Lo, and behold that "Chapter 3: How... Enchanting" is now over in the form of chapter 5! Whew! Thank you to all the reviewers and their feedback. Keep reviewing! Please, cheese!

By the way, "Merlin" and "Legend of the Seeker" still don't belong to us. That hasn't changed even if we forget to mention it-Right, actually, I think our readers are probably intelligent enough to figure that out. It's not our readers I'm worried about. (Don't worry, Fern. They're coming for you.) Honestly, is a disclaimer really needed after the first chapter? I'm pretty sure those over-worried copy-right people aren't so defensive of their story as to take us down for not posting a reminder every chapter. Touche (and, Zab, they're taking you too).

The next morning Arthur woke earlier than usual. It surprised him how quiet it was. Arthur looked around the room, expecting to see some sign of Merlin and what he was trying to pull. All Arthur saw was the very unpleasant surprise left for Merlin. All of Arthur's clothes were strewn across the floor, the cupboards and drawers were spilled open, the chairs were tipped over, and the drapes laid in a lump. Arthur stared at the pile of curtains with a realization that being up early was his own fault. Arthur dressed himself. If Merlin was persisting with his joke, being up early might not be such a bad thing. Arthur wouldn't have to deal with Merlin doing anything strange... like last second cleaning of the clothes before handing them to Arthur. Arthur shuddered at the thought. Maybe the room wasn't quite messy enough to prevent something like that. Arthur looked at his bed. The mattress was still lying atop it...

Gwen walked through the halls toward Morgana's room to wake her. Suddenly a loud thud sounded from Arthur's chambers.

"Arthur?" Gwen asked tentatively to the door. "M'lord," she said as she placed her hand on the handle. No answer. Gwen didn't want to intrude, but her desire to be sure Arthur was alright won out. She opened the door.

Nothing could have prepared Gwen for the sight inside. Arthur was fine. His room wasn't though. Drapes, clothes, bedding, and overturn chairs were strewn across the room. The mattress lay on the floor beside the bed frame. The table rested on its side. Arthur stood with his hands frozen to the table. He gave a horrified and embarrassed look. He opened his mouth, then closed it and swallowed, looking like a small child caught in the act of being naughty.

"Arthur?" Gwen breathed.

"I can explain!" Arthur said quickly. He paused, "It's—It's Merlin."

"Merlin did this?" Gwen said slightly skeptically.

"No, I did," Arthur said, looking trapped. "But it's not what it looks like! Merlin is pulling an elaborate prank. If I irritate him enough, he won't be able to keep the ruse." As soon as Arthur spoke he realized how childish he sounded. It was what it sounded like!

"You're getting back at Merlin for pulling a little prank?" Gwen shook her head, "Arthur, whatever he did, surely he doesn't deserve this much work."

"No, he isn't finished. I'm trying to get him to stop!" Arthur said desperately.

"Arthur, really, this-"

"Sire," Merlin's horrified voice came from behind Gwen. She turned to see Merlin holding Arthur's breakfast and looking more apologetic than anything else. "I will fix your chambers immediately! I only wish I came sooner." Merlin shuffled around the room searching for a place to put the food. He stopped suddenly and stared as though he noticed Arthur for the first time. "Oh, sire," Merlin said in a distraught tone, "I could have helped you dress. Should I come to wake you earlier in the mornings?"

Arthur looked stricken. "No—No. Absolutely not!" Arthur sputtered. He gave Gwen a look that said, 'See! See! What did I tell you?' "Just—Just clean it up!" Arthur added as he fled the room.

Once Arthur was certainly out of earshot, Gwen broke into a fit of laughter, "Merlin, that's really clever."

Merlin looked confused, "What is? Arthur? Of course he is." Merlin looked down and then spoke as though he had just witnessed a true tragedy, "Oh! He didn't get his breakfast." Merlin looked torn. Then, having made up his mind, "Excuse me, I must bring breakfast to his lordship." Merlin began to move for the door.

Gwen placed her hand out to stop him. She laughed again, "Alright, I think he's had enough for now. C'mon, I'll help you clean this up."

Merlin stared at Gwen as though she had just spoken the most ridiculous words in existence. "Enough food? He hasn't had any yet!" Merlin objected.

Gwen smirked, "Merlin, he's not in here; you can drop the ruse."

Merlin looked even more confused and worried for Gwen's sanity. "What are you talking about?" He shook his head as though wanting to forget what he had just heard and move on. "I must bring him his breakfast!" Merlin darted past Gwen and down the hall.

Gwen gaped at the empty doorway that Merlin just ran through. Gwen began to wonder if she had even woken up that morning. She closed her eyes and pinched herself. When she opened her eyes... Arthur's wrecked room. She sighed. It was worth a try.

Arthur's behavior had baffled her, but now it made a bit more sense. A smile tugged her lips. Arthur was upset by Merlin being too subservient. On one hand, the situation was humorous and made Arthur a bit more endearing. However, Gwen was worried about Merlin's sanity. If this was all a prank, Gwen felt certain that Merlin would have laughed the moment Arthur had left. Something had to be wrong with Merlin. She needed to see Gaius! But, she couldn't right now; she had to attend to Morgana. How long had Gwen been standing there? She had to go. The thought occurred to her that she really didn't want to be caught in Arthur's room, especially with it in this state.

Meanwhile...

Arthur slowed his pace considerably after he had rounded a few corners. A few people had started to stare. Arthur didn't want to alarm anyone unnecessarily with his haste. Besides, if Merlin wanted to further his sick joke by following, he would have done so by now. Arthur needed to clear his head. He was having trouble not shouting down the halls in frustration. How had Merlin contained himself so well? The facade didn't seem to break even for a moment. He must have something huge planned! There was no other way Merlin could seem so happy to help at the sight of such a horrific mess. Arthur didn't want to find out what Merlin had planned. But how would Arthur stop his manservant? The wreck had only backfired. Arthur suppressed a groan. Now Merlin was going to wake Arthur absurdly early. Probably before the sun even rises. Nothing Arthur could say would stop Merlin from taking that horrible notion to heart. Of course, Arthur could just dismiss his manservant for the time being. But Arthur didn't want to do that! No, Arthur would make Merlin snap. Merlin could only handle so much work.

"Sire!" Merlin's voice called from behind. Arthur walked faster, pretending to not hear the wretched sound. Couldn't Merlin just allow a moment of peace?

"Sire," Merlin hailed again, having now caught up with Arthur.

"What is it Merlin?" Arthur relented, but he refused to slow his pace or even glance at the insolent pipsqueak.

"You didn't get your breakfast, m'lord," Merlin said frantically, lifting the plate of food higher.

"I'm not hungry." Arthur forced himself to not glance at Merlin or the wonderful smelling food.

"But you haven't eaten yet!" Merlin objected. He tried to shove the plate into Arthur's hand.

"I'm fine," Arthur lied through clenched teeth. Arthur wasn't going to give Merlin the satisfaction of succeeding at whatever he was trying to pull now. Arthur didn't care how much his stomach growled in protest. Merlin wasn't going to get to him! "I've already eaten," Arthur added before Merlin could continue wheedling and tempting Arthur with food.

Merlin stopped and stood, staring dejectedly as Arthur continued on. Merlin was failing his duty to his prince! First the bedroom gets wrecked, then Arthur has already dressed and eaten. Merlin obviously was doing something wrong. He was supposed to serve Prince Arthur and he was failing dismally!

Arthur smiled in triumph. He had managed to stop Merlin this time! His heart soared with hope. By this afternoon, Merlin won't dream of trying something like this again. For the rest of the distance to the stables, Arthur felt increasingly pleased with the treacherously wonderful plan that unfolded in his mind.

When Arthur entered the stables, he halted with shock and horror. The stables were impossibly clean, cleaner than they had ever been before.

We don't know what possessed us to write this next part in grand detail. Basically, Richard is tested for the third and final time. The "moral" was to have patience and not coup because saving these people was someone else's destiny and task. The entire thing was convoluted and confusing. Because of that, we decided to ditch it. Well, that, and it was 242 pages long (featuring plenty of angsting, indecision, and even romance). After Richard passed his test, he and Kahlan gushed shamelessly for fifteen pages. Kahlan mentioning in one way or another that she always had faith in Richard happened 27 times within those fifteen pages. The next 23 pages detailed Cara expanding into her original size while inside the bag. How we had managed to create a second abomination is still beyond both of us.

Meanwhile...

Arthur gleefully splattered mud throughout his room. He wondered exactly how he would repay Gwen. Arthur wasn't even quite sure how he had managed to to convince her to help. He was simply glad Gwen had dropped off that basket of mud.

When Arthur had asked her to bring him mud, she tried to to tell him she didn't think Merlin was pulling a prank. Merlin continued behaving strangely even after Arthur had left. She felt certain that something was wrong with Merlin. Arthur assured her that Merlin was trying to further the joke by continuing the ruse for her as well. Arthur wasn't going to let Merlin make a fool of him.

As Arthur rubbed mud into the drapes, he thought cruelly of everything he had planned. He wasn't going to stop at wrecking the room. Oh no, Merlin will cry when he sees the amount of work he'll have to do. On one hand, Arthur was slightly frustrated that Merlin had managed to set Arthur's plans back by cleaning the room before Arthur could return from duties. But, on the other hand, the room being re-destroyed (with the addition of mud) would add to the effect.

A knock on the door sounded. "Arthur."

Arthur wheeled around. Standing in the now open doorway was Gaius.

"Are you alright, sire?" Gaius asked with a raised eyebrow.

Arthur dropped the drapes behind him as if he could somehow hide the entire mess with that single action. Under Gaius' withering gaze, Arthur felt like a small child getting caught.

"I'm fine," Arthur replied quickly.

"Are you sure?" Gaius sounded concerned. Well, he had good reason. Just don't tell my father, Arthur thought desperately.

"Quite sure." Then to change the subject, Arthur inquired, "Is there something you need, Gaius?"

"Yes," Gaius paused, taking in a deep breath, "I need to talk to you about Merlin."

Arthur stiffened. His eyes wandered guiltily. "What about him?"

"It's just that he mentioned you in his long-winded explanation as to why he was polishing my bottles."

Arthur jumped slightly. "He's doing it to you too?" He asked incredulously.

"What do you mean?" Gaius asked in confusion. Arthur wouldn't have any bottles to polish.

Arthur paused. How could he explain the situation to Gaius? "Uh... When he was getting me out of my armor yesterday, he... tried to polish at the same time," Arthur paused again, "He's been acting strange since yesterday—and doing similar things... He nearly licked a boot. I-I thought it was all a prank. But if he's doing it to you too..."

Gaius looked contemplative. "About when did you first notice he was acting like this?"

"About... around the time of the knighting ceremony. It didn't get obvious until afterward."

Gaius frowned. He tried to remember what Merlin was doing just before the knighting ceremony. Merlin was making a potion... Gaius realized with a start that Merlin put away the magic book just before leaving. Gaius, at the time, had thought Merlin was trying to squeeze in some extra studying while working. Gaius had planned on talking to Merlin about the need for full attention in these situations. But, instead, it seemed Merlin didn't need a lecture on that. Rather, Merlin—again—needed to be more responsible with magic.

"That would explain it," Gaius muttered under his breath.

"What?"

"I think I know what's going on," Gaius explained, "If I'm right, I will need your help."

"What do you need me to do?" Arthur asked, eager get this over with.

Gaius paused. "First, you might want to make sure your room doesn't look like there's been an intruder in case someone comes. I need to check something before we do anything, just to be certain. Meet me in my chambers as soon as you can. That's where I left Merlin... polishing bottles."

As Gaius left, Arthur felt a twinge of guilt. Arthur hadn't believed Guinevere, and he had wanted to make Merlin cry! Arthur hastily mopped up as much mud as he could with the already ruined drapes. Almost all the fabric in the room (besides the bedding) needed to be stashed. Arthur threw them behind the screen. He righted the furniture. Then, the room was still filthy. But, at least no one would panic about an intruder. Instead, some one would think Merlin was being an extraordinarily lazy servant.

Meanwhile...

Gaius hurried as fast as his old body would allow. When he arrived home, Merlin was still surrounded by bottles.

"Merlin?" Gaius said carefully.

"Yes," Merlin replied bouncily while still polishing bottles.

"Is there anymore of the potion you made yesterday?"

Merlin nodded brightly and innocently handed it to Gaius.

Gaius held the potion up to his eyes. It was lower than it should have been. "I need another anesthetic. This isn't enough for my needs." Merlin handed Gaius another drug. When Merlin reached for the first bottle, Gaius reproved firmly, "Merlin, I need what little I have here."

Merlin dropped his hand. "I can make more!" Merlin announced excitedly. Without waiting for a response, Merlin began to gather ingredients.

"Oh, I forgot. You're out of it," Merlin babbled in surprise.

"Merlin!" Gaius reproved without thinking, "I'm perfectly fine."

Merlin's cheeks turned red in shame. "I d-didn't mean that there was something wrong with you. Th-there isn't enough of this." Merlin held an ingredient aloft.

It was just as Gaius suspected. "Merlin," he said, "did you use magic to make—"

"Yes!" Merlin yowled. "That's not even the worst of it," he sniffed.

"It can't be that bad," Gaius said, trying to calm Merlin down. It was awkward to watch a grown man cry over something so pathetic.

"Yes it is!" Merlin wailed even louder, "I spilt it on myself!"

Just then, Arthur barged in.

"My lord! What do you need?" Merlin rambled, jumping to his feet, "If I knew—"

"I need to talk to Gaius," Arthur said firmly. "And for you to stay put," he added as an afterthought.

"But, m'lord, I can't just stand idle. I must—"

"Very well!" Arthur hastily cut Merlin off. He did not want to hear the rest of the sentence. "Then—" Arthur pursed his lips and shook his hand vigorously. "Polish those bottles!"

The moment Arthur and Gaius left the room Arthur asked, "Well? What's wrong with him?"

"Merlin accidentally spilled some of this on himself." Gaius held up a potion. "It was meant to be ingested, not applied to the skin."

"Right," Arthur nodded cluelessly.

"I need you to force Merlin to drink this," Gaius lifted the other potion, "So, then, I can make Merlin take the first potion properly."

"Why don't we just tell him to drink it? He's so eager to serve."

"It won't work. He got violent this morning when I tried to get him to eat breakfast."

Arthur's jaw dropped.

"Which is why we need him to be unconscious before giving him this," Gaius continued, "I'd rather you didn't knock him out with brute force. But if you have to..."

Arthur felt sick. "Why don't I force that potion down him?" Arthur asked, indicating the one Merlin dumped on himself.

Gaius raised an eyebrow at Arthur. "It takes weeks to make," Gaius lied. "This is all we have left. And, if Merlin should break it and get it on you as well... Remember, Merlin got into this fix because he got it on his skin."

Arthur's face turned gray at the idea. "We'll do it your way." He grabbed the other potion and reached for the door.

"Arthur," Gaius said, suddenly realizing something, "It might be best if we got him away from all the bottles."

When Arthur and Gaius reentered the room, Merlin's head snapped up immediately. "Sire—"

"I need you to come with me, Merlin," Arthur interjected. Arthur, drug in hand, crossed the room and started up the steps to Merlin's room. Merlin followed like a puppy dog.

"My room, m'lord?" Merlin inquired in confusion.

"Yes," Arthur answered, "I need to speak with you alone," and get you away from those bottles.

Once the door had closed behind them, Merlin asked eagerly, "What is it you require, m'lord?"

"Merlin, I need you to drink this," Arthur said, holding the drug aloft.

Merlin's eyes widened in alarm. "But—Sire—"

"Do it," Arthur commanded.

"It is my place to serve, not to be served, sire," Merlin shook his head.

"I am not serving you," Arthur corrected, "By drinking this, you are serving me. In fact, this is the best way you can serve me right now."

"But, m'lord, that doesn't make sense. I can't in good conscience drink that," Merlin said solemnly.

"If you don't, I'll make you," Arthur threatened.

Merlin stepped backward slowly, pursed his lips tightly, and shook his head vigorously. Arthur grabbed Merlin's wrists. Not wanting to risk dropping the bottle, Arthur quickly lost his grasp on the thrashing Merlin. Arthur then slammed Merlin's arms against his wriggling body. Merlin kneed Arthur between the legs. As Arthur keeled over in agony, Merlin bolted for the door. Arthur turned and leapt for Merlin. Grasping Merlin's wrist, Arthur roughly threw Merlin back toward the back of the room. In desperation, Merlin flung his free hand at the potion. The bottle slipped from Arthur's grip and smashed on the floor.

"Gaius!" Arthur yelped.

Suddenly, Merlin dropped to his knees. "I am dreadfully sorry, m'lord," Merlin wailed, "Punish me as you see fit, but I couldn't let you serve me!"

Gaius burst through the door. To Arthur's relief, Gaius carried five extra bottles. Knocking Merlin's head was the last thing Arthur wanted to do.

In horror, Merlin scrambled to his feet. They were NOT going to force him to be served!

Arthur smacked Merlin's chest, forcing the maniac on his back. Arthur held Merlin down with his foot. Gaius quickly handed Arthur another drug. Merlin thrashed his whole body and squeezed his mouth shut. Arthur roughly grabbed Merlin's nose and forced the liquid down the servant's throat.

After Merlin drank, he sobbed bitterly. He seemed to fight the effects before finally dropping into unconsciousness. Gaius handed Arthur the potion that caused this whole mess. It was finished.

Meanwhile...

After passing the third test, Anhora told Richard that burying the horn was necessary. This irritated Richard. It took them hours to find the dead, over-glorified horse... just so he could cut its horn off and bury it. They were only appeasing the old toad because he had shown he was capable of setting them back permanently.

When they had finally found the horse, Richard buried the horn as quickly as possible. Suddenly, Anhora's voice drifted over them, "When he who kills a unicorn proves himself pure of heart, then the unicorn shall live again."

Cara looked at her companions. She could tell they were thinking the same thing she was. "That doesn't make sense," She said with raised eyebrows.

Later...

Merlin's head pounded. Every inch of his body ached. Merlin moaned. He tried to open his eyes. They were swollen to slits.

"Merlin?" A kind voice—Gaius' voice said, "How do you feel?"

"Like I was trampled by a horse," Merlin grumbled. He heard what sounded like sighs of relief.

"It's good to hear you're feeling better," Another voice said. It was Arthur.

"Better? How is this better?" Merlin moaned incredulously, "Better than what exactly?"

There was an infinitely long pause. At least, it seemed that way to Merlin.

"Do you remember anything?" Gaius asked.

Merlin tried to think. That was difficult with a drumming head. Merlin jumped abruptly. "Ow," he moaned. Every muscle in his body screamed in protest to the sudden movement. Merlin couldn't speak. Surely that was his imagination. Struggling with Arthur... Chasing a rat about the room... Nearly jumping out the window—to eat it... Trying to lick a boot... Arthur's destroyed room—and gleefully cleaning it... No, none of that could be true.

"Merlin?" Arthur said.

"What was I thinking?" Merlin whined.

"I don't think you were," Arthur replied.

Merlin groaned. He had been a bootlicker... almost literally.

Very late that night...

Richard, Kahlan, Zedd, and Cara all completely ignored the 'lesson' from Anhora's test. After all, there was something wrong with that man.

They decided to take the only reasonable course of action. They disguised themselves with the mirror just before entering Camelot. Richard carried a large burlap sack over his shoulder as they crept through the streets. Finally, they reached the physician's home. Now all they needed to do was sneak pass the old man and steal his charge.

Once again, we did not write the absurd amount detailed in the italicizes. However, we did write the scene where Cara turns back into a human. Clarification: It is only 2 paragraphs-(Fern, you wrote it. You should know.)-NOT 23 pages. It just didn't flow right with the Princess Bride style, so it was cut. However, we are willing to provide it in the next chapter's edition of "Author's Note." But you have to do something for it: review. Convince us that you love this fan-fic! That is all. (Constructive criticism is also very welcome.)

Speaking of constructive criticism, we will try to be a little bit more serious... but only a little.