Authors Note - The response to this story has been incredible, the follows and reviews make us so happy and help feed the creativity that allows us to write more. This chapter will be divided into 3 flashbacks, we're getting so much closer to present day Britt & San, hope you guys enjoy this ridiculously long chapter! :)
Brittany's Graduation - May 10th 2008
Brittany's POV
"I can't find my cap and I think someone, like, ate my gown or something! And I don't even think that's physically possible!" I screamed into the phone, my nerves already starting to fray. It was the morning of graduation and I had finally realized that I'd be walking across the stage in front of hundreds of people. The thought made my head spin and my stomach coil itself into a tight knot. I could deal with dead bodies, no problem, but stick me in a crowded room full of alert individuals and I'd nearly start to hyperventilate. Thank God graduation was outside on the lawn or else the auditorium would become my mausoleum. Santana's soft, reassuring voice came through the ear piece and my racing heart slowed enough so the pounding in my ears wasn't so drastic.
"Look on your coffee table Britt Britt. You were using it as a coaster the last time I saw it. And no one ate your gown. It's hanging up on the back of your bathroom door so the steam could get all the wrinkles out, remember? That's what happens when you ball it up mid quarter and forget about it until the week of graduation." Her flawless memory and ability to control chaotic situations always baffled me. She could be so passionate and fiery one moment and then turn around and hold me like a cracking egg the next. I took a deep breath and followed her instructions, finding my cap and gown in the exact places she told me to look.
"How do you do that? You're not even here and you know where everything is better than I do," I hummed into the phone, a smile replacing my worried frown. "And I can practically hear you rolling your eyes right now, so don't even deny it." My grin cracked my face in two as I brought the graduation gear into my tiny living room.
"Because I know you, B. And I'm not denying anything, Miss 'Tude." Her words were playful and light. She knew that I was freaking out and she tried to distract me from any possible breakdown. "I'd say take a Valium, but ever since the caffeine fiasco I try not to give you medical advice. You're the doctor, anyway. Doctor Pierce." She emphasized the last two words and my face broke out into cherry redness. My mom was watching me from behind my kitchen counter and her eyebrow quirked up subtly. The name "Santana" had become part of my permanent vocabulary and my mom was giddy with excitement to meet the girl who I spoke so highly of. I turned away from her slightly so I could keep at least part of the conversation semi-private. I love my mom, but sometimes she's just so nosy.
"Yeah, well, you'd be able to talk yourself out of any trouble you cause me," I flirted back, undoing the zipper on my gown. The sound carried through to the other end and her retort was so characteristically 'Santana' that I couldn't help the huff of laughter that escaped me.
"Undressing for me, are you? You know I kinda prefer sexting, but I'll take what I can get." I could practically see the sneaky smirk playing on her lips. My blush deepened and I shook my head slightly in exasperation.
"Ha. Ha. And you wish." I kept my cool but my heart had begun to flutter, not from nerves about graduation but from the way Santana could twist my emotions like putty. I took a deep breath and smiled into my words. "You're coming right? I can't do this without you." I never had a problem admitting my dependence, and Santana had been my pillar throughout med school. If she couldn't come, I wouldn't even want to be there.
"I'll be there. Front and center. Look for the girl with the 'Brittany Susan Pierce for President' sign," she quipped, her lighthearted humor like a balm to my nerves.
"I can't even walk across a stage without wanting to puke; there's no way I could address the entire nation," I deadpanned, slipping my gown over my head and shimmying it down the length of my body. "I'm almost ready. Meet me at our place; I wanna see you before I have to walk to my death," I commanded lightly. She let out a soft chuckle and agreed to our rendezvous point before I hung up the phone and grabbed my keys. I turned to my mom who had been listening to our conversation and watching my body language. She rolled her tongue to the side of her cheek with a small smile tugging at her lips.
"This Santana girl must be pretty darn special," she prodded, keeping her focus on my facial reactions. Our stupid fair-skinned heritage betrayed me and I was once again the color of a tomato.
"She is. But you'll see that for yourself in about twenty minutes." I stuck my tongue out at my mom playfully before checking to make sure I had the entry tickets and the parking pass. "Showtime," I breathed out shakily before walking over and linking my arm with my mom's. She, like Santana, grounded me and kept my head from spinning like a top.
After finding a parking spot in the boonies, my parents, older brother Seth and I trekked across the campus to the sprawling lawn set up with a sea of folding chairs. Already there were several people milling about and the sight made my insides squirm. I passed out three of the four tickets to my family members and then told them to keep their eyes peeled for me among the throng of black robes. I kissed both my mom and dad on the cheek, gave my brother a fist bump, and headed off to the library.
When I climbed the steps to the looming brick building, she was already there, waiting for me. This was our place. Our study room, which had at times been a bedroom, a snack room, a play room and a dance studio, was literally filled with memories that we shared for the past three years. My stride increased and I nearly barreled into her, tossing my arms around her just so I could feel tethered to the earth in some way. She rubbed my back slowly, and even just her familiar perfume-shampoo combination set me at ease. I pulled back hesitantly, not wanting to float away, and held out my remaining ticket.
"You'll need this," I whispered, looking at her with my heart throbbing within my chest. She smiled at me, took the ticket, and reached up to caress my face gently.
"It'll go by so fast that you won't even realize you've crossed the stage, Britt." She stroked her thumb over my freckled cheek lightly and gave me her perfectly dimpled smile that I took a mental image of and tucked away in the back pocket of my brain for safe-keeping. I nodded softly and let her words ring through me as truth. I looked into her eyes and dropped my gaze to her lips. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to show her that I loved her in so many ways. I was leaning in when a familiar voice snatched me out of my daze.
"Britt! I thought that was you! Come on, we're gonna be late!" Blaine Anderson had been my lab partner for every lab class we shared. He was a bit eccentric at times and he had a slight addiction to bow ties, but he was smart as a whip and he was one of the few people that made me feel comfortable in social settings. I swiveled my head away from Santana and brought my attention to the small man standing at the top of the stairs. I held up my hand and gestured for him to give me just one more moment. I turned back to Santana and gave her a small apologetic smile for the interruption. She beamed a smile back at me and lifted her hands to fix my cap.
"Knock 'em dead, B," she hushed, her fingers still fiddling with the silky strings of my tassel. "If you get scared, just look for me. I'll be there." She dropped her hand away and shrugged softly. I took her pinky in mine and guided her over to the stairs where Blaine was waiting patiently. The three of us made our way down to the ceremony setup, chatting about future plans and current job interviews. While Blaine headed up to the stage, I lead Santana over to my family, each member waving goofily at me, my mom nearly bouncing in place.
"Guys, this is Santana. Santana, this is my mom, Maggie, dad, Spencer, and the broskie, Seth." I introduced each of them in turn and while my dad and brother merely shook her hand, my mom pulled her into a bone crushing hug. I could almost hear the air rush out of her lungs and I cringed slightly in embarrassment. I tapped my mom's arm and begged her to release the poor girl before she realized how crazy the Pierce family was and went sprinting in the opposite direction. To my relief Santana just smiled and remained her polite, charming self. I knew my family would love her right off the bat, so I didn't feel too bad when I had to head up to the stage. Before I left I caught my brother eyeing Santana in a way that made my blood boil. I smacked him on the shoulder and pointed my finger at him without saying a word. He cocked an eyebrow at me and held up his hands, but I knew he'd sweet talk her while I was away. I gave everyone one last hug and hurried up to the stage before my anxiety mounted any further.
Blaine and I sat next to one another and he held my hand during the entire ceremony. If it couldn't be my mom or Santana, Blaine was the next best choice. When he broke our contact to walk across the stage, my stomach felt like it was in a blender. I had nothing to ground me. My legs started to shake and my palms were beading with sweat. I chanced a look into the crowd and my eyes bulged. So. Many. People. Just when I thought I would tumble to the ground, a familiar shape caught my eye. A smile broke across my face as I watched Santana slowly creep up the center aisle, her eyes locked on mine. My heart rate evened out and I felt like I could actually feel the floor beneath my feet. She gave me a reassuring nod and two thumbs up as they called my name. I took a deep breath, stepped forward, and listened as my own personal cheering squad erupted in applause and hollering. I could even distinguish Santana's voice as it rang out with my name, causing the knot of fear and anxiety within me to dissipate into bubbles of pure adoration. I shook the dean's hand, took my diploma, and turned toward the mass of people sitting before me. I trained my eyes on the girl who brought me back to reality, flipped my tassel to its new side, and shot her an appreciative wink. I had done it. And she was there to help me through; the entire way.
Santana's POV
Watching Brittany glide across that stage was arguably one of the best moments of my life. I was so proud of everything she had accomplished, she'd worked so hard over the years to make it to this day and she deserved all the praise and congratulations the world could offer. I wanted to do something special for her, but I wasn't gifted in the grand gestures department so I settled for buying her a card and stuffed bear with a graduation cap on its head. It wasn't my best idea but it was better than nothing.
"Santana, we're really happy that you and our Britt-Bee are so close," Brittany's dad said, leaning across to look at me. "You've really brought her out of her shell. She's not the most social of butterflies, but she's definitely a radiant one when she talks about you."
I smiled shyly at the compliment Spencer gave me. Brittany's family was wonderful and I felt comfortable with them instantly, which didn't surprise me since they were related to Brittany. "Thanks Mr. Pierce. She's pretty special, your daughter. She brings out the best in me too," I said, surprised at my outburst of raw honesty.
"Oh honey, please call him Spencer. If you call him Mr. Pierce I'll have to sit and listen to him rant for an hour about how he's nothing like his father," Mrs. Pierce joked, swatting her husband's hands away from her sides as he attempted to tickle her. "And please, call me Maggie," she added, smiling warmly at me and reaching out to squeeze my hand lovingly.
"Don't you get me started on my father, Maggie. That man was a despicable son of a-" He started.
"Dad, seriously! Santana doesn't want to hear about Grandpa Joe. I'm pretty sure none of us want to hear about him." Seth winked at me before giving a frat boy 'sup' nod silently with his head. "So Santana, where's your boyfriend at?" Seth challenged. Mrs. Pierce smacked his head and muttered something to him that I couldn't quite hear.
"No boyfriend Seth, but I'm not exactly on the market either, hot stuff." I decided to play along, not realizing the subtle hint I had just left out in the open. Shit.
Mr. and Mrs. Pierce smiled at each other knowingly and then back at me, making me shift nervously in my seat. Were they just being nice or did they pick up the hidden meaning in what I had just said? They weren't acting any different and didn't seem uncomfortable, which kept me reeling with excitement. Maybe if I had met them sooner I would have found the courage to tell Brittany how I felt, instead of waiting too long and letting the opportunity pass me by. I stewed on this thought for a while, waiting for the ceremony to finish so I could see Brittany's gorgeous face appear in front of me.
Sitting there with her family, I couldn't help but reflect on the day, specifically back in the study room. I wanted to kiss her so badly, I wanted to hold her close and tell her how proud I was and that she was the most wonderful, kind hearted person on the planet. For a split second, I thought that she wanted to kiss me too. Something about the way her eyes softened when she looked at me and the way she ran her tongue across her perfectly pink bottom lip. I almost did it, I almost kissed her right there, but luckily Blaine interrupted my lover's haze and brought me back down from the clouds. Friends Santana, friends do not kiss. I had to constantly remind myself of that.
There were so many times over the past 6 months where I almost told her how I felt. There was one night in particular that stood out among the many. It was 3:30am and we had been studying for almost 10 hours straight. She was a ball of nerves because she had to sit for the boards in a few days and I needed to pass my bar exam. Our study room was a catastrophe. We had moved the table to the corner of the room and used the floor to spread out all of our study materials. There were empty coffee containers, snack wrappers and trash all over the place. I never had a problem with mess, I liked my life a little chaotic; to me it was organized chaos. I knew where everything was so I didn't see the problem. Brittany, on the other hand, would go bat shit crazy at the sight of a mess.
"Do you not understand that there is a trash can for a reason Santana? Like it's even in the name. Trash- C-A-N. The place where trash goes," She said, raising her voice with irritation.
"Do you not understand that I have higher priorities than studying the multiple uses of waste disposal units, Brittany?" I replied, challenging her irritation with my own.
"My God, I'll just do it for you. Give me the coffee cups." She reached over me collecting the four cups that surrounded my text book and began to collect the other trash from the floor.
I looked up at her, the frustration on her face was clear as day, and for some reason, I don't know whether it was the lack of sleep or the caffeine or the look on her face, but I couldn't stop laughing. The expression on her face when she saw me laughing was beyond priceless, which egged me on. She looked so offended, but so adorable. Her hair was up on the top of her head in a messy bun, sweatpants rolled up to her knees and tank top clinging tightly to her flawless figure. Her face was scrunched up with rage.
"This isn't funny Santana, this is serious! I can't concentrate with all of this clutter around me. Stop laughing! This isn't funny!" She yelled, before hurling a coffee cup straight towards my face. I looked down at the styrofoam cup in my lap then back up to her. The faintest twitch of her lips indicated that she was trying to suppress a smile, and from that point on, it was war. I picked up my bag of unopened chips and threw them towards her. As she ducked, they hit the window, spilling all over the floor.
With a playful smirk now plastered across her face she lunged forward and pinned me to the ground. My struggle was pointless under her firm grasp. Her thighs held my body still and her hands pinned my own above my head. Brittany's face was dangerously close to my mine but our laughing broke the tension that could have formed.
"Mercy!" I cried dramatically as she started to tickle my sides. I wrapped my arms around her waist and we tied our bodies together, rolling around and laughing on the floor. I was lost in the scent of her perfume and the soft texture of her skin. Having her so close to me did things to my emotions; it chipped away at my filter and encouraged the opening of the flood gates to my inner most thoughts.
"I love you," I said without thinking. I masked the embarrassing confession with more laughter, pushing her off of me playfully. Making absolutely positive to keep the smile on my face, I couldn't let her see I was embarrassed.
"I love you too, litter bug. You're lucky I do, otherwise I would totally kick you out of my study room," she said, not even allowing the brief moment of openness to become awkward. Brittany knew me and she knew exactly what to say at any given moment. I had to excuse myself to use the restroom to stop the emotional tidal wave from crashing down upon her. She was everything that made my life brighter; I couldn't even measure how much I loved her but it didn't matter. I needed to keep myself in check; having her in my life was more important than anything and risking that wasn't an option. That night, in our fit of giggles and proclamations of love, I almost revealed it all. My feelings, my past, my father, everything. That night, everything would have been different.
I tuned back into the real world when I saw Brittany trembling on stage. My heart climbed into my throat and I made a split second decision to slink my way closer so she could see me better. When she caught sight of me, I could see her visibly relax. I raised my thumbs up signaling 'good job' and she turned toward the calling of her name.
When everyone had made their way across the stage, the dean spoke a 'congratulations' into the microphone and a flurry of graduation caps rose up into the air. I spotted Brittany hugging Blaine tightly before scurrying through the crowd of people. I pushed back from the stage and stood in the middle of the aisle, making sure she saw me. We made eye contact and I couldn't control the enormous smile on my face. She raced down the steps and I braced myself for her arrival; when our bodies collided I felt my heart sigh with contentment. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her cheek before pulling away slightly.
"Britts, I am so proud of you," I said holding her by the shoulders. "You did it babe, you graduated!"
She smiled up at me and looked between my eyes and my lips a few times. I saw something then, in Brittany's eyes, that was unmistakable; I knew that look. I gave her that look. She wanted to kiss me. No, Santana, there's no way. You're imagining things, shake it off, I said to myself, trying to smack the thought out of my head. She couldn't want me that way.
I pulled her in for one more hug and whispered 'I love you' before stepping aside to let her family shower her with love and praise. Her dad pulled me in for the group hug and that small gesture meant more to me than anyone could ever know. I'd only known her family for a few hours and already they made me feel more welcome and at home than anyone has ever made me feel. It was one of the best feelings in the world. It was pure joy.
Brittany's POV
I had lost my cap in everyone's elation, so I recruited Blaine to help me find it. The search took a few moments as numerous hats littered the floor, but I wanted my tassel; it was a symbol of all the hard work I had done. It was also a keepsake from the place where I met one of my best friends in the entire world. There was no way I was giving that up. When I had my cap, and more importantly my tassel, in hand, I raced down the stage steps and flew right into tan, toned arms. Santana pulled me in tightly and I felt her soft lips caress my cheek. I hummed in approval and my joy overflowed into giggles. She pulled back away from me and looked right into my eyes.
"Britts, I am so proud of you!" she exclaimed, grasping my shoulders and shaking me softly. "You did it babe, you graduated!" Her words were released at a higher pitch with excitement and it made my body tingle from the roots of my hair to the tips of my toes. I looked at her, my smile trying to conquer my face. She always had the prettiest eyes I'd ever seen, but her lips were so beautifully enticing that my gaze shifted between the two features. Kiss her, I told myself, kiss her now and she'll know. I licked my lips and my heart fluttered momentarily as I subtly leaned in to instigate the connection. When a strong hand came crashing down on my shoulder I nearly yelped out a frustrated "No!" Seriously, it was the second time within two hours that I had been stopped. Maybe I wasn't supposed to kiss her after all. I whipped my head around and came face to face with my brother. I could have killed him. Literally. I knew plenty of ways to do so and I could make them all look like an accident. I stared at him in disbelief for a moment before my mom and dad brought all of us in for a group hug, passing around kisses and cheers that made me brim with happiness.
After our circle of hugs and love, my parents stepped aside so I could talk privately with Santana. My brother, on the other hand, stuck around to chime into our conversation. I wanted to punch him in the ribs and tell him to can it, but I stood there, with an annoyed smile on my face, as the girl I was totally smitten with and the brother I wanted to kill flirted shamelessly. I could feel the jealousy stir in the pit of my stomach and I couldn't quash it in the slightest. When he finally caught the hint that I wanted time alone with Santana, he backed away slowly and joined my parents who were conversing with my mentor. I turned my full attention to Santana and breathed out a sigh of relief.
"Thank you for being here, Tana," I praised, taking her hand in mine and trailing my fingertips over her skin lightly. "I love you, you know that?" I gave her my lopsided grin and leaned in to peck her cheek. I had been stopped too many times today to try and work in something more, so I settled for the sweet cheek kiss and hoped it would tide me over. "I know your ceremony starts at 4 pm tomorrow, and I promise I'll be there. I have a meeting with my mentor at 2:30 pm which should be over way before you gotta be at the quad." I squeezed her hand and tilted my head to the side. "Your turn tomorrow, pretty girl." My compliment flowed out effortlessly and I watched the pale pink hue rise to her caramel cheeks. I wanted to kiss over the rosiness from her lips to her hairline, but I swallowed back my temptation and turned to look at my family who was motioning us over. "We're going out to dinner to celebrate. I want you to come. You're not allowed to say no." I gripped her hand tightly and didn't wait for a response before pulling her close to my side and dragging her off to spend the evening with the quirky, kooky Pierce Brigade.
Santana's Graduation - May 11th 2008
Santana's POV
"This is fucking ridiculous," I muttered under my breath. My apartment looked like a tornado had just passed through; my bedroom was critically hit by the disaster: dresser drawers were wide open and almost every article of clothing I owned was on the floor. I waded through the sea of colors to my laundry room, searching the last place I could think of to find my black dress. It was brand new, I hadn't even worn it yet and somehow I managed to misplace it. I didn't even want to buy the stupid thing, but when Brittany made me try it on, the look she gave me was worth more than the two hundred dollars I was spending on it.
I dug through the pile of clothes in the laundry basket, mentally scolding myself for being so unorganized. "Son of a bitch, where did I put the damn thing?" I shouted, paying no attention that someone had just let them self into my apartment.
"You do realize that when you grow old and people make fun of you for being the crazy old hoarding lady with lots of cats, I'm not going to visit you anymore, right?" A familiar voice called out from behind me. Immediately, I turned around at the interruption and there, standing before me, was my old friend Kurt.
"Honestly Satan, you better hope you get a high paying job after you graduate. At least that way you'll make enough money to hire someone to clean for you." He challenged.
Kurt had been my friend for years. We grew up in the same town and even though he was a few years older than me, we managed to form a solid bond. He was just as sarcastic as I was and it kept me on my toes; he was also gay, with a capital G, which only made me love him more.
I turned around with my hands on my hips, smirking up at him. My hair was in rollers, my makeup half done, and I rocked a pair of booty shorts and a tank top. Basically I looked like a hot mess and if it were anyone else I would have retreated to my bedroom at the first sign of intrusion.
"Well, if it isn't the most flamboyant detective New York has to offer! Tell me Kurt, I've been dying to know, did your suggestion for rainbow streamers in the interrogation room go off without a hitch? I'm sure the guys in SVU were all over that," I quipped, winking at him as he motioned me to come greet him properly.
I jumped over the pile of clothes I had just emptied onto the floor and pulled him into a hug. It had been almost a year since the last time I'd seen him in person. After he got hired to work in the Special Victims Unit in New York, his free time was greatly reduced; it was almost like he vanished from my life completely. I didn't make much of an effort to keep in touch which, in hindsight, I regret, but Kurt is the kind of friend that you can go years without talking to and then pick up right where you left off.
"I missed you, Kurt," I admitted, still holding on to him. He was a lot taller than I remembered and he had filled out quite nicely; definitely a lot different from the skinny kid I knew in undergrad.
"Yeah yeah, I missed you too Satan- um, Santana," he joked, nudging me playfully. "What exactly are you tearing your place apart for? Let me guess, you didn't follow my advice and color coordinate your closet. Really, I mean you have a dress hanging from your bulletin board for Christ sakes," he laughed, pointing to the board in my kitchen; the dress still had the price tag attached and was pinned up with a thumb tack, next to all of my reminders that I never paid attention to.
"My dress! Damn it, Lady Hummel, I knew I missed you for a reason. As for color coordinating my closet, do you really think I have time to deal with that shit? I'm a board certified Lawyer now, I have more important things to do with my time," I challenged, giving him my signature Santana shrug.
"Like spending two hundred dollars on a dress just to please the girl you're in love with?" He asked bluntly, crossing his arms. I stood there, frozen, like someone had just sucked the life out of me and I had hardened over like a statue.
"How did you-" I start.
"Oh girl, please, who are you trying to fool. I keep up with Facebook. I see this Brittany girl all over your page and I have never known you to spend so much money on clothes before, especially a dress! Santana 'bad ass' Lopez does not do dresses, last time I heard." He walked by me and retrieved the dress, eyeing it up and down before handing it over, winking with approval. He clearly enjoyed catching me off guard; I didn't blame him, I would have done the same thing.
"She's just a friend," I said, finally able to resuscitate myself out of shock. I removed my tank top before slipping the dress over my head, shimmying my shorts off soon after. I walked back to my bathroom and started pulling the rollers out of my hair, desperately trying to avoid the subject. "I'm going to be late if I don't finish getting ready," I called out, thinking he was still in the living room.
"Not a chance, Santana. I didn't come all this way to get a cop-out answer like that. You like this girl. She's hot, I don't blame you," he said, leaning up against the doorframe.
I mulled over my thoughts for a second, still fixing my hair and adjusting my dress. I guess it wouldn't be so bad to tell Kurt, he may actually be able to help, I thought. "Fine. I like her, but I don't even know if she likes me back or if she's even into girls. So I haven't done anything about it. AND! Before you go off on me, just realize that I probably won't even see her very much after today. She graduated yesterday and is heading off to find a job, probably half way across the country for all I know." I sighed as I applied a coating of eyeliner. Brittany wasn't my girlfriend or anything, but as silly as it sounded, I still wanted to impress her. Her approval made me feel powerful and sexy and it was a feeling I wouldn't trade for the world.
"San, seriously, you haven't told her? I know you're not that great with people but it's obvious she's crazy about you. I haven't even met the girl and I can see that. She's commented on every single one of your photos on Facebook and she basically writes on your wall daily. I'm sure you see each other a lot too. Don't you pay attention to that stuff?" He asked, trying his best to put his serious face on. That was another thing I loved about Kurt, he always knew how to handle a situation; he knew the right time to be serious and drop the sarcasm.
I never really thought about our interactions online; they were there in plain view for everyone to see. She had to know that all the compliments and loving comments were fair game for curious eyes, right? Kurt didn't even know Brittany and he thought she liked me, maybe he was right after all. Maybe I had spent the last five months in silence for no reason. My thoughts ran wild through my head like gazelles exploring an open field. Maybe she remembered the kiss. Maybe she was feeling just as shy as me. My thoughts consumed me; for a moment I forgot Kurt had asked me a question.
"Earth to Lopez" He yelled, waving his arms in front of my face. I snapped back into reality and apologized for my daydreaming, though in my defense he should have been used to it after all these years. I glanced over at the clock and my eyes almost fell out of my head when I saw the time.
"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I'm late, we have to go like now," I said, pushing by him and running to grab my heels from the bedroom. He grabbed my cap and gown and held the door open for me as I attempted to run down the stairs in my 3 inch heels. "Come on princess, I'll drive us," He said, booming with laughter at the sight of me struggling in shoes that clearly were invented by men as a joke to women all over the world.
We made it to the ceremony just in time. I hugged Kurt one last time before showing him where to sit and telling him to say goodbye before he left. I knew he couldn't stay very long, but I wanted him to meet Brittany. I wanted two of the most important people in my life to know each other. Thinking about not seeing Brittany everyday made my heart physically hurt, I decided that I didn't want to think about that, not now, not today. Tomorrow I'd deal with the future, but right now I needed to make Kurt and Brittany- no, make my family proud.
My graduating class was significantly smaller than Brittany's. The ceremony was outside in the quad, the stage was set up between two grand pillars in front of the library. It looked like a scene right out of a movie; I couldn't believe I'd finally made it. I was finally going to live my dream, the one I'd work so hard for over the past 7 years. The dean was making his announcements before we were set to walk across the stage and I looked behind me, searching for a glimpse of golden hair, but the sea of black and red gowns obstructed my view.
Row by row, the students made their way to the stage and collected their diplomas. My heart was racing as the row in front of me stood up and made their way into the bright lights of their future. As our turn came around I stood up and looked over to where Kurt was sitting, he was smiling wider than I had ever seen before. It made me proud to know that he cared so much about me, he was truly the brother I'd never had. A twinge of sadness struck me like a dart when I scanned the rest of the crowd and saw no other familiar faces. She wasn't there, Brittany wasn't in the audience. I convinced myself that I had simply missed her as I turned my attention to the stage. I walked up, lifting my gown and paying close attention not to trip and embarrass myself in front of the few hundred people that were watching me.
I shook the dean's hand proudly as he handed me the piece of paper that represented seven years of my hardest work. I heard Kurt yelling through the crowd's applause and I'm sure at that point my face was as red as a tomato. "NEW YORK IS CALLING YOU LOPEZ!" he screamed. I glanced over at him and he was standing up and cheering; he didn't care that he was being a nuisance to the people around him and that made it even more hilarious. I scanned through the crowd for a second time as I walked off of the stage and was hit with the same stabbing pain again. She really wasn't there. The crowd was small enough that I would have been able to pick her out quite easily, but the fact still remained. She didn't come.
The rest of the students crossed the stage and the dean wrapped up the ceremony, asking us to rise to our feet. "Congratulations Class of 2008!" He announced and with that, caps flew up into the air, swirling together like a flock of birds. My cap was the only one that remained still on my head. I was stuck in the spiraling vortex of my own mind. Where was she? Why didn't she come? The same questions attacked my brain, tiny cancer cells eating away at me, as my heart deteriorated on what was supposed to be the happiest day of my life.
People were starting to take pictures and meet up with their family members and I headed over to thank Kurt for coming, trying my best to hide the sadness that struck my heart. I walked up to him, carrying a small smile, and he pulled me into his arms and squeezed me so tight I thought my insides were going to pop out.
"I'm proud of you San! Now, I can finally give you your surprise. It's seriously been killing me not saying anything to you this whole time" He bounced up and down, clapping his hands like a 15 year old girl at a boy band concert.
My brows furrowed together in confusion. Surprise? What surprise? I wondered, secretly hoping it had something to do with Brittany, even though I knew that was illogical.
"The Special Victims Unit where I work is looking for an Assistant District Attorney and I may have given them your information..." He said, pausing to test my reaction.
"The hiring process is pretty elaborate, but the DA is one of my good friends. Her name is Rachel and she's interested in you." He finished, now shaking me violently with excitement.
"You're fucking kidding me! There is no way!- Oh my God Kurt!" I lunged at him, hugging him for the third time; I was beside myself with excitement. I had only just graduated and already I might have a real job lined up. For a moment I completely forgot about the pain that came from the absence of the other half of my heart. That was, until he reminded me.
"I know, right? It's gonna be awesome. I'm going to get to work with you again, if all goes well!" He practically screamed at me, his face was glowing. Seeing him so happy made the pain a little easier to deal with.
"Where's Brittany? Let's tell your boo thang the great news. Plus, I need to meet this girl!" He said, just as enthusiastically as everything else he'd said in the past 5 minutes. My smile faltered and I shook my head solemnly. As disappointed as I was that she wasn't there, I felt like in some way she disappointed him also; that made things ten times worse. I balled my fists as sadness weaved itself within the anger building up inside of me.
"She didn't come," I said bluntly, shrugging my shoulders and trying my hardest not to show how deeply hurt I was. "It's fine. I didn't know for sure if she was coming anyway," I lied. Tears were threatening to form in the corners of my eyes, but I held my ground.
Not here Santana. Not today. Not with him.
Brittany's POV
Of all the days that Dr. Irene Fletcher could run late, it had to be today. Santana's graduation ceremony started at 4 pm and she expected me to be there, cheering her on. I stood in the hallway corridor tapping my foot against the gleaming marble floor, my eyes staring daggers at the clock above the double door entrance. It was already 3:15 pm and my mentor was running 45 minutes late. I tried calling her multiple times, but I didn't want to burn bridges that hadn't even been fully built. I needed Dr. Fletcher's help in networking to find a job as a medical examiner, so pushing her buttons was definitely not a smart move. I watched helplessly as the minute hand swung its way from the three to the nine. "You've got to be fucking kidding me," I cursed under my breath, combing my fingers through my silky hair. I had 15 minutes before the ceremony started and I had no idea how long Dr. Fletcher intended to keep me. I bit my lip nervously and checked my phone to see if I had any missed calls, texts, or emails. There was nothing. Nothing, except the picture of Santana and I eating ice cream in front of Powell's candy shop that I had saved as my background. I looked down at the picture and smiled, remembering the sweet moment which stemmed both from my snack and my company. I took a deep breath and let it out in a huff. I was not letting her down. Santana was there for me when I needed her most, and I sure as hell wasn't going to let her think I wasn't there for her. I picked my purse up off the floor, slung it over my shoulder, and stormed to the exit. When the double doors opened towards me unexpectedly, I scurried back in fear of being hit. I was about to use a Sananta-esque remark until I realized who had come blustering through.
"Dr. Fletcher," I breathed out, mentally kicking myself for actually waiting around for so long.
"Brittany! I'm so sorry. I got a flat tire and my phone died and it was just a hectic morning. Please, come in," she explained, hustling forward into her office; I felt compelled to follow her. She sat down at her desk hurriedly and pulled out a file with my name on it. I sat down opposite her and found the familiar heart-shaped clock that rested on her bookcase. 3:57 pm. I squirmed in my seat and mentally begged her to be clear and concise. I needed to leave. Now. I wrung my hands in my lap as she informed me of open positions and those of which showed interest in my resume that she helped me build. I smiled and nodded, urging her to continue silently. I kept glancing back at the clock and I spaced out as she carried on about salary ceilings and broader benefits. She finally stopped and looked at me, pinning me with her stare.
"Do you have someplace to be, Ms. Pierce?" she asked, giving me a concerned look.
"I- I'm missing my best friend's graduation and I'm really, really sorry, but I have to go. I have to be there." I jumped up from my seat, the idea of burning bridges now totally flung from my mind. I needed to be there for Santana. "I'll call you and re-schedule or I can email you. I'm so sorry for taking up this time." I tossed my words over my shoulder as I ran out of her office, leaving her sitting with raised eyebrows and look of shock plastered on her face.
I got in my car and raced out of the parking lot. Of course Irene's office was way off campus and I had to fight the traffic all the way back to BU. "Come on, come on!" I yelled at the cars around me. We were in gridlock and the frustration inside of me was close to eruption. I got off the freeway, giving up on trying to speed my way there, and hopped onto the backstreets. I wasn't great at directions so I made a few wrong turns, but I finally pulled into the parking lot closest to the quad. Every single parking spot was taken and I felt like crying. I looked at my clock, 4:36 pm. I was missing one of the most important moments of Santana's life because I couldn't find a fucking parking spot. "Screw it," I huffed under my breath, pulling aside and double parking. Getting there in time would be worth a ticket or a tow fee. I threw my car into park, jumped out slamming the door behind me, and raced up the lawn to the ceremony. I lost one of my flats along the way and had to double back and grab it, which just made me even more frustrated. Stupid shoes were pointless! I reached the far end of the quad completely out of breath and watched as a hundred black and red squares were tossed into the air. One of those, I thought to myself, is Santana's. I took a quick moment to catch my breath before navigating the sea of people around me. Even my social anxiety was on the back burner as I tried desperately to find the girl who meant the world to me.
I finally spotted Santana chatting with a slender man with great hair. He was dressed in a killer suit and he looked impeccably put together. I looked down at my own disheveled self and smoothed the wrinkles out of my shirt the best I could. As I drew closer I realized that Santana's smile was one she wore when trying to hide her true feelings. She was upset. My throat squeezed shut for a moment before I forged ahead and sidled up to the duo.
"Congratulations!" I yelled, throwing my arms around her so she couldn't refuse the connection. She didn't return the hug and I felt a twinge deep inside my chest. I pulled back to look at her and I could see the hurt and anger bubbling beneath her stoic eyes. I turned quickly to her companion and held out my hand.
"I'm Brittany," I chirped, trying to fend off the storm that was brewing in the girl next to me. The tidal storm is forming I thought to myself as I waited for the delicate man to take my hand in greeting. He brought my hand to his lips and gave my knuckles a soft kiss. I blushed slowly and let out a nervous giggle. He introduced himself as Detective Kurt Hummel, best friend of 'Satan's' since the beginning of time. My eyebrows shot up in fear and he looked at me like I might stab him in the chest with a crucifix. He explained that 'Satan' was a nickname for Santana and I immediately breathed out a sigh of relief. I bit my lip nervously and looked between the two, gaining my ground slowly.
"Do you think…Can we have a moment alone, please? It won't take long." I looked at Kurt and gave him a small appreciative smile for his acquiescence. As he strode off down the quad, I turned to look at Santana. "I'm so, so sorry I was late. I'm here though. And I saw you throw your hat up, so I didn't miss everything." I tried my best to keep my voice from breaking.
"I didn't throw my cap, Brittany. I didn't feel much like celebrating because one of the most important people in my life wasn't there to see it. Where the hell were you?" Her words sunk into me like dull knives and I shifted from one foot to the other nervously.
"My mentor totally screwed me over. I should have just left. I'm so sorry, Tana. I know how much this meant to you, but I swear I'll make it up to you. I don't know how, but I will." I silently begged her to look at me and when her fiery eyes met mine, my breath hitched in my throat.
"Make it up how, Britt? This was important! How could you.." I cut off her words by leaning in and pressing my mouth to hers. I was overcome with regret and guilt and hope and I surged forward, teasing her mouth to open. I had wanted to kiss her the day before, and so many other times, but I had been interrupted. And now, with her mad at me, I didn't want to risk never getting the chance. I clasped the front of her robe tightly into my fist and brought our bodies together as I slipped my tongue into her mouth. She tasted like a mix of tart cherry and spearmint and it made my own mouth tingle. I broke the kiss slowly, tugging her bottom lip through my teeth as I let out a soft moan against her lips. I batted my eyes open to find her lids still closed and her swollen lips lightly puckered.
"I'm sorry for being late, Tana. But I'm not sorry for that," I husked, watching her eyes flutter open. "That's a real kiss. Our first one doesn't really count." Her eyes widened as she realized that the night her lips brushed mine, I had felt the same bright spark. "I'd regret it if I never got to kiss you," I confessed, letting a soft sigh roll through me as I caressed her cheek, willing her to accept my apology
Santana's POV
The English language, and any other language for that matter, lacked the requisite words to describe how I felt in that moment. The girl I'd been silently pining over had just willingly kissed me. Her lips were as soft as I remembered them, the spark that I felt when our lips met for the first time didn't even compare to the firework display that erupted during this kiss. I literally felt like I was floating on a cloud. You know those stupid cartoons where an attractive girl kisses a guy and he floats up into the air and his heart beats out of his chest? Well, that's exactly what was going on with me when Brittany connected our lips.
I felt Brittany's hand caress my cheek and I leaned into her touch. This felt surreal and if this was a dream I was going to make the most of it.
"Britt, you knew all along. Why didn't you say something?" I asked softly. My body ached to be closer to her, but my mind demanded answers instead.
"I could ask you the same thing, San," she said, shrugging her shoulders, her eyes scanned my face. I could tell she was looking at me differently, as if she'd broken some sort of barrier and now was unsure how to proceed. I wanted to tell her everything, about every time I'd almost kissed her, about how I was afraid that she couldn't possibly feel the same. I wanted to tell her everything, but it had to wait.
"Listen Britt, Kurt is only here for another 20 minutes or so and I really want to talk to you about this, but I need to see him too," I said, praying that she believed me and didn't think I was trying to put off the conversation I'd wanted to have for the past 6 months.
"I wouldn't let you leave without finishing this anyway," she said, stroking my cheek softly. "Go on, just text me or something when you-"
I cut her off, I wanted to smack myself for the way I formed my sentences. Think before you speak Santana. "No, Britt, I didn't mean it like that. I meant, I want you to come with me so I can say goodbye." I held out my hand and when she laced our fingers together I felt invincible. With her, I could do anything.
We wandered through the crowd searching for Kurt and finally found him sitting on a bench talking with Blaine. Brittany and I looked at each other; we were definitely thinking the same thing: match makers. We walked up to the duo, our hands still tied together and I decided to interrupt their moment of bonding.
"Sorry to intrude on your date, Kurt, but I just thought you'd want to say goodbye to my fine ass before you jetted off to New York." I smiled and tilted my head challenging Kurt to give a comeback, but no such luck.
He exchanged numbers with Blaine and said goodbye as Brittany and I sat down next to him. I took note of the fact that our worlds were already so effortlessly colliding and smiled inwardly to myself. I gave Brittany a proper introduction and Kurt interrogated her as I expected he would. He found out that she grew up in Maine, she had wanted to be a dancer, her life goal was now to be a Chief Medical Examiner and her favorite food was shrimp. They sat there for a while getting to know each other and I chimed in with a witty or sarcastic comment every now and then. I didn't really have to say much, this was exactly how I had wanted it to be. They loved each other.
The time came when Kurt had to leave and I reluctantly said my goodbye, as did Brittany. He promised to follow up with me about the SVU situation which I had almost forgotten about; there was another thing I had to look forward to. When Kurt was finally out of sight, Brittany and I stared at each other for a moment, admiring one another. The silence was comfortable, but things needed to be said. For once I was the first one to speak up.
"Britt, what does all of this mean? Today, you and me, us? If there even is an us?" I didn't want to waste time beating around the bush, we needed to figure out what was going on, we were leaving tomorrow and the thought of leaving 'us' unresolved left knots in my stomach.
"Tana, I'm really glad I kissed you and that you kissed me back. I've wanted to do that for a while." She pulled both of my hands into her lap, caressing my fingers individually, trying to give equal attention to each digit.
"Britt you're going to be 400 miles away tomorrow and after that you could be halfway across the country from me, I don't know how to feel. It's not fair, how do we make this work?" I said, my heart deflating with the crippling reality of our situation.
"Santana, I don't know that we can make it work but I do know that you and I are different from any other people in the entire world and because of that, I think anything is possible. We'll figure it out," she finished, still caressing my hands.
We sat together on the bench for hours, talking about our feelings and when they first started. It was nice having her reciprocate; I never imagined that I could be so lucky. Brittany was one of a kind; she was a good kind of different, she made me want to open up and spill all of my deepest darkest secrets. One secret in particular loomed over my existence, one I would eventually be forced to reveal. There was a reason I grew up the way I did; I didn't talk to anyone about it, Kurt didn't even know, but it defined me. My past or really, my father's past, defined my future; in more ways than anyone could ever understand.
I wanted to tell her that last night together, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. The morning came too quickly and her car was packed and ready to go before noon. All her belongings, our memories and most importantly, my heart would be going to Maine with her. As we kissed goodbye she promised me again that we would make it work. As I watched her drive away, I held on to that promise like it was the only thing keeping me together. I finished packing up my things and loaded the car ready to make the long trip home to New York. I took one last look around my empty apartment and I brushed a tear from my cheek as I took a trip down memory lane. This was where I met my best friend and this is where I fell in love with her. I turned in my apartment keys, got in my car and headed for the highway with one single thought stuck in my head.
I really hope that Brittany keeps her promise.
New York City - November 2008
Brittany's POV
My head was still reeling from all of the truth that spilled out between Santana and me. I knew all along that I loved her, I just didn't realize I was in love with her. I guess that should have been obvious when I'd find my daydreams completely revolving around her, or when I'd hold her hand tighter and breathe in deeper, trying to soak in her scent so I could carry it with me when she wasn't around. Sometimes life is cruel and as cliché as it sounds, you don't realize what you've got until it's gone, or in our case, when it's 400 miles away. I promised her we'd work. We had to. She was the one person in the whole world who made me feel complete. It was 2008, not the Stone Age. There was Myspace and Facebook and AIM and Skype. We could definitely work around the physical distance. It was the emotional distance that snuck up on us.
If you tracked our budding relationship on a time graph, the longer we were apart, the less we talked to each other. We started out strong, Skyping daily and enjoying seeing each others' faces both in the morning and at night. By our second month apart, we both started looking for work and making new friends, so our daily double dose of Skype dwindled down to every other day, then twice a week, and then finally once every other week. When Skype fell by the wayside, we relied on calling one another, because the sound of each others' voice was reassuring and comforting. Unfortunately bills and phone minutes worked against us, so we turned to texts. Four months into our long distance relationship and we were communicating solely by text messages sent randombly throughout the week. It wasn't working. My promise had fallen flat and I felt like the biggest jerk on the planet. Santana deserved to have someone near her, someone who could kiss her goodnight and kiss her good morning; someone who she could literally lean on when rough days threatened to pummel her to the ground. Maine and New York just weren't close enough to allow me to be that person and I felt selfish keeping her to myself when there could be someone better out there for her. The night I brought up our predicament, I actually took the time to call her. She was happy to hear my voice, but her tone went bitter cold when I explained why I was calling. Her walls shot up and I wasn't there in person to hold her close and tell her that she didn't need to block me out. That was the last time we talked. I tried sending her texts throughout the rest of September, but they were thoroughly ignored and I couldn't stand sending out another hopeful ream of words only to have them disappear into the universe, unanswered.
I remained single as my heart was still completely devoted to my best friend. I couldn't bring myself to start up a conversation with anyone, because I'd immediately think of how Santana and I didn't even need to talk, we were comfortable in silence. As the leaves changed and the air outside progressed from crisp to chilled, I increasingly found myself thinking of the girl with eyes the color of dark chocolate. I missed her, more than I had ever missed anyone, but she had cut me out and I had to deal with it. In early November I received a call from Blaine. He was ecstatic and I could barely understand him through his giddy rambling. From what I was able to gather, he and Kurt had hit it off, and since Blaine was living in New Jersey and Kurt was stationed in New York, they were able to really start building a relationship. I was over the moon for them, they were both great guys and I couldn't have asked for someone better for Blaine than Kurt. What I didn't expect was the inside scoop on the Special Victims Unit, which just so happened to be looking for a medical examiner's assistant. I didn't need to be told twice. I packed up my bags, flew to New York, and interviewed with the Chief Medical Examiner, Shannon Beiste and Chief of Police, Sue Sylvester. Both women were headstrong and completely capable in their positions within a male-dominated field. It made me proud to join the ranks of such trailblazers. I stayed in New York for a week, waiting to hear back from the head honchos. When I got the call welcoming me aboard the SVU team, I was elated, and the first person that popped into my head was Santana. No, Britt. She doesn't wanna talk to you. Just leave her alone I told myself. It was the hardest decision I ever made. I didn't text or call her and she didn't even know we were going to be living in the same city. By mid November I had moved into my first brownstone and I was just starting my training under the watchful eye of Dr. Beiste.
It was November 13th, 2008 when I was sitting in Bean Street Café, enjoying my peppermint hot chocolate, when a tan, raven haired woman bustled through the doors and out of the rain. She shook out her umbrella and strode up to the counter in five inch heels. I didn't have to hear her voice or even see her face to know it was Santana. Three years together was enough for me to pinpoint the way she swayed her hips and how she put more weight on her left leg than her right, just as she did now while standing in line. My heart felt like it was going claw its way out of my chest and crawl over to her. Even after her cold shoulder routine, I was completely taken by her. I got up from the worn arm chair I was sitting in and made it to the counter just as she was called up to order. I stepped up behind her and recited the words that I knew were on the tip of her tongue. "Columbian Blend, one sugar, no milk, extra strong."
To be continued...
Replies.
forblueskies - Your review is personally one of my favorites, I appreciate you taking the time to write that out and I really hope we do this justice for you. :)
mybrittanalove - Rizzoli & Isles fan! I really think you'll appreciate some of the later chapters, personally for me (Becca) I was inspired a lot by the show.
Phalanges!Guest - We thank you for the correction! :) It was actually supposed to be plural, but that sneaky 's' got away from us.
NooNoMo - We sent you a long explanation to this on tumblr so hopefully you've gotten it! Long story short, Santana limits the people she lets in her personal life and at this point she's still a little shy around Britt. The night at the movie theater really helped pull her out of her shell