I do not own the characters of Neon Genesis Evangelion, nor any other aspects of it. Especially not 'fly me to the moon', although if I did I might take joy in obliterating it.
Rating: T - no promises of virtue and chastity here.
Initial Peturbation MkII
CHAPTER 5 - Spiderbait Child
"You cheat!" Touji grabbed Kensuke's shirt and lifted him in the air. Or at least, took some of the weight off of his heels.
"I had to cover expenses man! Honest! You'll get the rest after the next day of trading!"
Touji returned Kensuke's weight to the boy. "I'll take the next day's net. The extra is interest and compensation."
"You're calling ME the cheat! We're going into 2-piece territory then! Even the prudes will buy!"
"You think just because I play sport, I can't do math? I can when it matters, four-eyes!" Touji growled.
Hikari grabbed Kensuke's ear as the two stooges were walking out of the classroom. "What's going on you two!", more a threat than a question.
"NYAAH!" Kensuke answered.
"Nu-nuthin' Inchou!" Touji stuttured.
"If you guys are selling lingerie catalogues again, I swear I'll make you deliver them to your parents personally. Got it?"
"Yes ma'am!"
"Y-Yes!"
"Okay." she relaxed her patented twist-grip and let Kensuke scoot out of range. "Have either of you seen Ayanami?"
Touji and Kensuke looked at each other. "Sure, she left with Ikari and Sohryu. I think they have another one of their sink-tests or something." Touji answered.
"Yeah, a synchronisation procedure with the Evangelions Units! It must be rad!" Kensuke enthused.
Hikari frowned at the news. "Hmm, I should have known. That girl never tells me when she's got commitments...I hardly give her any clean-up duty and she still misses this one. She's so darn annoying!" she pouted irritably, stamping a foot in her version of anger.
"Ah, that's too bad class-rep. Have fun balancing your cleanup roster," Touji grinned, as he started leaving.
"Touji Suzahara! Get your...posterior back here right now!" Hikari growled as he made a run for it, Kensuke in pursuit.
"Seeya class rep! Make sure the floors are nice and shiny!" Kensuke Charlie-Chaplained as he went.
"DON'T YOU DARE LEAVE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!" the ponytailed girl roared at full-bellow as the two dashed to the door. With a loud thunk, the lights went out and the doors powered down and sealed. Touji slammed into them headfirst at escape-velocity.
"HOW DID YOU DO THAT!" the two fugitives from morality chorused incredulously, uncertain of whether they should worship her as a powerful goddess or beg for their lives.
Hikari looked on in surprise. "...?"
Asuka swiped her card on the Nerv reader. She continued on for a step until she realised that the powered, triple-reinforced mobile bulkhead in front of her hadn't budged.
"Ehhh!" she growled, boring holes into the door and her card alternately with her gaze.
"Uhm, is something-" Shinji began as he blundered into Asuka's stationary back. What followed included words inappropriate for reproduction, at least Shinji's reproductive prospects.
"The reader has failed to function." Rei stated as she observed the, apparently mating, couple.
"No shit Sherlock!" Asuka griped as she extricated herself from Shinji's broken form. "So, none of our cards work?"
Rei simply nodded.
Shinji groaned as he picked himself and his scattered body parts up off the ground. "Maybe the reader's broken?"
Rei answered by systematically testing the other entrance gates. Asuka rushed to beat her to the third and final one. "Nope, they're all kaput. Maybe we should try another entrance?"
"But...maybe they've deleted our records or something?" Shinji speculated.
"The readers have not responded to our cards at all. They should either accept or reject us, in which case a security unit would be summoned. It seems that the system has failed." Rei explained with infinite patience.
Shinji looked at the solid barriers before them. "Well, how are we going to get in then?"
"Maybe we should just go home? We might even make it in time for the Muppet Hour." Asuka postulated intelligently.
Rei shook her head. "A failure of the security protocols is a disaster scenario. We should make our way to Headquarters immediately."
Asuka furrowed her brow. "A 'distaster scenario'? Is it really that bad?"
"Well, I suppose an Angel attack would be really bad right now..." Shinji muttered.
"Like there's ever a good time. Fine, but how do we get in?" Asuka asked.
Shinji scratched his neck. "Maybe we should ask a Section 2 to help us?"
"There is a manual door mechanism that is disabled when power is available. If the power is out we should be able to use this mechanism. If it is not, a security unit will be dispatched to this location." Rei explained.
"So in other words, if the power is out then Nerv is a big fat self-serve parlour." Asuka said cynically.
"We should make haste." Rei stated as she went to the mechanism.
"Wait, I'll do that." Shinji offered and began laboriously winding the mechanism.
Asuka forced a sunny smile onto her face. "Nicely done Wondergirl, isn't he well trained?"
Rei looked at her blankly as she manouvered to help Shinji. He froze in shock as he felt Rei press herself against the back of his body. He instinctively started up again as she forced her upper thighs against his to raise the handle, his concious mind having decided to go to la-la land.
"GAH!" Asuka spluttered. "HAVE YOU NO SHAME!"
Rei ignored her outburst and continued grinding against Shinji in the name of breaking and entering.
Shinji ignored her outburst because it didn't seem important anymore. 'nnnggg...'
The door was shortly opened enough to allow them passage to the geofront. Shinji sagged against a wall to let his heart-rate normalise before entering.
After an infinite stretch of bullet-time, where frame by excruciating frame passed by like the aftertaste of extra-chilli vodka shots, the door opened up enough to let Asuka follow the two perverts into the geofront.
'Dammit! Dammit! Shinjui was...and her legs...dammit! Dammit!' Asuka laboured to keep her thoughts innocent and pure.
She failed.
"Fitzsimmons! Hey, over here!"
"Khusov! Do you know where the kids are!"
"No, I don't...damn, who knew our headsets depended on the power grid? They're supposed to be on their own independant power supplies!"
"Unless they're linked into the MAGI for surveillance, you mean. I'll bet you that's why they failed, I just bet you."
"Never mind, what about the others?"
"I know as much as you do...without our linked network we've got no chance of watching those kids. Jeez, if anything happens to them we're as good as dead."
"Even if nothing happens we're in deep, my friend."
"Hell of a time to be 'networking', let's go find them!"
"Okay, my money's on Entrance F-17."
"What? Oh, the gelati-parlour?"
"It's on the way, yeah. Sunny day, two girls and a guy...let's go."
"I'll go along with that. If we find any others, we'll send them to F-15."
The two suit-and-dark-glasses began moving toward said destination.
"At very least, if we're screwed we can get one last ice-cream before we die."
"Don't even say that."
"Just trying to keep my head. C'mon, what's your 'last meal' gelati flavour?"
"Hmm...chocolate cherry liquer...with some almond-nougat."
"Mmm, rich. Me, I think lemon."
"Lemon?"
"Yeah, I think it'd be fitting for a last meal. A final taste of life. Sweet, sour, just a bit bitter."
"Are you sure this is the right job for you?"
"If you dare look up my skirt I'll annihilate you." Asuka hissed.
'We are crawling along an unlighted duct...' Rei considered, having been ungraciously given the lead to keep her separate from the Third Child.
'So, if Shinji did dare he would be none the wiser as to the contents of Asuka's skirt.'
'Unless, of course, Asuka slows down considerably to turn a corner.'
'And of course, Shinji wouldn't be able to notice in time. In which case, looking would be preferable in order to maximize reaction times. I am uncertain as to stopping distances within a ventilation duct while crawling.'
'I doubt this scenario would afford Pilot Sohryu any consolation if he were not looking.'
'Hmm. A corner.' the albino rounded the bend with Asuka in tow.
"MMMMMFFFFF!" Shinji said.
"GAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Asuka shreiked, causing the sound to reverberate through the tinny metal passage they were in.
"My hypothesis was...correct." Rei noted duly.
"YOU HENTAI MORON CRETIN FIEND!" Asuka exclaimed, kicking backwards wildly.
"Asuka I'm sorry I-"
CRACK
Somehow, the sound managed to be audible. Even Rei tensed at the excruciating sound of cartilage breaking.
For a moment, there was no movement. Shinji's eyes bugged out in pain as the shoe quickly retracted from his face. "ggnnnooooorrrrrrr..." Shinji moaned pitifully, clutching his nose in agony.
"Shut up baka, take it like a man already"
Then she felt warm fluid in the tunnel. With a metallic smell.
"Oh mein gott..." said Asuka. "Scheisse, Shinji are you alright?"
"..." Shinji couldn't bring himself to speak. That would require movement.
"Oh scheisse, I'm coming back there okay?" Asuka carefully manouvered herself back so that she was beside the stricken boy. Just enough red emergency light filtered through a vent hole to allow her to make it past so that she was level with the boy.
"Oh geez, oh geez..." she murmered as she felt the blood on her hands and soaking into her dress under her knees. "Oh my god...Shinji..."
Asuka gathered up a handkerchief from a packet, grateful that she'd put one into her pocket that morning, since their school bags had been abandoned before venturing into the shafts.
"Here, hold this against it...I'm sorry, leibkin..." she cooed as Rei looked on impassively. Shinji didn't react much, but held the cloth gently against his broken nose. Hot salty tears mixed unevenly with blood over his grimy face, making him feel dirty and grimy. Abject misery took him.
"What is Pilot Ikari's status?" Rei asked.
"He's hurt, what does it look like Wonderslut!" Asuka barked back at her.
"Can he travel?"
The redhead looked uncertainly at the prostrate boy. "I'm not sure...I guess so..."
"We must proceed immediately. We will abandon Pilot Ikari if need be."
"WHAT?" Asuka growled in protective fury.
Rei did not flinch. "The Angel attack must take higher priority. I do not believe Pilot Ikari's injury to be terminal or permanantely disabling. We must go now." Rei's tone lent just a hint of urgency, which in itself rang like a siren. Asuke frowned in resignation.
"Fine, oh-wise-one, you go ahead. I'll get the baka moving and catch you up."
"No. We will both start moving and we will send support to Shinji as soon as possible."
"Damn you! Oh geez..." she turned to the boy. "Look, she's right. Just keep moving okay, we'll come back to help you as soon as we've whooped this Angel's ass, okay?"
"O...ke...go...Asku..." he rasped.
Asuka looked over him critically, and realised he must be dizzy from the loss of blood. At least the bleeding seemed to have stopped. "Okay baka, I'll see you soon. That'll teach you to take advantage of the situation."
The two girls moved out at maximum crawl, thumping their way through the catacombs of Nerv. Asuka occasionally looked back along the way.
"Oh there you are!" Ritsuko exclaimed happily as the two girls gracefully fell from the ducting. "Where's Shinji? Did you leave him behind?"
Rei spoke up, "Shinji is injured but not critically. Pilot Sohryu and I proceeded without him. Please send a team to recover him from section F17-32." Asuka glowered almost as much at her familiar use of his name all of a sudden as her business-like attitude.
"I see. The Eva's a ready for you. The Commander has been working to prepare them manually." the Doctor explained. "Now, if I understand correctly there's an Angel for you to kill."
"Yes ma'am." Asuka said as Rei silently made her way to the cage. She followed.
"Don't worry, we'll send a medical team immediately. He's not seriously damag-err, injured is he?"
The Second Child paused for a moment. "No, but he's a mess. Broken nose."
"Oh...I wonder how that happened." Ritsuko smiled at the guilty-looking pilot reassuringly. "Don't worry, just go kill the Angel."
"Why do the Eva Launch Tubes have no ladders in them? I mean, multi-squillion-dollar fortress city with giant-robot defenders, and they skimp on some metal rungs?" Asuka scowled as Unit 02 ascended the tube spread-eagle style, punching her Eva's armoured fists and feet into the reinforced concrete surrounds of the launch tube. Rei was some meters ahead, having taken the lead.
"Any meaningful consideration has a limit. This situtation is outside of expected parameters."
"If you keep talking like a robot, I'll start treating you like one First Child."
A light way cast down the tube interrupted the two pilot's banter. Rei examined the looming underbelly of the Angel critically as the tube shutters were eaten away. "It is attacking."
"Get out of the way and let me fire! Neutralise it's AT field!" Asuka commanded. She moved an arm to collect her firearm as she spoke.
"No! Evasive manouvers-" Rei called as a dash of goop fell from the Angel's 'eye'. Even as she moved to avoid it, a mass enough to drown a man landed on her torso armour. The amber liquid let off a cloud of hydrogen as it ate into the protective plating. "Aah! It's acid."
"Scheisse! Neutralise it's AT field damnit!" Asuka howled as she propelled herself into the tube walling, having to drop a little to avoid hitting Unit 00. She held the pallette rifle ready as Rei's Eva offered protection form the acidic sputum.
"It is too far away...I will try..." Rei responded, making her way upwards under the fall. Acid dripped down her Eva as Asuke prepared to fire.
"Get out of the way!" the redhead called. She fired a volley up at the Angel through the acid-eaten gap, and maintained a stream of fire at the enemy's carcass.
The bullets pipped and bounced at the invisible AT field interface, some randomly caroming about at Rei's machine as others made it through. With an asthmatic roar, the Angel reared upwards and moved to the side to escape the onslaught.
"Aaahhh..." Rei shivered in pain but held steady. "Unit 00 has taken damage..."
Asuke let up on the firing, but kept an eye on the opening. "I can see that. Is it bad?"
"Some minor flesh damage from acid, but some ricochet bullets have penetrated my armour. I am in pain." Rei reported matter-of-factly.
"Dammnit! Get out of my way, I'm gonna get up there and bust that thing's ass! Can you move?"
"Yes."
"Good. Move aside Rei. I'll get that puke-monster good for you!"
Rei did not move aside. "I will create the opening in the doors. You will be less exposed so that you will be better able to face the Angel after I have secured the opening."
Asuka paused as she internally debated Rei's plan. "...All right, but I'll owe you one. After this, you just lie low. Taking out this Angel is MY responsibility."
"It does not matter how much damage I take, as long as the Angel is defeated." Rei's voice contained a hint of defiance. Asuka narrowed her eyes.
"Fine, just get on with it!"
Unit 00 reached the top of the tube and began to wrench the opening wider with it's acid-eaten hands. The thick metal plating squealed and groaned in protest. Daylight continued to filter through,reassuring the two pilots that they were safe from imminent attack.
"Almost...done..." Ayanami muttered as she exerted her Eva. A black skewer-like leg suddenly lanced through the opening, cutting into Unit 00's shoulder pylon. Rei's grip was broken, and she scrabbled at the leg and the walls of the tube before succumbing to gravity. She fell without vocal protest while desperately grabbing and the surrounding walls as she went.
"God damn you! SCHWEINHUNDT!" Asuka roared. Quickly she inverted herself, punching her arms into the launch tube walls at head-height and launching an almighty double-legged kick at the launch tube doors above. They deformed and broke free, arcing upward into the streets of Tokyo-3. Unit 02 followed close behind, sighting the spider-legged Angel as she landed on all fours.
"Goddammed Alien INVADER!" she gave nary a moment to the Angel to react as she launched herself again into the sky, flipping backwards and drawing her progressive knife from her shoulder holster in one fluid movement.
"GAHHHHH!" the Second Child screamed as she pluged toward the unprotected top of Matarael's body. The progressive knife impacted on the tough carapace, cutting it just a bit and causing the Angel to jolt. She forced it in further to cut a jagged rip, provoking a metallic shrill from the creature as she held tight it's bucking form. Levering the knife aside, she proceeded to plunge her Eva's hands into the cut and hold the carapace's edges, pulling them up and out like a surgical rib-spreader. The internal organs glistened as acidic fluids pooled around the gaping wound.
"NYAAAHHHHH!" Knife once again in-hand, she plunged deep into the jerking, weaving, screaming Angel with both arms. Acid splashed upward at her Eva's face, but Asuka was too absorbed in her task to care.
"DIEEEEEEAAAAAAAA!" the knife found its mark, a hardened globe that resisted for a moment before the deadly intent of the assault forced its inevitable will into the core.
The screaming stopped, and the beast collapsed to the ground. Unit 02's arms slid out of the gaping maw as the Eva fell off the Angel onto the hard concrete ground beside it.
Inside, Asuka gasped madly, eyes wide and unseeing. Her breath came in great heaves as she slowly responded to the fight's end. Panic continued as her mind tried to accept what she'd been through. Vacantly, she noted the armour on her unit's arms was all but gone, pale bone showing through the blackened flesh in places.
After a few moments, her breathing began to slow. Just as coherent thought returned, her plug went pitch-dark.
A dry chuckle echoed about the confined space. "Ahhhh, schiesse. And I got it done with time to spare! You'd better be okay, Wondergirl!"
Shinji peered into the hospital examination room. Misato hovered just behind him, shadowing the doorway.
"Uh, Asuka?" he asked in a muffled voice. A conical bandage dominated his face.
"Hey Shinji! Well don't just stand there, come in!" In spite of her amusement at Shinji's new beak, she didn't dare mention it.
The boy padded in uncertainly and stood before the teen sitting on the bench. Misato dissapeared from the doorway. "Are you okay?" he asked.
"Oh sure, a few bruises and a tingle here and there. You know how phantom pain is."
Shinji nodded, having experience post-battle pain from the neural interface in previous battles. He noted Asuka's arms, encased in a gelatinous cast that soothed the nerves. Some patches in a similar shade of light blue also adorned her face. "Tough day at work today, huh?"
Asuka pursed her lips and frowned. "You could say that. If I'm like this, Rei must be much worse."
Shinji looked down at the floor. "She's, uh, unconcious. The fall must've been pretty bad. The doctors say she'll probably wake up in a day or so..."
"Scheisser..." Asuka whispered harshly as she glanced away, anger solidifying her features.
"But at least she's alive...we're all alive...thanks to you, Asuka."
The girl looked at him, none of the anger leaving her face. "Don't give me that! If I hadn't kicked your nose in, hadn't disabled one of our Eva Pilots, who knows how the battle could have gone! Maybe Ayanami wouldn'tve been hurt so bad, maybe my Unit 02 would be okay! I over-reacted, and look where it got us! I'm an embarrasment to this whole organisation." her face softened at her last words, letting humility flood her expression.
"Don't...no, Asuka. You fought the Angel with such skill..."
"How would you know?"
"I saw the recordings...you were great Asuka..."
"Oh shut up." the girl glowered.
"I mean it Asuka!"
"Do you know," she said, "I wasn't thinking when I killed it? It's like it wasn't me, like some wild animal took over. I...shredded it...I..." Asuka held her arms up before her, looking at them with a hint of loathing in her expression. "I was like an animal Shinji! Just like...just like when I kick you or yell at you...!"
Shinji froze when he saw tears form beneath the strong-willed foreigner's eyes. "Asuka..."
Carefully, he moved closer to gently place a hand around the silently weeping girl's shoulders. She raised her head to look at him. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry Shinji! Damnit! I'm...sorry Rei! I'm sorry..."
Shinji stood stolidly beside her, letting her know she had his support. "It's okay. it's okay...sshhh..." he whispered.
They stayed like that for some time, until Misato came to take them home. Wisely, she said nothing.
"Ikari," Fuyutski was saying, "aren't you concerned by this?"
Gendo's hands interlaced before his face in his customary position. With power restored, the recovery teams were working furiously to make both Eva and Angel dissapear from the view of the public - especially given visible tableau. It was a little hard to tell who had won.
"No professor. I am not." the Commander stated blandly. "Trivial deviations are not a concern to us."
"You call the failure to sortie Unit 01 during an attack trivial? Or the disabling of our power systems during an Angel assault by perpetrator or perpetrators unknown? Seriously, Ikari."
Gendo's glare straight forward at the main screen didn't waver. "What was fortold has, in essence, remained undisrupted. I see no need for concern over tedious details."
Fuyutski shook his head. "Your...faith may be touching, but I can't believe that like the old men you'll simply let things be like this. This was a significant deviation, even if the outcome was essentially the same."
"There is belief in the cause-and-effect nature of reality, and there is the faith on a fate pre-ordained. Mine is somewhere in between. We have been pro-active to alter events. It is no surprise that the Dead-Sea Scrolls are slightly off because of this."
Again, Fuyutski's head shook. "We may be tampering with a fate beyond us, Gendo."
"That remains to be seen. We owe it to ourselves to do no less."
Shinji and Pen-Pen sized each other up. Though he was looking down, Shinji couldn't help the feeling that he was somehow being dominated by the waterfowl as they stood beak-to-beak. He moved his left wrist forward toward the bird. "Scat," he said.
"WARRKK!" Pen-Pen exclaimed in as close to a roar that the pot-bellied avian could manage, spreading his wings to their full-span to appear large and imposing. Shinji recoiled backwards.
"Alright, alright..." he relented, feeling cowed and pathetic. He picked up the food dish and dumped the contents in the rubbish bag. "It's not like it's all that burnt..."
Misato walked in to grab another beer 'to help make the report writing flow'. "What's up?"
Shinji sighed. "He's refusing to eat the fish I over-cooked. Is it just me, or is he being more pushy with me since I've had this broken nose?" he said, indicating Pen-Pen's critically observing form and his bandaged schnozz.
Misato grinned. "Maybe he's seen what's effective for other people in this house-hold and is trying it out. Face it, Shin-chan, you're a push-over."
Shinji made a face. "Jeez Misato, I'm not that bad." he paused for a moment before looking at his guardian again. "...am I?"
"Well, you did agree to pick up her femenine hygiene products the other day. Even guys deeply in love and proposing eternal matrimony take a fair bit of convincing to do something like that."
The boy slumped. "I suppose so...but she was sore from cramps and stuff, she said, so I figured...well..."
Misato continued, "I'm not saying it's a bad thing...just, you should make sure you're getting something out of it is all." she said as he head was buried into the fridge, looking for that one perfectly-cold can.
Shinji rolled his eyes. "I've told you, it's not like that!"
"So you two always say." Misato chuckled. "Still, maybe you should think about that. I'm not trying to set you guys up, but you do seem...close. It would only be natural for something to develop. Unless you're...uh...playing the other side?"
"Huh?"
Misato turned to leave, a tad hastily. "Ehm, never mind. You think about it. Seeya!"
"Aah," Shinji sighed and got out the chopping board. "Why does no-one ever make any sense?"
He picked up a carrot and began to peel. 'And how would you know about what proposing men would and wouldn't do, you old maid...'
Author's Notes:
Asuka get's ego-bashed...by none other than herself! Perhaps the Angel of Birds would have been the softer option.
/ Omake /
Shinji's mind, having recently vacated Shinji's body after it apparently started foreplay with Rei, entered la-la land on a fluffy white cloud. He was surrounded by bright blue skies and low humidity.
"Hello Shinji. Isn't it sunny today?" asked the Bluebird.
"Dafribble!" Shinji's mind responded.
"Rei's skirt sure is short, isn't it?" the Bluebird observed.
"Nyafrrrdlemumfs." Shinji's mind answered sagely.
"And you're here while she's rubbing her tender, firm breasts against your back and pressing her warm silky thights into your bum." the Bluebird noted conversationally.
"..." Shinji's mind said inwardly.
"Bye-bye, Shinji's mind...don't forget to hit 'record'..." the Bluebird said to the patch of vacuum in front of it that Shinji's mind had recenty vacated.
"He's got a quick and...agile mind when he wants to, doesn't he?" Matarael the Angel grinned at the Bluebird.
"Cheep?" said the Bluebird as it backed away slowly.
Hey, Angel's gotta have time-out too, don't they?
Copyright 2008 (...sorta...kinda...woulda shoulda coulda...)
-fin-