Chapter 4: Old, New, Borrowed, and Blue

It has been a few weeks since my talk with Quinn. True to my word, I have been talking with Guest64 every Wednesday. Mostly we talk about books, movies, and music. He seems a little reluctant to really share anything more about himself. I think he is nervous to talk to anyone about the side of himself that he keeps hidden, but I have told him about me when he asks, otherwise we keep the subjects light.

But I think the biggest surprise is that Karofsky has been a relatively, dare I say it, nice person. Now don't get me wrong. He hasn't turned over a new leave over night, but he hasn't really bothered anyone. In fact, he has been rather quite. Which is a bit odd. Usually you can find him bullying at least one person. But lately, so far as I have seen and heard, he hasn't bothered anyone. I am not the only one to notice this either. All of the glee club is talking about it. Mostly because he hasn't bothered me at all. We actually haven't spoken since that day in the bathroom, the day I started talking to guest64. But Azimio has stepped up in Dave's absence. He has really taken up where David left off,

Quinn and I have been talking more though. I feel like she really gets what is going on in my head right now. She really wants me to tell her who kissed me, but I am remaining true to my promise to Dave.

The only other thing that has happened in the last couple of weeks is that I have had my recurring dream a few more times. Six times to be exact, and every time I get a few more small details. The picture is coming in clearer, but His face still remains a mystery. I still haven't told anyone about it. I feel like it is a secret, and if I tell someone then I will stop having it. But at the same time all I wanna do is tell someone.

And then my thoughts are interrupted by my dad and Carol who both look positively excited. They refuse to tell me what is going on until we find Finn.

I can't believe that my father is getting married. I am so happy for both of them. My dad hasn't been this happy in a long time. I miss my mother dearly, but I know that dad has been lonely. And Carol is good for him. At first I only set them up to get closer to Finn, and that backfired on me. But the fact that Carol and my dad found happiness is more than I could have hoped for. I have so much planning to do. Not only am I going to oversee all the details of the wedding, but I am also going to be picking the set list that New Directions will be performing. I have to make sure that everyone gets some time to eat and have fun so I have some duets and solos already planned out, but I also want to let the glee clubbers to petition songs that they might like to sing. I of course will have full veto power if I think a song is not appropriate or just shouldn't be sung.

Much of this is running through my head when Quinn appears. "Do you have a minute? I really need to talk." The look on her face tells me that it is important so I close my locker and grab her hand leading her off to an empty classroom.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes…, No…, I'm not sure?"

"What happened?"

"Well, Sam tried to give a promise ring. We haven't even been dating, not really, and he said that he wants to marry me eventually. I mean that's crazy right? We have really only known each other for six weeks, and he wants to get married? What was he thinking. I mean who does that?"

"Wow…"

"I know right!"

"So, what did you say to him?"

"Well first I kinda had a small freak out with him and when he showed me the ring I closed the box and pushed it back in his hand and said that I would have to think about it. We don't really know each other yet. We have gone out a few times, but I didn't think we were that serious."

"Does he know how you feel? Did you tell him?"

"Yes, I told him. I mean it is a little crazy right?"

"In some ways yes, and in others no. Sam knows that he wants to be with you and so he is trying do just that. There are people who get married after a shorter amount of time than what you have known each other. I think that he must really care about you. Maybe it isn't the right time to be engaged but a promise ring can mean more than that he wants to marry you eventually. It can be a promise to respect you and to be faithful to you. I don't think this is something that he did on a whim. He had to have really thought about it."

"Maybe, but still… I am not sure that I am ready for such a commitment. Plus I want to know that he doesn't just want to be with me because of the popularity factor. I am so over that now. I don't even remember why I thought I needed the cheerios anymore."

"I believe that you need to think about how you feel towards Sam and where you see your relationship going with him. If he wants to be this serious you can't keep him hanging. As for the cheerios, well, you can be a spy for us instead of Sue."

"I suppose, but I think I might just quit all together. It really isn't any fun, never really was."

"You know that I will be your friend no matter what happens. If it weren't for you I would still feel like I am floundering."

"No problem, us outcasts have to stick together."

I loop my arm with hers and we walk out of the classroom and head for our next class. For the last few weeks the students of McKinley have noticed how close Quinn and I have been getting and some of the bulling has calmed down for me but it has also picked up a little for her. If she quits the cheerios it will get a lot worse. I just hope she makes the right decisions for her.

At lunch I stop in to Mr. Schue's office.

"Mr. Schue?"

"Oh, hello Kurt. Come in. How can I help you?"

I take a seat across from him, "So I just found out this morning that my father and Finn's mother are getting married."

"Oh, that's wonderful!"

"Yes it is. I am planning the wedding and the reception, and well I was wondering if it would be ok if the New Directions would do the music. I think it would be perfect. My father wants a good band, and I figured who better than us."

"Well I don't see a problem with it. It will be good practice for you guys. All we have to do is make sure that everyone is on board."

"All ready done. I have talked with everyone about it already and they are happy to do it."

"Okay then. I suppose we will be rehearsing songs for the wedding then!"

"Thank you Mr. Schue. I appreciate your enthusiasm!" I stand and hold my hand out and shake his, then walk out to the hallway and my mind is instantly back to planning."

It's the next day in Glee club that Sam, Mike, and Artie decided to take a stand against Azimio. Sam has a black eye, and Mike and Artie look pretty shaken up, but they are being tended to by their girlfriends. Then Mr. Schue walks in. "What happened guys? What happened to Sam's eye?"

"He stood up to Azimio." Quinn said, and Tina continued, "All the guys did. Well, not Finn."

"Is everyone okay? Do we all need to go talk to Principal Sylvester?"

"No," Sam says quickly. "I got in a few good licks, too, so we can just call it even. And maybe this will send a warning to Azimio, telling him to back off Kurt."

The whole thing has me shaken a little bit. Mostly because the rest of the club has noticed how bad the bullying has gotten. And they all stepped up to try and help me. I am feeling both happy and sad at the same time. And then Mr. Schue comes over, "You Okay Kurt?"

All I can do is shake my head yes. I have so many mixed emotions right now, and now isn't a good time to let them all come out. So when Mr Schue says that it is time to rehearse for the wedding I am relieved. I can loose myself in the music and dancing and hopefully get myself out of this funk.

After practice, Quinn loops her arm with mine and leads me to the auditorium. She doesn't say anything and neither do I. She takes me up onstage and turns to face me.

"I know that you have been going through some heavy stuff, and all of that with the guys was meant to help. I am not sure if it will but you know that we all got your back."

"So was it you who told them that I was holding it all in?"

"It might have been," I give her one of my famous Ice Queen glares, "Some one had to Kurt. You shouldn't have to bear the weight of the world on your shoulders. It wasn't my idea to have the guys go after Azimio, that was Rachel's 'brilliance,' but I can't say that I wasn't in favor of the idea. You need help and you are too suborn to ask for it. So we did our best."

My glare softens as she continues speaking. Mostly because I know that she is telling the truth. Quinn is the only one who can see through my barriers, she really has become my best friend.

"So I know that things aren't okay, but you know that we are all hear for you. Have you been talking with someone like I told you to?"

"Yes, actually I have."

"Really? Who?"

"I met him online. In a chat room."

"Kurt I-"

"I haven't told him who I am or anything that is super personal. I am not so stupid to think that he isn't a cyber stalker. We talk every Wednesday and it is mostly about random things. But it is helping. To have another gay kid out there somewhere who can relate to me. He won't talk much about himself, but I think that we are getting there. I promise to be safe."

"Okay. Just don't give me a reason to be worried about you."

"I will do my best," with that I give her a salute.

"Now before we leave I want you to do one more thing for me."

"Oh, and what is that?"

"Scream."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I want you to scream."

"Isn't that a bit undignified?"

"Yes, but it is a great way to release pent up emotion. It is something I learned last year. And believe me, it really works."

"I don-"

"I don't care if you don't want to. You have to do it. Like this," She turns to the empty seats of the auditorium and starts screaming at the top of her lungs.

"See, not so hard." I give her a look that reads 'do I have to?' and she nods her head.

I turn to the empty seats and give a short scream.

She sighs, "Okay now louder, and longer. Trust me. It really does help."

I roll my eyes take a deep breath and scream with everything I have. I scream till I am red in the face and short of breath. And then I scream some more. I am not sure if it lasted five minutes or five seconds, but after I am done I feel immeasurably better.

"Good. Now anytime that things get too stressful or out of hand, just go somewhere where you can be alone and have a good scream. If you have an audience it tends to make you look crazy."

I turn back to her and hug her tight. "Thanks Q."

"Anytime."

It's Wednesday and I I have so many things to do before the wedding on Saturday. I look at the time and realize I am suppose to get on and chat with guest64.

I log on and see that he is already waiting for me.

Bound4Broadway: Hey, how are you doing today?

Guest64: not bad and u?

Bound4Broadway: I am actually really busy right now.

Guest64: Really with what?

Bound4Broadway: Well, my father is getting married on Saturday and I am kind of planning the wedding. So I have been going to school and not really paying attention in classes because all I can think about is the wedding.

Guest64: Oh really.

Bound4Broadway: yeah, so I was wondering if we might be able to reschedule our chat for maybe Sunday?

Guest64: I think I could do that.

Bound4Broadway: Thank you! I just have so much more to do. And so many things bouncing around in my head.

Guest64: lol its cool dude. Just take a chill pill and relax. You will have to tell me how everything works out. K

Bound4Broadway: Okay. Thank you so much for letting me reschedule. I really have liked talking to you.

Guest64: Ditto. So go on and plan away.

Bound4Broadway: I will and thanks again.

I log off and get back to the book that has all of my ideas in it going over anything that I can think of.

At first Dad wanted their first dance song to be Sway by Pablo Beltran. But after I got to thinking about it I felt that it wasn't quite the right song. I kept looking through some older albums of his and I came across an Etta James album single, At Last. Not having heard it in a while, I took it into the room that has my mothers old dresser in it and I put the record on and open all the drawers. She spilled one of her perfume bottles in it and it has forever smelled like her. I don't come in her often, just when I need to be close to her. As I listen to the lyrics, I realize that it is a perfect song for them to have their first dance. And as much as I want to be the one to sing it I know that Santana will knock this one out. And as the song says, 'And then the spell was cast.'

And true to my words Santana does Knock it out.

At last.

My love has come along

My lonely days are over

And life is like a song

Oh yeah yeah, at last

The skies above are blue

My heart was wrapped up in clover

The night I looked at you

And I found a dream that I could speak to

A dream that I can call my own

I found a thrill to press my cheek to

A thrill I have never known

Oh yeah yeah, and you smile, you smile

Oh, and then the spell was cast

And here we are in Heaven

For you are mine, at last

While Santana sings, Carol and my father dance slowly and closely. Everyone can see them whispering to each other and its at the end of the song that I notice Carol is crying. That is when I know that I chose right and everything else tonight will go off perfectly. That is until Finn gets up to give his speech and doesn't say any of the things I wrote for him to say. Instead he starts with talking to Carol, and then proceeds to talk to me. And Now he is singing a song which I know goes for both me and her. But it is so strange. I have not had some one sing to me before. He holds out is hand to dance with me and I am just so stunned I reach out and go with him.

The whole thing was pretty amazing. I know that everyone in glee is family even if we are completely dysfunctional. But in this moment I have never felt more at peace with everything that is going on. Everything is just as it should be.

As the wedding is winding down, I find myself once again being dragged off by Quinn. "Where are we going?"

"Just outside. I need some fresh air."

"Okay and I had to come with you why?"

"Because I think I know what I am going to do about Sam."

"Oh, and what is that." I open the doors to go out to the parking lot and lead us over to a bench so we can sit down.

"I am going to say no to the ring."

"Really?"

"Yes, I have thought about it and if he and I are going to work, we have to take it slow. With Finn I rushed things and things got messy because of it. I think I really like Sam, but I am not sure that I am ready for the kind of commitment that he wants for us."

"Okay then. So you are going to tell him that?"

"Yes, on Monday. I want us to get to know each other first."

"Well, I think that you know what is going on and I agree with everything you just said."

"Thanks Kurt."

"No problem. Just when you tell him, be kind about it. I have been watching him since you told me about the ring. He makes those cute doe eyes at you when you're not looking. Its really adorable but I know that he really does feel something for you.'

"I will. I am not like Rachel who blurts out everything I am thinking."

We both start laughing, "She does have a tendency to do that doesn't she?"

The laughter continues and we head back inside and dance for a while longer until everything wraps up and we all head home.

Guest64: Wow it sounds like everything went off without a hitch.

Bound4Broadway: Most of it. My new step-brother did a little improv on the speech, but otherwise everything else went according to plan.

Guest64: that's good. Did you have fun?

Bound4Broadway: yeah, I had a really good time. Sorry I kind of monopolized the conversation tonight.

Guest64: Its cool, you had a lot goin on.

Bound4Broadway: What did you do this week?

Guest64: Not much. I have been keeping my head down. Not standing out. I am just trying to blend in.

Bound4Broadway: well don't loose yourself. I know that it can be tempting, but if you do the way back is a lot harder than you think it will be.

Guest64: I will keep that in mind.

Bound4Broadway: Well I guess I better log off now. It is time for bed and my pillow is calling my name.

Guest64: Yeah same here. Well night B4B.

Bound4Broadway: Good night to you too 64.

Sorry for the long wait! I have been busy with the holidays and some lack of inspiration to write. But I got back on the horse and did it. I also would like some feed back, reviews are like candy for the soul and they let me know that you guys actually like what I am writing! Also I think I might make poll to see if Quinn should stay with Sam or not. I will not have her cheat on him cause I like Q too much to do that. What do you guys think? Let me know!