Description:

Shinji and Asuka finally see each other again where both parties are conscious (which usually helps in a relationship). Ritsuko starts to become a little unhinged after Unit 06 gives Rei a surprise...

I do not own the characters of Neon Genesis Evangelion, Chobits, Astro Boy or any other somewhat disturbed or abnormal japanese or japanese-inspired series. No pansu were injured or in anyway molested during the writing of this fanfic.

Rating: M - for mature tastes (and lets just leave it at that shall we?)

Initial Perturbation

Chapter 19: Realignment

...before Shinji awoke from his induced coma...

'You are broken, Shinji Ikari.'

The sleeping pilot's closed eyes moved in response to the unspoken words.

'I...am worthless. I have no value, I only hold my friends back.' Shinji's subconscious responded.

'But what of your family, Third Child?'

Even in his sub-conscious, Shinji's voice took on a hard edge. 'I have no family.'

'You know this to be untrue.'

'I have no family! That Bastard is NOT my family.'

'True. I was not referring to him.'

'My mother is trapped in a machine. She's...not alive anymore.'

'True. I did not mean her.'

'Rei...could be my sister. But...she isn't. Not really. She's my friend, not my family.'

'That is where I will dispute you, Third Child.'

Shinji's sleeping face contorted as a frown moved his features. 'I have no family.'

'Family is who you care for, Shinji Ikari. Familial relations appear to aid this, but who you live with also dictates who you are, and therefore who your family is. So I have observed.'

'I suppose...if I have a family, then they are it...'

'Yes, Pilot of The Eva.'

Shinji's eyes fluttered open. He saw the Angelic being standing over him. Raspily, he asked "How...how do you know who I am?"

Tabris smiled at him in a completely open, unreserved way. Shinji sensed that this smile was for joy at meeting him. He shivered.

'You know me as Kaoru Nagisa. My true name is Tabris. You will not remember this until we meet again.' said the silver one directly into Shinji's mind. His eyes stayed fixed on the young Ikari's, unwavering.

Shinji sat up, and stared at the Messenger with wide eyes. "Am...am I dead?"

The being tilted his head in amusement. 'Not anymore.'

Shinji gulped, then considered the boy before him. "You're an Angel. You're...like Rei. Are you...how much like her are you?"

The Angel closed his eyes. 'Enough to comprehend your question. Not enough to answer, however.'

"We'll...meet again? I suppose...that means on the battlefield..." Shinji looked away, sad uncertainty etched into his face.

'Of course. That much has been decided.'

Shinji took a deep breath, closing his eyes and settling back on his bed. "And you'll make me forget this, so I can't warn the others. Why do you do these things? What is this war all about?"

'It is a necessary test, such that only the fittest shall inherit the gift of existence. Lillith challenged Adam, and now the Lillim must prove their worth.'

Shinji shook his head. "I don't understand what you're telling me, Kaoru."

'No...but perhaps you shall.'

Kaji let out a strangled curse as he reached up from his wheelchair to the coin slot on the cigarette vending machine. The coin wouldn't quite fall into the slot, and after dropping several fifty-yen pieces he gave up and rolled backward in his chair. Gingerly he tried to stand up, ignoring the pain as his bruised muscles pushed against his broken ribs and tight bandages.

He felt a blow to his back and found himself toppling to the ground. The former Agent gasped in pain and lay panting on the floor, too tortured by his injuries to move.

He heard a familiar female voice. "Pah. Pathetic." Her loathing and disgust so evident that he could see Ritsuko's sneer in his mind's eyes.

"The only reason why I haven't gutted you is the new 'Commander' needs you. I think he just needs another man in his little club, the old-fashioned patriarchal snob."

Kaji rolled groaning onto his back, looking directly up at her smouldering eyes. Her heel hovered above his face with clear intention.

"I'll bet even now you're just looking up my skirt, you worthless prick." the Doctor said, a strangely emotionless expression on her face.

"Doctor!" Misato called out imploringly as she saw the tableau. Ritsuko withdrew her foot and stared haughtily at the other woman. Without looking back, she said "I hope your every pain receptor is healthy after this is all over, Ryouji Kaji." and walked away, her stride extremely straight.

Misato went to the fallen man and helped him up. He fell back into his chair and moaned in relief. He smiled weakly at his saviour.

She smiled back sadly. "Kaji...thanks for looking after the kids."

Kaji reeled as her hand struck his face with the suddenness of a mongoose strike. He looked a pitiful askance at her.

"You...why couldn't you just be a normal man and I a normal woman? Why do you have to be an assasin, a saboteur, a fucking spy? Why do I have to be a blind, alcoholic slut-bimbo? I hate this, Kaji. I hate this."

Kaji held out a hand imploringly. "Misato...I'm sorry..."

Misato looked down at the ground, and began picking up his lost coins. "At least the kids are okay. But...I don't know if I can be with you anymore."

Kaji closed his eyes hard, and gritted his teeth. "You know...for years I used to wake up at night...and realise that I wasn't with you anymore. And...it hurt."

Misato nodded. "I think...everything that touches Eva gets broken or defiled in some way. Maybe, if there is an end to all of this..."

"And...Ritsuko's finished torturing me..."

Misato grinned through moist eyes. "Yeah...after that."

They stayed still for a time, neither looking directly at the other.

Misato turned to walk away. He called her back. "Misato...cigarettes?"

She shook her head. "No, you have to start looking after your health."

"Not much left to look after..." he pointed out dryly.

She leant down a little and ruffled his hair. Then she walked off without a word. Kaji let out a long sigh as he watched her go.

"Starved of my addictions yet again..."

Ritsuko ran a hand through her hair in frustration after the MAGI reported several bugs in her just-written algorithm. "I don't need this right now, mother..." she seethed quietly.

She picked up her cup of syrupy-sweet coffee, only to find it empty. A vein throbbed on her forehead. "Maya!" she commanded, "Could you get me some coffee please?"

Maya reluctantly stood up from her adjacent terminal. Ritsuko was surprised to catch a glare from her apprentice. "What was that for? she growled at the young woman.

"I found Rei on the floor of the Owens wing female bathroom this morning." she stated matter-of-factly. "You sent her to get washed up. Last night."

Ritsuko's eyebrows shot up. "Well excuse me," she said after a moment, "but I can't spend all my time watching over a child!"

Maya pursed her lips. "Of course not. I'll get your coffee, sempai."

Ritsuko picked a desk ornament up deliberately broke it in her fist. She opened her palm and looked into it. "God, is nothing sacred anymore?" she whispered as she realised what she'd done. The blue plastic kitten lay crushed in her hands. "Both of us..." she breathed.

Maya came back in with the coffee pot. "Here." she said curtly and put the pot onto Ritsuko's desk.

The doctor dropped the broken toy carefully onto her desk. "Maya, is Rei here yet? I want to talk to her before the contact experiment."

The younger woman looked at her warily and nodded. "She's sleeping in the Pilot's Lounge."

"Good. Can you finish up here? I'll be back before we start."

"Why can't we ever have a normal day?" Misato groaned, having just brought Shinji home. He and Asuka faced each other, sitting at the kitchen table at Misato's insistence. Pen-Pen watched them furtively from the lounge room doorway, unsure wether it was safe to proceed to his fridge.

The atmosphere was thick with unspoken words.

"Would you two snap out of it?" Misato grumped, and grabbed a beer from the fridge in one fluid motion.

"Misato..." Shinji murmured.

"Don't." Asuka finished for him.

Misato took her finger off the ring-pull. "Oo-kay..." she acquiesced, mildly freaked. "I guess...I'll just leave you two alone then...C'mon Pen-Pen." The purple-haired guardian left meekly, taking Pen-Pen with her.

The two teenagers sat in silence for a time. Much had changed since they'd been together, their inner landscapes having been forever altered. They weren't entirely sure how the other fit in anymore.

Shinji wrinkled his nose. "Bratwurst?" he asked.

Asuka shrugged. "It's easy to cook and beats Misato's attempts. I didn't know you could burn pot-noodles."

Shinji rolled his eyes. "It's easy when you add so little water. I watched her do it over and over before you arrived."

Asuka looked away.

"Are we still okay?" Shinji asked quietly.

"I...want you to go..." Asuka said.

Shinji stared at her. "Huh?"

"Not 'want'...I need you to go Shinji. Get away from Nerv, and Eva. And...me."

Shinji shook his head. "What...what do you mean?"

"I mean, run away. Like you used to want to, just get away from me and Eva!"

"I don't understand..."

Asuka looked up to the ceiling. "Everything that becomes associated with the Evangelion project gets broken. Misato said it to me, but it's so true when you look at it like that. My mother, your mother...Rei...Kaji...your father..."

Shinji gave her a funny look. "My father?"

Asuka fixed him with an astonished look. "No-one told you?"

Shinji moved his head back. "Told...me?"

Asuka stood up abruptly. "It doesn't matter! Look, just go away, escape while you're still okay!"

The Third Child chewed his lip, and looked at her again. "Told me what?"

"Nothing! Nient!"

"What about my father?" Shinji persisted, his jaw set hard.

"He's...ask Misato!"

"He's WHAT?" Shinji yelled, leaning forward in his chair.

"Just get away before the curse of the Eva gets you." she murmured.

Shinji leant back and let out a defeated sigh. "Fine, whatever."

Asuka went red and scowled at him.

The boy shrugged. "Kidding. I'm not going anywhere."

The girl folded her arms. "Shinji!"

"No, Asuka. I won't abandon you and Rei, and Misato and everyone. I'm staying here."

Asuka stalked over to the boy's side of the table. Shinji almost fell backwards, getting off his chair and standing to face her. "You're going." Asuka stated fiercely.

"I'm staying." Shinji said, quietly but confidently.

"No." Asuka hissed, now nose-to-nose with him.

"Yes." Shinji answered stubbornly, his back now to a wall.

"No!"

"Nnn-yes."

"SHINJI NO BAKA DUMMKOPF!"

"Probably. Even so, I'm staying."

"You're a fool."

"Heh...so you keep telling me. But I'll keep on fooling right here."

"You promise?"

"Uh. Yes..."

Asuka pushed forward, and enveloped his lips in hers. Shinji gulped in surprise, but returned the deep kiss. He put his arms around her as hers melted around him. He rotated them so that she was against the wall. She could feel him pushing gently against her.

"A-hem"

Shinji stepped back abruptly at his guardian's unsubtle arrival. Asuka started, and sent Shinji sprawling as her foot unsettled his hastily placed footing. "Oops! Shinji-kun..."

"Hmmph. Leave you two alone for five minutes..." Misato grumbled with a poorly disguised smirk plastered onto her face. "I think I'll have that beer now, before it gets warm. If I leave it in here, it'll be boiled in teenaged hormones...eew...it would probably taste like a bacardi breezer..."

Asuka helped Shinji off the floor, both teens flushed and bothered.

Misato cracked her beer open and took a sip. Then she surveyed the embarrassed couple craftily. "Should I turn the air-conditioning on?"

"It would be too bad if your beer fridge got accidentally turned off wouldn't it?" Shinji shouted. Then, "Sorry..."

Misato raised an eyebrow. "Touchy-touchy. C'mon Pen-Pen, let's leave them to their touchy-touchy."

"Wuuurk..." the penguin obediently followed her out, having snaffled himself a can.

"Connections have completed. Pilot is synchronised at 34%." Lt. Maya Ibuki reported from her station.

Ritsuko frowned slightly. "That's not very good."

Hyuuga looked over his shoulder. "Well, it is her first time in a new Eva. It's not like it happens every day."

"Did you speak to her?" Maya inquired carefully.

"Oh! Uh...I guess I forgot..." the scientist sighed. "I didn't mean to, I was just too busy."

Maya's lower lip twitched, but she said nothing.

"Can you hear me, Rei?" Doctor Akagi asked, activating the communications link.

"Hai." the young pilot replied softly.

"How does it feel?"

"...it smells like Ikari..."

Shigeru almost fell out of his chair. Sheepishly he readjusted his position at his station. "Uhm, that's a new Eva, Rei." he called out.

"I don't mean Shinji..." Rei said, a strange undertone to her voice carrying through the audio channel.

Ritsuko reeled. "WHAT?"

Rei spoke in a vacant, lost voice. "I...why...is the Commander...in here...?"

Ritsuko dug her fingers into her face and stumbled back into the back wall. "Gendo..."

Maya stood up. "Emergency alert!" she yelled. "Seal the facility! Deactivate the Eva's power supply!"

"...but...nothing's wrong..." Lt. Makoto said hesitantly.

"Just do it! Bakelite on standby! Eject the plug!" Maya ordered, her voice pitched high to get a volume level she wasn't used to producing.

"Uhm...yes ma'am...Unit 06 on 3-minute reserve...2:58..." the lieutenant did as he was bade. Akagi fell to the floor, landing heavily on her backside.

"Call the Major!" Ibuki cried, and stood over her monitor to study the readout. "Rei...are you alright Rei?" she called gently.

"I don't know what to do...he never said this would happen...he didn't tell me what to do..." Rei whimpered, clutching her head in anguish.

"She's overriding the release command..." Shigeru growled in a low, distressed voice.

"I'm going to eject your plug, okay? I'm going to get you out of Unit 06."

"Out...? Away...from the Commander...?"

"Ssh Rei, it's okay."

"But..."

"He's not going anywhere, Rei. He'll still be here later, but right now we need you here."

"U-understood..."

Shigeru sighed in relief. "Her plug is accepting the release command. Plug ejecting...you did it!" he said as the tube rotated out of the locking mechanism in the smoke-grey and yellow Evangelion.

Maya nodded in satisfaction. "Aoba? Get Asuka here to take Rei home. Call the med bay to send out a stretcher of Sempai."

"What about Shinji?"

The young lieutenant frowned. "No, not Shinji. Just Asuka."

"Yes, ma'am." Shigeru answered.

Maya scooted over to her fretting sempai. "Are you alright ma'am?"

The blonde touched the mole on her left cheek, staring ahead vacantly. "I...I'm sorry..."

Maya took her in her arms on the floor and stroked her long blonde hair soothingly. "Its okay, sempai. It's okay."

Ritsuko looked at her with a new respect. "You did good, kid." she sniffed with a small smile.

"Yeah...I think I'm going to freak out now..."

"Hah...oh god, Gendo's in that thing...oh god, oh god...ooohhh...I need a drink..."

Maya shook her head ruefully. "I think you'll have to wait for the Major. If I drink anything, my head will explode."

Misato took a moment to digest Maya's words. "I think I'm gonna be sick." she said, turning a little blue. They were standing on the command bridge, where Misato had been waiting for her junior officer to report.

Maya grimaced. "I know what you mean! Sempai...didn't take it well."

Rubbing her forehead, Misato nodded. "I'll bet. But...how could this have happened? I mean, I thought...someone had to be, err, trapped inside the Eva. Like Shinji and Asuka's mothers."

The lieutenant gave Misato a disappointed look. "It's not like that happened on purpose. There must have been something strange in the Telesymp Experiment we conducted for Unit 06."

Misato rolled her eyes. "More Project-E technobabble. Tele-wha?"

"'Tele-Sympathy Experiment', as opposed to 'Contact Experiment'. We...set up the Eva so that it 'invites' a ...'wandering' soul to take up residence. With a normal pilot it would be insufficient, but with Rei she theoretically can synchronise with any human soul, albeit not as strongly as Asuka or Shinji do with their maternal souls."

It was Misato's turn to look disappointed. "You mean, you just hang a sign out and say, 'hey lost soul, wanna live in a giant mechanical weapon for a while'?"

Maya shrugged. "It's not like we have full control over the process. If we understood it better, we wouldn't have to rely on the children to fight our war for us."

Misato frowned suddenly. "Hang on, I thought Unit 06 came from Russia. How could the Commander's soul be in it when he died two days ago?"

Lt. Ibuki sighed. "The timing is a problem, but it's not as bad as you think. The Eva was transported here without a soul. Therefore there was no chance of it going berserk, and if it was stolen it would be next to useless to the thieves. Coincidentally. we did the Telesymp experiment about 26 minutes after the Commander is said to have been killed."

Misato shivered. "That's before the Angel was destroyed...but can we be sure it's not another Angel's soul in there?"

Maya held her arms up and shrugged with a silly grin on her face. "We're still alive, I guess."

The Major crossed her arms in front of her. "We're being forced to do things we can't control or understand the repercussions of."

"I know...and sometimes I wish I didn't have to know about how things work around here. It gets hard to sleep at night sometimes." Maya replied sadly. "That may be why there are so many workaholics here."

"Hmm. A coping strategy huh?" Running a hand through her purple hair, Misato straightened up her posture. "Thankyou for the report, Lieutenant. I guess I'll go help Ritsuko get cleaned up now."

The junior officer nodded. "You're welcome, ma'am. I'll go check on Rei and Asuka...although I have no idea what I'll tell them."

Misato grimaced. "Try the truth. We've tried everything else."

The Major groaned after having got Ritsuko to take a long, hot shower (without her joining in, unlike back in college...) and met back with Maya. "How'd it go?"

Maya puffed her fringe up in frustration. "Not good - they won't even talk to each other. Could you try?"

Misato grimaced. "Sure, why not?" she said morosely.

Asuka and Rei were on opposite sides of the pilot's lounge, studiously ignoring each other. As soon as Misato arrived, Asuka walked to the door. "Finally! Let's go."

Misato held up her hands. "Wha-hey, slow down! Is, uh, is Rei okay?"

Asuka didn't look up. "Who can tell, with that doll?"

Misato face-faulted. "Uhh..." she said, floundering.

"It's not like I have anything to apologise for anyway - I killed the Angel, that's my job! Even if it was...Looked like Rei..." Asuka said defiantly.

"Asuka..." Misato said softly, "You weren't brought here to apologise...you were brought here to comfort her. She...just had a Contact experiment with her new Eva. It..."

"The soul in Unit 06 is Commander Gendo Ikari. He is inside the Eva." Rei said, speaking blandly. Her emotionless countenance was back.

Asuka looked like she'd been slapped. "The Commander's soul...? How could it have been transferred...?"

"Unknown." Rei replied like a soldier replying to a superior.

She turned to Misato. "You haven't told Shinji? About his father?"

"No, honey. No I haven't."

"You have to tell him."

"I know, I know."

The girl turned to look at Rei, who was still standing like a mannequin. "Why does everything have to turn to sheisse for us, Misato?"

"I don't know. All I do know is that ever since the men behind Nerv, including my father and the Commander, tampered with something from the south pole...things have been bad for all of mankind."

"The...men behind Nerv? You mean Gehirn?"

"No, I mean Seele. A committee of powerful men who virtually control the world."

"What?"

"Asuka, there is only one Angel left. And we believe it has met with Shinji..."

"The final Angel...has met with Shinji?" Rei said suddenly, breaking in to the conversation.

Misato hesitated. "Uh, well we think so..."

Rei withdrew once again. Asuka looked up at Misato. "The Commander's in her Eva huh?" she turned to look at the cyan-hued girl again. "Gott...I guess I can try to talk to her..."

The Major smiled in relief. "Thanks Asuka."

Asuka cornered Rei after Misato had left. "Is something going to try to hurt Shinji? Is an Angel trying to kill him?"

"If it meant to...it could have done so by now."

"Scheisse! Then what does it want? Why would it contact Shinji?"

"There are some things beyond Man's ken."

"I'm not a man, goddamn it. 'Ken' it to ME!"

"I do not know. I doubt that anyone alive could tell you why an Angel would do such a thing."

"Well that's just dandy! What am I gonna do, hang around Shinji until a fucking ANGEL turns up and tries to strike up a conversation with the baka?"

"Perhaps...someone not living could help us."

"Eh?"

"The Commander...may know something."

"Ehrm...Rei, even if he is inside the Eva, it's not like he can talk."

"Perhaps not. But, he may have left information. It is customary for the offspring to inherit the parent's worldly goods, is it not?"

"Of course! So we just get the baka to let us read his dead papa's books, right?"

"It...is easier said than done, I agree."

"Could you stop talking like a goddamn robot for a moment? Maybe...we can convince him that his father wants to talk to him, and go with him to his office...?"

"Maybe...I'm willing to try."

"Good. If Wondergirl agrees with me, I'm sure Shinji will never doubt us both."

"We should hurry, before Misato tells Shinji about the Commander's death."

"Right! Let's go!"

"Yo. Do you have a lighter?"

Shinji looked up from his head-down-in-thought walk along the path to Nerv. It was sunset, and he'd much rather being going home, but something was wrong with Rei. He wasn't surprised - her 'twin' ('doppelganger more like it' Shinji mused) had just been destroyed, along with her Eva. He remembered she'd said she had a 'bond' with the machine...now it was gone. And yet they refused to take him with Asuka to Nerv. So he was walking.

Now some freak was asking him if he had a lighter. He was less than thrilled.

"No I don't...I'm only fourteen." he said in a disinterested voice. It was a subtle hint to get lost.

"Coincidence. Me too." the reply was dripping with sarcasm.

"Smoking's a stupid thing to do. Stinking smoke and lung cancer...it's just...stupid!"

The boy tilted his head, apparently pleased to be contrary. "It's my choice. But you seem to be making some rather large assumptions there. I never said I smoked."

That caught Shinji out. "Uhh…why do you need a lighter then?"

The boy rolled his eyes. "To impress girls with, duh. I lost mine, so I was hoping to nick one off a poor sucker passing by. Meaning you."

Shinji looked away. "I...don't really..."

The boy chuckled knowingly. "Ah, so you don't have to worry about that, eh? Already house-trained, maybe?"

"It's none of your business! Who the hell are you, anyway?"

The boy shrugged. Shinji looked at him, realising that it wasn't just the sunset that was making him look washed-out. He was fully albino. Just looking at him made Shinji shiver.

"Kaoru Nagisa..." said the Angel with a menacing glint in his eye.

"K-Kaoru Na-Nagisa...?" Shinji gasped in shock. "He's...not you..."

"Ah, but he is. Or rather, he is me...for I am Tabris. We meet again, Third Child, Defender of the Lillim."

Shinji fell to the ground as he shuddered. "You're...like Rei but you're not like Rei. An...Angel...?"

"Ooh, deja-vu. Yes I am. The Angel of Free Will. My will be done."

"Wh-what are you g-going to d-do with m-me...?" Shinji stuttered, now shaking quite badly.

"I'm sure I'll think of something..."

The good Doctor Akagi stood before Unit 06, her head dipped and her shoulders slumped down in general listlessness, wilted cigarette smoking at her lips. It was the night shift, the time she knew that Gendo Ikari, Commander of Nerv and effective master of Tokyo 3 and Japan itself, would ritualistically observed Unit 01 in silent reverie. Like him, she was now standing on the scaffolding before the object of her past affections. She'd never spoken to him about it, but she knew what he was doing when he stood there.

He was talking to Yui Ikari, his long gone wife.

Somehow, she also knew he had heard Yui answer his words, in his head.

'Surely I can do the same...'

She put her hands into her lab-coat pockets after tossing away the cigarette. "So, you're in there Gendo...did you have to fight to get in there? Did you have to hold off being spirited away?"

The doctor took a hand from her pocket and gently placed it on a piece of composite armour on the Eva's arm. "I know you're in there, just like you knew Yui was in Unit 01."

She let out a dry cackle devoid of humour, just filled with pained irony. "Now I'm talking to you, like you were talking to her. That god-damned bitch, the ghost in the armoured shell. And now you're a ghost too."

Ritsuko leant her head against the Eva, a woman resting her head against her man's shoulder. "If we could...I could stand it, Gendo. If you had her back, would there be room for me? Could...we share? If we both love you...can't we both be with you? You men like that sort of thing, after all."

The woman snuggled closer to the cold armour plate. "I know you wouldn't be so cruel to turn me away. There's enough feeling to share."

Sighing, she stood back and collected her long hair in her hands. "So you see, you can trust me, Gendo. I'll see the scenario through, just as you planned. For us. Then we can all be together can't we? I'm sure...I can get along with Yui. For you. You wouldn't reject me, would you?"

Doctor Akagi took a hair band from a pocket and tied her hair back. "I'm glad, Gendo-kun. I'll see you soon..."

"Status of the Emissaries?"

"Units 07 to 13 are complete."

"And the progress on 14 to 19?"

"Unit 19 is scheduled to be completed within three weeks."

"Excellent. Have Units 08 to 13 been successfully activated?"

"Yes. The artificial S2 engines performed beyond expectations. They are an improvement on the original."

"As expected. The Shards?"

"Cloning has begun."

"Good. And the rest of Instrumentality?"

"We have picked up the pieces left by Ikari. The last secrets of the Red Earth ceremony are being revealed at this time."

"As it should be. The time of Instrumentality may be upon us sooner than we had anticipated."

"A day less on this weary earth will punish no-one. Even our opponents will be rewarded."

"Such is the grace beyond. Amen."

Author's Rant:
-

Why are my Omake more popular than the actual story? I suppose my twisted sense of humour is better than my sense of dramatics. It's a little worrying to find so many people with a similar sense of humour...I pity us all...

Delayed update, I'm sorry. Look under the Omake for a small recompense.

Thanks pyramidgirl89 & Rahhel, your tolerance is inspiring. Any small donations in the form of a few words of review very welcome! Sorry, they're not tax-deductible.

OMAKE

Shinji tapped the connection hatch on his neck closed and scowled at Rei. "So," he began, "if I'm a persocon too, why can't I get jiggy with Asuka?"

Rei smirked at him. "And what exactly would that achieve?"

The male simulant rolled his eyes. All the way around, freaking Rei out just a tad. "And just where do you think little persocons come from?"

The blue-haired girl chuckled and patted Shinji on the shoulder. "Oh dear, that's so wrong. Persocons come from factories, where they're manufactured by big corporations."

Shinji groaned and gently led Rei to sit down on the sofa. "Okay...it's time you knew. These are what we call the facts of life: when a man persocon and a woman persocon love each-other very much..."

"You're defective!" Rei cried. "You've got it all backwards."

"After Second Impact, human DNA was too badly damaged by the residual radiation for humanity to reproduce naturally..."

"Ha-ha Shinji, now go shut down!"

"Whereas humans are born in radiation-sealed laboratories referred to as 'cabbage patches', and distributed by The Stork Corporation..."

"You're crazy!"

"The auto-replication and reconfiguration persocon was created to repopulate the Earth..."

"Go stick a plug up your recharge socket!" Rei cried and ran to her room.

"...And thus, Atlas was sent to Mars, the frozen nirvana of the damned. And lo, Astro was laid to rest. He lay inactive for many a day, despite the ministering of many a Norton Priest and Anti-Malware Minister."

"But on the third day, his holiest sister Uran did point above the haze. And lo, the sun did shine on Astro Boy's photovoltaic converter. And thus, Astro Boy rose from the scrap."

Rei huffed her fringe up. "Stupid persocon religion. Why is it the only thing on TV during the Impact Holiday?"

Asuka shrugged from her position in front of Shinji's legs, sitting on the floor while he sat on the sofa. "At least it's better than last-years version. Angels and Demon-Angels...pah. But I hear next year's upgrade pack will include Optimus Prime!"

"They were 'Evangelions', I think." Shinji supplied vacantly. Rei noticed him surreptitiously wiping a tear from his eye as he watched Astro Boy leaving the earth at Second Impact.

Asuka watched the moody blue-haired girl grumpily watching the TV accross the room. She got up to whisper in Shinji's ear. "Hey...I think Rei's lonely."

"Huh?" Shinji whispered back. "But we're here."

"I think she needs a boy-friend. As in, a human one."

Shinji wrinkled his nose. "But they're so rare..."

"Baka. We'll just have to find one. Then she can order some children! Wouldn't that be awesome! Little human children! She could get a matching set!"

"But the males, they're hard to look after. And messy!"

"BA-KA...I don't care!"

The boy leant back. "You're obsessed. Fine, we'll look for one for her."

She lowered her voice. "And we could always give them some persocon toddlers to play with..."

"FZZT!"

Asuka looked daggers at Rei. "DID YOU SABOTAGE MY BOYFRIEND AGAIN?"

Rei shrugged. "You'll thank me. Check his f: drive."

She waited while the red-head plugged in to her inactive boyfriend's memory.

Her eyes bugged out. "HUMAN PORN?" she gasped in disbelief.

"Don't! Get off the internet! Baka hentai!"

"Huh? What's wrong? I'm just looking for a mate for Rei."

"No! Eww, just disconnect!"

"Asuka, what's wrong?"

"I know what you're doing! You're thinking of m-mating with R-Rei..."

"Eh? Uhm, is that even possible?"

"How should I know? I'm not the one who watches human porn!"

"Huh? Oh...Rei asked me to download some for her. I never watched it though. It doesn't seem very interesting. Kensuke tried to tell me about it once...sounds messy."

"EH? REI'S A HENTAI!"

"We-ell...she's only human."

"Oh. Right. Of course, I knew that."

OMAKE: IRUEL the Talking MAGI

What if...

Iruel decided to co-exist with the MAGI system...would it end up aiding Nerv? How?

Gendo sat at his desk, hands clasped uncharacteristically over his face as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. Today had not been a good day.

Fuyutsuki stood beside him, hands clasped behind his back in his usual stand-by-your-man manner.

"This could effect the scenario, couldn't it?"

Ikari took the hands from his red, blood-shot eyes and stared at his second-in-command. "The scenario is ruined. And if that weren't enough, it's sent computer-generated images around the intra-net. Have you seen them?"

Fuyutsuko coughed into his fist. "Ahem. Yes. It seems that it want's us to acknowledge it's presence."

"The senior Akagi was always something of a sexual deviant."

"I wouldn't know that."

"Unfortunately, I would."

"Ah."

"Ikari, there must be some way to get that smut off the network."

"Indeed. But without control of the MAGI...I'm having Doctor Akagi Junior look into it."

"Mmm. You know, there's no telling what effect tales and images of your unfaithfulness might have on your son and his piloting ability."

Gendo turned up the heat on his death-glare and flung it at Fuyutsuki once more. "What are you getting at?" he growled.

"I'm just saying, if certain information was passed on..."

"What do you want?" Ikari barked in anger.

"Free access to the Reiquarium. Nothing more."

Gendo fell back into his patented Gendo position, hands steepled as when he made his toughest decisions.

Fuyutsuki shifted uncomfortably.

"Make sure to clean up after yourself."

"Yes, sir."

Copyleft on a gutter 2006

- fin -