PEOPLE ACTUALLY READ THIS STORY AND LIKED IT. HOW.
-Mastermind Ritsu, who is flabbergasted.
Andrew laid your mother down on the couch, not bothering to look at Kuroha at all. You didn't blame him at all, though. After all, you spent at least a straight half hour explaining to him what happened. He was in a state of distress and disbelief, thus you left him alone. Right now, you were currently sitting on the couch, occasionally glancing over to Kuroha, leaning in the corner ominously.
"We're keeping this a secret, _." Andrew said simply, draping a Disney flannel blanket over your mother's body. Kuroha chuckled.
"Oh, but I implore you to try, you brat. It must certainly be a simple task to conceal a six foot snake humanoid within the confines of a two story, suburban manor." Andrew chucked a cushion at Kuroha, and he caught it with his fast reflexes. You squealed in fright at how quickly he moved.
"Shut the hell up, you snake fucker! This is all your fault!" Andrew snarled and quickly walked over to you, sitting besides you on the arm of the small chair you resided in.
"This is all our faults. I simply took the route that would ensure me the ability of surviving my ultimate demise, and your sister was the key to that. Now, we're stuck together until she claims that her wish has been granted, and then I'll depart, but I won't guarantee that I'll leave in a peaceful manner." Kuroha kept speaking in that torturous, cheery voice that brought forth anger into your system.
"Wait, how did you even get here. I mean, here, as in this world." Andrew brought up, making a good point. You nodded, and Kuroha shuffled in his spot. He didn't seem very fond of the idea of sharing his miraculous account, but you would most likely order him to do it anyway, or so he probably was thinking, so he decided to inform you both.
"I'm going along with your thesis on this being an alternate reality, since it's rather believable from what I've done, but..." He trailed off, looking out the window. "A bunch of kids with my fellow snakes inside of them defeated me, and that damned Haruka made the wish to return to his body, and thus I was expelled from him. I thought that I was a goner, until I rose up from a small body of water back at your city's child play area, and that's where I encountered my Master. She just happened to be walking around aimlessly, and since I was looking for a new host and someone to sustain off of, I encountered her at gunpoint and forced her to make a wish. Then, once she wished for me to, in shorter terms, to be her eternal servant, time reversed itself in order to fix me breaking it's rules, and we ended back here, and you know the rest." He summed up. Andrew pulled at the sleeves of his black t-shirt, nodding.
"So, this happened at the end of Mekakucity Actors, then." Kuroha looked at him with an utter disdain.
"Mekakucity Actors? What do you mean by that?" He demanded. "Is this the thing you keep babbling on about, how I'm a cartoon character?!"
"Never mind, never mind. It was just an open thought of mine." You noticed that he was swiftly trying to avoid the topic of Kuroha being from an anime and a song series for people's entertainment. You recalled Andrew once dedicating an hour of ranting to you why he hated fangirls always casually telling an anime character that they are an anime character. He ranted about how is was practically death storming up to your bedroom in the middle of the night and informing you that you were going to fall in a ditch the next day and snap your neck. When you thought about it, it did seem like a dangerous thing to tell them. This information shouldn't be so easily given out.
"So, if Kuroha is staying with us, we have to get him clothes and other related necessities." You informed the two, breaking the silence between the thick barrier of tension. "We also need a plan to conceal him from Mom and Dad, though, I think we blew that one."
"She's out cold. We can fabricate the entire encounter easily. Lesson one, Kuroha, do NOT perch a snake around your neck when greeting people. You know why? THIS IS WHY!" Andrew yelled. Your mother stirred, and Andrew quickly shushed you to be quiet. As if you needed his command to complete that demand.
"Look on the bright side, pathetic human, I prevented your mother from kicking me out, and I didn't kill anyone. Nevertheless, your father also didn't find out, so I think we're at a win-win situation. Isn't that wonderful?" He clapped his hands together, applauding Andrew.
"_, I really hate you right now..."
"I agree." You responded back. This was all your fault. You pretty much damned the world with agreeing to make a wish with Kuroha. Now, he was stuck here for, let's say a very long time. It was a good thing to think about the fact that Kuroha didn't choose some psychopath or insane person to grant a wish to, or else the world would definitely be screwed. Yes, it was better to look at it from that perspective.
"Well, snake fucker, because I don't want your ratchet ass in anymore of my clothes or personal belongings, I'm going to blow my hard earned cash that I was going to spend on a piano for you. You better be satisfied." Andrew pulled out his wallet and flipped through the crisp money that he had stacked up in there. He whimpered at he closed it in agony. "There goes the piano I spent the summer saving up for..."
"Another summer with come, I'm sure, Andrew. Besides, you can bum on the school's piano. Then you can go back to procrastinating at the bookstore and claim that you were 'working hard.'" You said, forgetting the atmosphere. "I'll even help. But right now, we have more important matters to attend to."
You turned to Kuroha. "And you, quit pissing everyone off here and mind your manners." Kuroha smiled and lowered his head, staring at the ground. You were going to have to learn how to step up for yourself in order to control him better. You were his Master, or so he claimed that you were. You still wanted to believe that this was all a deluded coma that you were in, but that conspiracy was far behind you. "Andrew, let's hurry up and go to the mall before Mom wakes up."
"Dad took the van, which leaves us with the truck. There's only two seats." Andrew brought up, glancing out the window at the silver locomotive. "You'll have to sit in snake fucker's lap."
"WHAT." You blurted out. Kuroha also seemed generally surprised at Andrew's comment, widening his eyes some. "N-No, I couldn't! We can just walk, right? Right?"
Andrew shook his head. "It's at least 2 miles away from where we live, and I'm not going to risk walking down the highway with snake fucker running loose."
"Excuse you," Kuroha snapped, calmly walking up to Andrew with a rather ticked off expression, "I would appreciate it if you refrained from diminishing what's left of your deficient intelligence and cease calling me 'Snake Fucker.'" Andrew smiled, knowing now what got on his nerves. He wasn't afraid of Kuroha that much anymore, now that he knew that you controlled him, and decided to toy at him.
"Alright, alright. I see how it is. I'll call you 'Fuckboy' instead." Kuroha slapped your brother really hard with a resonant strike, sending him falling onto the floor with a thud. He rolled over onto his side and tried to sustain his whimpers of pain. You pushed Kuroha out of the way before he could kick him, and you fell on top of him onto the rug. For a moment, you remained there in tranquility, staring into the inflamed face of Kuroha, who started back, heaving really hard in rage. You never really seen him angry in canon before, so this was offbeat.
"Calm down!" You eventually said to him, and he shoved you off of him, hesitating for a few minutes to look at the scene that he had caused.
"Damn you both!" He stormed out the door slamming it hard. You heard weak giggles coming over from Andrew, and got up sorely to see him covering his face, indeed laughing. He rose up and propped himself next to the couch, coughing wearily. You also smiled by habit and joined in on the laughter.
"Oh, my God. I called him Fuckboy. And lived. Lived. My dreams have now become a reality. Oh, my God. This is a grand day for me." Andrew was appeased. "I am going to die."
"As am I." You helped your brother up, and he stumbled over, still maintaining his entitlement to joy.
"But when I do, my spirit shall haunt the school's Wi-Fi, and I shall unblock Tumblr. No one can stop me." He pulled out his car keys, since the truck was his, and jingled them into the air. "Let's go get the Fuckboy."
It didn't take long before you located Kuroha kicking a tree outside and forced him to wear shoes, and that is how you were now driving down the highway, sitting in KUROHA'S LAP, as Andrew contently drove, still smirking from his earlier victory. You tried to look over the fact that you were situated in an attractive snake's lap and looked out the window to see the rainy environment. The grey, murky sky seemed to be describing the mood perfectly for you and Kuroha, and you yawned. Passing cars drifted up water vapor from escalating down the giant hill in a hurry. The windshield wipers kept up a steady rhythm of despair, you were sure, and the car kept up it's awkward silence.
You twitched as Kuroha put one of his arms on your shoulders. "Don't you humans have a music player or something of the like located in your man made transportation?"
"I do, Fuckboy, but I like to drive in silence. Mainly because I am in band, and I am prepping myself for the onslaught whale screeching that is to come." Andrew answered, taking a left turn down a shortcut that he knew of. Kuroha grunted.
"Didn't I tell you to refrain from calling me that?"
"Yes, told. And I didn't feel like going by your rules, so you are Fuckboy and forever more Fuckboy." Andrew smiled, and you had to hold onto Kuroha from slapping Andrew again. Releasing his hand and tearing from your hold, he crossed his arms.
"Your fate is only being held in safety from your pathetic sister's grasp. Enjoy your little name calling for now, you worthless rat." He hissed.
"The only fate being held by me is you, you insolent twat! This is all your fault in the first place! You should have just died back there in that pond if you didn't want to serve a new Master whom you'd didn't ever think about wishing up something that would cause you to land in this predicament!" You couldn't see his reaction, but he reached and gripped both of your shoulders tightly, shaking you back and forth.
"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU INTOLERANT WHELP! IF YOU HADN'T MADE THAT DAMN WISH, I WOULDN'T BE IN THIS MESS!" You kicked his foot and he released you. Now it was your turn to snap some sense into him. Your blood was boiling at this point, and you had to release what was on your mind. You had always been the quiet type because you found that it was better to listen than to take part, but screw that reasoning now.
"IF YOU HADN'T FUCKED UP THE TIMELINES AND "DIED" IN YOUR COCKINESS, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH THIS MESS, NOW, WOULD YOU?!" All was quiet again as you looked back out the side window. The engine's purr was the only thing that kept up the sound from being even more awkward. Kuroha placed his arms around you and did the unthinkable. Something you never thought that you'd see him do, or witness in your lifetime: He cried.
Andrew glanced over at the scene from the small mirror that hang above his dash. "...Are... you okay?"
"Shut up, shut up, shut up, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP." He buried his head into your shoulders. You turned your body over to look at his pale, hunched over form and felt the tears he wept onto your skin. His crying was silent, but you knew what he was doing. You somehow felt sorry for him. You pitied him and you didn't know why. He didn't deserve such an emotion, for he was a creature without mercy. He was made to be an undesirable killing machine that wasn't to be taken too lightly with. You reached up and gently touched his head, and when he didn't make any movement to stop you, you stroked his head.
"I'm sorry, alright? I didn't mean it." He rose up, exhaling roughly, and looked down onto the flooring with his red face.
"How.. did you know about the time loops?" He asked with a rough voice, after what seemed like a while. Andrew slowed down at a stoplight and set his turn signal for the mall, across from the street.
"_, you tell him. He'll listen to you better than I." You nodded.
"Kuroha, like we've stated before, you're a character from a Japanese anime- erm, song series. That's how we know." You summed up, breaking the other rule Andrew and you swore not to break earlier. It seemed like you were breaking all sorts of rules today. What an amazing step of progress you were making. Kuroha refused to respond, and Andrew clicked on the radio in hopes of fixing something. It was, ironically, one of Andrew's favorite songs, Centuries. He smiled wearily and turned it up.
"Hey, Kuroha, I think that you'd like this song." He said, and turned into the parking lot as soon as the light changed green. You assumed that Kuroha was listening, but he refused to speak otherwise. Finding a parking space, he turned off the engine, and thumped his back against the seat. "Now that you know, what are your thoughts now?"
He kept looking down at the floor. "What does it matter? It matters none. My time is over. The Mekakushi defeated me, and here I am now. It doesn't amount to anything if I am fictional or real to humans, what matters is that I am. Turn up the music."
"Um.. que?" Andrew said.
"Turn up. The damn. Song." He ordered, taking out his pistol and clicking the safety off, cocking it at Andrew. " NOW."
"Holy shit! All you had to do was ask!" He fiddled around with the dial, and cranked it up. You sat there in the car for a few more seconds, until Kuroha shook his head and tossed the pistol into the floor.
"That made you shut the hell up. I'm leaving." Kuroha quickly opened the door and grabbed you by the arm. He drug you out against your will, keeping you pressed closely against his chest and slammed the door shut. "Come on, Master."
"Why are you doing this?!" You cried. His improbable strength made it useless to struggle against, so the heels of your tennis shoes did nothing against the friction of the pavement.
"Why?! WHY?! Let me think. First, I've been damned from living in my personal empire as I pleased. Second, I'm stuck with you. Third, I can't get out of this mortal form, and finally, this cursed body is affecting me more than I thought! Oh, and I'M A FICTIONAL FUCKING CHARACTER WHICH PEOPLE LAUGH AT THEIR AMUSEMENT. Damn you, damn this, and DAMN YOUR FUCKING BROTHER." He kept you close by his side, gripping your bruised area as he yelled. You allowed him too, and realized what he was going through.
He was one of the most threatening characters to date, and he had practically been stripped of his reputation to nothing but a mere joke. You wanted to say that he had it coming, but you couldn't. You really did at this point feel sorry for him. You were deeply conflicted, caught between two worlds. You kept remembering that this was the monster that slaughtered kids endlessly, enjoying their misery, but then you also considered that he simply did this all to preserve his own life. You didn't know what do to, who to side with. What was right? What was wrong? Black or white? There was either this or that. And you were in the grey area.
You made him stop walking. "Kuroha, it's going to be alright."
"NO. It won't be, and it won't ever be again! Damn you!"
"LISTEN TO ME." You yelled, pushing him against the wall with your free hand. "It. Will. Be. I know that you killed those kids because you simply wanted to live, not caring about anyone else but yourself. But look. You're alive, aren't you? You're not dead. You've accomplished your goal, one way or another. You're granting wishes, and you're practically preserving your life by being in that body. You're alive. You might have been torn of pride, and... other things that I can't think of, but you're here right now, and that's what matters the most, right?" He was astounded from what you had to say, but let go of your hand slowly.
"...I will end your life as soon as our deal is over with, and I will enjoy it. Every last moment." He said through clenched teeth. Your heart dropped.
Andrew ran up to you both, heaving. "Kuroha, hurt my sister, and I'll screw you over sideways."
"A mere human up against me? Hah! Wonderful! Such pleasuring entertainment! I'd like to see you take on such an attempt." He growled, cracking his knuckles. Andrew sighed.
"Good ol' Fuckboy. Glad to see you're feeling better."
"STOP CALLING ME THAT." He yelled, turning around swiftly and crossing your arms. He really did seem to have recovered from his state of distress. Maybe what you said really did get to him. Andrew said nothing more on the matter, and tried to derive from the topic.
"Anyways, Kuroha, I'd like to introduce you to a little friend of mine called the economy." He said, stepping forward and opening the mall doors for Kuroha. Kuroha took hold of your hand (An annoying habit that you've grown tired of by now. Maybe this was his way of coping with not inhabiting your body), and this was the beginning of your 'fun' first field day with a murderer. Your mother would be proud.
I can't believe I wrote the breakdown scene. Just... I did it in order to showcase that Kuroha probably would break down once he realized that everything he knew was fucked over, or a lie. He's not going to let the issue die anytime soon, I assure you. The poor fuckboy.