Operation Annoy the Pack
1] Tell Paul that he has anger issues, is possibly mentally unstable and that he needs to take anger management classes.
2] Tell Rachel that she needs to sign Paul up for these anger management classes.
3] Ask Jared why he and Kim moan when they sleep and act all innocent about it. (This one has to be asked in front of the whole pack.)
4] Steal their food.
5] Lick their food before they eat it.
6] Ask Jared if his boobs have fully developed yet.
7] Make Embry drive me to the McDonalds drive-thru, specify to McDonalds that I would like my meal 'to go' and not give any to Embry.
8] Ask Jacob whether he's managed to get into Bella's virgin pants yet.
9] Bad mouth about Bella in front of Jacob.
10] Tell Jacob that Edward Cullen is sexy. (Haha, but, he's not.)
11] Follow a few paces behind Quil, spraying everything he touches with a can of Lysol.
12] Lick the fillings out of the Oreos, place the cookie parts back in the tray then offer them to my dear werewolf friends.
13] At any available time at one of these campfires, insist on having a sing-song. E.g. F.U.N, Campfire Song Song, Goofy Goober. Yes, all Spongebob.
14] Ask Paul how he felt when Bella bitch slapped him.
15] Steal even more of their food.
16] Insist on dressing Leah up as a princess and making her look more like a girl rather than an attractive male with boobs. (I don't know why I feel like tormenting Leah, she isn't that bad.)
17] Talk about dinosaurs.
18] Force them into going up to the mountain, which I shall refer to as Candy Mountain, to look for a pet dinosaur.
19] Ask Brady if I can put him on a leash and call him my 'puppy'.
20] Meow occasionally.
21] Make a gold star chart and give each pack member a gold star when they have done something good.
22] Ask them to prove everything they say.
23] Sing the Barney Theme song.
24] Make them dress up as vampires.
25] Tell them that vampires are way cooler than testosterone turning into a dog.
"And, you have to stay upstairs because I don't need you embarrassing me and there will be alcohol. You'd be underage."
"I know and... Wait! You're underage!"
"This is La Push, nobody cares."
"I'm sure nobody will care when Embry is running around naked like last time..."
"You have to stay upstairs!"
"..."
"Now go upstairs!"
"It's quarter to seven!"
"Go upstairs!"
"I'm waiting for Seth, Collin and Brady... We're going to watch Harry Potter..."
That argument between me and Jared was just too weird. Why? It was normal! Usually we'd argue about socks or pineapple, you know, something completely odd but no. Not this time.
Brady was the first to arrive. His incognito was not that bad and neither was Seth's. They understood that they could have to blend in and wore normal clothes. Collin of course took this all too seriously and was wearing a camouflage outfit.
"You idiot! How will that help at a teenage party!? You better get good food or you can bet your life that you will need more rehab than Lindsay Lohan after what I do to you!" That seemed to work; he was looking very terrified.
"It's just an outfit..." Oh, no. I think I've scared him. He's sort of hiding behind Brady.
"An outfit that could ruin SOAP!" I generously pointed out.
"Collin, why are you dressed like that?"
We all turned around to see Kim.
"We're going to watch Harry Potter..." I quickly said.
"Why does he need to wear that?" Nosey Kim asked... Ooh, I like her top. I wonder where she got it from... Oh, right.
I looked at Collin. Then at Kim. Then at Collin. Then at Kim. "He's a dork. I like your top, can I have it?"
"No, this isn't even your size." I'm glad that seemed to work.
"Right, because you're fatter than me... A bigger size! I mean bigger size... Sorry."
"Jared said that you have to go upstairs because the pack is coming over early."
This is a disaster. How am I supposed to hide the cameras!? "...Can't we just get some food first?"
"Jared, your sister won't go upstairs!" Kim was now walking away to get my butt face brother. This can't be happening.
I took a dramatic pause before reacting calmly. "RUUUUUUUUUUN!" With that we all started running up the stairs. But, I ended up naturally falling up them so Seth had to help me.
I ran them through the plan and showed them the blue prints. Or, in my case, pink prints because I had no blue paper. There are 4 sections, each where one of us will hide to get the food. I shall be hiding in the 'Harry Potter' cupboard, Seth shall be hiding behind the TV, Brady shall be hiding near the back door (which is right near the kitchen) and Collin has to hide behind a plant because of his stupid outfit.
Finally, I could hear the music and laughter. "Right, SOAP. Places and remember, blend in! Collin, try your best. Do not get distracted. If you do, we will be crushed and possibly kicked out. I don't want this to happen because I happen to live here."
We managed to take our places. Most of the people who I crawled past didn't know who I was, which was good. "Kitty Soft Paws in base 'Harry Potter' cupboard, over." The 'Harry Potter' cupboard is the cupboard under the stairs – me and Jared have always called it this since we were little.
"Officer Cheeky Butt, in base 'Moving Picture,' over." Moving Picture was the television.
"Three Inches in base 'Giant Plant Thing', over." The only reason I named this based the 'Giant Plant Thing' is because my mom is obsessed with plants and I don't know what this one is called. I don't know what any of them are called.
Brady hesitated. "Fluffy Bunny... In base 'Near the Cat Flap'... Over." Well, that 'base' is self-explanatory, don't you think?
"Well done, people. Three Inches, you go first. What's the population in there so far? Over." I quickly say, looking at everyone through the peep hole.
"Some girl and guy making out and the dog," Wait! So my dog is allowed to go to the party but not me!? "I'm going in, over."
This cupboard is very hot and stuffy. Now I know how Harry Potter felt. Surely opening the door a bit wouldn't matter? So I did. I could see Collin grabbing some food – well, I could see his hand.
"Kitty Soft Paws! Come in Kitty Soft Paws! Over." I'm glad Seth is having fun.
"Kitty Soft Paws here. What is it, Officer Cheeky Butt? Over."
"Jared just asked Embry to check that you're not in the kitchen. Over!"
"Nice work, Officer Cheeky Butt. Over!"
I could see Embry through the gap. There is also a Nerf Gun beside me. I think we all know what happened... I shot him with the Nerf Gun and deterred him away from the kitchen.
"Three Inches to Kitty Soft Paws; I have food, over."
"Kitty Soft Paws to Three Inches; well done, agent. Take it straight up to SOAP's lair! Over." By SOAP's lair, I mean by room.
I was interrupted by talking outside of the Harry Potter cupboard. If I can just see who it is... Damn! It's Paul and Rachel. I can quite clearly hear their conversation – actually, they seemed to be arguing over something. Anyway, it was getting annoying so I shot Paul in the butt with the Nerf gun.
"Something shot my ass!"
"Is this your way of coming out?" Rachel asked – only she could get away with saying something like that.
Paul must have swaggered off somewhere because then Rachel opened the door. I smiled and waved with the Nerf gun. "How about you don't tell anyone I'm here?"
"Whatever. What are you doing, anyway?"
"Shhh! You'll blow my cover! I'm... Playing hide and seek. Where did Paul go?"
"To get a burger, probably..."
"Okay... Bye!" With that, I shut the door.
The next thing I know, Paul's freaking out because all the burgers are gone. Way to go, Collin! He took /all/ of the burgers! Rachel, being the idiot she is, comforted him. I will never understand that girl. One minute she's arguing with him and the next minute she's telling him that she'll make a burger at home. Considering she went to college, she doesn't seem that smart. I will never understand relationships... Is this why I'm still single and never had a boyfriend?
Have I got a big arrow pointing to me that says 'Nerd alert, avoid at all costs'?
Or maybe I'm just ugly?
"Fluffy Bunny, you're up. Take whatever you can get and take it straight up to SOAP's lair to join Three Inches. Copy that, over."
I don't know what 'copy that' means but I've always wanted to say it.
"Alright, I'm going in."
I paused for a moment, "Didn't copy that, over."
"I said I'm going in."
"You're going in what, Fluffy Bunny? Over."
"Oh!" I think he finally realised his mistake, "I'm going in, over."
It seemed like it took forever for Brady to notify me about his little 'achievement'. Apparently he had grabbed four bags of chips and a couple of hotdogs which he managed to take upstairs. Next was me and Seth – I was getting bored inside the cupboard and something was making my butt feel weird, so I decided we'd team up.
"Hey, Officer Cheeky Butt," I greeted, "We're going in together, alright? It'll be easier. What's the kitchen like? Over."
It took Seth a minute or two before replying, "Jared just left. The dog is still there. Over."
"Right, hoods up. We'll quickly go in," I instructed, pulling the hood of my jumper up before opening the cupboard door further, glancing around. There were a lot of people, so I crept out and ran past everyone, darting into the kitchen. I jumped when I ran into Seth, who also jumped.
"Oh, Madi. I thought you were Jared then and—"
"Ssh! Uh... We'll grab drinks and see if my mom has put anymore cookies in the tin."
So, whilst Seth took two bottles of drink Coca-Cola since taking alcohol would be too obvious, I looked into the cookie jar – result! My mom had placed a fresh batch of her homemade cookies in. I grabbed the tin and ran over to Seth, "Come on, Lula!" I gestured for my families' light brown-furred Pomeranian dog to follow.
We quickly sneaked past Jacob and Embry before running up the stairs and straight to my room, which was an easy task since my room is directly above the stairs. After Lula ran in, I shut the door and placed the cookie jar down carefully.
"Well, I believe that all went very well." I said whilst sitting down next to Seth on the floor – the others nodded. "And, you know what? We make a pretty good damn team."
"Do we get a reward?" Collin asked.
I glared at him, rolling my eyes. "The reward is the food, which I can see you are already devouring." I said, pointing towards the half eaten burger and hotdog in his hand. "Don't get crumbs on my carpet," I said, brushing some bread crumbs towards the dog.
"So, who's first mate?" Seth asked as we all happily ate our stolen food. I glanced at him – I was going to pick him anyway, but now he was making a really cute face which I could hardly say no to.
"You are, my favourite Officer Cheeky Butt." I said with a grin. Collin didn't seem that bothered – he was feeding the Lula a bit of burger, but Brady seemed a bit annoyed. Oh well.
After a while of chatting, eating and me getting the boys to try on my clothes (I needed entertainment), we heard a knock at my door. It was Jared.
"Madi, are you okay? You're too quiet."
"We're fine, Jared. Just watching Harry Potter!"
"Which one?"
"Why does it matter?"
"I'm just asking."
"Okay, bye now."
"Are you hungry?"
"No, we're fine!" I was now getting annoyed, for Jared wasn't leaving.
"See, I thought you were—"
"Then leave."
"A lot of the food had mysteriously disappeared." At this point, myself and my chums all looked at each other nervously, throwing a blanket over our pile of food and drink.
"Paul. It was Paul. He's always taking food and always eating."
"But—"
"Go away!" I shouted – fortunately, he left. "So, chummies. I'm calling you that now. What's happening tomorrow?" I wondered out of pure curiosity.
"Cliff-diving," Brady answered. "I don't like it."
"Aw, is Brady-boo scared?" I cooed, "I would love to go cliff-diving."
"You're not allowed," Collin pointed out.
"Oh, just because I'm not a werewolf like you guys?" I rolled my eyes. "That is... Sexist."
"No," Seth said, patting my head for no reason. "Because whenever you do, you complain for hours after about being cold."
"Then last time you got that really bad cold and couldn't come to school," Brady then pointed out.
"And you swim under the water and attack our legs." Collin said.
"Wrong, I was trying to pull your pants down an embarrass you." I said with a small grin. "I'm still coming. I need to get this list completed so I can make a new one."
*hides behind the wolf pack* So... Sorry for not updating in... Like, a year? Anyway, hopefully I won't abandon it again. I have big plans for this fanfiction even though it is more for humour. However, updates will not be 'speedy' or anything as I have coursework and A-Levels to complete.
I'm not sure if people will still read it – obviously I'll find out soon. I added the list at the top as a little reminder too. So, I hope that people are still interested in this fanfiction – please review if you are.
And, I am fully aware of how weird or insane Madison is. I might have her character develop a bit more maturely over the chapters, but sort of feel like that would ruin her character a bit.