The voices outside her cell told Azula it was around noon. She had heard the subtle sounds of the changing of the guard a few hours earlier, being unable to ever reclaim sleep after her nightmare, and so the noise she heard now could only be the approach of the doctor and the casual chatter she made with the guards as they neared her cell. People walking towards her cell was the only noise Azula ever heard inside of her prison cell, and it wasn't a particularly common sound either. She found herself shaking, but whether it was caused by the cold permeating about the cell or a lingering sense of dread from her latest nightmare remained a mystery to her. Perhaps even, it may have been caused somewhat from a deep down, small, secret sense of anticipation. For a couple hours once a week, someone she had never known before would come to her cell, sit down, and talk with her.
While the doctor's ultimate objective was to help Azula identify and overcome those things which had brought her to this point, as well as to help mend her broken mind, that thing which the princess was most grateful for was just having somebody to speak with. Somebody to talk to her and to listen to what she had to say. Even if she didn't realize it herself, the truth was that she would long ago have succumbed to her madness and withered away into nothingness had it not been for the time she shared with her doctor. Ever since the incident which occurred just a couple months after she was first admitted, Azula had been denied any visitations save weekly sessions with the psychologist. The isolation had become unbearably hopeless. She wept nightly, and whenever sleep finally visited her it was neither soothing nor restful. Last night was no different than any of the other hundreds of nightmares which have plagued her ever since her imprisonment.
The voices grew louder and were accompanied by footsteps now. Azula listened intently as they drew nearer, though she didn't know why. She already knew what cell they were headed towards. The sharp shriek of scraping metal signaled the large key being inserted into her cell's door, and it was soon followed by the clink, clank, clunk of the lock being thrown. The large iron door began it's slow, arduous task of swinging open, it's hinges grinding under the weight and sending out a chorus of strained screeches ringing about her small cell. It was the closest thing to music she was ever allowed to hear. As the door swung further open, light began streaming through like an unbridled flood, anxious to illuminate the dark corners of the princess' cell. While it may have only been torchlight from the hallway outside, it could just as well have been the sun exploding outside of her door for all her eye's knew. Azula turned her head, knowing full well from previous mistakes how painful the light could be when viewed directly.
As the massive door swung further open, a gust of air swept into the cell, forcing out the stale, week old air that had settled in this pit. Although it was merely air from the prison's corridors, the princess reveled in it as though it were straight from a sweet meadow of fire lily's. She inhaled deeply, savoring the near heavenly aroma of the fresher air. The princess could feel the warmth of the light as it washed over her, bathing her with it's glorious luminescence as the sound of the door opening died down to an inaudible echo in the cracks of the bricks. The door fully opened, Azula remained still, patiently awaiting her doctor to enter the cell.
"Good afternoon, Azula." The doctor greeted with that ever friendly but stern voice of hers. Doctor Gweneth Tamoran was a native of the Earth Kingdom, but being born to a wealthy family during the occupation she had attended school in the Fire Nation. While standing at about 5'4" she may have seemed like a humble middle aged woman, but her stature disguised her strength. Although a fully credited psychologist, her area of expertise was individuals with sociopathic tendencies, and spending over 20 years face to face with some of the most deranged individuals the world had to offer, one could only imagine how forceful and head strong she had become. She was regarded amongst the finest in the world in her field, with plenty of glowing recommendations to accompany those claims. Eight months ago she had been contacted by none other than the Fire Lord himself for a very special assignment, and every week ever since she has visited the princess' cell.
"Hello Dr. Tamoran, it's nice to see you again." Azula replied with a weak and raspy voice. It wasn't very surprising, as she couldn't be expected to make much use of her voice sitting alone in a dark cell. The doctor turned her head briefly to say something to a guard the prisoner couldn't see, then proceeded to enter the small, dank cell, clipboard in hand. She must have said something about leaving the door open, Azula figured, as the guards made no attempt to shut it behind her. Dr. Tamoran carefully folded her flowered dress behind her knees and proceeded to sit a few feet in front of her patient, eying Azula carefully before starting. Satisfied that the princess was not in a violent mood, the good doctor decided to get started.
"I can see you haven't been practicing your voice exercises, would you care to tell me why?" Dr. Tamoran asked sternly but with just a hint of caring in her tone. She was quite good at it, Azula had come to realize these past months.
"I'm sorry, I guess I just haven't gotten used to the idea of talking to myself in the dark." The princess responded in a cautious manner, with a bit of sarcasm shining through her words. She continued, "I suppose I like to think I'm not that crazy, not yet anyways." A faint smirk crossed the princess' lips at this small joke. The doctor returned her smile, knowing just how important it was to keep the princess in a good mood.
"Well, it would be a shame for that beautiful voice of yours to be left behind when you are free from this place." The doctor's words were full of compassion, and Azula couldn't help but nod in agreement. Dr. Tamoran peered closely at the princess, those dull brown eyes of her's narrowing behind the wire rimmed, rectangular glasses that rested upon the bridge of her small nose. Azula felt as though the doctor were looking straight through to her thoughts, but it didn't bother her. She had become accustomed to this feeling, as the doctor did this quite often. It didn't take long for Dr. Tamoran to notice her patient was troubled. "You've had another nightmare Azula?" The certainty in her voice making it sound more like a statement than a question. The princess sighed, knowing from past experience how pointless it was to deny anything to her doctor at this point.
"Yes, I woke up screaming and haven't fallen back asleep since. It must have been at least five hours ago." Azula confessed, the memory of it stinging her words with pain.
"I know, the guards informed me before opening the door. I prefer to hear these things from you though, it's very crucial to the recovery process that you be honest with both yourself as well as me. Your honesty is much appreciated Azula, thank you." The doctor's compassionate words made the princess feel a little better. "Could you please recall your dream for me, in as much detail as possible?" Dr. Tamoran asked prudently, flipping a few sheets on her clipboard until she found the section containing every dream Azula had ever had while in prison. It was a big section.
She inhaled deeply before explaining with great detail everything that had occurred in her latest nightmare, cringing at certain parts and the whole time fighting back tears of both pleasure and pain. Dr. Tamoran watched her intently, offering the occasional "MmHmm" and "I see," as well as nodding empathetically when her patient recalled the painful parts. Azula let out a sigh as she finished, feeling relieved but also somewhat violated. No matter how many times she had gone through this, she still never truly got used to revealing her deepest inner thoughts to anybody, let alone someone she hardly even knew. It always left an uneasy feeling in the back of her mind. "What do you think this dream was trying to tell you Azula?"
"Well," The princess started, somewhat caught off guard by the doctor's question, "I think it was my subconscious manifesting the guilt I still feel for the loss of those I held dearest to me, and how I still blame myself for losing them." She noticed the pleasantly surprised look on Dr. Tamoran's face, and couldn't help but feel a little surprised herself. It seemed as though listening to the doctor's little lectures had paid off.
"Very good my dear!" Her doctor exclaimed, the surprise and pride both evident on her face. "As they would say in my homelands, I do believe you've hit the nail on the head!" The good doctor praised Azula with a cheery smile, igniting a spark of assurance in the back of her mind. For a brief moment there, Azula felt a shadow of her former self shine through. The proud, confident princess who could answer any question with absolute certainty, defeat any enemy with skill and cunning. The superlative prodigy of the Fire Nation, born to lead her people to the final, ultimate victory. Alas, look at her now, rotting in a pile of her own filth, forgotten by the very people she was supposed to lead, she sat now broken and destitute. She wasn't even certain she could firebend anymore, as if it made any difference. She was no prodigy, just a worthless failure. Azula cringed at her own thoughts, her face contorting in agony from the tormenting memories.
Dr. Tamoran noticed immediately the sudden shift in Azula's demeanor. "What's troubling you, Azula?" Once again, the princess found herself under the scrutinizing gaze of her doctor. She sniffled, secretly holding back a tear, but hesitated to respond right away. "Is it your friend? Perhaps you feel as though you will never have a chance to make amends for what has befallen the two of you?" The doctor continued to prod, refusing to accept a sniff for an answer.
"Just... bad memories." Azula whispered in defeat, turning her head aside. Dr. Tamoran peered curiously at the princess, as if examining some new, unknown species of insect.
"Memories are another way of saying the past, Azula. You should know full well by now that dwelling on the past only serves to deny your mind the healing it requires. You can't let these memories continue haunting you, no matter how painful some of them may be." The good doctor sternly stated, not so much pleading with her patient as she was ordering her. Azula turned her head again to face her doctor once more as understanding slowly spread across her face. Dr. Tamoran continued, "I'm quite pleased with the progress you have made over these last eight months Azula, but I fear if you don't learn to let the past go and forgive yourself that you may never achieve the freedom and peace of mind that you deserve."
The hint of compassion was returning to the doctor's voice as she went on. "Everybody makes mistakes Azula, but what matters is how we choose to react when confronted with those mistakes. Will you learn from them and better yourself, or dwell on what might have been had you avoided those mistakes?" She paused, silently gauging the young woman's reaction to her words. "Nobody can change the past Azula, but we can all learn from it. The most important thing you need to do right now is forgive yourself and move towards a better tomorrow." She finished, allowing her words time to sink in. Azula bowed her head, clenching her eyes shut even as water managed to squeeze itself out from behind her lids, streaking down to the corners of her mouth which had been raised up in a curl of disgust, and her whole face soon twisted into a mixture of pain, anger, and sorrow.
"I'm not sure if I know how." Was all Azula could manage to choke out. It was a pitiful, mocking croak of what her voice had once been, reflecting perfectly the broken mockery of the person she had once been. What she received in return was a look of disappointment and pity.
"You've paid for your mistakes Azula, you truly have. However, I cannot bring myself to recommend release until I'm certain you are cured of your mental afflictions." Dr. Tamoran stated sympathetically, and seeing the despair and anger warring across her patient's face she added, "All you have to do is forgive yourself dear. Let all of your anger, guilt, and shame go. You have to be honest-"
"Honesty! You want me to be honest? Fine, I'll tell you the truth!" Azula snapped at her doctor, who was taken aback by the sudden burst of fury. A pair of guards appeared quickly at the door, but Dr. Tamoran motioned for them to stay put. She wanted to hear what the princess had to say. "I have nothing left to go back to! You hear me! Nothing! Whatever you think I have waiting for me out there, you're wrong! Whatever you think forgiving myself is going to fix, it won't!" The anger had a bittersweet pleasure to it. It had been month's since Azula had felt anything, and now this burning inside of her had a pleasant familiarity to it. Dr. Tamoran didn't flinch, but instead sat there, calm and collected. If she had cracked every time a patient snapped at her she wouldn't have made it very far in this career.
"What about your friends Azula?" The doctor demanded in a tone similar to a mother who was fed up with a child's misbehaving.
"WHAT FRIENDS!" Azula screamed hard enough to shatter ice. The guards fidgeted in the doorway, looking more like they were preparing to run away than run in to restrain the prisoner. "The ones that betrayed me or the ones that visit me in this fucking hellhole!" Dr. Tamoran scoffed at her words, interested that her patient could still make use of sarcasm in all that rage.
"And Ty Lee?" She asked calmly, not allowing Azula's terrible fury to throw her off balance. The furious young woman stiffened, an empty feeling growing in her stomach. She had to calm herself, knowing if she didn't she would lose control of herself and do something she would regret. Still, the raging fury inside of her was burning far more intensely now than before and she was trembling with anger underneath her pale red prison rags.
"What about her." The princess grumbled flatly. Despite whatever she may have been thinking, her words clearly showed no interest in talking about that particular subject. Dr. Tamoran, however, refused to leave it alone. She turned to signal the guards away, or at least out of view, knowing this conversation would go nowhere without privacy. They nodded and quietly removed themselves from sight, looking rather relieved. Once satisfied that they were alone again, the doctor turned to face her patient and continued.
"You cannot honestly expect me to believe you don't care about her Azula. That is a blatant lie and I will not tolerate such childish behavior!" Dr. Tamoran snapped brusquely, causing the princess to sit straight up, most likely a force of habit from all her years under strict rule in the Academy. "This Ty Lee has been involved in every single dream you have had since your incarceration, are you aware of this?" Azula gave a slight shrug, more or less agreeing with what the doctor said. "She obviously means a great deal to you, perhaps even more than you realize. You have to free yourself from this prison of guilt you have placed your mind in, if for nobody else, including yourself, then do it for her. Don't you think you owe her at least that much?" Once again sympathy returned to the good doctor's voice, though her tone was still very much authoritative, demanding an honest answer.
"I suppose you may be right, but it hardly matters anymore. It's not as if I'll have the chance to make it up to her now." Azula stated softly, her spirit crushed in defeat. "Even if I was allowed visitors, she would never want to see me." Tears replaced her anger as the pain of her loss solidified inside of her stomach.
"And what makes you think this?" Dr. Tamoran offered softly, reacting accordingly to her patient's emotional state.
"Please, Dr. Tamoran, after how I treated her all those years, why would she ever want to see me again?" The sadness was now explicitly expressed in Azula's words. She gave a small, depressed sigh before adding, "We didn't exactly leave each other on a positive note either." Dr. Tamoran recognized immediately what was happening. If she didn't do something quickly, she feared her patient may very well be consumed with self-doubt and depression, in all likelihood leading to suicide, or at the very least making it impossible for a full recovery to ever occur, which would leave the princess to spend the rest of her life in this lightless prison cell, a fate the doctor considered far worse than death itself.
"Azula, I believe that you can salvage your friendship, as well as free yourself from this 'hellhole' as you so eloquently put it. You have the power inside of you, but perhaps you just need the right person to help you find it." Dr. Tamoran implored as she shifted through a few more pages. The princess looked curiously at her, not quite sure what to make of that last sentence. "My reports indicate that it's been a full six months since the incident with you and the three guards. I can honestly say you've come a long way from then, and I'm going to recommend you be allowed visitors once a week, in between sessions." She paused to gauge the look of hope blossoming on Azula's face before continuing, "I believe spending time with old friends will help you tremendously in moving past this chapter of your life. What do you think?"
Azula blinked in disbelief. She hadn't seen anybody besides her doctor for the last 8 months, she wasn't even sure anyone would want to see her. Her brother Zuko surely wouldn't, and she had tried to kill her friend Mai, so she was probably out of the question. She had never quite seen eye to eye with her uncle, Iroh, but knowing his constantly positive outlook on life and unwavering love for his family, not to mention he too had been imprisoned for a short time before the war ended, it wouldn't exactly surprise her if he did show up. What about Ty Lee? Azula had never attacked Ty Lee, quite the other way around in fact, but she had also never exactly treated her like a friend, more like a tool.
"If that's your recommendation, then I'll trust your judgment. I can't promise anyone would want to visit me though." Azula confessed shyly. Still, she clung to a small bit of hope in the back of her mind. Ty Lee had always had a way of accepting everything Azula did to her while remaining happily by the princess' side. Maybe, just maybe, Ty Lee would come to see her, and everything would be alright. Hope. It wasn't a very familiar feeling to the princess, but she recognized it instantly all the same. It held a certain intangible pleasure to it.
"Well, we'll see." Dr. Tamoran gave Azula a reassuring smile, which the princess couldn't help but return. Hope was indeed a magical thing if it could make her genuinely smile despite the world she was trapped inside. A sudden clattering at the door caused Azula to jump slightly, but Dr. Tamoran turned her head calmly, likely knowing that it was coming. A guard stood at the door, beckoning the good doctor. "Very well, it would appear our time is up Azula. I hope you'll do some good thinking about what we've discussed over the next few days. I would like it very much to see you walk out of this prison." She stood, dusting herself off, and made her way towards the door. As she was about to exit, she turned one last time to say, "Always remember, there are a lot of people who would like to see you free of this place." Azula wasn't sure if she was tired or just hearing things, but the doctor's last sentence sounded almost sinister to her. She quickly waved the thought away, assuring herself it was just her head messing with her.
"Thank you Dr. Tamoran, I'll be looking forward to our next session." She exchanged farewell waves with her doctor, took another deep breath of the outside air, then watched the light shrink to an ever smaller sliver as the large iron door was swung shut, flooding her cell with it's grinding symphony before slamming shut with a reverberating bang. Weariness began to take the princess, and she soon found herself drifting off to another dream. This time, she hoped, there would be no flames, no pain, no suffering. Just the soothing calmness of sleep. One can hope, she told herself, a faint smile making it's way to the corners of her mouth. One can hope.
"Alright men, I expect each and every one of you up bright and early for the rounds. Don't you go getting shitfaced on me, understood!" The captain yelled to his men as he stood in the doorway of the tavern. Their responding "Yes sir's!" were not what one might call synchronous, but that didn't bother their captain much. He was glad to see they were enjoying themselves. Farewell shouts and cheers followed him into the empty street, the joyful sounds of the bar fading behind him as he made his way to the barracks. The streets of the imperial city were darker than usual, but he knew the way all the same. As he walked alone down that desolate street, he couldn't help but gaze up towards the night sky. There wasn't much to look at though, as heavy clouds blocked out the moonlight and most of the stars. Sighing, he couldn't help but think about the past. More than 8 months ago they had almost claimed victory in the war, though he and his men wouldn't have been there to see it. They weren't a part of the airship fleet, instead they had roamed the sea's on their grand battleship, hunting down any and all naval threats to the Fire Nation.
Thirty-seven years, he thought to himself. Thirty-seven years of loyal service to the Fire Lord, and this is how he was repaid? He and his men cursed to patrol the streets of the imperial city, day in and day out. It was such a dull, inglorious job. Sure, there were the occasional pickpockets and vandals to deal with, but nothing deserving of his men. They had fought dozens of battles against stalwart adversaries, each one a hard earned victory. He had watched some of the best soldiers in the Fire Nation die noble deaths for their lord and land, and this was how they honored their memories?
The captain let out a heavy sigh, knowing it was pointless to keep thinking about these things. The war was over, the avatar was once again protecting peace around the world, and they were doomed to patrol the streets of the imperial city, day after day, until old age took them. No more battles, no more glorious charges, only petty criminals and other offenders who would never be worthy opponents. He peered down a dark alley to his right, just as a large shadow appeared to suddenly move across it. The captain stopped, unsure whether his mind was playing tricks on him, or if somebody was actually there. It was far too dark to be certain, and in his inebriated state he didn't want to risk tossing a fireball at a civilian.
Instead, he decided to call out, "Hello? Is there someone out there?" He listened as his words echoed down the street, fading off into the night. He decided to try again, "This is Captain Dieronimus of the Imperial City patrol, if there is someone there identify yourself now or risk severe burns!" His words carried an air of authority with them, but the shadows did not heed them. He listened carefully, focusing all of his attention on the alleyway and it's shadows. He could just barely make out a straining, stretching noise, like that of a... A bowstring! The thought hit him like an avalanche, and he wasted no time in igniting a large ball of flame in his hand. Unfortunately, it only served to light himself up as a target.
The twang of release was followed by a high pitched whistling, and a sudden piercing pain in the captain's chest. He fell back against the wall of a nearby house from the impact of the arrow. Luckily his armor stopped it from penetrating deep enough to strike any vitals. He reignited his hand and tossed a dazzling fireball blindly into the alley. In the light of the impact he saw for a brief second a dark, cloaked figure standing silently, bow lowered at it's side.
The captain looked upon his assailant disbelievingly. They weren't reaching for another arrow, nor charging with a blade in hand? They didn't truly believe that one arrow would finish him, a combat hardened veteran? The captain let out a grunting laugh, deciding if his opponent wasn't going to try and finish him off, he would just have to finish the bastard himself. He pushed himself away from the wall he had been leaning against, but as he did a sudden burning pain began in his chest, as if the arrow were on fire. That was preposterous though, he had seen the arrow plainly and there had been no flames on it. He growled through the pain, intent on watching this son of a bitch burn to ashes in his fist. The captain tried to inhale deeply, but instead found that he could draw no breath, the burning sensation now tormenting his chest. It was growing more and more torturous, becoming far too much to bear.
Captain Dieronimus threw his head back to let out a scream of pain, but before any air passed over his lips, a sudden bursting noise sped down the street, deafening in it's intensity. The captain, however, never heard this noise, as it was the noise of the arrow in his chest bursting, shredding the entire upper half of his body and sending the bloody chunks of flesh hurling in every direction. Bits of bone smacked into nearby windows and brick walls with various tic's and tac's as the horrendous stench of burning hair and flesh wound it's way up and down the street. The captain's legs collapsed into a small pile of smoldering and paste like flesh, the steam hissing as it rose up into the night air.
The cloaked figure stepped forward now, satisfied that nobody had been alerted by the little scuffle. As he came upon the dark pile of shredded flesh and shattered bone that was once Captain Dieronimus he stopped, and produced from his sleeve a large brush. He dipped it in the largest puddle of blood he could find, and proceeded to trace out letters on the wall that the captain had leaned against a few moments earlier. Once satisfied that they were legible enough, he stepped back to admire his work for a moment. As he did, he heard a dull, wet thud a few yards to his right. He turned his head to see what appeared to be a ball lying there in the street. A hairy ball. He knew it was no ball though, and that it was indeed the head of the late captain. He stopped to think for a moment, trying to remember how long it had been between the arrow bursting and the head landing. He gazed upwards, a malicious smirk upon his lips now.
"Sixty feet," He chuckled to himself, "That has to be a new record." Taking a final moment to enjoy his work, the strange man then turned and disappeared into the shadows of the alleyway he had emerged from, leaving only the macabre scene and three large letters on the wall. BoH.
Author's note: Bear with me here folks, as I transfer this story over from DA. I'm actually up to chapter 7 right now, more than half way through it actually, but I'm in the process of going back over and revising the previous chapters, as they no longer stack up in my opinion. In any case, rest assured that there's plenty more of this story on it's way, and soon hopefully. As always, thanks for taking the time to read it.
Vahnati