Chapter 6

Winry had been gone for a few hours now, and Edward was left, alone, with only his thoughts to keep him company. His angry, doleful, destructive thoughts.

He sat, nude, on the edge of his bed, staring blankly at the noose in the corner. He could almost feel it judging him as it hung there. It had passed judgment upon him after his conduct at his brother's wedding, and it did the same as he let his hands wander over her soft body.

How could I be doing this? he asked himself. To my own brother?

He felt his shame boiling within himself. Alphonse had done him no wrong. His only crime was living a life of success and happiness, knowing nothing of the silent hatred that his older brother, the man he idolized in place of any father figure, had been feeling towards him.

Edward glanced at the hole in the wall beside the door to his bedroom. In a sudden rage, he had punched the edifice with all the strength he had, leaving his knuckles covered in now coagulated and crusted blood.

Things had turned out the way they should have, right? Edward's sacrifice would have been for naught if Alphonse had not lived a full life. A creeping feeling began to sink in; a feeling that told him that his sacrifice was not over.

The way he saw it, he had only two options: he had to take his brother's life, or his own. He walked slowly over to the noose. He hated himself for even thinking of harming Alphonse, but was losing his strength. He could hardly bear to live his pitiful life. As he looked at the noose, in a strange way, he was proud of himself; he had constructed it perfectly, and had successfully attached it to the ceiling. His mind clear, he pulled the stool he had left nearby closer to himself, stepped onto it, and placed the rope around his neck. He stood there for a few moments, thinking of nothing, his eyes closed.

When he opened them, he glanced at the clock by his bed, and realized that he was late for work. A strange guilt ran through him, ice cold.

Was he really so upset that he was prepared to end his own life? He was surprised at himself, and a bit angry.

Alphonse deserved a better brother than the one Edward had turned out to be. For a few years now, Edward had been nothing more than a jealous man living an empty life.

This has to change, he told himself. I have to be a better role model for Al. I have to stop feeling the way that I do. I have to tell him I'm sorry, and I have to stop seeing Winry.

He knew that even the most envious man would still have enough heart to know that betraying his own brother was wrong. No one could possibly be selfish enough to try to steal what belonged to their dearest friend, no matter how badly they wanted it. In offering to make inappropriate exchanges with Winry, he had already gone too far.

In a rush, he went to his closet, and threw on the closest matching outfit he could find. Once dressed, he grabbed his white coat, the keys to his car, and went out the door.

Edward's first assignment of the day was to see a boy with a broken arm. He walked quickly to the room where the boy and his mother were waiting for him, with his clipboard and paperwork tucked under his arm.

"Hello!" Edward said as he swung the door open, a non-convincing smile on his face. "Sorry to keep you waiting." He looked down at the boy seated on the table, who peered shyly up at him from beneath shaggy bangs. His mother stood by him, an impatient scowl on her face. "I read that you hurt your arm while you were playing with some friends. How are you feeling today?"

"It still hurts," the boy admitted as he held his left arm. "And it doesn't look right." With his other hand, he lifted his arm higher to show Edward. "See?"

Edward gently took the boy's arm in his own hands. "Hmm," he said as he studied it carefully. "Well, it doesn't look too bad. You were lucky; I've seen much worse than this."

"How will you fix it?"

"All I have to do is make a splint. You won't be needing a cast."

"Will it hurt?"

Edward smiled. "No, I'll give you some medicine, so you won't feel a thing." He walked over to the cabinets, and took a hypodermic needle and the pain medication, carefully taking the necessary amount out of the vial.

The boy's eyes widened as Edward approached him with the needle. "I don't like needles," he squeaked.

Edward took the boy's arm in his hand. "When I was your age, I didn't like needles either," he uttered as he slipped the needle into the boy's arm. As he thought, the child did not notice. "I would cry my head off when I had to see a doctor. Needles were always so scary to me." Slowly, he pressed down on the plunger. "But you're a brave little man, right?"

The boy nodded his head, never taking his eyes away from Edward.

"It's ok to be afraid sometimes, but you shouldn't let your fears get in the way of what needs to be done." Edward pulled the needle out as easily as he had slipped it in. The tiny piece of metal shined in the light, catching the boy's attention. He looked completely shocked at the sight of the empty syringe.

"See?" Edward laughed. "You're a tough guy, after all."

The pain medication set in quickly, and Edward went to work, feeling along the boy's forearm, making sure that nothing was particularly out of place. When everything seemed in order, he began applying the layers of the splint, all the while checking that each laid straight and flat against his patient's arm.

"The receptionist will see you out," Edward said with a smile. "I hope you feel better."

The boy hopped off of the table, and taking his mother's hand, followed her out. "Bye, mister," he called over his shoulder on the way out. "Thanks a lot."

The woman did not close the door completely, leaving a small space that was just large enough for Edward to be able to hear her and her son speak as they walked down the hall.

"Mommy, that was the Fullmetal Alchemist!" the boy exclaimed. "The real Fullmetal Alchemist fixed my arm!"

"How many times do I have to tell you," his mother replied. "He's not an alchemist anymore. They even had to take away his license. I've never seen him transmute once. Some alchemist he is."

Edward's eyes widened as he listened. A cold feeling washed over his chest.

"But people used to call him a hero," the boy insisted. "They said he could transmute without a circle."

"Maybe they did at one time, but not anymore. He's nobody, sweetheart. You should find yourself a new hero. Now, that Alphonse Elric is really something."

As they moved farther down the hall, their voices trailed off, and Edward could no longer hear them. Not that he wanted to, of course. It was bad enough that his entire image had been taken from him. Why rub it in by comparing him to his brother?

Suddenly, a soft knock came from the door, and Mary peeked inside. Edward quickly wiped away the tears that had built up in his eyes.

"Oh, it's you," he murmured. "What is it?"

"Dr. Elric, there's someone on the phone for you," she answered sweetly.

"Oh. Thanks."

He walked out of the room, brushing past Mary as he went to the phone down the hall.

"Hello?" he croaked as he picked up the phone.

"Ed?" the voice on the other line said. "It's me, Roy."

"Oh, hey," he responded as he cleared his throat. "What's up? Don't you have work you need to do?"

"Well, this is kind of related to work."

"Go on."

"I need you to come over to my house and help me with a few things."

"What kind of things?"

"I'll explain when you get here. Can you come right now?"

"Maybe I would agree if you told me what was going on. You know I'm at work, right?"

"Yeah, I figured."

"You're being awfully vague."

"Just get your ass over here. It's important."

Edward sighed. "Fine. I'll be over as soon as I can."

He slammed the phone down, and dragged his feet as he made his way down the hall. He walked up to Sue, the receptionist, who was seated quietly at her desk.

"Hey, Sue," Edward said as he approached. "I..have a bit of an emergency and I need to leave for the remainder of the day. Do you think you could find someone to cover for me?"

Sue rolled her eyes. "This is the second time you've decided to just ditch work," she scolded as she adjusted her blouse over her busty physique. "I don't know if anyone is available to do your work for you today."

"Sue, give me a break. I've been doing overtime for at least a month now."

"Well, maybe you should plan ahead before you decide to just run off."

"I can ask around for you," Mary piped as she walked over to the two. "My usual mentor doesn't have much scheduled for today, so I could ask her to take your shift for you."

Edward patted Mary on the shoulder. "Thanks, you're a life saver."

"No problem, doctor," she called as he trotted away.

Once Edward was out of earshot, Sue turned towards her. "What's with you?" she sighed. "You're like a puppy dog. It's weird."

"I just wanted to be helpful," Mary pouted. She was still watching the doctor leave, hoping that her kindness would pay off.

Edward groaned as he stood outside of the Mustang home, not quite ready to knock. He had a bad feeling, and didn't feel entirely comfortable regarding whatever it was that Roy had planned. Somehow, he knew it was nothing good.

He knocked softly, hoping that Roy would not be there to answer, hoping that the guards outside wouldn't recognize him and would force him to leave. When Roy swung the door open, and the sound of excited voices escaped from inside, Edward put on his best fake smile.

"There you are," Roy said as he pulled Edward into his home. "Get in here. It took you long enough."

As Edward entered, and saw many familiar faces, he began to feel anxious.

"What's going on?" he whispered in Roy's ear.

"Sorry, Ed," he answered. "I know I shouldn't have lied to you, but I knew there'd be no other way to get you here."

"Get me here for what?"

"For Al," Roy admitted.

"What? Why?"

"He took the state alchemy exam. I was the only one who knew about it."

"Uh...alright. But so what?"

"Ed, he passed."

Edward stared at him, unable to comprehend what he had heard.

"I'm not kidding," Roy said. "He passed all parts of the exam with flying colors. I mean, sure, he wasn't able to transmute without a circle, but he was able to do other amazing things-"

Edward grabbed Roy by the collar of his shirt, and pulled him in close. "Any particular reason why you waited until now, at his party, to tell me this?"

"I told you. I knew you never would have agreed to come if you knew what was going on."

"Gosh, I wonder why!"

"Come on, he's your brother. You know how hurt he would be if you weren't here to congratulate him on passing the exam."

Edward pushed Roy away. "So, you're on his side now?"

"I'm not on anyone's side. I just want you two to have the relationship that you used to have. I didn't think letting you skip out on his party was the best way to do that."

"You know how I feel about all this."

"Yeah, I do. But Al has feelings too."

"Brother!" an excited voice called from the crowd. Alphonse made his way towards his brother, a smile from ear to ear. "I can't believe you're here!"

"Yeah," Ed replied. "Me neither."

"I'm so happy to see you. You don't know how much I've missed you. I'm sorry that work has kept you so busy, and that I'm always traveling."

Edward felt a twinge of guilt. He had been avoiding his own brother.

"Don't sweat it," he said. "We're both here now. Congrats, by the way. I'm proud of you."

Alphonse's happiness was almost tangible. "Thanks! I've been wanted to become a state alchemist for so long. It's been a dream of mine to become just like you."

Edward laughed nervously. "Yeah...that's great."

"Oh, by the way, thanks for taking care of Winry for me."

Edward blushed, freezing where he stood, his heart beating out of his chest.

"I know it must be pretty lonely for her to have to work all the time with no one to come home to. It's good to know that I can count on you to be there for her when I'm not around."

"Don't mention it." Edward gulped. "So, state alchemist, huh? What weird name did this guy give you?"

"The Healing Alchemist!"

"Oh yeah?" Edward turned to Roy. "How'd you come up with that one?"

"Al proved to have made a real breakthrough in medical alchemy, which he said he owed to what he learned from May about alkahestry. For his demonstration, he asked that we bring in a few injured soldiers who wouldn't mind being guinea pigs. He healed seven broken bones and a bullet wound with alchemy alone."

"I was hoping you could teach me more about medicine," Alphonse piped in. "I thought it would help me to heal more effectively."

"That's quite a feat, Al," Edward murmured as he walked away. He felt empty inside. He felt worthless, and dirty.

He passed through the crowd in the house, ignoring the voices that called to him as he went by, unable to face those around him.

Izumi saw him, and was instantly worried by his strange behavior. She moved forward, and was about to grab him. Then she saw the look on his face. His eyes were dark and lifeless, and stared ahead but saw nothing. He was in his own world, locked prisoner against his own hateful thoughts, and no amount of kind words or friendly encouragement, or even Izumi's special touch would help him.

Edward wandered further through the house, until he came into an empty sitting room. Empty, except for one slender blonde who stood quietly in the corner.

"Ed," Winry said, surprised at both his appearance and the expression he carried. "I didn't think you would be here."

"What are you doing all by yourself over here?" he asked. "Why aren't you with Al?"

She stared, a frown making its way over her face. "I've been asking myself the same thing lately. I've found I feel guilty just looking at him, after what we did last night."

"Yeah. I could say the same. But some things are stronger than guilt."

"Ed, listen. Now that Al's a licensed state alchemist, our financial troubles should be taken care of. Just forget about our deal."

"What about that nice shop I promised you?"

"I...You don't understand how badly I want that, but if I let you do this, I'll never be able to look at Alphonse without screaming how ashamed I am. I feel bad enough right now. Just forget about everything, and don't you dare tell anyone about last night."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Edward walked closer, a strangeness to his step. He was like a predator closing in on its victim. "But you do realize that a doctor like me has more to offer than a new state alchemist, right?"

"Did you not hear me? I know I should never have taken you up on your offer. What I did was wrong, and I'm sorry for trying to use you like that."

"I seem to remember you not caring one bit when you asked me to take you shopping, back when I was still a state alchemist."

"Ed, I was a kid. I may still be the same brat I used to be, but I know a bit better now."

"You're really unpredictable, you know that? One minute you're calling me a pig for even suggesting that we make a deal, then you're suddenly climbing into bed with me when you're in a bind."

"I was wrong. So please, just stop. Forget it ever happened. Al is all I need now."

Edward sighed, his face darkening further, and anger building inside of him. "You know, I love you. I always have, and I don't think I'm capable of ever feeling that way about anyone else. But you're shallow, and greedy, and a coward. You didn't want me because I wasn't tall or handsome enough and didn't have the money or time to spend on you. Then suddenly Al became the man you always saw yourself with, and you clung to him. When he became famous, you only wanted him more. Then you realized looks and a good name don't necessarily bring money. Even if this state alchemy thing goes well for him, most state alchemists don't automatically become rich. I know you're going to keep teasing me because you know I'll always be waiting for you. Just understand, I'm only human. I have my limits. You can't keep treating me like this and not expect to get a response out of me."

"If I'm so bad, why do you love me?"

"I'm even worse than you are." Edward grabbed Winry around her waist, and pulled her close ferociously. "You love the both of us, don't you? You just won't admit that you made the wrong choice when you married the weaker man." He forced his lips onto hers, passionately pressing himself closer to her. Winry felt herself being crushed under his strength. When he released her, she gasped for air. "You were a stupid girl, and now you have to live with the mistakes of your immaturity." Again, their lips met, and Winry pushed halfheartedly against his chest.

"Stop," she breathed against his lips. "Someone will see."

"I don't care," Edward answered. "All I had left was medicine. I thought that pursuing a different science would help me, but now Al is studying in my field. It's like he wants to bleed me dry and leave me with nothing that I can call my own. If I have to take what I want by force, and hurt a few people on the way, then so be it. Six years is a long time to let people trample on you. No one cares about me anymore. I don't mean anything. I have nothing."

Winry was shocked as she saw the tears streaming down his face, and the pain in his eyes, and...something else. It was something more than rage or despair. He had the look of someone who had given up hope and had lost their way. Someone with nothing left to do. Someone desperate.

"Ed," she whispered. "You need help."

"You're probably right," he answered. "But who can save a man who is as lost as I am?" He ran his fingers through her hair, memorizing the way it felt against his skin. "I'll make Mom proud. I'll show her that I'm not a worthless waste of life."

"Edward, you're insane." Winry tried to pry herself away from his grip. She had to find someone to help him, but the more she tried to get away, the harder he held her.

"You are staying with me. We have to stay together, so you don't get hurt the way Mom did."

"Ed, I shouldn't have made you come today," Roy said as he entered the room. "It was wrong of me to-"

He stared, mouth open, as he saw Edward with Winry grasped in his arms, with a look of pure hatred in his eyes. Tears rolled down his cheeks, and fell onto Winry's face. What surprised him more, however, was when Edward kissed her forcefully, after he had looked Roy straight in the eye.