Thanks to Lineia and dantemalfoy for providing comments, and would like to thank those that left a review! As always it's great to hear your speculation and thoughts.
And on that note, I'd of course be thankful for some reviews of this chapter to hear your thoughts!
Warnings: Drama, comfort.
Chapter 16: Connections Broken and Renewed
The crackle of lightning and the booming thunder had roared throughout the night, waking Edward in his sleep several times, so that when he was walking downstairs for some breakfast, he felt a bit drowsy. In the living room he found silence, but walking to the kitchen he saw Brad and Angela, gazing ponderingly into the void only they could see. Brad was holding his mobile phone.
When Edward entered, uttering a croaky "good morning", the couple merely stared at him for a moment before acknowledging his presence. Angela poured him a glass of water to help wet his arid throat from the night, and Brad just gazed at him with a stern face.
"What's up?" Edward asked, slightly concerned with the rather bleak atmosphere. He couldn't shake a growing feeling of dread in his stomach as Brad continued to look at him soberly.
"We received a call this morning, Edward," Brad finally answered. His words were chosen carefully, Edward noticed, as if they had stood in the kitchen since sunrise to discuss what to tell him. "Come with us to the living room."
The three of them marched off to the living room, where Edward was offered a seat on the comfortable, soft couch. Angela went to sit beside him while Brad kept standing, holding the phone to his lips, batting them softly, rhythmically, lost in thought. He stared out the living room window. A milky, young sun peeked through a thin layer of clouds and painted Brad's face a modest gold. Finally he sighed, sat down on a chair and turned to face Edward, who looked horribly concerned by now.
"What's wrong?" he asked again, sounding unnerved.
"Nothing's wrong, Edward." Edward looked over to Angela. She sported an apologetic smile on her weathered face, the wrinkles of her forehead matching the tired gaze of her eyes, but contrasting strangely with the upturned corners of her mouth.
"So what's with the funeral-like atmosphere, then?" Edward retorted. Brad looked him over, face still locked in a stern expression.
"Edward, do you ever think of your biological family?"
Brad's question came out of the blue. What did his biological family have to do with anything?
"I'm not sure I understand. Why are you asking me that?"
"Just answer the question, Edward," Brad insisted.
Edward looked positively dumfounded. He glanced out the window, remembering his thoughts from just a week ago, when he had sat with Jacob out in the forest. "Yeah, I did think about my family a while ago, but why do you ask?"
Brad sighed. "As I said, we received a phone call this morning. It was one of your brothers, Jasper. He asked if you could call him back. I said we'd give you the message."
"Huh?" And Edward looked at Brad with confusion, pulling his brows down into a frown. "How did they find me here?"
"The hospital visit, Edward. I gave them my phone number, and I'm guessing that, in some way or another, Jasper managed to get hold of it."
Edward weighed the words and looked pensively out the window for a second. Then it clicked: "Of course," he whispered, seemingly to himself, but at Brad's demand Edward explained. "Jasper's work. He studied biomedicine, and last I heard he got a position as an intern at Forks Community Hospital."
Brad's eyes glimmered in understanding. "I guess your father told the rest of your family about your encounter in the ward, and…"
"…Jasper swiped the medical records, yeah," Edward completed. "I wonder why he wants to talk." Edward growled threateningly under his breath. It's not like he supported me previously, so why now? He remembered Jasper's quiet, disappointed expression when his father had roughed him up. Though, Jasper always fooled around with emotions, and Edward knew he was perfectly capable of emulating them. Unlike most people he knew, Jasper didn't frequently show his real emotions on his face, thus manipulating other people's perceptions of him. Is that what he had done that day?
"How did he get to the hospital, anyway?" Brad asked.
"What's it to you," Edward immediately replied, and quite rudely so.
"Excuse me if I'm taking an interest in your life, Edward," Brad retorted, sounding miffed. "Now that you live with us, a bit of openness wouldn't hurt?"
Brad wiggled his eyebrows, a cocky grin spreading his lips manipulatively. "And I'm sure it wouldn't hurt your relationship with Jake if you got used to opening up a bit more." That last argument wasn't necessary though: Edward already felt guilty for responding like he had.
"I'm sorry, it's just that thinking of my family makes me angry. None of them did anything to help. It's confusing to me: I don't know why Jasper suddenly wants to see me when he didn't do anything to help me back then."
"Perhaps that's exactly the reason: he might feel guilty. He realized he was in the wrong and wants to make up for it now?" Brad's suggestion seemed somewhat plausible. Angela chimed in with an affirmation, suggesting that his siblings might have been as scared of Carlisle as Edward had always been. Edward huffed.
"Perhaps," he mumbled ponderingly, his voice imbued with a mellow hatred and a tinge of wonder. "And to answer your question, Jasper being the oldest of his sons, my father wanted him to follow in his footsteps. So, he did."
Brad snorted. "Doesn't sound like your father gave him a choice, or did Jasper actually want to become a doctor?"
Edward thought about the question, for it was a good one. He had never truly thought of how his siblings might have dealt with their father, or at least how they felt while they did so. They had never discussed it much. Though when he dug deep in his memories, he remembered Jasper's avid enthusiasm for military history, strategies and tactics. He used to cite all manner of work by important and long-dead generals, about how they fought their wars and rallied their men to the cause. No, a doctor didn't seem at all like what jasper might have wanted. Perhaps Brad had a point. Perhaps Carlisle, over the length of years, had instilled such fear in his family, that they never had dared rebel against anything, more out of habit than anything else. Perhaps their silent acceptance of Carlisle's rage when he beat Edward up was not out of hatred towards homosexuality, but, at least to some extent, out of fear?
"Okay, maybe you have a point," Edward finally admitted, having thought everything over a few times more. Maybe it was worth giving his brother a chance to explain himself. As he phased back out of his thoughts and back to Brad and Angela's living room, he noticed how Brad smiled faintly at him. He held the phone out to him. "You want to call him back?"
Edward sighed as he closed his eyes and grabbed the phone, his head drooping in the process. He hated doing this, feeling every fiber in his body convulse in repulsion of this act. Still, he felt he had to. After talking with Jacob endlessly, it was more than clear that he had to take matters into his own hands. And after yesterday's revelation – that he was caught in an endless downward spiral of increasing self-pity – that notion became only stronger. It was time to take back control over life, and dealing with his family was step number one. Even if it meant putting Jake on the back-burner…
Edward grabbed the phone, and navigated through the menus to 'recent calls'. The most recent number was listed as 'unknown', but looking at it, it was definitely Jasper's. He punched the call button. The phone rang, a string of beeps and crackling pauses.
"Hello?"
Jasper's voice. Mixed in with the sense of dread now a strange feeling of nostalgia washed over Edward at hearing the voice of his oldest brother. It sounded soothing in its strong manliness, the vibrant undertones activating all kinds of memories; he could already see Jasper right in front of him now. He had always been a good-looking guy, with wavy hair flowing roughly halfway down to his nicely proportioned shoulders. In between those neatly combed wisps was set a mature face with bright eyes, cocky smile evidence to his calm and cheerful demeanor. By all means, Jasper was a delightful guy.
"Hello?" Jasper's voice now sounded more annoyed and urgent.
"Hey Jazz," Edward spoke softly. Talking to his brother was weird, and he couldn't ignore the feelings of betrayal seeping into his stomach. They clung at his throat like a ball of lead to a prisoner's foot.
"Edward?" He could hear the surprise and relief in his brother's voice. He sounded truly happy at the prospect of speaking to his youngest brother again, though his hushed voice was unmistakable too.
"Yeah, you called," Edward reacted in a somewhat stale voice. He didn't want to sound particularly pleased or angry, draping a veil of apathy over his words.
At his words, he heard some stumbling and whooshing noises, making Edward suspect that Jasper was off to a more private location. Today was a Sunday, so Jasper might well be at home on this mostly clear, partly cloudy winter day. After the noises subsided, Jasper's voice resurfaced.
"Thank god Edward, I wasn't sure you'd call me back. Listen, there is so much to say and I –"
"Why are you calling?" Edward's interruption noticeably had Jasper nervous, for it remained silent for a short while. He heard him gulp on the other end of the line and breath with shallow in- and exhalations.
"To say I'm sorry," Jasper's voice finally came. "You know how father is, I…" and his voice faltered there. None of them spoke for a minute. Brad and Angela were eyeing Edward with anxiety, probably wondering what Jasper was saying. Finally Jasper broke the silence over the phone: "I'd like to meet, if that's okay with you."
"Erm," Edward mumbled, not sure what to answer. He hated Jasper for not doing anything all those weeks ago, but hearing Jasper's pleading words over the phone, his otherwise sturdy voice trembling ever so slightly, made him want to go soft on his elder brother. He held the phone down, covering the mouthpiece with the palm of his hand.
"Well?" Angela whispered anxiously. "What's he saying?" Her eyes were wide with anticipation.
"He wants to meet me," Edward admitted with a sigh. Angela, who sat leaned forward now reclined in her seat, her mouth forming a small 'o' in understanding of the dilemma. Brad leaned forward, resting his bulky torso with his arms placed on his upper legs. "What are you thinking," he asked quietly. Edward sighed.
"I don't know. I don't feel like seeing my family at all, they remind me of bad times," Edward whispered, his tone imbued with bitterness. "On the other hand…" He looked up from his lap, where he had rested his hand with the silenced phone in it. He sighed once again.
"I'm conflicted, I'm not sure what to feel." He looked at Brad. "What do you think?"
"It sounds to me like you miss him. I saw you relax at hearing his voice."
Brad had a point, as always. Edward nodded, looked down at the phone and brought it back to his ear. "You still there?" he questioned calmly. Jasper's voice immediately came through, sounding tense. "Yeah, for sure!"
Edward waited a moment, drawing a deep breath. "Where do you want to meet?"
He could hear Jasper's breathing quiet down: relief was overwhelming him, and his voice had stopped trembling at his next words: "What about…" his voice faltered for a moment as Jasper gulped almost inaudibly. His voice came back a bit unsure: "what about meeting at Gaya?"
Edward raised his eyebrows in surprise. Gaya, really? Out of all places, his brother wanted to meet at Port Angeles' one and only gay bar? The place where everything had started?
"Uh, yeah sure!"
"Great," came Jasper's pleased answer. "Would you know if they are open tonight?"
Edward had a think. For as far as he could remember, Gaya did used to be open on Sundays, though they'd close early. Sunday is a typically slow night, especially in quiet Port Angeles.
"Yeah," Edward said. "They should be open. What time did you have in mind?"
"Eight o'clock?"
"Can do," Edward agreed. Jasper replied positively, but before he hung up, added: "And Edward… Thanks for this. I'm looking forward to seeing you again."
Edward hung up. Brad and Angela looked at him with anxiety once more, causing Edward to briefly explain the appointment that was made. They took it with happiness and wished him luck. Of course Brad offered Edward a ride.
"Won't you mind?" Edward just wanted to be sure; it felt like Brad was constantly driving him to places. Brad motioned dismissively with his hand. "Of course not, otherwise I wouldn't have asked."
Edward joined Brad's and Angela's smiles with his own. Maybe he would get some answers from his older brother, hear how things were going in the family these days. Not that he necessarily missed any of them, but he was curious whether they missed him at all.
This was going to be an eventful day.
Later that day Edward walked to the reservation. The thick clouds that had drifted over Forks during the night, raining down upon the little town with all their might, had left a clear sky in their wake. The weather forecast talked of scattered clouds and low temperatures, but other than that, no precipitation. Brad had offered him a ride to the reservation in addition to Gaya tonight, but he had declined: the weather was perfect for a walk in the forest.
Intent on not letting his mood sink to his shoes by worry, Edward did an effort to keep his attention fixed on his surroundings. With the newly made contact with his elder brother, vivid memories came to the surface of his mind as he walked through the forest, following one of the oft-trodden trails. He was reminded of the walks he had gone on with his brothers. Alice had always been a bit of a queen; afraid she might dirty her new shoe, or soil that new dress. How he despised that freaky girlish streak of hers; always had, always will.
And so, when they went walking, it would be him, Jasper and Emmett. They'd talk about the forest, point out plants to him, and cite the names of the birds they could hear, though he scarcely remembered any of them. Quite sad, given the wealth of knowledge he had thus forgotten.
He steered his thoughts to the dreary foliage around him. Being winter, the forest was rather bare, but in all the hues of browns surrounding him, little specks of color became all the more exciting. Thus when a Robin cautiously hopped across the path, pecking nervously around in the dirt, Edward couldn't do but stop for a moment. Intently he watched how the bird valiantly showed off its red chest, chirped once or twice before noticing him, and flew away.
He was rather early when he arrived at the Black residence: it was barely noon. Like the day before, the house was bathed in a serene silence, in which only the infrequent roaring of speeding cars, all the way on the main road, broke the peace of nature; the murmurs of the forest.
Edward walked up the ramp, knocked on the white-painted door. A chilly breeze made the tops of the pine trees sway lightly back and forth, entered his baggy sweater so that he shivered. Through the small, square windows he could see a shadow approaching, big and strong. The lock clicked and the door swayed open, revealing Jacob in nothing but his cut-off pants. His hair, which usually was neatly groomed into a tidy crest, was a bit of a mess. Edward smelled the sweet scent of Jacob's aftershave mixing with the flowery fragrance of his shampoo. Something was amiss, for Jacob's expression was one of sudden worry.
"Hey Ed, I didn't think you'd come this early," he stammered.
"Yeah, the walk took less time than I thought, hope it's not a problem?" Edward gazed at Jacob with a searching stare, wondering.
"Erm," Jacob began, but he was cut short when behind him they both heard rumbling, followed by steps.
"Yo, Jake, everything okay?" came a voice from the kitchen. Steps thudded louder, seemingly approaching the door.
Embry appeared, wrapping an arm around Jacob's waist. Like Jacob, he was only wearing his cut-offs, the elastic waistband of underwear, usually peeking out over the pants, also conspicuously absent. When he had a good sight of who was at the door, though, his arm lazily disconnected, and slumped back to the neutral position alongside his body. He looked a bit lost, but annoyed too. "Oh hi," Embry said listlessly. Edward nodded in affirmation. "Embry, hey."
Embry directed his attention at Jacob while he kept his gaze fixed on Edward. "I thought you said he'd come later?" He sounded reproachful, so that a wisp of anger fluttered up in Edward's insides.
"Yeah, that's what I thought, but no matter. Would you mind if he came in?" Jacob asked Embry with a somewhat demanding undertone. Embry glanced over to Jacob at the words. Edward could see in his eyes that he resented both Jacob's request and the fact that he was probably going to have to agree to it.
It was silent for a few tense moments, though the relieving words come swiftly: "Yeah, 's fine."
Having given his answer, Embry slumped back into the house, shoulders drooped, looking disappointed. As he slouched off, though, Edward couldn't do but follow him with his gaze, his cute ass wiggling to and fro in the rhythm of his loaded steps, the floorboards creaking noisily under his weight. Edward licked his lips. Only when he heard Jacob's voice did he tear his gaze off Embry's ass.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to shove Embry in your face like that, but didn't think you'd be so early," Jacob muttered guiltily, scratching the back of his neck lazily with one hand.
"No worries Jake, it's fine." He smiled weakly at the words, though inside he could feel his emotions churning confusingly. He pushed them down though, for if this was what Jacob needed, he would get it. He'd just have to grit his teeth and stick it out for now. "Shall we go inside?"
Jacob nodded curtly, then smiled somewhat enthusiastically as he beckoned Edward to enter. Soon they were in the shallow darkness of the house. Edward turned around to face Jacob. "Your father not in?"
Jacob shook his head as he walked to the kitchen. "Nah, he went fishing with Charlie, the chief of police?"
"Ah yeah, of course," Edward spoke softly. Jacob led him further into the house, asking him if he wanted to drink anything, but he declined gracefully. Soon they both sat at the kitchen table, where Embry had already taken a seat, gazing moodily ahead of him.
"We were kind of watching a movie," Jacob said, interrupting the tense silence that had spread in the kitchen like a thick fog. Embry looked up and smirked.
"Yeah, kind of," he said with a rather husky undertone that made Edward shiver. After saying the words, Embry looked at Edward with a malicious grin.
"What movie?" Edward inquired, facing Edward so as to not have to be confronted with Embry's competitiveness. Jacob glared at Embry for a moment, obviously disliking his attitude, to then shift his attention back to Edward.
"An… interesting one, I'd say. Called 'Secretary'?" Jacob's eyes widened as he tilted his head just so, his lips broadening into a suggestive grin. "Ever heard of it?"
Edward nodded, raising an eyebrow at the choice of movie. It had been a while since he had watched it, but for as far as he remembered it was about a secretary who ended up in a Dominance/submission relationship with her boss.
He glanced over to Embry. "Embry, you knew what this movie was about before you started watching?"
Embry shook his head. "No man, had no idea. 'T was at Jake's wondering stare that I agreed to it." He looked over to Edward. "I'm a rather open guy, you know."
Edward huffed, a smile stretching his lips as he glanced from Embry to Jacob, nodding once in appreciation of Jacob's move. He focused on Embry once again, asked: "And? Are you liking it?"
Embry ducked Edward's gaze, his cheeks flushed just enough that his embarrassment was made clear. He glanced over to Jacob. "It's… interesting," he finally said softly. Jacob chimed in with a heartfelt bout of laughter, throwing him a mischievous grin; he received the same treatment from Edward.
There and then, Edward's gaze lazily dropped to the floor surrounding Embry's feet. It took a moment before he focused on his legs. They were quite slim, the calves not so bulging and well maintained as Jacob's, but he could see Embry would be able to throw a kick if need be. His quadriceps and hamstrings were clad in the cut-offs, hanging loosely down his legs, though they crept up his bare and taut abs ever so slightly. They weren't as impressive as those of Jacob's, but still a nice sight to behold. He followed the abs slowly up, trailing each of the silky-smooth grooves with his lingering stare, his tongue lapping up imaginary sweat, which tasted salty on his wet tongue. Two toned pectorals, with tantalizing nipples, just screaming to be pinched, topped the lining of abs. The pectorals were in turn framed by nicely proportioned shoulders and arms that hung nonchalantly down the sides of the chair, the well-defined biceps and triceps resting in all their beckoning beauty.
He awoke from his trance when he glanced further up and noticed Embry's funny look: he was staring at him with a crooked grin, looking confused, at Edward's intense watch. Those dark little eyes, akin to those of Jacob's, were glistening with a rebellious vigor, so that Edward quickly shifted his attention back to Jacob. He was smirking, seeming amused.
"Sorry, my thoughts were drifting," Edward admitted guiltily. "Did I miss anything?"
"Erm," Embry muttered in hesitation, still eyeing Edward funnily. "I said that I probably ought to go, what's the time?"
Jacob glanced up at the clock, which was blinking nervously on the microwave in red blocky letters. "Nearly 2PM," he read, followed by a huff. "Didn't think it'd be this late already."
"Gotta go then, my father will be waiting for me. Promised him to help him with stuff." He stood up and paced into Jacob's room, returning a few moments later wearing a shirt. He still lacked underwear though; the waistband was still missing. Upon seeing him re-enter the kitchen, Jacob stood up and escorted Embry to the front door. Edward heard the door click open; in the distance their muffled voices as they playfully said goodbye, swatting each other's shoulders. Soon Jacob came waltzing back into the kitchen, grinning at Edward smugly.
"What?" Edward asked, a coy smile spreading the corners of his mouth.
"Nothing," Jacob said, but with an amused grin. Edward felt his cheeks flush an embarrassing red. Rolling his eyes, ducked Jacob's gaze in order to not have to look at his frisky stare, confronting him in his hunger.
"Heh, it's fine," Jacob stated simply, and turned around to open the fridge.
"Right then," Edward said, looking at Jacob while he poured himself a glass of iced tea and took a sip. "Let's do this," Edward added, waiting for Jacob to say something. This placed his glass on the table and stood up, to return with pen and paper. When he sat back down, though, he didn't make to write. Instead he plopped down on the chair, dropping the writing utensils on the table without really noticing them further, and stared down at the table. Edward stared at his messy hairs, the short spikes pointed in all directions. Edward once again smelled the sweet scent of Jacob's aftershave mixing with the flowery fragrance of his shampoo, making him wonder whether that had been meant for Embry or for him? Jacob began to speak, ripping Edward's attention away from Jacob's fine smell as he continued to admire the broad neck.
"You know what," he began, lifting his gaze, throwing Edward a pleading look. Edward was slightly shocked by the sudden wince on the boy's cute face, even if it was only ever so slight.
"I want to make this contract, but frankly I'm not sure what to write in it," Jacob admitted with a sigh. "I mean, I know what people usually put into it, I read about it the other day. The whole thing fills me with dread though, and I wish there was another way to do this." He ducked Edward's gaze and stared at the table instead. "I wish…"
"…that you could just trust me enough?" Edward completed Jacob's softly uttered line, and, extending a hand, cupped Jacob's chin so as to lift his gaze slowly. Their stares met and locked briefly before Edward pulled back, feeling slightly awkward.
"Yeah," Jacob said ponderingly. "It just annoys me, this clinical, forced setup. Really, a contract shouldn't even be necessary."
Edward nodded, shifting his gaze to the pen Jacob was still clicking as he leaned back in the wooden chair. The rigid backrest poked harshly against his spine, even through the baggy sweater he was wearing. "But you don't, and that's why we are doing this."
Jacob kept fidgeting with the pen, the clicking increasing in speed. Edward got more and more the urge to rip the pen out of Jacob's adorable hands, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. It might ruin whatever he had built with the native over the last few days.
"Yeah, indeed. Still stuck on the fact that I don't really know where to start." Suddenly he frowned, the corners of his mouth pulling down and distorting his chiseled face with a look of growing frustration. With a roar he finally threw the pen in a random direction out of building agitation with himself. The pen clattered noisily against a doorframe, ricocheted back into the kitchen, to end up under the fridge. Jacob looked at it, moaned "Oh man, we'll never get it from under there." He looked at the fridge mournfully before redirecting his attention back at the table with a sigh.
"I'm sure we can get it from under there." Edward grinned soothingly, then added: "It's you who told me that I ought to stop sulking and start doing things, remember?"
Jacob smiled weakly. "True," he mumbled as he followed Edward with his gaze. Edward sat down by the fridge and went to lie down. He tilted his head towards the fridge as his warm cheek met the cold floor, peeking under the fridge for any sign of the pen. All was dark and he didn't see anything, sadly.
"You have a ruler or something," he asked Jacob as he sat back up. Jacob nodded, rushed off to his room and came back with a plastic, transparent ruler. "That'll do fine," Edward said, a pleased smirk stretching his thin lips.
After some poking around, the pen finally scooted out from under the fridge. Edward cleaned it from the flecks of dust that covered it here and there, sat up and handed it back to Jacob. "There ya go. Now let's write that contract." Edward sat back down on the wooden chair, staring at Jacob. Nothing happened; Jacob merely stared at the paper, seemingly lost in thought.
"We don't have to do this, you know," Edward finally suggested calmly.
Jacob looked up to face Edward. His eyes stood a bit sad, though a sparkle of relief crackled through those expressive irises. "Then perhaps we should wait. I'm sorry Edward, but I just don't see the point of it. This piece of paper is not going to magically make me trust you."
Edward ducked Jacob's gaze, but nodded pensively. "I get it. I understand completely, Jacob."
They remained silent, staring into the void without uttering a word for several minutes. The silence was not awkward, however; rather welcome. Outside the birds chirped merrily. The cooing of a pigeon some distance away could be heard. Edward turned to face Jacob, who was still gazing at the paper as if he was intent on doing something with it.
"Forget it man, we'll save it for some other time."
Jacob lifted his gaze and smiled weakly. "And let's hope that we won't need it by then." He dropped his gaze back as he laid the pen next to the paper, and pushed it sideways, away from him. Then he sighed as he folded his arms in front of him. Edward watched him with a questioning look, until he couldn't stop himself: "What's the maker, Jake?"
Jacob sighed, his nostrils flaring as his breath whirled out into the kitchen. "It's weird, Edward, and I'm not sure what to feel. At heart I see myself as a strong-willed guy." He briefly glanced at a photograph of him and his dad, standing near a lake's shore holding a magnificent fish.
As Jacob eyed the photograph, he continued: "Now I turn out to be this submissive guy that craves others to take control over him. See how two worlds are clashing here?" Edward nodded. "I guess some people are just fulltime subs," Edward proposed. "You don't seem to be like that."
Jacob repositioned himself, slouching in the chair, which creaked pathetically under the weight of Jacob's muscled body. They remained silent for a moment.
"When you fucked me, something broke inside me. Do you know what that is, Edward? To have a fantasy and completely indulge in it; you feel like the role you fantasized about fits you like a glove, as if you imprinted on it."
"I think I know what you mean," and Edward nodded in affirmation of what Jacob said. He made to gently pat Jacob's hand, but Jacob moved just so that his arms came out of Edward's reach. Instead, Edward simply responded in words only.
"Jake, it seems to me you have two sides to you. You have a clear strong-willed side that wants to make up its own mind. On the other hand, you have an inner submissive, who just begs to be set free, however ironic that might sound." Jacob smirked at the thought, brushing his lips with a finger as he weighed the words.
Finally Jacob sighed and leaned forward, resting his arms on his powerful quadriceps. "That sounds like an eternal paradox. How are those two sides ever going to be reconciled?"
"I don't know, Jacob, but if you'll let me, I can help you with that." He stared at Jacob pleadingly, and the latter smiled weakly in return before rolling his eyes to gaze back at Edward. Soon after, though, his pupils fixed on the table's edge. When Jacob didn't make to speak, Edward continued, in a softer voice.
"Just, don't get too hung up on it, okay?" Edward's eyes followed Jacob's gaze down to the table's edge. He really had no idea what was it with that edge that had Jacob so fascinated.
"You know I won't do that. I'm not you, after all." Suddenly his pupils fixed on Edward and their gazes locked. Jacob cocked a playful grin as he saw Edward's smile in the milky winter sun.
The talk with Jacob had left Edward weary of more contact with the boy. It was apparent that Edward had nearly fucked the submissive out of him, making him feel mad with himself as guilt ate away at his insides. He had tried not brooding, but it was to no avail: his guilt wouldn't let him go that easily. Thus, the day progressed in a rather silent fashion, where most of the silence came from Edward shutting himself off once again from the world in order to indulge in his feeling of guilt.
Edward awoke from his ruminations when, in the far back of the venue, he saw the door open and close. In the murky lights of the bar area of Gaya, he noticed how a guy shuffled inside uncomfortably, looking to and fro to get a glimpse of the clientele. As was expected though, Sunday was a slow night and as such there was hardly anybody present. When the guy had hung up his coat and walked up to the bar, the lamps shone just enough light for Edward to be clear on who it was: Jasper had finally arrived.
He had been a bit late. They had said to meet at eight, and it was 10 past now. Edward wasn't a sucker for punctuality, but he valued that people arrived on time for what he thought would be important meetings. He felt like coming late was a sign of disinterest, as if the other party didn't want to take too much trouble for him. But then again, this was once again the self-obsessed train of thought that Jacob had accused him of. And by the look on Jasper's face, it was obvious that he found this meeting to be vital.
The bartender had handed him a pint of beer, after which Jasper stood at the counter, looking lost. He glanced around, not sure where to go, for the lights at the bar were hardly enough to light the bar itself, let alone the area surrounding it. The red, murky lights coming from the lamps on each table didn't do a whole lot to light the rest of the bar either.
Edward elected to let Jasper sweat a little. Even if he was filled with some form of nostalgia at seeing his brother, he couldn't help himself: his prior betrayal caused Edward to want to hurt him. Not physically perhaps, but mentally or emotionally would be just as good. As Edward stared at his sibling, he felt a sadistic pleasure stir up at the unnerved expression on Jasper's face.
That expression became more intense when one of the clientele came his way. In the dim lights of the bar, you could just make out the smug grin on the guy's face. A tight, white shirt with a random print clad the guy's muscled torso tightly. His pectorals were wonderfully outlined, two dark spots under the white fabric denoting the nipples. From the sleeves extended impressive biceps that flexed and tensed interchangeably with an equally beautiful set of triceps. Less successful were however the tight, white jeans. The guy worked out, so much was obvious, and this guy did certainly not skip leg day: the tight jeans outlined powerful quadriceps, but it looked weird in the tightness of those pants; it looked strangely out of proportion. Edward's thoughts meandered back to Jacob, comparing the native's chiseled body with this guy's, to come to the inevitable conclusion that Jacob looked a lot better. His appearance was more natural, evidence of his muscle gain coming from physical labor instead of a way too expensive gym.
The guy was now talking to Jasper, who looked a bit uncomfortable. At that sight Edward felt a bit sorry for his brother, and upped to reel him in. Jasper turned his gaze when he saw motions in the back of the bar. Relief gushed over his face in droves upon setting his eyes on Edward; something which Edward had took a keen notice of, filling him with a quaint kind of peace and quiet. His brother seems to have genuinely missed him.
"Ed!" Jasper called out to him, much to the dissatisfaction of the flirtatious guy next to him. "Excuse me," Jasper apologized as he set off to greet Edward, beer clutched tightly in his hand.
"Hey Jazz," Edward called, a genuine smile embellishing his face.
The two brothers stepped towards each other. As Edward closed in on Jasper, imagery from his prior meeting with his father sprang to mind. He heard the thuds of his heavy shoes on the creaking, wooden floorboards of the bar area. He felt his heart hammering excitedly in his chest. The sounds of his steps and heart intertwined dangerously with the similar sensory information stored deep in his brain, all of which led up to his beaten father squirming sadly on the floor of the hospital ward.
"I'm so glad to see you!"
Jasper's voice brought him back to the here and now, reminding him that Jasper was not his father. He unclenched his fist, knuckles having turned white at the tightness of his grasp.
Edward didn't respond to his brother's jovial greeting, feeling awkward. Was he supposed to hug him? Shake hands? Jasper made that decision for him though: he extended his hand, as a peace offering. Edward extended his, and felt how Jasper's hand clamped around it. One harsh tug settled the handshake. Jasper let him go, smiling happily.
"You sitting over there?" Jasper eyed the table behind Edward with a modicum of nervousness, cocking his chin at it, not entirely sure where to go or what to do. Edward nodded, and led him back to his table where a half-downed beer was now lukewarm.
When they sat down Jasper eyed Edward nervously. "Hey Ed, I'm happy that you agreed to meet. Home is strange these days, you know." Edward barely responded, playing with one of the coasters instead. He tried laying it halfway down the edge of the table, pat it from below so that it flipped into the air, and subsequently tried to catch it. In the minutes he had waited for Jasper he had gotten quite good at it.
Jasper stared at Edward's rhythmic motions in silence. Suddenly he reached for his jacket, which laid strewn over a chair next to him, pulling out two objects. "I got these for you, found them in your room. I thought you might need them." Edward looked up, frowning mildly. His purse and phone.
"Jazz…" Edward looked up at his brother and then reached for his belongings, smiling softly. "Thanks, man."
He put them in the pockets of his pants and folded his arms on the table, implicitly asking the table to carry the weight of his torso.
"So why did you want to meet? Why now, why not a day after what father did?"
Jasper sighed pensively. "You're right, Edward, I should have done this way earlier. I –"
"And why didn't you come to my aid then and there, now that we're talking about it anyway?"
Jasper ducked Edward's gaze, ashamed of himself. His normally bright face, filled with a thoughtful resolve, now seemed distorted in anguish. "There is no way to apologize adequately for my betrayal of you, Edward. I can only hope that my anguished heart will be enough evidence of my sorrow."
Betrayal: that was anything and everything Jasper had done wrong, and the thought of that word was enough to make Edward's blood boil all over again. Jasper must have noticed something, because he winced; Edward's face had flared up at the memories.
"You're right, there is no good way to apologize." Edward huffed. "Still, I'm happy to see you try. It's better than nothing." Jasper smiled wryly at Edward's commentary.
"I can only you hope that you trust my good intentions."
Trust: another word that had haunted him since that night.
"Does the rest of the family know you're here?" Edward asked, his face serious and resolute.
"I don't think so," Jasper answered. "Though, Alice might have found out something. You know how she always seems to know what's going to happen."
"She's not psychic, you know," Edward retorted. Jasper sighed. "I know, I know. I think she saw me when I went into your room to fetch your purse and stuff."
"Ah," Edward softly replied. "Go on."
"Well there's not too much to say, I fear," Jasper answered hesitantly. "The rest of the family seems to be pretty hung-up on what happened. Father is his bitter, controlling self as always, mother is a bit of a wreck, but Emmet and Alice seem to get on with their lives."
Unlike how Jasper talked about their father, the news about his mother didn't surprise him. Judging from her body language on that day, she had been against her husband's treatment of him.
"Mother misses me?"
Jasper nodded shallowly. "I think so. She tries to hide from us, but I swear I've seen her crying more than once." Jasper drooped his head, playing with his glass of beer. "The atmosphere at home is rotten. One half of the family sees family life go to shreds because of father's attitude; the other half of the family blames that disparity on your sexual orientation. Father says it's a curse."
"Father says a lot of things," Edward replied.
"Yes, he does," Jasper agreed. Frankly, Jasper's attitude towards their father surprised Edward.
"If you're so against father, how come you never resisted any of his commands?"
Jasper weighed his words carefully, wiggling the corners of his mouth as if he was preparing them to say something particularly complicated. "Fear," he finally spoke. "We're all afraid of him, except for Emmet. I think he actually agrees with him. His girlfriend, Rosalie, seems to be a bit brainwashed also." Jasper sighed sadly before glancing up to Edward again, his eyes gloomy.
"Father really has gotten everybody by the nuts, hasn't he," Edward said, his thoughts straying to all of his family members. Fact of the matter was that this wasn't true: they all had their separate lives and could have lived just fine without their dad. Most of them were old enough to live on their own, Jasper for sure. As if Jasper had read his mind, he said:
"It's all fake though. He uses his religion to make us frightened. He really doesn't have much power over us. I think mother has come to that conclusion a while ago, but he is so much stronger than her, you know?"
Edward nodded thoughtfully, his chin bobbing up and down in a quiet rhythm. He cupped his chin, brushing a finger gently over his lips. He heaved shortly and then followed it with a deep sigh. "So how are you holding up, Jazz?"
"Doing okay, overall. The internship at the hospital is good, I enjoy that." He smiled faintly, though the guilt he felt bore through in the matt expression of his eyes.
Edward sighed. True, he was angry with his family for betraying him, but seeing his anguished brother sitting in front of him like that made him shudder with sadness. He leaned over and grabbed Jasper's hand, prompting him to look up. "It'll be fine. I appreciate that you called."
Jasper smiled sadly. "Really?" he asked questioningly. Edward nodded, so that Jasper's smile broadened.
"Have a sip of your beer," Edward suggested. "Otherwise it'll grow tepid and disgusting. You don't want to be stuck with a pint of warm beer, right?"
Jasper chuckled sadly, obviously still plagued by emotions at seeing his brother. He took a sip though, putting the heavy glass on the table softly and steadily. He then sighed as his face further distorted, his frown collapsing into an expression of pure agony. His head drooped, lifting his hands to his face to hide behind them as his torso started shaking shallowly and silently. Edward eyed his brother, conflicted at what to do. Though when he heard Jasper's soft sobs, he couldn't resist the onslaught of tormentous emotions that flooded his consciousness and got up, walked over to his brother to wrap his arms tightly around his toned body. He could feel how Jasper's heavy back muscles tensed and relaxed under the weight of his sorrow, making him sufficiently mushy to spill some salty tears of his own. They hit the ground, leaving dark spots on the sticky floorboards.
So they sat, clenched so tightly that an otherworldly being would have mistaken them as one, until Jasper calmed down and made to loosen Edward's embrace. He grabbed him gently by the collar of his shirt and tugged him downward calmly, so that Edward was made to sit down on the chair next to Jasper and their eyes were on the same level. Their gazes locked. Jasper featured a tight grimace as a final tear departed his wet eyes and rolled down his cheek somberly.
"I'm so glad to see you alive and well, Ed, you have no idea," he managed to utter in-between sniffs and sobs. Edward, equally emotional, merely nodded, added: "Same here man, same here." They fell into each other's embrace once more as time slowed to a veritable standstill. Seconds stretched out into minutes as nothing but the sounds of their hitched breathing filled their world. They melted into each other's grasp, brotherly love overflowing the dimly lit scene, filling Edward's veins with a type of love that he had nearly forgotten about.