A/n: So I realized after I put up the last chapter that I forgot to include a song in it. I was trying to do one every chapter. So this chapter I am going to give you a double dose, one song by Kurt, and one by someone else.
Here it is a little quicker. And always remember that reviews are like candy. They also tell me what you like and don't like so don't be afraid to speak up. I can take some criticism.
Also I don't own own Glee, too bad though. That would be nice...
Chapter 7: Silly Love Songs?
The week after the football game is a pretty good one. Santana and Brittany joined us and left Coach Sylvester and the Cheerios. So both of them and Quinn are now walking around school in normal street clothes. I had no idea that Santana had an impeccable fashion sense.
As the week has gone on, I have noticed that Finn seems to be getting cockier. Quinn even told me that he tried hitting on her in the hallway at the beginning of the week. Even at home he has been acting weird. Then his little announcement at Glee about setting up a kissing booth, really, well let's just say that it is almost intervention time. The reason for setting up a Kissing booth, you ask. Well that is because Valentine's Day is this week. And let me just say, I am not looking forward to it. I have never had anyone to share the holiday with. I was hoping that these last few years of High School would be different, but as the day approaches I see no dates in my future.
Then there is Mr. Schue's assignment. Pick a partner and sing a love song to them. Well Q and I go for each other. There isn't really anyone else in the club that I would feel comfortable singing something like that too. In fact I think I already know what song I am going to sing.
I try to ignore all the drama that has been going on, but Rachel and Finn make it really hard to do that. Finn keeps making eyes at Quinn, while Rachel is making eyes at Finn. Quinn is fed up with the attention, and quite frankly it is a naissance and a distraction. Maybe this week's assignment will help them both out.
After school I invite Quinn over and we quickly head to my bedroom and close the door so that Finn wont interrupt us. "So do you know what song you are going to sing yet?"
"Why as a matter of fact Q, I do."
"Really, What is it?"
"You will have to wait and see. I want it to be a bit of a surprise, but what about you? Do you know what song you are going to sing?"
"Not really. I know that I want to get it across to Finn that I am not interested and the fact that I am NOT interested in him. I don't really want to sing a 'love' song, because really, I am not ready for that yet."
"So we need a more non-traditional Love Song." Then I feel like a light bulb goes off in my head.
"Yeah… I suppose. What are you thinking Kurt? I see that look in your eye. That means trouble."
"Oh, it won't be trouble. But you will have fun with it and I know that it is a song you are more than capable of pulling off.
Quinn and I rehearse her song a few times just to make sure she has all of the little nuances down. Also so I know where I need to add my voice to give it that little something extra. I don't practice my song in front of anyone. Mostly because I am nervous, I have never sung someone a love song. And Q knows that it isn't directed at her, but to whomever it is that I will finally meet.
It is Tuesday night that I end up having the dream again. I haven't had it in a while. I was beginning to think that it was over. But I was wrong. And just like every other time I wake up from it, I can't stop smiling. I know that all day Wednesday I walk around school with a big grin on my face.
It doesn't take Quinn too long to notice that there is something unusual going on with me. During our free period, she pulls me into the empty choir room. "Okay, not that I am complaining, but what is up with you today? You seem to be floating?"
I flush a bit at her inquiry, reveling in the memory of the dream for a moment before I get my act together and respond. "Nothing really, just in a good mood today."
"Bull. I know you too well for you to try and pull a fast one on me Kurt Hummel. Spill." She points her finger at me but has laughter in her eyes, so I know that she isn't mad, just curious.
"Well…" So I told her about my dream. "And you are the only one who knows, so please don't tell anyone about it. Its kind of embarrassing."
"No, I think its sweet." She smiles brightly at me. "You know you can trust me not to tell anyone. I just want you to be happy K. You should have this dream more often. 'Specialy if it makes you glow like that."
I swat her shoulder, giving her a friendly tap. And we dissolve into a fit of giggles, and continue on our way.
"So how often have you had this dream?"
"Oh I don't know. Maybe ten times in the last two or three months, but this has been the first time since I started talking to Guest64." And as soon as the words were out of my mouth I was wishing that I could take them back.
"Wait, talking to who?"
"No one."
"Seriously, did you not just hear what I said?"
"Fine." I sigh and take a deep breath stealing myself the courage to talk about this with someone else. "I started talking to the guy online. It's a gay chat room, and we have been talking for a few months."
"And pray tell, why haven't you told me?"
I give her a half smile and a one shoulder shrug. "I am not sure. Its just been nice to talk to someone who kinda knows what its like. I mean my friendship with you has grown so much this year, but with him its different. He knows exactly where I am coming from. Cause he has been there too."
"Hey, that's good! I am happy that you have been talking with someone. But how do you know he isn't some stalker?"
"I don't I guess. I guess I was just putting a little faith out there and hoping for a good result."
"Has it been worth it?"
"Yeah, it has really. I mean I want to help him too, he isn't out yet, but we usually end up talking about me. He is still pretty shy. But we have gotten to know each other pretty well I would say."
"Okay, well just be careful. You never know who is out there."
I bump my shoulder with hers, "I know Q. I will be."
That night when I get home from school I decide that to skip my homework and get straight on the computer. My conversations with Guest64 have been good, but like I told Quinn, they always seem to be about me. I try not to keep it about me by asking questions about him as well, but he always seems to turn it around back to me. I would like to get to know more about him.
I log onto the site that hosts the chat and I see that he isn't on yet. So I keep the window open and pull out some of my homework to work on. Math has never been my strongest subject. So I always struggle through the learning process to understand how to work the equations. I really need to get a tutor. After spending an hour working through the assigned work I notice that I have a message waiting for me. Its from Guest64.
Guest64: Hello. How was your day?
Guest64: Hello? You there?
Realizing that I was a little too into my homework I respond.
Bound4Broadway: Sorry, I was working on some homework. And let's just say that math isn't one of my many talents.
Guest64: Really? I thought you would be the book smart type?
Bound4Broadway: Well normally I am. But when it comes to math, I am not sure what it is, but I just don't understand it.
Guest64: Its about the only subject that I actually know what I am doing.
Bound4Broadway: Well maybe you can tutor me. I know I need it.
There is a long pause from him. I think I may have scared him off.
Bound4Broadway: You don't have to. No pressure. I do have to find one though lol.
The pause is still there and he finally gives a response.
Gues64: No, its just that I never thought I would meet you. But now that you have put the idea in my head, I think I would like to. I mean if I can help you that would be good right?
Bound4Broadway: Yeah! Oh wow, I would be so happy for the help! And to finally put a face to the person that I have come to know, well that would just be icing on the cake lol. Maybe meet up sometime tomorrow after school?
Guest64: Yeah sure. But… it would have to be at place a ways away. I am still not sure that I am ready to come out, and the people here are very judgmental. How about meeting up in Findlay, its far enough away that I should be safe.
Bound4Broadway: Are you sure? I don't want to make you do anything you aren't ready for.
Guest64: Yes. I am sure.
Bound4Broadway: Okay, well I guess I will see you Friday?
Guest64: Sounds good.
We exchange numbers so that we can contact each other later and not have to rely on the chat room. And then it hits me. I just scheduled my first study date. I know that it isn't a 'date' date, but still. I guess I am kind of excited.
Everyone in the Choir room was getting very uncomfortable during Tina's performance to Mike. After he got her back to her seat it was mine and Quinn's turn. Q was up first.
"Now this isn't your traditional love song, but it fits what I want to say to a certain someone right now." She glances in Finn's direction and he looks hopeful. This is going to be fun. She starts and Brittany, Santana, and I add in some extra oh's, and a little extra on the refain.
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Keep drinkin' coffee
Stare me down across the table
While I look outside
So many things I'd say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet
And count the cars that pass by
You've got opinions, man
We're all entitled to 'em
But I never asked
So let me thank you for time
And try to not waste any more of mine
Get out of here fast
I hate to break it to you babe
But I'm not drowning
There's no one here to save
Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
You sound so innocent
All full of good intent
You swear you know best
But you expect me to
Jump up on board with you
Ride off into your dellusional sunset
I'm not the one who's lost
With no direction oh
But you won't ever see
You're so busy makin' maps
With my name on them in all caps
You got the talkin' down just not the listening
And who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything
All my life
I've tried
To make everybody happy while I
Just hurt
And hide
Waitin' for someone to tell me it's my turn
To decide
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything
Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything
Let me hold your crown, babe
Oh oh
Ah
Throughout the whole song she is looking at Finn. At first he doesn't get it and has that dopey grin on his face. Then some of the others are looking at him and trying to hide smiles and giggles. Then about half way through, it dawns on him. And his dopey look fades into a look of disappointment.
At the end everyone claps and then Quinn sits down. "Very good Quinn, that was a great dong selection. Although it isn't a true love song, it works, and now its time for Kurt to perform."
I stand up and grab the microphone and stand and bring it to the center of the room. I close my eyes and let myself fall into the music as it starts. When I open them the only thing I see is my mystery guy from my dreams. He is still vague and more like a shadow, but there he is none the less. I pour my heart into the song. Lately it has become so much easier to do that. I know that this song will mean something eventually.
If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I'll never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as Mine?
I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms
I close my eyes again, and when I open them, everyone is clapping. I wipe a tear from my eye and go back over and sit down next to Q. She holds her hand out and I grab it, giving it a tight squeeze.
Its Friday afternoon and I am in a coffee shop in Findlay, waiting for Guest64. I suppose when he gets here I will be able to introduce myself and hopefully learn his name as well.
While I am sitting there, my phone buzzes. I check it, hoping that it is him telling me he is almost there.
From Guest64: Hey, sorry I can't make it today. Talk to you soon. G64.
Well there goes my afternoon. I send a message back
Hope everything is alright. Talk to you later.
I start to pack up my stuff and pull everything together. As I start out to my can, I notice a red letter-men jacket rounding the street corner. It looked like a McKinley jacket. Wonder who it was?