Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all characters contained therein belong to JKR and by no means do I claim to own any part of said franchise

I looked past him into the room and saw the Wizengamot seated, but they were quietly talking amongst themselves. Front and center was Fudge talking to a human toad. Still not enough reason for Harry to gasp.

"What's wrong Harry?"

"This was where the Lestranges were tried," Harry said. Oh… I had forgotten about that. "I saw it in Dumbledore's pensieve."

"Cool," I replied. He looked at me strangely. "Anyway, let's get this show on the road."

I strode in like I owned the place. Harry followed meekly, trying to refrain from drawing attention to himself.

"Who in the blazes are you?" Fudge spluttered, as the entire room fell silent.

I frowned at him like he was an idiot, "I'm the defense attorney, of course."

"Defense what?" Umbridge asked.

"Attorney, ma'am" I said, "My apologies if you were unable to hear madam."

Both Fudge and Umbridge looked confused. What in the blazes? How do they not know what an attorney is?

"Whatever," I heard Fudge mutter, "As long as Dumbledore isn't here." Then, loud enough for everyone to hear, said, "Let us begin."

Fudge went through all the legalese and I tried not to be bored while he went through a massive list that really meant nothing. "… and… if you would introduce yourself."

I snapped back to reality, "Benjamin Button Senior, providing defense for the accused."

"Very well," Fudge snapped, "The charges against the accused are as follows, that he did knowingly and deliberately, in full awareness of the illegality of his actions, having received a previous written warning from the Ministry of Magic on a similar charge, produce a Patronus Charm in a Muggle-inhabited area, in the presence of a Muggle, on August the second at twenty-three minutes past five, which constitutes an offense under paragraph C of the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery, 1875, and also under section thirteen of the International Confederation of Wizards' Statute of Secrecy."

Fudge looked down at Harry as if he were a small child, "You are Harry James Potter, of number four Little Whinging, Surrey, are you not?"

Harry looked at me and I nodded, giving him the go ahead to answer. "I am."

Fudge seemed annoyed by Harry differing to me, "And did you receive an official warning from the Ministry for using underage magic three years ago, did you not?"

Again Harry differed to me. I gave him the go ahead, "I did."

"And yet you conjured a Patronus on the second of August?"

"I did," Harry replied when I gave him the nod.

"You conjured a Patronus?" A woman who I was sure was Amelia Bones asked, "A corporeal Patronus?"

"Yes," Harry replied.

"Impressive," Madam Bones murmured.

"It doesn't matter if it's impressive or not," Fudge practically squealed, "In fact impressive make it worse!"

"Minister, if I may," I asked for permission to speak.

"Er… yes, yes of course, go ahead," He stammered. I guess wizards aren't used to maners.

"What difference does it make if the magic is impressive or unimpressive?" I questioned, "There is nothing in the Reasonable Restriction for Underage Sorcery that states the more impressive the magic, the greater the offense."

Fudge turn pink at this, "You… er… are of course correct. But that does not change the fact that he knowingly broke the law!"

I interrupted before Fudge could continue his rant, "Minister, you are of course aware of the exceptions to the Reasonable Restriction for Underage Sorcery?"

The toad could no longer keep her mouth shut, "Hem-hem. Everyone is of course aware that magic may be used to defend one's self in case of life threatening situations, but there is no evidence of Mr. Potter's life being threatened in this situation."

"You are of course lying," I replied bluntly, "There is plenty of evidence that his life was indeed being threatened, but," I continued riding over her objections, "That is not the exception to which I was referring."

Umbridge's jaw flapped up and down in shock. Fudge's face turned puce, "You will refrain from calling my Undersecretary a liar!"

"Well," I replied calmly, "What other reason would your administration have for throwing out the testimony of a Senior Auror and highly respected retired Auror? And not only that, but throwing out the evidence before the case even comes to trial."

Fudge turned pale and Umbridge looked like she could spit nails. "That is the Minister's prerogative and not some half-blood's concern!"

I watched as Harry slowly raised one eyebrow at Umbridge's rant. I could tell that he was upset at the comment. Not for himself, but because it showed just how racist (magic-ist?) those in the government were. "If you insist Madam Undersecretary," I said, "But I find myself then questioning if this trial is really about underage magic use or about something else entirely."

Everyone looked surprised that I would try and call them out, but before Fudge or Umbridge could respond, someone from the Wizengamot spoke up, "What is this something else?"

I turned my attention to the Wizengamot who were sitting to the side of the Fudge's podium, "Madam… Longbottom?" She inclined her head to show that I had guessed correctly, "It is no secret that at the end of the Triwizard Tournament, Harry Potter claimed to have seen He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named return to life through a dark ritual."

"Those were the confounded ramblings of a school boy!" Fudge screeched.

"But the on site Healer found no evidence of a Confundus charm," I replied calmly, "Yet you chose to ignore those facts and have since loaded up the Daily Prophet in order to harm Mr. Potter's reputation." The minister and the toad didn't know how to respond to that. They knew that an immediate denial would be more damning than a cool response.

"If Mr. Potter's statement at the end of the year were the ramblings of a confounded victim," I continued, "Would his statements not have changed once the Confundus charm was removed?"

Fudge growled at me.

"Also," I said with a smirk, "If Mr. Potter was Confounded, why not immediately get him to Saint Mungo's for spell damage? Instead, you blast his reputation continuously throughout the summer and say they are the ravings of a mad lunatic."

"This trial is not about what happened during the Triwizard Tournament," Umbridge said, finally cooling down enough to get her head on straight. It seemed that she was smarter than Fudge. "This is about finding if Mr. Potter used underage magic during the summer."

I smiled condescendingly at her, "Do you want the truth madam?"

She smiled at me, "I believe that is the purpose of a trial."

"Very well," I nodded, "Then it is apparent that Mr. Potter must be questioned under Veritaserum."

The entire room erupted into chaos. Everyone was yelling for about ten seconds, and then it was quiet again.

"There will be no need for that," Umbridge said quietly. She knew she'd been had.

"Oh so you believe there were dementor at Mr. Potter's residence?"

"Of course not," She snapped back.

"Hence the reason for a truth potion," I replied. Turning to Harry, I asked, "Do you submit to the use of Veritaserum?"

Harry nodded, "I have nothing to hide, so I submit to the use of Veritaserum. But I also request that my defense counselor be the only one allowed to question me."

Madam Bones sighed while pinching the bridge of her nose, "Very well. Bring the Veritaserum."

An Auror hurried out of the room and returned several minutes later with a dropper and bottle of clear liquid.

"Administer the potion."

Three drops were given to Harry.

The auror waved his wand around Harry's chair and with a quick flick, pointed it toward me as well. He had set up a ward that allowed Harry to hear only questions asked by me, but everyone would be able to hear what Harry was saying.

"I'll make sure the potion's taken effect," I said to the Wizengamot, "What is your name."

"Harry."

"Smart ass," I said with a sigh, "Who is your crush?"

"Hermione."

I could see a slight tightening around his eye's… I was so going to pay for that after the trial. "Very well, let's get to the bottom of this. Did you use magic in front of muggles this summer?"

"No, I used it in front of a single muggle."

I muttered obscenities under my breath, "What charm did you perform?"

"I cast the Patronus charm."

"I find it hard to believe that you are able to cast a Patronus charm," I stated loudly, "Can you elaborate?"

"During my third year, dementors were placed around the school," Harry said emotionlessly, "I had a strong reaction to the dementors, so I asked my Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher to help. He taught me how to cast it."

"Very well," I continued, "Did you have a reason for using magic, or were you just showing off?"

"My cousin and I were attacked by dementors."

"This is outrageous!" Fudge yelled, standing up.

"Yes it is!" I yelled back, "Dementors in Surry! I trust an investigation will be conducted."

"The boy is obviously lying!" Of course the toad couldn't keep her trap shut.

I rolled my eyes, "You are obviously an idiot. Mr. Potter is clearly under the effects of Veritaserum and nothing he says can be a lie."

Umbridge scowled and sat back down.

I decided to ignore the outburst, "Mr. Potter, you said this was your cousin. Do you live in his house?"

"I do."

"Then he was aware of magic before you ever cast the Patronus charm?"

"He was."

"Minister," I said turning to him, "You are aware that the Reasonable Restriction for Underage Sorcery does not apply to muggles already aware of magic?"

"Of course I know that," He spluttered.

I looked at him like he was an idiot and muttered, "I have no idea why this case was brought to trial." I turned to the Wizengamot, "Are there any questions you'd like me to ask Mr. Potter?"

"Did You-Know-Who really come back?" I didn't know who it was.

I shrugged and turned to Harry, "Well Mr. Potter, did You-Know-Who really come back?"

"Of course he really came back," Harry said, "Peter Pettigrew used some dark ritual to bring him back."

"Pettigrew is dead!" Fudge screamed over the uproar.

I looked at him curiously, "Then maybe he was a reanimated corpse?"

"No," Harry said. I hadn't realized that he would answer, "Pettigrew had to cut off his hand for the ritual. I don't think a corpse's hand would have worked."

I shrugged to the minister, "Maybe he just faked his death." Fudge purpled at this. "Any other questions?"

I waited a beat.

"Where is the weapon?!" Umbridge screamed.

I looked at Umbridge curiously, but knew that the question would just make her look like a fool. "You'll have to be more specific than that Undersecretary Umbridge."

"Where is Dumbledore's weapon?" She turned a bright red at the looks the Wizengamot were sending her.

"Where is Dumbledore's weapon?" I asked Harry.

"I don't know what you mean," Harry replied, "Although a wand could be a weapon I suppose."

"I'm talking about the one that Dumbledore intends to use against the ministry," Umbridge interrupted, "We all know he wants to overthrow the ministry, so where is his weapon."

I sighed, "Madam, let me just say that you are a fool. Dumbledore has been offered the position of minister several times and has refused every single time. If he has refused a freely offered position, why would he now try to take, by force, that very same position?"

Her face turned a puce color but she just growled, "Ask the question."

"Are you aware of Dumbledore trying to take over the ministry?"

Harry seemed to gape for several seconds. "I was not aware of this," Harry responded, "It does not seem like something he would do."

I looked Umbridge in the eye, "Obviously you were operating under false assumptions madam Umbridge."

"Dumbledore is building an army of students to take over the ministry!" Umbridge screamed, spittle flying from her lips, "Everyone knows it!"

I looked taken aback, but inwardly I was smiling, "An army of students? Mr. Potter, is Dumbledore training up an army of students?"

Harry snorted, "Dumbledore is rarely seen among the student population. If he was training up an "army" of students, it would be really obvious. As it is, we've only had one or two good defense teachers in all of my years. That does not constitute a good army."

"Minister Fudge," I said, "Perhaps it would be wise for your Senior Undersecretary to see a Mind Healer?"

"Perhaps you are right, Mr. Button," Fudge responded, looking sideways at Umbridge.

Umbridge sat there seething as she knew that if she said anything, she would only condemn herself.

"I call for a vote to find if Harry Potter is guilty or not guilty of breaking the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery," Fudge intoned.

"All in favor of clearing the charged." Almost the entire room lit up.

"All against." A total of three people voted against Harry being cleared.

"Harry Potter you and your defense counselor are free to go," Fudge muttered.

I was a little shocked at how rapidly they moved once Fudge called for a vote, but I wasn't going to complain. "Minister Fudge," I said inclining my head. I also did the same for Amelia Bones and Mrs. Longbottom (I couldn't remember her first name).

I wandlessly tried to banish the ward around Harry. I think I succeeded. I gripped Harry's shoulder and quickly steered him from the room and through the ministry.

I stopped in front of an open floo, "Alright Harry. We're going to Diagon Alley. First we're going to get ice cream and then you're buying me a wand."

Harry looked at me strangely, "I'm buying you a wand?"

"That's my legal fee," I told him.

Harry shrugged, grabbed some floo powder and disappeared in a puff of green flames. I followed quickly after him. I stumbled into Harry, who seemed to have just picked himself up off the floor and we both crashed to the floor. With both of us grumbling about stupid wizarding travel, we headed into the alley and Harry took us straight to Fortescue's. After enjoying a strange wizarding ice cream, which exploded in your face if you didn't lick it often enough, Harry led me towards Ollivanders.

"Afternoon, Mr. Potter," Ollivander said in a strange, airy voice, "Your wand is working well?"

Harry absentmindedly nodded, "I'm actually treating a friend of mine to a wand today." He motioned to me.

Ollivanders pale gray eyes roved over my entire body several times. I had reverted to my now normal "Interesting. Which arm is your wand arm?" His measuring tape started zooming around my body.

"Er, right I suppose," Even though I expected it, Ollivander's tape measurer was sort of creeping me out. Especially when it started measuring the front of my pants.

"Try this, hawthorne and dragon heartstring," Before I even had a chance to wave it, he snatched it out of my hands. "No, no, try this one holly and…"

This went on for many, many wands until, "Be cautious with this wand, Mr. Button," I had told him my name earlier when trying to make light conversation, "It is Alder and a rather unique core…" Ollivander hesitated, "This core is from the predecessor to the Phoenix, a bird that lived entirely in flames and I must say that this wand is ideally suited to spells involving fire. Please don't burn down my shop."

I gulped and slowly took the wand. An intense warmth filled me and my magic rejoiced at being united with such a great wand. Sparks shot out of the wand and filled that air before I was able to reign in my magic and stop it.

Ollivander looked pleased, "That is only the second time I've had the pleasure of giving away one of my unique wands."

"Unique wands?" I asked, "You mean non-standard cores?"

"That is correct, Mr. Button," Ollivander replied, "That'll be twenty Galleons."

"I thought they were only seven," Harry said. He had been quiet the entire time we were there.

"That's for a standard wand, Mr. Potter. Are you willing to pay even with the price jump?"

Harry nodded, "His service was worth a lot more than that to me."