The next few days passed slowly, but there was a sense of calmness to them that was very much welcome. Picard's shifts from regression to lucidity seemed smooth and effortless. He accepted Riker's presence regardless of his state of mind. And that was good, because he'd needed someone else in his small world. And Riker was like a big brother when he was in regression. A new friend to play with, and even get into trouble with on occasion.

"Jean-Luc?" Crusher called into the next room, but made no move toward it. Instead, her attention was focused on the table before her.

Open jars of paint were spread over it, glasses of water, crumpled pieces of paper. And that was only at one end. The other end was piled high with books, and blocks, and puzzle pieces.

Usually, Crusher made it a habit to put away the items that Picard found comforting during his regressive episodes. She'd noticed that he didn't really like to see them when he was lucid. She'd been trying to teach him to put his things away as well. But she'd just spent the last hour in Sickbay and had left Picard with Riker.

"Will?" she called out again, for she'd received no response.

"We're in here," Riker's voice replied from the bedroom.

'Yes, I realized that you probably were," Crusher said evenly as she walked toward the next room. "I was hoping one of you would come back in here and clean up the mess you've left on the..." Her words trailed off when she came to the doorway. The bedroom beyond was strewn with many of the same items that littered the table.

Picard and Riker were sitting on top of the bed playing a game. It looked like checkers.

Riker looked up at the doctor with a smile. "He's beating me," he laughed.

Picard grinned at Crusher, but then noticed the look on her face. His grin faded. Even though he was in regression, he was now mentally old enough to know when Crusher was upset.

And as difficult as it was for them, both Crusher and Troi had decided that they would have to treat Picard as they would any other child. Of course, Riker was a big kid that neither of them knew what to do with.

"Did it occur to either of you that the dining table and this floor need cleaning?" She said the words slowly, addressing them both, but staring at Riker.

The bearded man shrugged. "I guess we were having too much fun."

Crusher sighed. "Well, the fun is over." She took a step toward the bed, reaching her hand out to Picard. "Come on, Jean-Luc, let's start cleaning the dining table and we'll let Will take care of this room."

Picard frowned and stared hard at Riker as he got off the bed, his hand taking hold of Crusher's. His expression seemed to be one of blame, as if it were Riker's fault that they were in trouble.

"Hey, Jean-Luc, I'm sorry." Riker shook his head. "I didn't know she'd be angry."

"You're a bad influence," Crusher said with only a touch of humor in her voice.

Riker got up off the bed as well. "I always have been," he admitted, bending down and beginning to pick up the items off the floor. "I guess I'll have to stop visiting," he teased.

Picard hesitated at the doorway and looked back at the man. His face was lined with tension. "No," he breathed, his voice shaking.

Crusher ran her hand over his back. "It's all right, Jean-Luc. Will's just teasing. He'll come back to visit. Whenever you want to see him." She felt his shoulders relax, and she glanced over at Riker. "He depends on you, Will."

Riker sighed. "It won't be long before we're depending on him again." Crusher looked doubtful.

"Believe me. He's coming back to us." Riker crossed over and joined them in the doorway. He draped an arm around Picard's shoulders. "You should have seen the strategy he employed in that last game of checkers. Absolutely brilliant."

~vVv~

He woke sometimes in the middle of the night, and instead of calling out for Crusher, he got up and simply wandered around the cabin, staring at the objects on the shelves. They belonged to him; he knew that. Even when he wasn't quite himself, he knew they were his. And he knew who he was and where he was. But sometimes he was frightened, and he would go and sit next to the sofa. He would watch Crusher sleep. And then he would fall asleep on the floor beside her.

Sometimes he dreamed. Good dreams. A tall man, a woman, a boy. And fields of green.

And nightmares. People dressed in black, with wires and pale faces.

And he would cry out for Crusher then, for he could not be alone after the nightmares.

And she would come and hold him, rocking him gently in her arms.

Even when he was himself, he needed her at those times. And she understood.

Because she loved him.

She told him.

As she would rock him back and forth, she whispered the words into his ear.

"I love you, Jean-Luc. I love you."

And he loved her.

Only he could never tell her.

Even when he lay crying in her arms, he couldn't tell her. He'd never been able to tell her.

He wondered if he ever could.

He wondered if the lights would ever go away.

~vVv~

"I don't see any purpose to this." Picard grimaced and sat down on the sofa, his arms firmly crossed in front of his chest.

"No one said that there had to be a purpose," Crusher replied. "It's just time that you...got out of this cabin."

"I don't want to get out of this cabin. I'm perfectly fine right here." He stared straight ahead, his eyes focused on the far wall.

"Jean-Luc, you've been closed up in here for over a week. A trip to the holodeck will do you some good." She hesitated, then continued. "The corridors between here and Holodeck Three have been cleared of all personnel. There's no reason to worry."

"I'm not worried. I just... I just don't want to go."

"That's not true." Troi said, looking up from where she sat at the dining table. She'd been very quiet for the last several minutes, listening to Picard's thoughts and emotions.

Picard turned and looked at her, their eyes catching.

"I know it's frightening," Troi continued. "In here, you feel protected, safe. You can...pretend that the rest of the world doesn't exist outside the door. But it does. And eventually you will have to be a part of that world."

He lowered his head, his eyes gazing down at the tops of his knees. Crusher sat down on the coffee table in front of him. "Jean-Luc...you are getting better. You have to believe that. I know it doesn't always feel that way, but it's true. You don't have nightmares as often as you did. The regressive episodes aren't as frequent. And your appetite has improved."

He looked up and saw the smile on her face. His appetite, or lack thereof, was always a favorite argument of hers, even when he was healthy.

"I don't know if that says much," he sighed.

"Oh, it says a lot. You ate a full bowl of oatmeal this morning without me having to insist."

Picard rolled his eyes. "I was hungry."

"See there...you are getting better."

"Or desperate."

Troi got up from the table and walked over to the sitting area. "Regardless of the reasons, Beverly's right. You are improving. You're on your way to becoming 'you' again. And it's time that you got out of this cabin. Now, all we're suggesting is that we take a trip to the holodeck. Will's going to meet us there. He said something about the Curtis Creek program."

Picard scowled. "He wants to go fishing?"

Troi smiled, despite Picard's resistance. "No...he wants you to go fishing."

~vVv~

He caught a trout. Rainbow, to be specific. He was surprised by his catch. And even more surprised to realize that he was enjoying himself. He hadn't planned on it. And for the first fifteen minutes had sat glumly by the banks of the creek watching the others cast their fishing lines into the water. Then Riker had put a fishing rod in his hands and refused to take it back. The next thing he knew, he was reeling in a fish.

"Careful, Jean-Luc, not too fast," Riker instructed.

"Will, you take it," Picard offered the rod to him.

"Oh, no, this one's yours." He leaned out over the creek with a net in hand. "Just a little more."

The fish came up out of the water with a splash, and Riker expertly scooped it into the net. "Very good. It's a beauty. Big enough for all of us."

Picard stepped closer, staring at the wriggling fish caught in the net. "You know, the good thing about the holodeck, is that the fish aren't real."

Riker stared at him, and Picard shrugged. "I never have liked the idea of hunting and fishing. I'm sorry, Will. I know it's something you like to do, but I..." He sighed. "Well, like I said, it's...all right on the holodeck, but in real life..."

Riker smiled. "Say no more. I understand."

Just then, Crusher and Troi appeared from the woods, each holding a bucket in their hand.

"Blueberries," Troi explained. "Hundreds of them."

Riker held up the trout. "Fish. One of them."

Troi grinned. "Very good, Will."

Riker shook his head. "It wasn't me."

Crusher gazed over at Picard. "Jean-Luc, I'm impressed."

He blushed slightly. "Beginner's luck."

Crusher frowned slightly. "This isn't your first time to go fishing."

"First time in a long time. Not since..." His voice trailed off. The last time he'd gone fishing had been with Jack. Maybe that was the real reason why he didn't enjoy it as much. Too many memories.

"Well, I suggest we call up a campsite and have dinner right here on the holodeck," Riker said, turning toward Troi.

But Crusher noticed Picard's shoulders sag as he sighed tiredly. "Will," she spoke up, "it sounds like a wonderful idea, but maybe we should do it another night. It's been a long day."

They'd only been on the holodeck for a little over two hours, but the sun was setting and it seemed late.

"I think Beverly's right," Troi agreed, stepping over to Picard and linking her arm in his. She patted him on the shoulder. "And besides, I think our star fisherman needs some rest."

Picard smiled. "I think our star counselor is right." He glanced over at Riker. "But, thank you, Will. It was...fun."

~vVv~

"No!" The scream tore through the cabin, and Crusher jumped off the sofa and ran into the next room. It was empty. She crossed quickly to the bathroom and activated the door. It slid open and she went inside.

Picard stood in the middle of the room, staring blankly at the mirror. All he had on were a pair of undershorts; his other clothes were piled on the counter next to the sink. There was water in the tub, as if he'd been about to take a bath.

Crusher stepped closer to him. "Jean-Luc?"

He turned and stared at her. "Beverly?"

She nodded. "It's all right." She held her hand out to him, and he took hold of it. His hand was freezing.

"Jean, what is it?"

"I...I don't know," he breathed. "I thought...I thought I saw... In the mirror..."

Crusher glanced into the mirror. All she saw was their reflection. "There's nothing there, Jean-Luc." She moved closer to him. her other hand touching his shoulder. He was trembling. "Come on, let's get you in bed. You can take a bath tomorrow."

He nodded his head and allowed her to lead him into his bedroom. She set him down on the edge of the bed and went to get his pajamas. When she returned, she saw that he was crying. Sitting down next to him, she drew him into her arms.

"It's all right, Jean-Luc."

"No..." he gasped. "I thought...I thought I was getting better. And now... Now I'm seeing things that aren't there." His crying intensified, and he buried his head against her chest.

She ran her hands over his neck and back and rocked him. She had no idea what he thought he'd seen. But she was frightened. She and Troi hadn't been expecting him to experience hallucinations.

~vVv~

"He didn't tell you what it was?" Troi stared across the coffee table at her.

Crusher shook her head. "No. And he was too upset for me to ask him any questions. I almost had to give him a sedative, but he finally...cried himself to sleep." She exhaled a heavy breath. "Deanna, I thought he was improving, and now...this."

Troi was silent for a few moments, her eyes staring down at the table. And then she looked up at the doctor. "He is improving, Beverly. But I think there's a part of him that doesn't want to."

"You think he's afraid of getting well?"

Troi sighed. "Not consciously. And, I could be wrong, but... Just like this afternoon. He did not want to leave this cabin and go to the holodeck. But once he was there, he was all right. He functioned outside of this cabin. Without mishap, without regressing. He was Jean-Luc Picard. And...I think that was frightening for him."

Crusher leaned back against the sofa. "I think you're right. The closer he gets to full recovery, the sooner he has to walk back onto the bridge and be the captain of this ship." She frowned. "But Deanna, do you really think that his mind is creating hallucinations?"

"Between the psychological trauma and the nerve damage, it's a possibility."

"What do we do?"

Troi smiled faintly. "I think I have a lot of talking ahead of me."

~vVv~

"What did you see in the mirror?"

He turned away from her and stared out the viewport.

"I won't go away."

Picard took a deep breath, his shoulders rising and falling. "I know."

"So, are you going to tell me what you saw in the mirror?"

"It...it was just a reflection."

"Of what?"

He shook his head. "Deanna..."

"Like I said, I won't go away."

He looked back at her. "There were...four lights. And I thought I saw...a Cardassian."

"The same image you saw on the bridge viewscreen two weeks ago?"

Picard's eyes squinted slightly. "Has it only been two weeks?"

Troi nodded. "Give or take a day." She studied him carefully. His face was lined with tension, his cheeks were pale, and his hands were knotted tightly together in his lap. "Was it the same image?"

"Yes."

"Why do you think you saw it?"

He shrugged. "Because I'm...just seeing things now."

"Why now?"

He grimaced. "I don't know. Why...any of this? Why was I captured by the Cardassians? Why was I..." His voice trailed off, and he allowed his eyes to drop down to his hands.

"Go on," Troi prompted.

"There's nothing to say."

"I think there's a lot to say. And it's all right to be afraid to say it."

"All right." He looked up. "You're right. I am afraid. Is that what you want me to say? I'm afraid. I'm...terrified. Scared out of my mind." He laughed softly. "So scared I've...lost my mind."

"No, you haven't." Troi reached over and touched her hand to his knee. "I know you think you have; a part of you wants...to believe that you have. But you imagined seeing four lights, not five. You're not crazy, Jean-Luc."

"Then what?"

"Exactly what you said. You're afraid. And our minds can play terrible tricks on us when we're afraid. It doesn't mean we've lost our minds; it's more like our minds have lost us."

Picard reached up and rubbed a hand over his forehead. "I think you've just lost me."

Troi smiled. "I'm sorry. I should be more direct."

"I'm not sure I want you to be direct."

Her hand squeezed his knee. "You are Jean-Luc Picard."

He nodded. "That's...pretty direct."

She sighed. "Let me finish."

He was silent.

"You are Jean-Luc Picard. And that's not an easy person to be. Captain, leader, role model. The one who has to remain calm and in control. And-"

"Well, I've failed there, haven't I?" he interrupted. "I haven't been very calm and in control for the past month."

"It's not the first time you've had your sense of control taken away from you." She held his gaze steadily.

"You're talking about the Borg."

"Yes, I am. And you regained your control."

"Thanks to Data."

"Partly," Troi agreed. "But we've talked about this before. You broke away from the Borg even before all the links were severed. Because you knew that the ship needed you. We needed you."

He bent his head, his gaze falling back down to his lap. Troi moved closer to him, wrapping her arm around his shoulders. He tried to pull away, but she held him firmly.

"And we still need you."

~vVv~