Hello everybody! Finally THE chapter, take it easy and you will understand more. I will post an EPOV soon too. Thank you for the reviews and thank youuu Jo! great job my lovely beta.

Of course Twilight belongs to SW but LOTR is mine :)

Chapter 11

I don't know how long I was unconscious, but the voices around me brought me back to reality. I moved, I was a little disoriented until I remembered what had happened. Damned deer, damned rain, damned Edward. I moved back, again the pain.

"Shit." I touched my head. I had a bump and felt some bleeding. No much, but enough to annoy me.

"Bella, you're awake, thank God," I heard Alice breathe out. Alice?

"What are you doing here?"

"Jasper drove me here when you stopped talking. I was freaking out, even more so when your phone died. We need a doctor," she said while Jasper helped me.

"I'm fine, it´s just a cut. It doesn't matter."

"It does too matter. You need to go to the hospital, Bells." Jasper was a pain in my ass, but he was right.

"Hospital," I muttered."Not again. I do not want to see Edward, not in this situation. I don´t want..."

"Fine. But you will see a doctor in the emergency room," he said while helping me up so I could walk.

"Promise me that you'll not say anything to him." Alice rolled her eyes. "Promise me?"

"Okay."

"I'm serious."

"I said okay. Let´s go."

Hospital again. I was freaking out, not from the almost accident, but because I didn´t want Edward to see me. I didn´t want Edward feeling guilty since it was my fault. The doctor responded quickly without making me wait too long. He examined me and I was fine after all. Not seriously hurt, just some bruises. Those minutes seemed like an eternity for me. After everything was done, Alice and Jasper drove me to my house. The security of home relaxed me, even more when I was alone. But of course, you can't be free of all.

"You need some rest, the doctor said. No college for you for the next couple of days. I will help you with anything you need." Alice was torturing me over the phone.

"Alice, since when are you a doctor?" I laughed. " I don´t need help, I´m fine. It's just a bump, I'm not an invalid." I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, and Jasper will be taking your truck." I sighed. "He wants to know what you want to do with it."

"Oh, Alice. I hadn't thought about it yet." Suddenly, a knock on my door caught my attention. "Tell him to sell it, junk it, whatever." Another knock, stronger this time.

"Coming!" I yelled.

"Err, Bells." I heard Alice clearing her throat. "Before you open the door, you need to know something."

"What? You sent me the Cullen army to help me?" I joked.

"Not exactly. Bella, he saw me at the hospital..."

"You didn´t!"

"I´m sorry. He was freaking out, so nervous, he even cancelled some patients." I opened the door finding Edward, soaked from the rain, waiting for me.

"Call you tomorrow," I said and hung up.

I looked at him and his eyes showed me pain and worry.

"Are you ok? You need something?" He asked nervously.

"I´m fine." Edward sighed.

"Hurts?" He looked at the band on my wound.

"A little bit. Come in, it´s raining. You're soaked." Edward walked into my house and turned around to see me. It was awkward moment, I wanted to wrap my arms around him, but I couldn´t move.

"Hmm. I´m going to look for a change of clothes for you." I almost ran to my bedroom. The last time he was here, he had left some clothes behind. I walked slowly, taking deep breaths, trying to relax myself. "Take this." Edward smirked at me. "I didn´t steal it, if you're thinking that. You forgot them last time." I was blushing. I could feel my face burning.

"Thank you."

I felt I might die when I saw him shirtless again. God, I missed him so much.

"Bella...I..."

"You want something to drink?" I asked while walking to the kitchen. Edward followed me. "I was going to make some tea."

"Sure, but I think I'll need something stronger." I could feel a sad smile in his voice and I turned around and confirmed it.

"I have some beer. If that's not strong enough…"

"But it´s going to work." Edward didn´t move, he stayed close to the kitchen door, until I gave him a bottle. Our hands touched and we kept staring at each other for a few seconds. I broke contact. I awaited him. It wasn´t my time to speak, to really speak. He needed to make the first move, not me. I kept moving, waiting for my tea to be ready. I could feel his eyes on me, his presence close to me. Then, Edward was behind me.

"We need to talk, Bella."

"We?" I asked while picking up my cup. I moved away from him, but Edward had another idea when he grabbed my hand.

"I need to talk." I sighed and without thinking about it, I interlocked my fingers with his. I took my tea and we walked to the couch. Edward took my chin, rubbing my cheek with his thumb.

"First, I need to know if you're okay. It´s the only thing that matters to me, Bella." He looked at me intensely, taking my face into his hands.

"Yes, I'm fine. Just a little headache, but I´m okay." I smiled and he relaxed.

"Bella, I´m sorry," he whispered.

"Sorry for what?" I asked and took a drink of my tea, without taking my eyes off him.

Edward slowly reached out his hand, looking at me as if he was asking me permission to touch me. His finger drew down my wound, and I closed my eyes at the feeling.

"I´m sorry," he said again, and I opened my eyes.

"It´s not your fault, Edward. I was the one driving. I was who tried to save the deer´s life, instead of mine." I shook my head.

"You left the hospital upset. I should have done something."

"Stop it. I´m fine, nothing happened. It was my fault, not yours. End of discussion."

The silence surrounded us for just a few seconds, but seemed like forever. I played with my cup while Edward sipped his beer. He looked confused, and lost in thought. But even when I wanted to speak to him, I didn't. I couldn´t be the one who started this conversation. He cleared his throat, running his fingers in his hair.

"It´s not going to be easy for me," he said.

"Okay."

"It´s a long story," he warned me.

"It's okay. I have plenty of time. The doctor said I´m stuck here for a couple of days. I´m all ears." I took a drink of my tea again.

"I don´t know where to start," he sighed.

"Take it slow."

"Take it slow," he repeated. "You know I left Forks to study music." I nodded. "Good. Two years after I got into the consevatory, I started to play in some pubs. I was writing my own music even before that, but I felt it was time to see people´s reaction to my music. One of those night, I met some guys who were in the same classes as me, but we had never talked. They liked my music, my songs, and we started to spend some time together, playing and singing."

"Who were they?" I asked interested.

"They were Alex, Felix and Demetri. Next, I met Jane."

"Jane." She must be the bitch.

"She was with Demetri, actually, she was with all of them," he clarified.

"Oh."

"I kept my distance. I wasn´t interested in being in some kind of freaky relationship. She joined us in the group, singing with us. We started to play together in those pubs, one night, some guy offered us a contract to record an album, and a world tour. I was now at the medical college, so I said no. Of course, not all of them were happy about my decision. Jane was one of them. She wanted that contract no matter what. My decision was made and I wouldn't change my mind."

"And how about the others?"

"I told them to take the chance. That they didn´t need me, even if the songs were mine. But they decided to wait until I was ready, or sort of. Weeks later, I heard some music similar to mine. I was confused since nobody, besides the group knew about it, even some songs just I wrote. I asked my family's laywers to follow the tracks and nothing. I thought that it was probably just a coincidence."

"Hmm. Coincidences. I don´t believe in coincidences," I said as I put my cup on the table.

Edward smiled at my comment. "I know. And I should have known it too. Anyways, we kept playing. I was very ahead in my classes of medicine and decided to take a few months off. That guy showed again and he made the same offer. He wanted us in some shows around the world. This time I agreed and we recorded a few songs and made some trips."

"That´s good. You went around the world?"

"Yeah. England, Italy, Spain, France, Germany. We went to another in South America too."

"Really? Wow, you loved it?"

"I did. It was really great, everything was great, people liked our music. I kept writing more. Jane wanted to sing those songs, but I refused. We ended the tour and Aro gave us another chance to record a few more songs do more shows. I wasn´t convinced since I needed to come back to college. Again, Jane was all over me, trying to change my mind. It didn´t work. I agreed to make a new album, but not another tour."

He took a deep breath."They decided to do it anyway since she was the leader. All the attention was on her and that was all that she wanted. I came back to my career. Still, I played in some pubs, just for fun."

"And what happened to the rest?"

"They did the tour, but came back early too. It wasn´t the same, they needed more songs, they needed me. Actually, it was Jane. She made them believe that there was something between us, and the songs I wrote were for her."

"Optimistic much, huh?" Bitch. Edward smiled sadly.

"They asked me to play again, but I didn´t want to. I was almost ready to become a doctor. Some nights, Felix joined me at the pubs, or Alex. Jane came a couple of times and she sang with us. It wasn´t the same. Demetri showed up the next week, angry with me, because my songs were playing and he thought he wasn´t part of the band anymore. I was confused. We hadn't done any shows or recorded again, but he insisted about some new songs."

"Your songs were stolen again?"

"Sort of. I mean, the music was the same, but not the lyrics. The lawyer made a new investigation, but nothing. It was frustrating. I decided to leave the group and focus on medicine. There was no problem with the guys, but Jane was a pain in my ass. She even offered me money for the songs. We had a fight and never I saw her again until...", he drifted off and I could tell he had started to feel nervous. I came closer, leaning my head on his shoulder, taking his hands.

"I´m here. No rush." He sighed and kissed my head.

"It was Thanskgiving and I was spending time with my family when I got an envelope from the record company. It was addressed to me since I was the leader of the band at first. Inside was a new contract, but in the name of Jane. They even made the mistake of including in the contract which songs she would be recording. My songs. I immediately recognized the songs, the same songs that had mysteriously heard before. The songs that Demetri heard as well. I was furious. There was no doubt about Jane stealing songs. Immediately I called her with the excuse that I had received the envelope. My parents tried to calm me down before she appeared. I called my lawyer and made a complaint for theft and plagiarism." I hugged him hard, because he was so tense.

"When Jane showed up, it was hell. She said I was a coward, that I had no guts in the world of music, that I was a loser. She appreciated not having a relationship with me. I was not worth the trouble. Now she was going to be a millionaire, successful. I swore she would pay for what she did, but Jane laughed in my face. There was no way to verify that the songs were mine. She believed that, but she was wrong. When she saw that she was at a dead end, she fled and I made the stupid mistake of following her. I wanted her to pay for everything. But not that way." He stopped and shook his head.

"Edward." I rubbed his back trying to relax him.

"It was snowing before and the road was impassible. Jane drove like crazy and I followed her. I should have let her go. I should have let her leave with my songs," Edward was shaking, "but I followed her. I wanted her to pay for what she had done. She lost control of her car and collided head-on into another. I swerved and avoided them, but also ended up injured. Still, I left my car with the idea to help. She was still breathing. I´m still saying to myself, I could save her. I tried. Jane was in my arms and she laughed. She said I would always be a loser and her death was my fault. She didn´t regret anything. Jane died in the operating room."

"My God. She's the reason for your fear?"

"It was my fault. She was right, I am a loser. I couldn´t save her...I should...I wished for her to pay for everything and she died." He was freaking out. I stood up and knelt in front of him, taking his face into my hands. I started kissing his face, taking his tears, his fears away.

"You are not a loser, do you hear me?" I said making him look at me. "It wasn´t your fault. It was her fault and she wanted to make you suffer for her mistakes. She was a twisted, freaky bitch. I was not your fault," I said while kissing him. "It wasn´t." I kissed him again and Edward responded. We broke our kiss, and he rested his forehead on mine.

"I stopped driving and making music. Everytime I´m on the road, I´m panicked. After that, I´ve done therapy. At least now, I can travel on a bus. I can be out there without so much fear, but I can´t help it. Bella, after what happened with you today, I was so scared. I didn´t want to lose you. I don´t want to lose you. Please, tell me it´s not too late." He was so vulnerable.

"I´m not going anywhere, Edward. I can´t."

"You can´t?"

"Yeah, my truck died again," I joked and Edward gave me a sad smile. "And I can´t stay away from you, Edward. I can´t."

Edward wrapped his arms around me and sighed in relief.

"Oh, God, Bella. I thought I had lost you. I´m sorry. I should have let you know before all this," he said against my hair.

"You weren´t ready. I understand." I kissed his neck.

"You do?" Edward looked at me now.

"I do. You were in times of high stress. Panic attacks are not easy. Fear and insecurity drive you crazy. Everything takes time," I said touching his face. "I´m here and I will help you."

"You are not mad at me anymore?" He asked and his eyes sparkled.

"No, I´m not. I´m sorry, too." Edward looked at me confused. "I´m sorry I pushed you today."

"I needed it, Bella. But next time, be more careful, please?"

"I will." I gave him a little kiss.

"I´m exhausted," he sighed.

"Me too. Come to bed with me." I grabbed his hand, making him walk.

"Are you sure?"

"Yep. Besides, I need my doctor." I smiled.

We laid on the bed, wrapped in each others arms. I was almost asleep. It was relaxing to have him with me. Edward took a deep breath, like building courage, because he needed to speak. Should I let him now? Or should I wait? Maybe it´s too much, I thought. He seemed to tense even more when he tried to relax. I held him tighter.

"What´s going on in your head?" I whispered.

"There is so much inside I need to get out of me. Believe me when I say I need you to understand."

"I do, Edward. I do. If you want to speak, I´m here to listen. Always." Edward sighed and held me like his life depended upon it.

"After the accident it was really hard for me getting back on the road. Everytime I drove it was hell. Sometimes I saw her image over and over again and I almost heard her words. I started to feel the cold in my hands, the tremors, the anxiety, I was losing my mind. I had moments when I felt myself involved in those thoughts so much than I couldn't breathe. I had to stop on the side of the road, taking deep breaths. I remember Jasper or Emmett taking me home.

There was a time I was grabbing the wheel so tight I couln't feel my own hands. I was petrified. I didn't want help. I didn't want anyone around me. I closed myself off at home, I couldn't even walk out the door. My life was like a hermits. My parents tried to do everything they could to wake me up, but nobody could take from my head the accident and my belief that Jane's death was my fault. I didn't leave my room, just ate. The music was my escape like always, actually, the piano room was the only place I went. It was safe for me, but that bubble didn't last." His pain was getting to me and it was a very familiar feeling.

"My panic attacks were coming more and more. The last one was my final break. I remember being on the piano, the music flowing and she was there. Her words again, her face, her poison, my guilt, my pain. One day, my dad found me in the corner after an attack. When I came back to myself, I couldn´t believe what I have done. My piano was wood chips, crashed, and broken. And then I saw me, the piano was me. After that, I didn't play anymore until I felt it. I couldn´t be closer to the room. I was the destroyed piano. I let her destroy me." Edward put his head in his hands.

"Edward, it's okay. You don't have to tell me everything now." He looked at me with tears in his eyes.

"I have to. I need to. I need you to understand me." He sighed while running his fingers in his hair. "I became a doctor for my dad, but it was always my second option. I really enjoy it and since my family gave me their support with music, I thought it was a good idea. I mean, I never thought that music could be my entire world. After I made records, had some shows around the world, I didn´t feel like myself anymore. I felt like I was selling the best part of me, selling my soul. For that reason, I left the band, they were really good, and they didn´t need me."

"But your songs that you gave people, your fans, was something else. It wasn't just music or lyrics," I said, now understanding the sacrifice he made chosing between careers.

"Maybe," he said reflectively. "Actually, I never thought about it that way." I smiled seeing the joy in his look. "I know people enjoyed my music and I always tried to be honest in my songs, about how I feel. What I felt was what I wanted them to feel." He sighed.

"But after that day, I was broken. I lost my inspiration, the will to live. I was going under and I decided it was time to ask for help. One of my first steps I made was playing random songs at Jake´s bar."

"But not your songs," I said sadly. His songs were so beautiful and deep.

"No, not my songs. I was empty, Bella. I was scared to show that I didn´t have anything to give." Edward took a deep breath, looked at me and took my hands. "You gave me a reason to live, to change. You gave me my heart back, my soul."

"Edward, I didn´t do anything. It was always you, don´t you see it? You are a fighter. You are one of the strongest people I know." We kissed like it was the last one. Our position was again wrapped around each other, caring for each other. Finally Edward was relieved.

"Brownie eyes?"

"Hmm?"

"It's true? What you said to me today, it's true?"

I knew what he was talking about. I lifted up my face looking at him and touched his lips.

"Yes. I love you, Edward. I love you."

He smiled wide and kissed me."I love you, too."

..._:_:_:_:_:_:_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_...

Well, what do you think now? To much going on in Edward´s heart. And he loves her :) Why Bella is so understanding?

See you soon!