. She is sitting in what looks like a day room of some kind of facility.
"When was this taken? Where?" My mom is alive. This is new.
"Right before I got caught the first time. She was in rehab upstate and I went to visit. She was doing well. We write letters now because the marshals won't let her visit and she's a little outside my radius" He chuckles. Oh wow. I hold my breath for a moment.
"Why didn't you ask her about James? I'm sure she would tell you the same things I did" I say. Looking up at him and back at the photo. Her hair streaked with gray and she's smiling. I can't remember the last time my mother smiled.
"You should call her." He says, avoiding my question and writing what I assume is her number down on a piece of sketch paper. He did ask her. I wonder what she told him. It couldn't have been the truth, not if Neal didn't know he had a sister. Five Times.
"You, know. That's about all the serious sibling talk I can handle for one night. Tell me about Sarah, and don't say there isn't anything happening there. I see the way you look at her"
After that, the night went on like normal. Neal and I gossiped about his love life and Mozzie's new business scheme. We decided that I should tell him about Beth at our next lunch and that we should get matching hats to freak Peter out.
We didn't talk about James. Or Mom.
And it was nice.