AN: Some of this chapter was dialogue pulled right out of the episode itself because I really feel like this had to happen. And Don't hate on me because of it. There is going to be lots of angst for some characters. I will say that not everything will be cannon but this moment was to big to just skip over. I also know that this Chapter is much longer than the last one. In fact it is about twice as long. My chapters are all going to vary in length. It all depends on what I need or want to happen in any given 'episode'
Enjoy…
Chapter Two: Courage
So one of the worst days of my life starts with me and Tina walking down the hallway talking about new sweater trends, and the fact that I will be wearing most of them this season when I get pushed against some lockers by that Neanderthal Karofsky. He seems to think that he can push me around and that nothing will come of it. And right now, he is right. No teachers ever see what goes on, and none of the students dare say anything. Then considering he is about twice as big as I am makes it hard for me to stand up against him.
Then after that drama we went to Glee club. Walking in I feel tired and kind of numb, and it isn't from my face meeting the lockers. I am only half paying attention when Mr. Schue is talking about who our competition is going to be. And then there is Santana's crude remark which I am the only one who seems to notice how offensive it is. "And since it got you guys jazzed up about sectionals last year, I thought that this could be our second annual boys vs. girls mashup tournament." I think I am the only one not cheering. "So split up into two groups and, uh, figure out what songs your gonna sing."
As everyone gets up to move I quietly slink over to the girls side hoping that I will get away with it, but not really thinking I will. And I am right. "Kurt gonna say it again, Boys team." I walk back over to the 'boys side' and sit in silence because I know when it comes down to it, with the boys my opinion is not really wanted. Sitting there listening to them talk about some ACDC something or another makes me zone out again, thinking about how I wish there was more acceptance in this hole of a town.
Here I am walking down the hallway, and another locker slam. Something inside me snaps, "WHAT is your problem?"
Karofsky starts walking toward me, "You talking back to me?" It's then I realize that I actually said something and I am probably gonna get hit worse than a locker slam. "You want a piece of the Fury?"
"The Fury?"
"That's what I named my fist."
All of a sudden I am less afraid and more angry, must be testosterone or adrenaline, "Well with that level of creativity you could easily be come an assistant manager at a rendering plant."
"I don't know what that is, but if I find out its bad, the Fury is going to find you." and he slams me against the locker for the third time that day. Only a few seconds too late Mr. Schue walks around the corner and asks me to come to his office.
"Is there anything that I can do?" I accept the water he offers, sigh and say, "No, this is my hill to climb alone."
"Can I be honest? I think it's getting to you. Usually this stuff just rolls right off your back, but lately you've been belligerent, angry, pushing people away."
I sigh mentally, does he not see that I am only acting this way because of the way I am being treated? "Can I be honest with you? You like everyone else at this school are too quick to let homophobia slide. And your lesson plans are boring and repetitive. Boys Vs. Girls? That doesn't challenge any of us."
"You mean because I didn't let you join the girls like you wanted?"
I sigh again, "To answer your question, yes I am unhappy. And yes being the only out gay kid at this school gets me down, but most of all, I don't feel challenged in the least here." I walk out as the bell rings and try to hold my head high for the rest of the day. I can't let the bullies here think that they are getting to me, so I put on my mask of indifference and continue on.
In glee club the next day I am so excited to hear that the guys will be doing songs traditionally sung by girls and vice a versa. In my free period I make up a few boards for samples and I think that the guys will be very impressed with the knowledge I have to offer. I couldn't have been more wrong. After Puck's comment, about doing something useful, I feel like I just can't win. So I give in. "Fine." I take down my sample boards and head out of the class room we were using for our meeting.
I walk out into the hallway and stuff the boards I worked hard on in the trashcan. The halls are pretty empty because it is lunch time so I go out to my car and get it. If all I can do is spy then a spy I will become. Who knows, maybe I can find a place where I don't have to put up with such blatant Homophobia.
At first I am nervous because I didn't realize that they would have uniforms, but luckily not many people pay too much attention to me. When I start walking down the giant staircase I notice that all the students are heading in the same direction. So I stop one of the people passing me. "Excuse me. Um, hi. Can I ask you a question? I'm new here."
"My name's Blaine." He holds out his hand to shake mine and I grab it, "Kurt. So, what exactly is going on?"
"The Warblers. Every now and then they throw an impromptu performance in the senior commons. It tends to shut the school down for a little while."
"So, wait, the glee club is kind of cool?"
"The Warblers are like rock stars. Come on. I know a shortcut." He grabs my hand in his and we are running down a hallway and it is one of the best feelings in the world. I don't really know this, Blaine, but he had no problem touching or even coming near me like all the other guys in McKinley to. It is quite the rush.
He leads me into a room full of people. Some are standing around in obvious anticipation, while others are moving things around to create a space for the Warblers to perform in. "Oh, I stick out like a sore thumb." The statement is true. I am used to that feeling but not only don't my clothes match the uniforms, but there is still that feeling like I don't quite belong.
"Well next time don't forget your jacket new kid. You'll fit right in." Some of the boys in the room start to do some sort of A cappella. "Now if you'll excuse me."
Before you met me
I was all right
But things were kind of heavy
You brought me to life
Now every February
you'll be my Valentine, Valentine
Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die, you and I
Will be young forever
You make me
Feel like I'm living a
Teenage dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back
Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die
You and I, will be young forever
You make me
Feel like I'm living a
Teenage dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back
I'm gonna get your heart racing
In my skin-tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight
Ooh, ah…
Ooh…
Ah…
Ah, ah
Yeah…!
You make me
Feel like I'm living a
Teenage dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away and don't ever look back
Don't ever look back
My heart stops when you look at me
Just one touch, now, baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back
I'm gonna get your heart racing
In my skin-tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight
Let you put your hands on me
In my skin-tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight
And every one claps and cheers enthusiastically. It is very apparent that it is totally genuine and that every one really liked the performance. The Warblers are popular.
Then Blaine comes up to me after the crowd starts to disperse a little and asks if I would like to talk and get a coffee. So when two other members of the Warblers sit down I think the worst.
"Latte?"
"Thank you"
"This is Wes and David."
"It's very civilized for you to invite me for coffee before you beat me up for spying."
David responds, "We are not going to beat you up."
Wes chimes in, "You were such a terrible spy, we thought it was sort of… endearing."
"Which made me think that spying on us wasn't really the reason you came."
I smile and stutter, but then my curiosity gets the best of me, "Can I ask you guys a question? Are you guys all… gay?"
All three of them laugh and I instantly feel the fool. "Uh no. I mean I am," and Blaine points to himself, "but these two have girlfriends."
Wes continues, "This is not a gay school. We just have a zero tolerance harassment policy."
"Everybody gets treated the same, no matter who they are. Its pretty simple." David finishes.
I am completely stunned into silence. It is mind shattering that there is a place out there that doesn't condone or allow bulling of any kind to happen. I know that once I get to New York things will be different, but the fact that there is a high school out there that is like that, well there aren't any words.
Blaine stares at me for a moment before asking his friends to leave so he and I could talk alone. I take a few deep breaths and keep my hands on the coffee cup. It heat is the only thing that I can feel right now. I know Blaine is about to talk to me but I feel like I can barely focus and there are tears welling in my eyes that I am trying so hard to keep from falling.
"I take it you are having trouble at school."
Collecting myself as best I can, "I am the only person out of the closet at my school. And I-I… I tried to stay strong about it, but… there's this Neanderthal who's made it his mission to make my life a living hell. And nobody seems to notice." I think one or two tears start to fall but I can't stop them. This is really the first time that someone has asked me what is going on. Mr. Schue tried in is weird little way, but even then he turned the conversation around to talk about glee club and not what is going on in the hallways.
"I know how you feel. I got taunted at my old school, and it really… pissed me off. I even complained about it to the faculty, and they were sympathetic and all, but you could just tell that… nobody really cared. It was, like, 'hey if you're gay, your life's just gonna be miserable. Sorry. Nothing we can do about it.' So I left, and I came here. Simple as that. So you have two options. I mean, I'd love to tell you to just come and enroll here, but tuition at Dalton's sort of steep, and I know that's not an option for everybody. Or… you can refuse to be the victim. Prejudice is just ignorance, Kurt, and you have a chance right now to teach him."
"How?" Teach this low-brow Neanderthal to accept me, seems easier said than done. But then most things are.
"Confront him. Call him out. I ran… Kurt. I didn't stand up. I let bullies chase me away, and it is something that I really… really regret."
Confront him? I tried that once didn't I? And if I remember right it didn't go too well. But he is right. I am not going to let some ignorant idiot run me out of my school and away from my friends. I give him a short nod and we exchange numbers, saying that if I should ever feel the need to talk to someone who knows what I am going through to feel free to call or text.
I leave Dalton with something that I didn't have when I got there. Well two things, a new friends and courage. I can do this… I think…
I have to admit that when the girls start their mash-up, I wish I could be up there with them. They are, well rockin' it out. Then I feel my phone vibrate, 'Courage.' -from Blaine. That puts a bigger smile on my face and I know that I will be able to stand up to Karofsky the next time he tries anything.
Little did I know that my chance to do so was right after I walked out into the hallway. I was looking at the text Blaine sent. I really needed the word to ring true and stay with me. Then next thing I know my phone is ripped out of my hand and I am slammed against the lockers by Karofsky who just has an impartial yet smug look on his face. It takes me a few seconds to gather my dignity and courage, the thing I was hoping to have enough of. Before I set a determined face and start after him shouting at him down the hallway.
He ignores me but I watch him enter the locker room and as soon as I bang the door open I am yelling again. "I am talking to you!"
'The Girl's locker room is next door."
"What is your problem?"
"Excuse me?"
"What are you so scared of?"
"Besides you sneaking in here to peek at my junk?"
"Oh, yeah, every straight guys nightmare that all of us gays are secretly out to molest and convert you. Well, guess what, ham hock? You're not my type!"
"That right?"
"Yes, I don't dig on chubby boys who sweat too much and are going to be bald by the time they're thirty."
"Do not, Push me Hummel."
And it is then that I realize I am not going to come out of this unscathed, so I continue. "You going to hit me? Do it."
"Don't push me!"
"Hit me, 'cause it's not going to change who I am. You can't punch the gay out of me any more than I can punch the ignoramus out of you!"
"I said get out of my face!"
"You are nothing but a scared little boy who can't handle how extraordinarily ordinary you are!"
And then he is Kissing me. His hands are on my neck holding me there. The kiss is rough, full of want and need. Desperation. His eyes are closed, but mine are wide open. I can only stare at him while he assaults my mouth, and when he finally pulls away I can finally breath. But then he starts to lean back in for another kiss and I just put my hands to his chest and push him away from me and take a few steps back. My hand goes to cover my mouth, my body is frozen, and my mind numb.
He stares at me for a few seconds before becoming emotional, tears about to stream down his face. But instead he slams the lockers with his hands and rushes past me to leave the room. Leaving me alone. And all I can think of it that David Karofsky stole my first kiss from me.
It takes everything I have not to break down here. I quickly and quietly slip out of the locker room and go straight to the nurse's office where I say I am sick and need to go home. I must look pale or really sick because she gives me a permission slip and I take a few things from my locker then head out to my car. I sit for a minute before the tears start to pour out of me.
The drive home is blurry and I don't remember half of it. I head to my room and curl up on my bed where my light sobs turn into full body shaking gasps. I think I stop breathing at one point but the next few hours pass in a haze. I hear my father come home and when he starts to come down the stairs to see where I'm at, I fake that I am asleep. There is no way I can tell him what happened. I can't tell anyone. So I lie there and pretend to be asleep so he will go back upstairs.
At nine I call Blaine and start to tell him what happened. It doesn't take long before I can feel the tears starting again but I refuse to break down while on the phone with my new friend. He says that he will be at McKinley for lunch time so he and I can confront Karofsky together. We say our goodbyes and I put my phone on its stand to charge. My father is heading to bed so I sneak upstairs and go to the spare room that still holds all of my mother's things, including her old dresser. I open the all the drawers and lay down in front of it breathing in her scent, wishing her arms could hold me again. Wishing she was here right now so I have someone to tell what is going on in my life. I love my father very dearly, but my mother was always so much better with these things.
Her scent soothes me and calms me down and it isn't long before I fall asleep.
In Glee the next day Mr. Schue starts going off on all of us about how disappointed he is in us. Something about Coach Beiste quitting and it being our fault? Mercedes and I exchange a questioning glance at each other not quite understanding what is going on. And then they guys explain what is going on but I could really care less. Then Principal Figgins comes in and asks to see Puck and Mr. Schue in his office, and the rest of us are left to go our own way. I don't say anything to anyone, even in class. I keep my head down and wait for lunch. Right as everyone is getting let out, I meet up with Blaine in the parking lot and we walk in trying to find Karofsky where ever he may be. When we finally do see him it on the stairs by the outdoor commons.
Blaine walks up to him, "Excuse me?'
"Hey, lady boys. This your boyfriend Kurt?"
Blaine doesn't let me say anything, and that is good cause I am kind of nervous. "Kurt and I would like to talk to you about something."
"I gotta go to class."
"Kurt told me what you did."
"Oh yeah, what's that?"
Not able to stand in silence anymore, "You kissed me."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"It seems like you might be a little confused, and that's totally normal." He looks like he may be open to talking. Which is good. If he is struggling I would be more than willing to help him out. "This is a… a very hard thing to come to terms with, and you should just know that you're not alone."
He stops on the stairs and turns around to look up at us. "I… I still have no clue what you are talking about."
And he turns and practically runs away leaving me and Blaine standing on the stairs looking at his retreating form.
"Well I don't think he is coming out anytime soon." I sigh and slowly sit down on the stairs. "What's going on?" Blaine walks over and takes a seat next to me. "Why are you so upset?"
I take one more deep breath before admitting it out loud. "Because up until yesterday, I had never been kissed. Or at least… one that counted."
"Come on, I'll buy you lunch." I get up and follow him. Thinking how is lunch gonna make me feel better? But I can see that Blaine cares so I will indulge him. And who knows maybe it will make me feel better. Maybe I can figure something out.
The next day I am standing at my locker looking at the word courage which I tapped up with different cutout letters from magazines when I get slammed into the locker again. I turn and start to fall to the floor as I watch Karofsky walk away with some of his football buddies. I made my stand and I failed. He isn't going to back down. But now I know why he is doing this to me. He is gay and is just too afraid to be himself, so instead he is going to bully me because I am brave enough to be myself no matter the cost. I am going to have patience now. I think I can get through to him. I just hope he isn't as much of a Neanderthal as I believe he is pretending to be. There may be hope for him yet…
Hope you guys liked it! Reviews are like candy for the soul! Thanks again for reading! And if you guys have any suggestions or questions feel free to tell me. I may or may not add your ideas (it is my story after all) but sometimes someone else's perspective on things is interesting and it also gives me inspiration. And I will try to answer any and all questions that you guys may or may not have!