She has waited all day. She has prepared, she has given herself pep talks.
She has kept herself distant, to keep herself bold.
But still her resolve falters, as she feels the panic, the fear, the confusion.
Rachel, no. Rachel, Rachel, baby, don't.
It's the first time Quinn has ever called her baby. Rachel's hands tremble.
She takes another breath.
I'm sorry.
Rachel, no, talk to me, please baby.
I have to.
She steadies herself, closing her eyes. She can feel it slipping away, little threads tangling through her fingers, entangling then ripping, like ribbons on the wind.
Rachel, it's going to be okay, whatever I did I'll fix it, please don't, little one, I promise you I'll fix it!
She squeezes her eyes shut, then reopens them.
She has to.
I love you… goodbye.
It feels like a tether stretched too tight, but then it's just… gone.
Rachel gasps with the release, with the sudden quiet, and her eyes widen.
The quiet. No words, no feelings, no… Quinn.
She starts to smile…
And then she screams.
The pain is fast, the pain is hard, it rocks through her chest and her lungs and leaves her scrambling for breath. She has fallen to the floor and her hands tear at the carpet as she wails, trying to see past the red of pain in her eyes and the deep, dark hurt… of loss.
She hears another sound.
"Oh my god," Rachel hears in shocked tones from the doorway. "Rachel, you've done it."
"Mommy," Rachel sobs, using a word she hasn't in years, and in an instant Shelby is there, pulling Rachel to her.
"Mommy, it hurts…"
"I know, I know," Shelby croons into her ear, rocking her. "It's all right, Rachel, it's all right, you're going to be fine. Oh, I'm so proud of you!"
She is, Rachel knows she is, and before today, to hear those words would have made her so happy.
But all she can feel – ALL she can feel, after 7 years – is pain.
"Mommy, it hurts," she sobs again. "Let me have her back, please let me have her back, I want Quinn, please…"
She's begging, screaming, and all around her, all she can hear in the empty silence of her mind, is her mother.
"It's going to be all right, Rachel, I'm so proud of you…"